[collectionofdoubts]

i’m going to talk more this summer! i don’t care if people like quiet girls

[collectionofdoubts]

it’s 2:20 am and you’re asleep! i love you in a way that’s settled and comfortable and is constantly enveloping me in soft warmth. i know you might not challenge me enough and we have silly pseudoarguments about every ten minutes but you look at me when i get out of the shower, or when i’m taking my makeup off at night, or when i’m cooking you dinner and i know i’m loved. i’m loved in a way that i’ve never felt before. even if this doesn’t last forever you’ve given me some of the happiest moments of my life, along with the confidence to fight for what i want and the knowledge that i’m worth people’s time. you’re so worth mine.

[collectionofdoubts]

as long as we move our bodies around a lot

we’ll forget that we forgot how to talk

[collectionofdoubts]

i think i like knowing everyone else's secrets (or pretending that i do) because i have none of my own to give away

[collectionofdoubts]

i don't want to have to be so in control of the narrative of my own life

[collectionofdoubts]

i'm ready to kill myself. this is the most ashamed and embarrassed i've been my whole life

[collectionofdoubts]

you're not the lady killing sort enough to hurt a girl in port

[collectionofdoubts]

all I want is to be used and cared for afterwards

[collectionofdoubts]

i wish you loved me in the way you want to be loved

[collectionofdoubts]

this town is a minefield full of people i have to watch out for because when i turn my back they'll be all over you but my dreams tell me the truth

[collectionofdoubts]

the illusion of preventing the inevitable hurt

[collectionofdoubts]

you make me ache you make me ice cold you make me so hot i may burst into flames you make me terrified you make me confident for the first time i think i make you feel bored i think i make you feel warm i think i make you feel safe you bring out the best and the worst in me i bring out the soft middle of you

[collectionofdoubts]

should i tell you that in my dream you had her poetry hanging on your door, and before i entered i felt compelled to rip it down and crumple it up
or the look of betrayal and disgust on your face when you discovered what i had done, not wanting me to explain myself and refusing to talk to me 
or the way that i apologized over and over for encroaching on a space that wasn’t mine and never would be. how i begged for your forgiveness after violating a memory that had more meaning to you than i ever would

[collectionofdoubts]

i'm not any of your firsts but you're all of mine

[collectionofdoubts]

i know that some parts of you are off limits for me and that's alright, i just wish you knew that i want you to explore every facet of who i am because it feels like you create something new in me every time we talk, every time you touch me, every time we're driving together, every time i see a picture of myself that you took

[collectionofdoubts]

guess i just need to start having complete n blind trust that the level of romantic n emotional intimacy we share is unparalleled by anyone else but i think i may be selfish for wanting that

[collectionofdoubts]

I wanna!!!!!!!!! Fucking kill mysekf