An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Dissonance
Graphic Depictions of Violence
Rating: Mature (Rated for Violence)
Category: Gen
Relationships: Loki/The Tesseract (Marvel), Loki & The Tesseract (Marvel), Loki & The Sceptre (Marvel), Loki & Nebula (Marvel), Gamora & Loki (Marvel), Loki & The Other (Marvel), Loki & Thanos (Marvel)
Characters: Loki (Marvel), The Tesseract (Marvel) - Character, The Sceptre (Marvel) - Character, Nebula (Marvel), Gamora (Marvel), The Other (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Thanos (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) (mentioned), Odin (Marvel) (mentioned)
Words:12192
Check link for additional tags and content warnings.
Summary:
Hel, Loki discovers, is very different from what Asgard’s bards described it as—it’s called Sanctuary, for one.
No one survives the Void, he knows; no one survives the complete and utter lack of matter and of sensation and everything except a sea of empty space of the cosmic abyss, the choking pitch-black darkness, and the numbing near-absolute zero temperatures; no one survives a wormhole’s onslaught tearing their body apart into its very atoms. There is no way Loki could have been an exception. He is dead, as he meant to be.
Except, unless the Land of the Dishonoured Dead is ruled by the cult of the omnicidal maniac that has been culling entire planets in the outer sectors of the galaxy for tens of decades now, Loki is, rather unfortunately, somehow still alive.
And very, very fucked.
Or: Loki survives the embrace of the Void, only to find himself handed a fate a thousand times worse than anything Helheim could ever concoct.
Except, he’s not alone.
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the prompts this year were chosen through a suggestion poll and subsequent vote; the top 28 make up the core prompts and a mixture of the next most popular and the blog’s personal favourites have become the alternates!
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and click here if you’re interested in the bonus march 1st prompt known as febuclown!
Something that I think about a lot, in terms of how hard Loki is on himself, is all of the internal struggle that he maybe takes on that were never meant to be things that contributed to his mental break, but they got tangled up in it anyway.
I mean, we all know that Loki’s struggle has been hidden away for so long. In Thor 1, pre-Jotunheim Loki gives off this demure energy, in that yes, we know he’s mischievous and he’s a warrior and he’s a mage and all of that - but, he’s not quite a presence yet, not a force to be reckoned with. In later movies, Loki walks around with his sass and his antagonism and all of his mercurial energy on display no matter who doesn’t like it - but, before JOtunheim, it was all locked away.
And we know that Loki internalizes blatant jabs at him, such as Volstagg’s silver tongue turned to lead? and similar things, but what about moments that maybe weren’t jabs or mockery against him yet he interpreted them as something to be embarrassed about?
I’m thinking about the pre-coronation scene, and how uncomfortable it all is if you think about the entire thing from Loki’s perspective. Here he is, joking with Thor and trying to connect with him, and all he gets in return is jabs about his magic and overt mockery. He starts out on an uneven playing field. Thor makes his crack about “some do battles, others do tricks,” and the servant laughs.
Loki’s expression is so interesting here, because it’s as if he freezes - is this servant, this nobody, openly laughing at a prince of Asgard? - but then he collects himself within a fraction of an instant. He turns the wine to snakes, the servant is appropriately chagrined (but not, notice, punished in any way even though he could have been), and the moment passes.
Except it doesn’t really pass. It’s one of those little micro-aggressions that only fuels into Loki’s rage, simmering beneath the surface. And sometimes I think about how it contributed to how Loki might have felt during that entire exchange with Thor that follows: Loki’s been openly laughed at in front of Thor, Thor doesn’t stick up for him and only calls the incident “a waste of good wine,” and yet even so, Loki is perceptive enough to see that Thor is nervous.
And he decides to reach out. He gives Thor a very genuine, heartfelt, reassuring speech, ending with, “never doubt I love you,” and even though Thor looks touched and happy, he doesn’t return the sentiment. He just says, “Thank you.” As if Loki has done him a favor rather than tried to connect with him.
Thor gives Loki his patented neck-grab, yeah, but then he finishes it with a pat, like he’s rewarding Loki for his words. Not returning them. And I feel like that would have been additionally humiliating for Loki, in this kind of subtle way. I don’t feel like Loki expresses open emotion like that easily, and to open himself up to Thor only to have Thor simply acknowledge it as a favor without returning the feelings must have felt like even more embarrassment coiling in Loki’s core. I imagine his skin crawled with discomfort.
