he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@coffee-mage-sans-caffeine
peter burke is so funny bc heâs a completely normal guy except heâs been obsessed with two people to a point of stalking (his wife and the conman he chased for years) but itâs fine bc theyâre just as obsessed with him đ???
No donât leave this in the tags I need it
So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.
So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.
She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.
He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...
"Oh you have a dick?"
"... yeah."
He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says
"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"
And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.
My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"
I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.
"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."
"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."
"My god... everything's coming up Jason."
Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual
idk guys sometimes you just have to accept a ship dynamic is unhealthy, insane, and sometimes abusive. and its not real people so those factors just make it interesting
please stop unfolding the origami crane and smoothing it out bc you got worried the paper was hurting from the bends
TIL âYankee Doodleâ was written by the British to mock americans. âDoodleâ is thought to come from the German âdĂśdelâ, meaning âfoolâ or âsimpletonâ and âmacaroni,â a flamboyantly stylish type of dress, painting the Yankees as morons who thought placing a feather in oneâs cap made them a âdandy.â
via reddit.com
so youâre telling me that âstuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroniâ would be like saying âwrote a G on his belt and called it gucciâ
thatâsâŚa pretty good analogy actually
US moron came to town
Hunting for some coochie
Wrote a G up on his belt
And this bitch called it Gucci
Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America
So here's a fun fact about Hebrew: Ha-Shem, which literally translates to "the name", is how we reference our god. Ha-Ashem translates to "the accused/guilty one", and it can be easy to accidentally say hear that instead of the former. Especially if you have audio processing disorder.
Fun fact about me: when I was a kid, I constantly misread Ha-Shem as Ha-Ashem for years and only recently did I find out I was wrong the entire time. Which means since I was six I thought that every time someone talked about our god, they were basically pointing a finger at the sky and going "THIS MOTHERFUCKER". I don't know if I should laugh or cry.
if you have one, tag with the "6 degrees of separation" you have with a celebrity
god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides itâs inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage
This is Benton. Benton has precisely one brain cell. Benton does agility. I take him every week.
So there we were, me and Benton. We're in agility class. And Benton is... well... He's not good at agility but he loves it. And last week he decided that he was NOT capable of going through a tunnel. It was too scary. He could not do it and would clearly be eaten TO DEATH if he went inside.
It should also be noted that Benton's preferred speed of agility performance is... a gentle saunter? Perhaps a mosey? It's notable when he breaks a trot.
So this week, we decided to work with his favourite toy on tunnel. I fake threw it into the tunnel then ran to the end of the tunnel to tell him to get the toy.
It worked! He ran into the tunnel at full speed.
The tunnel is fifteen feet long. It takes under a second for a dog to run the full length most of the time.
I can hear my dog running in the tunnel.
He is not emerging.
I look at our instructor. "Anneliese, what the fuck? Where is he? I can hear him."
"He's in there," she reassures me. "I just... don't know what he's doing."
"He's running. I can hear him running," I say.
Benton does not emerge.
"Huh." Anneliese looks at the tunnel, puzzled.
I look at the tunnel, puzzled.
The veterinary behaviourist in our class looks at the tunnel, puzzled.
I can still hear Benton running. He has not emerged. It has been at least fifteen seconds. The tunnel is still only 15 feet long.
I open my mouth to ask Anneliese if she thinks he's having some kind of seizure in there.
BENTON EMERGES and excitedly takes his toy and runs around the ring in PURE JOY.
As far as we can tell, Benton ran as hard and fast as he could into the tunnel, which was in a J shape. He hit the curve of the tunnel and fell.
Then he proceeded to run as hard and fast as he could to get out of the tunnel.
And at some point, he accidentally ran so hard on his side he went upright.
And then he completed the tunnel.
He's very proud. We're all very confused.
Tell my wife this shit needs a bowtie.
The default length of pasta is designed to fit on a supermarket shelf, not to be the best length for cooking/eating.
Feel free to break it to any length you want (don't let the Italians know I said this)
Make sure I fit in the pot at least.
Shorter pasta could definitely fit on a store shelf. Longer pasta however...
Free yourself of corporate interests and demand comically and inconviently long pasta
Pasta so long it can't fit in your car and you gotta tie it to the roof. Pasta so long you gotta cook it outside because your ceiling is too low.
I think space filling pasta would be the best of all worlds. Easy to fit on shelves, long, and fits in the pot without breaking!
Good luck manufacturing it, but I think it could be done by extrusion and chopping, but I don't know if it'd be spaghetti still
Something like this?
But in a little over 4 months it's gonna be m
This post gains more and more notes as we approach the day
Iâve had a store sell spaghetti which was half a metre long once. It was really good.
