[cointelhoe]

&someday u will ache like i ache

[cointelhoe]

Like "I'm upset at you for something I've decided you're going to do in the future" is insane. it IS 🙃

[cointelhoe]

Who are you going to blame for any/all possible mess when I don't live here anymore? I know you've never learned how to take accountability for your actions, so it's gonna be pretty difficult...

[cointelhoe]

It hurts to ask did you love me before my spirit went away? It was there one day and when I woke up it was gone and since then I have never felt the energy of another person. You don't know what I mean before it's gone. When I had spirit there was energy between me and anyone I came in contact with, more between the people I know, more between the people I love. But I woke up after that awful feeling like something tore me to pieces and realized I couldn't feel anything at all between me and anyone, I couldn't put "myself" into anything because there was nothing there, I no longer have passions or interests because I simply don't have spirit to connect to them. I tried every drug and nothing even felt like it did before. I show emotions that seem so real and yet I don't have any relation to them, it is all truly and totally mechanical, like a babydoll that cries or laughs when you press a different button.Everything is muted. Every psychiatrist says I'm in a permanent state of dissociation, that I can get out of it, even if it's been so long that months have turned into years. But the longer it lasts the more I believe that I had a soul and it left my body. I can't explain it to anyone correctly, you don't realize that there is something that connects you to yourself and others until it's gone. I don't know what took it. It came out of nowhere. Sure, I had a depressive episode, but it wasn't especially bad compared to any other I'd experienced. Just that one night, that one feeling, then nothing. And nobody understands it. I wish they could know that the person I was, what made me, that "Ezra" that any of you felt love or friendship or even hatred, any empathetic connection with, has left any place you could reach. I can't reach Ezra. There's personalities to fill the void but the spirit that made me human really is gone and I hope you never know how it feels.

[cointelhoe]

my inner critic has your voice now instead of hers

[infertilityidol]

wails desperately and then goes back to doing fucjing whatever

[cointelhoe]

I, can't handle this. Emotionally I just can't I don't have the skills to be picked at like this right now

[cointelhoe]

Ihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattlesihavetopickmybattles

[cointelhoe]

Remember when I got raped by a crackhead lmao. LMAO,LMAL,LMAOOOO

[cointelhoe]

I want to be worshipped romantically and degraded sexually

[cointelhoe]

But tbf if Elizabeth ever fell back into my life I'd have her no matter if she's married or not. I'd never cum before in my life before we met and every 3-6 we seem to end up together, I've outlasted every boyfriend and every fiancé she's ever had thus far. It helps that none of them like me cuz they can sniff it out. Have you ever been loved by a diagnosed sociopath? It's like nothing else. It's addicting. I don't recommend it she put out lit cigarettes on me

[cointelhoe]

we wouldn't date but she's nice and I reiterate - greatest lay

[cointelhoe]

I am um. Absolutely frothing at the mouth over this girl messaging me out of nowhere because that was truly the best lay I've ever had and it was really cute how she played me her favourite songs and I have all those videos of her fucking me and it's the hottest I've ever looked like

[cointelhoe]

[cointelhoe]

I am um. Absolutely frothing at the mouth over this girl messaging me out of nowhere because that was truly the best lay I've ever had and it was really cute how she played me her favourite songs and I have all those videos of her fucking me and it's the hottest I've ever looked like

[cointelhoe]

Sometimes when I'm all alone I like to stand against the wall in front of the mirror, arch my back and let out the sluttiest, most perverted moan while making eye contact with myself, looking down over the tip of my nose.

G-d, I'm so fucking horny lately.

[cointelhoe]

Also bc I've gotten much healthier holistically that ofc includes my sexuality, which makes me super excited to explore! It's really nice to feel excited and secure at the same time wrt that part of me. I've also realized that my proclivity for multi-hour sessions was not an attribute of hypersexuality, it's an aspect of my personal sex drive that I can take part in in a healthy way. Just re/discovering my sexuality is really exciting and it's something I look forward to a great deal ♡

[cointelhoe]

Not to mention El is being fucking weird. But I can't get too concerned about that right now, I need to put my own oxygen mask before I help with someone else's.