I realize I’m not saying anything that hasn’t already been said before, but I think my point is that we focus a lot on how other people have humiliated and mocked Loki in various ways, but I don’t ever see too much about how Loki humiliates himself, in that incidents that other people may brush off are things that, due to his massive inferiority complex, Loki internalizes and hates himself for; things that maybe make him wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because, oh god, remember that time I told Thor I loved him and he just said thank you?
You know? How many of us have those embarrassing moments that haunt us for years afterwards, things that everyone else has long forgotten about? It makes me wonder how many times it’s happened over the years, that Loki has done something or said something or made some error or whatever, and in reality it likely wasn’t that big of a deal or it wasn’t something anyone else dwelled on (although Thor was too wrapped up in himself to recognize Loki reaching out, I very much doubt he judged Loki for it or thought less of him or anything else; the embarrassment in that moment is in Loki’s mind, only) but, to Loki, it feels like the end of the world?
It’s like he’s dragging a cart full of rocks behind him, and along the way, other people around him toss a few into it - hey, mind carrying this for me, Loki? You’ve got the cart anyway - and he smiles and says sure, sure, no problem, and doesn’t mention how his arms are beginning to hurt or his brow is sweaty. And along the way, every so often, he’ll pick up his own rocks to add to the cart until he’s struggling along, trying to keep moving despite the increasing weight of both his rocks and everyone else’s rocks, and then suddenly he’s focused so much on the cart that he doesn’t see the boulder that flies at him out of nowhere and slams him in the face and knocks him cold. It takes him down. The cart has tipped over and the rocks have spilled everywhere and, instead of trying to pick them up and right the cart, he just screams fuck it, and kicks the cart, and leaves all of the rocks out there, exposed to everyone, scattered in a mess every which way he looks.
He leaves them there, and from then on out, anytime someone says, hey, mind carrying this for me Loki? he sneers and says carry your own fucking rocks, and then whoever asked is insulted, like Loki is just a mean, terrible person. They’ve completely forgotten about all the rocks that spilled before.
And I think that’s pretty apt to describe how everyone thinks Loki is a villain without acknowledging both how hard they’ve been on him and how hard he’s been on himself, forever, without reprieve. It’s like Loki’s been set up to fail in every possible way, including with his own perception about how he’s treated.
The worst part is that I think that even though after Thor 1 and his fall, he’s very outwardly antagonistic and full of sass and all of the wonderful things that make him such a force to be reckoned with, there’s probably always going to be that little voice in his head that judges him for anything he does. That mocks him. There are probably things he still jerks awake from in the middle of the night - god, I can’t believe I even tried to talk to Thor about Odin’s lies - but instead of letting the rocks spill, he just … stifles them. Thor tries to talk to Loki later (in Ragnarok) and Loki doesn’t want to bother.
Loki’s still got that cart of rocks, you see. It’s just that now he only carries around his own, fuck everybody else’s. But the weight is still as heavy as ever.
a bunch of wonderful fics with around 300 kudos or less. feel free to add!
ANGST
Blank Slates by Aublanc
Loki is a villain, and Tony is a hero. No matter how similar they are, nothing will change that; their fates are set in stone. At least, they are until a haywire spell hits the reset button.
That’s How Heroes are Made by HarpforHim
When the Avengers take Loki in after the destruction of New York, things seem to be going well (or, as well as they can be, considering the circumstances). However, when a previous injury decides to rear its ugly head again, Loki is forced to reconcile himself with a but more than a swelling ankle.
Give a Dog a Bad Name by bassetfan
Tony Stark is determined to be the best father he can be to his newly adopted son, Peter. That's why he's not happy when Peter brings home a sarcastic goth kid that reminds him just a little too much of himself. (human AU, mind the tags)
Becoming by drabblerofstars (1Temmie_Official1)
Loki lands on Midgard, and by a series of events, becomes Spider-Man.
Imagined Slights by eirtae
He wasn’t ever certain when he’d first realized that he was always given his slice of apple second, but he did know that he’d frowned, brows knitted together as he stared down at his slice to keep from looking at Thor. It was a silly thing to care about, and likely untrue in any case. A thing to dismiss, for it was, perhaps, just circumstance; they only spent afternoons together like this once a month, and so perhaps he’d forgotten the times when he’d been given his half first.
