whoa

a humble scholar of absurd history, journalism, America, tolkien, violins, cryptids, and wandering.

[darkpaladin]

The Vehicular Man's Laughter

[thickness-protection-program]

Lightning McQueen after I tell him a funny joke

[musubeans]

saw a car dragging a labubu facedown through the street

[tattedpetticoats]

[ridingforrohan]

Instead of trying to digitally reverse age actors for The Hunt for Gollum I think they should abandon the script entirely and just put Viggo Mortensen in costume and film him chasing Andy Serkis in a leotard across the scenic landscapes of Aotearoa. Give Andy Serkis a head start. Viggo will probably become Aragorn several hours into the chase. Locals can aid or hinder as they see fit.

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[colinwish]

all of the panera bread employees in the state of virginia cannot stop me from sticking googly eyes on those little touch screen things