A lot of adulthood is shouting âAUGH MY LAUNDRYâ hours after you put it in the washer/dryer and running to go fetch it
oh shit my laundry
reblog to save someoneâs laundry
paging @coffee-mage-sans-caffeine and @grison-in-space
My wife's service dog in training, Matilda, is trained to be super annoying at specific times of day. This is because my wife's executive dysfunction does not allow her to 'unfreeze' and therefore she gets 'stuck' in places/doing things long after she needs to move on to another task, room, etc. This isn't some arbitrary 'you should only play video games so long' type of thing. It's 'If unattended, my wife will not eat or sleep because moving from one thing to another is very hard'. Eating and sleeping are necessary things for survival, so moving to these tasks is necessary for survival. Matilda has therefore been taught things like 'ten pm is bedtime'. In order to help Matilda with this, her feeding schedule is on a pretty tight timeline as well--this way her internal body cues are lined up with the schedule of the day. For example, Matilda is fed between 8 and 830 pm (usually at about 810 pm, as it works out). She poops at 830 pm after dinner and she will throw a WHOLE FIT if she is not let out at this time. Daylight Savings has Happened to Matilda. She's only just a year old, so she does not remember Daylight Savings last year (she was two weeks old, roughly) and she does not remember the spring time change, either, as she was a fairly young puppy at that time and therefore not trained to a schedule like this. She is BEREFT. We're making her wait an hour for dinner. We're making her wait an hour for bedtime. She knows she needs to go out at 830, but it is not time for her to poop yet, which is BAFFLING. This poor dog. I'm sure she'll adjust in a week or two, but poor Matilda. We need to outlaw Daylight Savings. For Matilda.
I've never under stood this, instead of fucking with changing her schedule change yours. Go to bed etc ignoring the clock but the same time based on the Earth's rotation.
It would be lovely if we didn't have to go to work and things based on an external schedule, but we do and she needs to know when to get Wife out the door.
love telling people I'm not on social media as if it's not 98% of my waking hours. well I'm not on social media in a way that you'd recognize
"If I'm on social media you are also at the devil's sacrament so let us both pretend we are not at the devil's sacrament."
i feel like th is never gets included with funny anachronistic bts period piece photos but itâs one of my absolute favorites like yeah anne shirley cuthbert would want a fuckin frappuccino or whatever, she would LOVE it
EDIT:
i would like to formally apologize to the canadians of tumblr for calling what is âclearlyâ a tim hortons iced capp âa frappuccino or whateverâ. i was ignorant of your culture and i know that is no excuse for my flippant words. i have had tim hortons exactly once, at the vancouver airport in 2018, and i failed to eidetically recall the entirety of their menu and thatâs on me.
Today in Occupied Minneapolis, it was -22F/-30C with the windchill. In spite of that, we had a thaw.
How?
Minnesotans showed up in the tens of thousands to protest the occupation. In that bitter cold, they marched in the streets of downtown Minneapolis or, rather, they didn't march. The plan was to march but there were too many people out there. All people could do was stand and shout because there were too many protestors to move. Downtown was shut down.
Over 100 members of the clergy were arrested after effectively shutting down Minneapolis-St Paul airport by sitting in and praying in the lanes leading up to the arrivals/departures area at Terminal 1. As they knelt praying, they were arrested by Bloomington police, zip tied, and loaded onto school buses. They prayed for the children stolen by ICE. Many were arrested while actively saying the Lord's Prayer.
Roughly 300 businesses closed to form an economic blackout and send a message right to the government's pocketbooks. We will not tolerate the Occupation.
Most importantly to me, after helping to lead those tens of thousands in chants at the big protest, my wife came home cold, but safe and whole. She came home proud of our city, proud of our state and committed to an end to the occupation. Today she is safe, though we know that every day is a new and dangerous day.
This is our home and today the occupation feels a little less hopeless as we know that tens of thousands of people stand against the Regime.
so when the next illegal knifes down your neighbor, when you collect your raped daughter from the ER, when that same priest says the eulogy over your son's fentanyl-soaked body â clap yourself on the shoulder. you did the "moral" thing, absolutelyâŚ
Wow, Fox has done one HELL of a job of making you believe lies.
ICE just held a dude down with like 6 agents and executed him point blank while he was on the ground on Nicollet ave, where a leftist gun permit class is being held this weekend
Witnesses allegedly being scanned with facial recognition cameras
The directive is part of a sweeping, nationwide effort by U.S. immigration authorities to identify anyone and everyone trying to film their conduct, including not just ICE but other agencies like Border Patrol as well. The ultimate goal is to create a watchlist of anti-ICE protestors, which the Trump administration believes are part of an organized network of domestic terrorists.
It's important to note at this point that the Trump administration has issued a "National Security Presidential Memorandum" called "NSPM-7" which was written to allow his administration to target pretty much anyone who disagrees with Trump/anyone who organizes to protect their neighborhoods against the currently unconstitutional policies and label them "potential domestic terrorists." This extends not just to people trying to hold ICE accountable for kidnapping and intimidation, but anyone holding what the Trump administration holds "anti-Christian" or "anti-American" views.
The Trump administration isnât only targeting organizations or groups but even individuals and âentitiesâ whom NSPM-7 says can be identified by any of the following âindiciaâ (indicators) of violence:
anti-Americanism,
anti-capitalism,
anti-Christianity,
support for the overthrow of the United States Government,
extremism on migration,
extremism on race,
extremism on gender
hostility towards those who hold traditional American views on family,
hostility towards those who hold traditional American views on religion, and
hostility towards those who hold traditional American views on morality.
The insanely broad language of this Presidential Memorandum (how are we defining 'traditional views??' How are we defining 'Hostility??') basically says "I can target and black-bag anyone who disagrees with me." And it also targets perfectly legal funding networks for leftist activism like bail funds and mutual aid. And now it's being used to target and intimidate anyone recording ICE activity by declaring such activity as a "potential indicator for radical leftist terrorism."
