✧

[coffeefeuledangel]

🪽 ❛ sammy 22 . he/she/they mostly here to ramble, feel free to dm me if you wanna be friends ! 18+

STATS: height: 5'8 SW: 190.0 - 3/17/26 CW: 175.4 - 6/27/26

[vortexstreet]

Louise Bourgeois, Arch of Hysteria, 1993, Bronze with a silver nitrate patina

[coffeefeuledangel]

showered and feel a little better.. gonna tidy my room and do laundry and take out the trash and smoke and hopefully feel actually better

[coffeefeuledangel]

probably tmi but i feel so gross and unsexy and it’s lowkey making me suicidal lmao.

there’s like 3 guys i want to message rn but instead i’m sitting here googling “do guys actually find fat girls hot” bc i genuinely cannot fathom or understand why any of these men even talk to me or say they find me attractive. ik im hypocritical bc i am borderline Exclusively into fat dudes, i just feel like it’s different for women? idk. not that i don’t think fat girls can be pretty i just? idk, i don’t understand how anyone could see the body type i have naked and not be disgusted. i feel so gross and i don’t want anyone to look at me ever. i hate that i look like this. but also me and my ex fucked last week and he had his hands all over me and said i was “so pretty” and I want that again but im scared he’s gonna realize i’m ugly

[coffeefeuledangel]

i wanna hang out w a friend today but he’ll definitely wanna eat at some point and i don’t wanna deal with it

[coffeefeuledangel]

feel gross :( i overate all week for like no real reason, ate WAY too much last night and my stomach still hurts about it. somehow hungry rn which is making me want to cry. i’m supposed to be <600 a day if i want to have any hope of hitting a decent weight before school starts and i’m failing miserably. i’m going to be so fcking fat still when classes start and i don’t know how to handle that. i don’t want to look like this at my new school, i don’t want anyone to see me like this. idk. im gonna try to fast or be under <600 today but idk. idk

[tailspintwin]

[thenewguy1984-deactivated202601]

And for my next trick, I will show thousands of strangers online my descent into madness.

[coffeefeuledangel]

i am not, in fact, only on 6 hours today i forgot my own schedule

[coffeefeuledangel]

burger has been ate. after my 2 hour bus ride home so a bit soggy but it was still so good. also had fries

[coffeefeuledangel]

my janitor brain is kicking in about our bathrooms at work lol, i want emeral to deal with our shitty sinks PLEAAASE i could fix this in 10 minutes

[coffeefeuledangel]

ate way too much this entire week and it’s making me way too aware of everything and i’m so much more anxious than i usually am it’s ticking me offfff. like i took my meds before work like i always do but i’m still crazy anxious and dissociated i’m gonna bite someone

[laterkiss]

if you could ignore everything abt me then im actually perfect

[thomasmomwell]

[coffeefeuledangel]

been having a fun silly week so far but today I must lock in. Started some laundry and am going to clean my room and then set up the new planner I got (ITS SO CUTE I'll make another post with pictures later). + I'm going to OMAD whatever my friends moms make for dinner <3

[carmilla-minus-one]

in deep psychological distress: i should make a post on the internet

[coffeefeuledangel]

feelings so awful again about my ADHD assessment and I want to cry about it so bad but I need to not

[coffeefeuledangel]

I was like fine about it for a minute, because I was researching PTSD symptoms and how it effects the brain and although the actual doctor didn't go over ANY of this in the actual meeting, I can see where he's coming from with the overlap in (C)PTSD and ADHD symptoms. So I was like 'ok fine maybe he has some points, maybe trying to treat these symptoms like they're PTSD symptoms is fine for now until I can talk to my psychiatrist/therapist about it'.

And then I remembered my relationship with caffeine and like fuck dude I totally fucking have ADHD. I drink caffeine all day every day, because I cannot focus without it. It does not really give me energy, I will drink a monster and still be tired I just also can focus on doing things now. I also never know when to stop drinking caffeine because again, it doesn't really give me energy. I stop drinking it when my heart starts hurting/I've learned vaguely what my limits are so that that doesn't happen. But it also always pisses me off. In my ideal world I'm drinking 3-4 Monsters a day so that my fucking brain will work. 1 Monster doesn't really help me focus enough but I try to make that my limit and then just drink coke zero the rest of the day, which isn't as helpful for focus cause it's less caffeinited but whatever.

Also I keep thinking about how like. Ugh. I do have a lot of the PTSD symptoms that can mimic ADHD symptoms, like I am very stressed all the time and get worried about sitting down to relax because my brain is like "but the threats." But then I was thinking more about that and how I feel when I'm in situations that do actually feel safe to relax in, and I realized my inattentiveness gets worse !!!! Genuinely if anything I feel like my PTSD symptoms are masking my ADHD symptoms, because they always get worse when I am actually comfortable. And I hate, everything, about everything about that. Because yeah I can manage my PTSD symptoms all I fucking want but it DOESNT HELP the ADHD symptoms which are also ruining my life !! Everytime I can actually calm down enough to do something I can't fucking focus on it !!!

And I just fucking hate that I went through this whole process that took like 2 months to finally FINALLY get meds for this (genuinely every doctor I have ever seen since I started seeing doctors has told me I probably have ADHD and should try getting on meds for it) only for this guy to smugly tell me it's just PTSD after talking to me for like 1 hour. I hate this. I want to cry and I want to yell at him and I want to fucking be able to focus on things I want to do !!!!