You’re Not Alone

If you found this blog, you're meant to be here. Lara. 27. Married. currently in counseling/currently on medication. I'm here for you.

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The End.

Dearest Readers,

     You all have been absolutely nothing but loyal to this blog.  For that, I am entirely grateful and cannot even begin to thank you.   As you all know, this blog was made because I had to create a blog and gain followers for my social media class, at my college.  I gained so many of you, and I’m blessed to call you guys Readers.  However, I’m sorry to say, I have to go.  I will be keeping this blog up for anyone in case they want to reread my old posts.  But I won’t be coming back to this blog. Even though I gained so many of you who are loyal readers, it just doesn’t feel like enough.  I tried running a Facebook and Instagram page to gain more readers, but I only gained the same followers as I had.  In the end, I don’t think I’m popular enough to gain enough interest to run a mental health blog...  Anyway.  Thank you for being loyal readers!  Please feel free to reread the posts.  As always,  Talk, well, later! 🖤

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Lying is Not the Most Fun

Hey Readers,    I know I’ve been gone for the past couple weeks.  I have to be honest with you, I started this blog because it was mandatory of my social media class.  But I stuck with it because I needed it, as well as enjoyed the content I was putting out there for everyone to read and relate to.

Not that I’m trying to start this post off with a lie of my own.  And it wasn’t really a lie that I had this blog started.  

Okay, forget all that. I want to talk to you, Readers, about lying.  What makes a lie bad?  Or are all lies bad? Recently, my husband and I had a fight because he told me a lie.  Straight to my face.  Fortunately, I’m really good at telling when someone is lying, so I caught him in the action right away.  It made me angry, however.  Why did he have to lie at all?  Why not just tell me the truth? His response? “I thought you would get madder than you already are.” He is wrong, though.  Yes, I could have gotten madder.  But he never gave me the benefit of the doubt.  He just assumed I would be in a worse mood than I was and decided lying was going to spare HIM from getting a reaction from ME.   There was a comment on my facebook page about letting the lie go if it was small.  While I agree with the person, there is another thing to lying.  You don’t get to decide you didn’t hurt the person you were lying to.  Meaning, just because you wanted to spare their feelings from being hurt, you ended up hurting them anyway.  You don’t get to tell yourself, “Oh they found out the truth.  Well, it was a tiny lie anyway so they should let it go.” I don’t know if it’s because of my trauma as a teenager, dealing with lies, or if I don’t deal with lies very well because of my BPD.  But maybe there should be a list someone goes through before they decide to lie. For example: 

Does the person suffer from traumatic experiences with lying? Have they told you before that they’ve been lied to and it hurts their feelings?

Does the person suffer from any mental illnesses? Do they react differently to smaller things than you or others do?

Are you lying to spare their feelings or yours? Are you just trying to cover up for something you did, that the person isn’t aware of?

Are there other people present? Do you feel comfortable with having to lie not only the person intended, but to others as well?

If the answers to these questions make someone rethink lying, then maybe there will be less pain in the world.  Or maybe I showed just how biased I am towards lying?

Let me know what your thoughts are about lying on this post or through my facebook.  

Talk soon! 🖤

[juansendizon]

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Letting Go and BPD

Hello Readers!!

Today I’m going to have two lists for you to look over. One list is going to tell you things I deal with being a mommy suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, and the second is going to list things I (and probably others) need to get over. Firstly, having BPD is so... exhausting, most of the time. My moods change and shift all the time, and I get headaches going from a normal happy to a very low depression.  Or worse, I can be excited over something, and then get overly angry within a matter of minutes.  My counselor at my college has been an immense help in finding me worksheets on DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), but it’s also training the mind every day when I feel normal happy, and also a combination of being on my pill that has been a big help for me as well.   But how exactly does it impact my being a mother?

Anger.  I’m angry over spilled milk, I’m angry when bedtime is two minutes off.  I’m angry if my husband does something without consulting me.  Angry is the only emotion I know and it makes me sad on the inside.  

Guilt.  After the anger, or anytime I do something for myself, I feel guilty over it.  I even feel guilty for even having kids!  I blame myself for everything and try and punish myself by rejecting everyone away.

Mood swings.  Even if I start the day off on the “right side of the bed”, one little thing can instantly shift my mood from okay right to depression.  For example, on Sunday my family and I wanted to go to a shaved ice place here in town.  I was in a good mood until we got into the car.  Suddenly, I was irritable and didn’t want to leave the house anymore.  All because someone left the door open.