FLUFF & HUMOR
i hope you find the peace you seek, and wake me up in five, six weeks by kbaycolt
The first night after Ragnarok, the Revengers... rest.
And Many More by calico_fiction
Thor is not going to fall for it this time. No he is not. (Yes he is.)
we'll carry our brothers, and we'll carry them home by kbaycolt
The first clue is when Thor's blankets go missing.
Please, just speak a little louder. by LE_Rae
Thor thinks that Loki has got a girlfriend. Loki knows that that’s absolute bullshit. (genderfluid loki, human AU)
The Great (but actually quite small) Divide by Arabesqueangel, Snarky_Ship (Pinky_Wisteria)
Stuck on a ship headed for Earth, Loki is struggling to figure out what’s next. Fortunately, he has lots of alone time to contemplate where his life seems to be heading. That is, until Bruce Banner has to oh-so inconveniently change back into his mild mannered self and now Loki has a roommate. Fortunately, there’s a mutual, silent agreement for each of them to keep to themselves. But as Banner seems to be losing his control and changing into the Hulk at a concerning rate, Loki has to choose between enjoying his time alone and helping the man who appears to be slowly imploding. Loki never has been good at making the right choices for his own happiness. (Bruce/Loki)
The Various Applications of a Serpentine Scarf by Howlingdawn
Knowing the man you love can turn into a snake is one thing. Seeing it is quite another. And having him wrapped around your shoulders is definitely a whole different level of odd. But it's also, well... kind of nice, actually.
(Or: Five times Valkyrie lets snake!Loki get on her shoulders, and one time he's always been there.) (Valkyrie/Loki)
Loki's Tesseract by Pixiepeekboo
Drabble with Soft!Loki and Humanoid!Tesseract
**inspired by The Fake Redhead's Writing Prompts # 525 - "I steal hearts, not souls." "It's okay if you want to do both."** (Tesseract/Loki)
First Kiss, But Not On The Lips by Whatafuckingdumbass
Tony starts feeling uneasy when Loki moves to the tower, and his insomnia makes him spend his nights on the lab
But he's not the only one with trouble sleeping at this new situation (Tony/Loki)
Working with what we got. by naturegirlrocks
Loki needs protection. How do you get your enemies to protect you? You bring gifts! (Tony/Loki)
BITTERSWEET
This Is Not a Love Story by Mythtaken Identity (Shadowland)
The atmosphere is kind of nice and the food is good and there's lots of wine and it's Valentine's Day, or nearly just about, but this is totally not a love story. (Comic Loki, Verity & Loki)
Rebuilt to Fall Apart by Malaco_13
Loki landed in the hands of Thanos after his fall, but broke almost every near bone in his body in the process. Now years later, as Loki and Nebula live out their lives in quiet upstate New York. The work done to rebuild Loki's body is failing and causing him more harm than good, and Nebula...Well she blames herself for just about everything. (Slight Nebula/Loki)
end of the line by fillory
By some strange miracle, eighty years is eighty years.
Sigyn and Loki may be trapped here together, but at least they have time. (The Bifrost Incident, Sigyn/Loki)
The Trickster: Atonement by Shadow_Chaser
They were never going to be friends, that much was certain. But perhaps, in time, they would be allies.
Consequences by Ascell
Wherein Jane is possessed by the Aether only to go to Asgard with Darcy and Thor. Wherein Darcy witnesses the dark underbelly of the Gilded Realm first hand. Wherein the Asgardian perceives a threat and does everything they can to eliminate it. Wherein Loki really just wanted to not deal with any of this shit but here we are and by the Norns you guys are almost as bad as Thor.
It’s a while later; their legs have moved up from the floor and are now entangled in the middle of the couch. Tess’s knitting is nearing completion when Loki shifts, repositioning his legs. She looks up.
Just in time to glimpse a crimson, almost invisible, hidden between Loki's stringy curls almost imperceptibly. For the tiniest of moments she thinks she's—(how a human would say)—seeing things, or making it up, or, just, you know, been knitting for too long—
Because the next second, as Loki finishes shifting on the couch and adjusting his long legs between hers, the blood—because that's what it was, the deep, dark red—is gone. Invisible, again.
