~*•Manic Mug•*~

Blog for my thoughts

[do-not-u-dare]

Im always scared to call someone my friend because what if they dont consider me a friend and hate me because of that

[coffeeshopmind]

Ok. So I have a friend who just broke up with my other friend, and he is really sweet, but he keeps like slightly making me uncomfortable, in the sense of him constantly venting to me all the time and talking shit about my friend to me for breaking up with him. And I don’t really know what to do cause I have a friend who wants to stay his friend but they aren’t close enough with him to understand why me and my friend don’t want to anymore. Idk. I’m just talking to the void cause it’s 2 in the morning and everyone is asleep.

[coffeeshopmind]

Psa for if you go shop at a grocery store (from a cashier)

-speak up, girl I can’t hear you and trust me the old man behind you dosnt want your number

-I need you to come closer, not too close cause that happens, but don’t be an entire isle away from me or else I can’t scan your card

-trust me saying your rewards number faster will not make me type faster, slow down

-please read the deals carefully, I don’t want to run across the entire story just to find out you grabbed bottles of Coke instead of cans which are the ones on sale for buy 2 get 2

-IF I AM JUST STANDING AT MY REGISTER DONT SAY “you look bored” OR “thought I’d give you something to do” BECAUSE WHAT YOU DONT KNOW IS I JUST WAS SLAMMED WITH PEOPLE FOR 30 MINUTES AND YOU JUST HAPPENED TO CATCH ME WHEN THAT WAS DONE

-if there isn’t someone bagging for me already when I start scanning, BAG FOR YOURSELF, i can only bag so fast while also scanning everything.

-no I don’t want to date you old man.

[coffeeshopmind]

I was thinking some more and I think they just don’t have energy for me which kinda hurts worse. I’m just not gonna talk to them.

[coffeeshopmind]

I might isolate again. And only talk to my friends Kartor and Kai. Cause they are the only ones that haven’t pissed me off in all the years I’ve known them.

[coffeeshopmind]

Best friend still is only texting me once their gfs fall asleep for the last 4 days. I’m like so annoyed.

[coffeeshopmind]

My best friend is pissing me off again. I told them they need to break up with their gf cause their gf isn’t treating them like a gf and now they are on a trip with said gf and not responding to me.

[coffeeshopmind]

I WANNA MOVE OUT, THIS PLACE SUCKS, ALL I WANNA DO IS EXIST AND I CANT EVEN DO THAT

[coffeeshopmind]

My best friend is pissing me off again. Cause what do you mean you asked to stay at my house 3 times in the last week just to go stay with your girlfriends again, like you haven’t stayed with them for the past week, like I know probably something happened or they just want to see them, BUT JUST STAY WITH THEM, DONT ASK TO STAY AT MY HOUSE AND THEN NOT, it makes me feel like an option not a plan. And I hate it.

[coffeeshopmind]

Omg I want a bf so bad, or a gf honestly but it’s weird imagining myself with a woman because of me being a tall fem, I don’t know why it’s hard for me to believe that I could be loved by a woman, idk, just thinking

[coffeeshopmind]

THIS DOG IS GOING TO DIE IN HER CARE, I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE DOES WHAT I THINK SHE IS GOING TO DO THIS DOG IS GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE OR SCARED OF HER, AND WHY IS SHE TREATING IT LIKE ITS NOT MY DOG TOO, IM PAYING FOR HALF, I CLEANED THE ENTIRE HOUSE FOR THIS DOG, ITS SLEEPING IN MY ROOM, WHAT THE FUCK KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME, GET ME THE FUCK OUT WITH THIS DOG ISTG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[coffeeshopmind]

I think I’ve finally snapped, I think it finally happened, I hate everyone, everyone is pissing me off, and I’m debating cutting everyone off, at least then I don’t have to put effort into so many different people, I can focus on me

[coffeeshopmind]

My best friend is pissing me off, cause I swear they don’t know how to be a friend, or at least be a good one, because they obsess over anything, whether it be their gfs, or their mom, or cigarettes, or their roommates, and I get put with a label of distraction for when they aren’t obsessing over those things, like I’m a last priority, not to mention they keep talking about moving which is fine, I agree but like they talk about moving hours away and ik they dont mean it to say they don’t wanna be near me, but they don’t make it seem like they want to be near me when they talk about it, idk, they are just pissing me off and I might isolate again

[coffeeshopmind]

One day I aspire to be the person that found their forever person and everyone knows it, I have 2 friends like that and I’m so happy for them but when the fuck is it my turn

[coffeeshopmind]

I think I’m just gonna isolate tomorrow, I know it’s not good for me but I can’t even with anyone right now

[coffeeshopmind]

“To be loved is to be heard” then everyone is fucking deaf

[coffeeshopmind]

I just want to be loved by someone, is that so hard to ask? I just want to be someone’s someone, talk to them all the time, hang out all the time, cuddle, go on dates, just enjoy each others company, but no, the universe won’t give me my forever person, it only gives me half, they will be someone I love and trust, only for them to have commitment issues, they will be my soulmate, just to not know if they are queer, they will like me for me, but they will be immature. wtf am I supposed to do. Is love fake? Does it not exist? Am I cursed to die alone in a pit of my own sorrow? The only thing that I have in life is my friends and even they aren’t around all the time because they do have partners, or friends that click better than I do, is it me? Am I the problem? Is it cause I don’t talk about my problems? Or is it because when I do it seems like that’s all I talk about? Or is it because im alternative? Maybe it’s because I have DID? Or maybe it’s because I walk around with a cane? If I’m the problem I just want to know so that I can work towards my happy ending. Instead I have to sit here and wonder why. Why I can’t find love. Or why love can’t find me.