Self-esteem.  I have horrible body confidence and always criticize my weight, height, and my intellect.  My counselor and I are working on it, but I still feel ugly in so many different ways.  

These are just the ways my BPD functions and makes me feel like I live a miserable life.  The negative mind is also really good about coming back around and feeding into my depression when I’m at my lowest.  My lowest also tends to be very low around winter time, as well.   But just because I suffer from BPD, it doesn’t mean my life should suffer.  What I mean is, I understand that some things are just out of my comfort zone, but that does not mean I should live in fear or hiding.  So I want to make a list of things I need to start getting over.

I should get over the past.  “Yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it is you can either run from it. Or, learn from it!” Rafiki from Lion King has it right.  Things in my past hurt me, but can they keep hurting me? No!  It’s up to me to learn from them and leave them in the past where they belong.

I shouldn’t fear my fear.  Instead of letting fear control me, I need to lay back at least once in a while.  The more tightly I hold onto control, the more control it has over me.  If I relax and let things happen, I would stress less often.  

I should remember that everyone thinks of themselves. I feel like all eyes are on me every time I step outside.  The world doesn’t revolve around me, though.  I need to let go of that thinking and remember that people are usually only thinking of themselves, and not in a bad way.  It just means that they aren’t involved in my personal life, so I shouldn’t worry about what they think about me.    

These are things that pertain to me personally but could help others remember or think about their own list. You, my dear Readers, are what keep me going.  Knowing that I can make a small difference in your day somehow... I get really emotional thinking about it, actually.   Thank you for continuing to read this blog.  And for making my day when you like my content on any social media or even reblogging my posts.  It means a lot to me, thank you!

Talk soon! 🖤

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instagram | jesstudd

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5 Ways I Welcome Spring

Hello Readers!    Am I too late for a Spring post?  NAH!  Especially living here in Wyoming where Spring doesn’t really exist.   There are signs Spring is coming, sure, but some days I don’t feel it.  Especially when it snows! YUCK!  But, I know it must be Spring because the snow melts off rather quickly, or is gone in a day or two, rather than the harsh realities of winter when it would snow, melt, come back and snow and stick.    I also used to love Summer more than Spring.  Summer has hotter temperatures, longer days, and the promises of camping and boating.  Lately, however, there’s something pulling me into to loving Spring. The chilly air even when the sun is shining, the birds returning and singing in the mornings, flowers budding, and of course those lovely rainstorms.  Rain is so poetic when it falls gently, and makes me curl up in a warm blanket and drink my coffee while blogging. Enough about my love of Spring!  Readers, there are other ways to bring in Spring rather than waiting around for the weather to change, if it ever does were you live.  Bring in Spring by doing some of the following: 

 Start a garden!  Find plants that work well in your area and begin growing something!  I’m Pagan and so, I usually like to start gardening in March around Ostara time (March 21st-23rd).  But it was too cold to do it this year where I live.  But I keep forgetting that I can start a plant indoors and then move it out to the yard when it gets warmer.  Starting a garden also helps you want to look forward to something you started.  

Spring Clean!  I start going through my clothes and other stuff I have collected and donated them to people who would need them more than I.  Spring cleaning is especially good to do because after winter you get out of hibernating mode.

Go for walks!  Soaking in the new sunlight that’s starting to come out now that it’s Spring is a great way to get vitamin D.  That and smelling the fresh air from the budding plants, and seeing everything turn from dead and brown to green is just rejuvenating.  It makes me somewhat hopeful, that I made it past the winter.

Start working out!  “Ah but it’s too late, I’m way past my new year's resolutions” NOPE!  Here’s the best part about Spring, it’s for new beginnings.  Flowers don’t just stop blooming because other ones next to it are already formed.  They keep growing!  You’re essentially a flower.  You have to get sunlight and water!  But you’ve also been hibernating in winter.  It’s hard to want to get moving when the sun hasn’t risen yet, and the temperatures are freezing, and winter just isn’t as motivating as Spring is.  Take it one step at a time, you’ll get there! 

Get creative!  As mentioned early, I feel poetic when the rain falls and I can smell flowers blooming.  But that’s me, I get creative in the writing mood.  You can choose how you would like to get creative.  Start a blog or a new journal.  Or draw flowers from scratch.  Make thank you notes and cards with scrapbooking supplies.  DIY stuff for the back yard (to get ready for summer 😉).  It doesn’t have to be one thing and that’s it either.  I know I say this often but create something new too!  Buy a guitar and play badly, or start a garden even if you have a black thumb.  It can be refreshing to start something you're bad at too.  That’s the only way you get better!  