Now, if Tess were mortal, if she had blood running in her veins, this revelation would've caused a rather dramatic effect of all colour rushing out of her face and leaving her breathless. But she isn't, so.
So, she gasps, feeling like her world was shaken out from under her feet and turned upside down, like she's floating in an emotion-filled void; and of course, the slightest of noise she makes attracts all of Loki’s attention.
“Tess?” he asks, concern lacing his expression.
Tess hates now how she hadn't voiced her fears, scratched that itch—not because they've come true, but because she could've found out earlier (could she? would Loki have told her?)—hates how Loki had to hide it in the first place. How she didn’t know about the awful pain he must have been suffering. She’d seen blood. What else was there? Under the illusion?
“Under your hair. You’re hiding your—you are in pain,” she says, her voice trembling and quaking (she's always been rather sensitive)—“You’re hiding—there’s blood under—”
Her voice breaks as Loki flinches.
It’s minute, like the flash of blood she’d seen.
It’s enough.
She hates how tears have begun to form already, how her vision's blurring, Loki's features obfuscating. She raises a trembling hand to wipe them away angrily and scrambles off the couch, moving closer to him. “Loki,” she whispers, sitting beside him. And then, louder, firmer: “Show me, Loki. Please.”
Loki stares at her, his green eyes assessing, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You will hate even the sight of them,” he says finally, his voice very very low.
“No, I won’t,” Tess says gently. “Loki. You are in pain. How long have you been hiding it? Ever since you arrived here? Or even more?” Her face contorts into an expression of hurt. Why didn’t you tell me? “Loki, just—I want to see it. I want to help you. Please allow me to, Loki.”
He stares at her for a few moments again. She thinks he's going to deny.
He doesn't.
Instead raises a pale hand to lift his hair, revealing a set of bruises, wounds and cuts scattered on the tender flesh of his neck.
Tess gasps.
Dried blood and peeling skin, yellow pus and purpling bruises sully his pale skin. Thick, angry impressions, wrapped around the back of his neck, amidst the wounds, like... fingers.
“Oh, Loki...” she whispers, her eyes unable to stop roving over the grave injuries. Burns. Cuts, partly healed. Violet splotches. A crimson branding mark. Smudges of blood, a violent red.
Loki lets go of his hair, bows his head.
“Loki...” Horror and despair renders Tess at a loss for words. It’s... awful, dreadful; indescribable—y horrific. Alarming. So much worse than she expected.
Tess feels suffocated.
Oh, to think of Loki suffering so much... the thought itself is unbearable. She swears, her fists curling into a fist. Yet the evidence in front of her, of the evil committed in the Titan’s—no. Of the evil created by him and promulgated within his 'sanctuary'—it’s maddening.
Rage swirls within her like scotch in a tumbler, even as she feels helpless, in a way she’s never felt before.
Tess looks at Loki. He paints such a sorrowful picture, she thought. Head bowed down, the hair hiding his face, his shoulders drooped.
He didn’t deserve any of it.
Nobody does, do they?
She reaches out to touch Loki’s hair, ever so gently, her fingers caressing through coarse strands.
I’ll kill him, she vows silently, her fingers trembling. Everyone who did this and him. They will pay.
“Is there more?” It’s hard to say the words. “Down... below the—on your back?”
Quickly, her mind starts to think of any and all cures present in her home. It whirls and swirls, thinking of the numerous plants growing in their garden. They’d brought mortals home before. Refugees, people running from wars, travellers...
“Most of them have healed,” says Loki, his voice slightly distracting. “It is only in the sensitive parts that the injuries remain unhealed and raw.”
She’d treated before. A long time ago, but there were books on healing... somewhere in the second branch of the house, near Mind’s room...
“Oh, well. I have a solution for that. But first,” Tess bends down, stares straight into Loki’s eyes, “will you let me heal you?”
The best dynamic for a group of characters: every single one of them is the weirdest person you will ever meet, but in wildly different ways. Every time you think you’ve identified “the normal one” they casually reveal that they don’t think birds exist, or they fistfight grizzly bears on the weekends, or they collect human skulls, and you realize again that none of these people are remotely normal.
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
blakekathryn
dededos
prguitarman