Spring is so forgiving, too.  Unlike Winter where you have to work to remove snow and ice, you can watch and enjoy the rain.  Unlike fall where you have to remove fallen leaves, with Spring you can watch them all grow.  Spring makes us reflect and acknowledge that we’re still alive and that we continue growing no matter what. Readers, I want to know; what are some Spring activities you enjoy?  If you don’t, what season is your favorite and why?

Talk soon! 🖤

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instagram | birgittetheresa

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Hey Readers!

Go check out my Facebook page and participate in the Monday question poll! 🖤

Coffee With The Mrs

Coffee With The Mrs. 7 likes. A personal blog about mental health! Grab a cup and join me as we face the demons together.

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Alone Time (& why it’s important)

Hello readers!

Depression is hitting me again with a swift vengeance this time around... I’m not trying to sound so dark but to be honest, I don’t have anywhere else to let loose some of these darker feelings. I trust you, readers, as my friends and allies. I feel in my heart that you who are reading these posts must have a hint of depression and understand what I’m going through.

Here’s the kicker. We are alone. But not in a bad sense. If you’re reading this right now, you’re not ALL alone. You’re just by yourself and need to be comforted. I’m here to bring you that comfort.

You need alone time. And trust me, it’s going to hurt. But you will come out stronger, believe me. Alone time doesn’t mean forever alone. It means spending that hurt by yourself to reflect within. And trust me when I say I’m still learning this too. Alone time is different than self-care. I don’t want to sit here and tell you to “take a bubble bath and then do some yoga”. Yes, those are nice ways of utilizing alone time, but they’re not a cure-all.

Instead? Find one thing on the list below and do it for 5 minutes. Remember the post on 15 min detox? Take that knowledge you’ve learned from the challenge and bring it here for your alone time. Do five minutes of one thing one day of this week. Pick a day and schedule in 5 minutes to do this alone time. Do this once a week with a different thing. In time, hopefully, you’ll schedule it in for longer and want to do it for more than just a day a week.

Practice with a musical instrument.

Sing or hum to your favorite song.

Use Duolingo.

Do a walking meditation (pace your room slowly while breathing deep).

Blog about your feelings (Post or keep it in a draft).

Read any book (or go to a random page and just read it).

Write a morning page (write what you’re feeling at this exact moment).

Draw (try drawing whatever is in front of you quickly).

Play with a pet.

Find a random TEDtalk (watch the first 5 minutes of it).

Google Deep Dive (go to google and type in a random word, for example, “boats”. Start clicking links and see where you end up).

Write or type a “thank you” note. Doesn’t matter to who or why.

Sit near a window and daydream.

Go to Pinterest and plan a trip (make a board of travel guides to a place you want to visit).

It almost sounds like a list of hobbies. And it kind of is. With your alone time, it’s best to start hobbies that you want to get into. Because during an alone time our negative mind (or our demons talking, or negative self-talk, whatever you call it!) wants to tell us that we’re alone for a negative reason. The negative mind wants to make us believe we’re unworthy of having that 5 minutes taken up by something “important”. That’s not the case! Humans are social creatures, true, but not every creature has to be social every hour of every day. We need to recharge and refresh.

That’s why I wanted this list. To let readers know you may be alone, but you’re not singled out. Do not let that negative mind say that you’re not worthy.

Let me know in a reblog or private message if these are working for you. If they don’t, feel free to add to this list!

Btw. I’m here for you. Always.

Talk soon! 🖤

(Again this post is in no way sponsored! Feel free to click the links with no worries!)

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instagram | clangart

[drumshoww]

PSA: YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, ALWAYS

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15-min Digital Detox Challenge

Hello Readers! 

     We live in a digital age now.  It’s happening, there’s nothing we can do about it and there’s no way we can go back from it.  There have been many pros with the coming of technology, however!

Search Engines

Social Media

Emergency Systems have been updated 

Stay at Home business are improving 

You get the idea!  Technology is far from the enemy.  But, there’s such a thing called depression.  I know, we haven't talked depression on my blog in a long time.  Depression is a serious mental health issue and one we all need to talk openly about.  I try my best to do my part in speaking of my behalf as a depressed mother of two, but I do not speak for all mothers who are battling depression.  I can only give my opinion.  And my opinion for today, depression is something hugely affected by technology.  Again, it can be both good, and bad. 

Depression can be tamed back by watching a whole-hearted good content video of cats and dogs and birds telling their babies she loves them.  But it can also be greatly pushed forth by seeing other people succeed, or making you compare yourself to others.  That’s why, readers, we all need a digital detox now and then from time to time.  I’m not going to start this post by saying, “Drop your phone NOW!  Stay off it for 48-hours! GO!” That won’t help and you’ll be scared of me and never come back to my blog lol.

Instead, I have another challenge for you.  You ready for it? 😉

Find apps that block your phone usage.  One I highly recommend is Flora. Flora is an app that helps you stay away from your phone for as long as you want.  You “plant” a seed, which starts the timer, and the tree grows the more you’re off your phone.  

I challenge you to make it 5 mins without touching your phone, using this app!  

Find other ways to use your hands.  Keep them busy with something else, instead of reaching for Facebook, Pinterest, or 😮 Tumblr!  This means, yes, do something else other than touch your phone.  Try eating a snack, playing guitar, cleaning a random item or room, or go outside.

I challenge you to use Flora (or a regular timer) for 5 minutes, again, but this time, dust your computer screen!

Lastly, and I know this is going to sound so lame, but now that you’re trying to stay off your phone for just 15 minutes, grab something to eat or drink.  And no, I’m not telling you to chug a gallon or even a cup down in 5 minutes.  Just grab something quick and simple like water and a snack.

I challenge you to drink water (calmly) for the last 5 minutes!

I know this seems like a lame way to detox, but all the other detox posts I read almost demand that I give up my phone for the whole day.  It’s like with everything, you need to start slow.  Come back to this detox post, and maybe even copy it to a piece of paper or print it out, and just 15-minute detox any time you need a break from, well, the new reality we live in.   Let me know if this challenge works for you!  If it doesn’t, let me know too, so that we can change it together!   (I know I talked a lot about the app today, but seriously it’s not sponsored. Go ahead and click the link with no worries!)

Talk soon! 🖤

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instagram | clangart

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instagram | feminin_grace

[juansendizon]

Some tears I shed alone to carefully water the seeds of my own worth, peace, and happiness.

Juansen Dizon  (via juansendizon)

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Top 5 Movies to Watch Again and Again

Hey there Readers!      Or should I say, Watchers? 😉   Back with another list post, but this time, I want to talk to you about movies I’d rewatch over and over again.   However, here’s a little tidbit about me you don’t know! There’s something about watching movies that people don’t like about me.  I’m not a very fun movie-goer because I get too sucked into the story of the movie I’m watching.  At the theater, I’m usually quiet, but I’ll rant and rave about it after we are outside.  If we’re at home, I usually ask questions out loud and then start talking to the characters as if they can hear me.  If I’m watching a horror movie at home, I’ll get really shakey and start pacing the room.  So movies nowadays aren’t something I enjoy spending 2 hours max on because I get too emotionally invested and everyone usually tells me to “chill”. I do enjoy movies, though, and feel like they motivate me to get a story published so that one day I can make a movie out of something I wrote.  Here are my top 5 movies I like to watch to help me stay motivated about my own writing, and mental health in general!

Ratatouille.  A Disney story about a mouse who is a chef, but lives in the real world where rats are not known for their cooking skills.  I have loved this Disney/Pixar movie ever since it was released!  Remy the rat chef motivates me about doing better.  

Kiki’s Delivery Service.  A timeless Miyazaki classic about a young girl who is a witch and wants to discover her own talent she brings to her world.  I watched this when I was around 12 - 13 years old.  It was my first Miyazaki movie.  I watch this whenever I feel in a rut with my own faith in magick, being a pagan.  As well as when I suffer from writer’s block.  

Gigi.  An actual classic that takes place in France of 1900.  It was my gramma’s favorite movie, so I hold it dear to my heart and watch it just for the memories.

Ladyhawke. A breathtaking tale about a man and a woman separated by day and night because of a curse placed upon them.  By day, she is a hawk, by night her lover is a wolf.  It’s a beautiful fantasy movie that I enjoy watching time and time again.  Only because I wish I could write a story as wonderful as the actors conveyed it.  

Last but certainly not least is, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts to find that he may have a killer, other than Voldemort, after him as well!  I read the books before watching the movies, and watching the 3rd in the Harry Potter series just takes me back to my childhood.  

These movies all hold a special place in my heart and I hope that if my dear readers find any of these interesting, that you enjoy them as much as I do!  Let me know through a reblog or a comment, which movie have you seen already?  And what is your number 1 movie you’d watch over and over again?

Talk soon! 🖤