college-quotes

Things overheard or seen at college

[college-quotes]

Maybe I don't want a hot girl summer. Maybe I want a cold girl summer.

Student after turning the A/C down to 64°F (17.8°C)

[college-quotes]

Happy Mother's Day. I'm saying this because I know you were more of a mother to your sisters than either of your parents.

Student 1 to Student 2

[college-quotes]

Student 1: So what finals do you have?

Student 2: None.

Student 1: Uhh, what do you mean?

Student 2: I flunked out.

Student 1: ....

Student 2: *flashes a peace sign*

[college-quotes]

Student 1: I pop pills to make the pain go away. You know, the family business. Sometimes I take them for fun. Well, I'm kidding, but--

Student 2: Then it's REALLY the family business. Or at least, my family's business.

Student 1 and 3: Same.

[college-quotes]

Student 1: It's Good Friday today.

Student 2: Good for us, at least.

Student 1: What do you mean?

Student 2: It wasn't a good Friday for Jesus.

[college-quotes]

I don't know how to be a teacher. One of my students said that she wants to 'self-delete' herself and I know that I should be an adult about it, but mostly I wanted to say,  'Same.'

Education major about their field experience

[college-quotes]

[the water boils over on the stove after Student 1 got distracted]

Student 1, going to stop it: Oh no!!!

Student 2: See, I told you: water only boils when you aren't watching it.

Student 1: No, water boils when you put the stove on high and put the lid on!

Student 2: But were you watching it?

Student 1: ...no.

[college-quotes]

Student 1: I've just been feeling so fucking sad lately. More than usual.

Student 2, nodding sagely: You know what'll help with that?

Student 1: What?

Student 2: Watching Banana Fish.

[college-quotes]

Once you Croc, you always rock.

Student at 1am in the dorm lobby

[college-quotes]

Nature dictated: sharp teethies, eat meaties.

Student criticizing veganism

[college-quotes]

Student 1: ...Hey, so you wanna watch this anime I--

Student 2, violently: No, no, no! We aren't watching anything you want to watch. Never again.

Student 1: Banana Fish wasn't THAT bad.

Student 2, tearfully: Don't say its name!

[college-quotes]

at an Olympics watch party

Student 1, seeing that Japan has the top three spots so far in men's singles figure skating: It's a Japanese invasion!

Student 2: ...Can you say that?

Student 3: *begins choking on Cheez-Its*

[college-quotes]

Student 1: Are those sweatshop Crocs?

RA: They're from Walmart, so probably. *checks where they were made* From China! So definitely sweatshop Crocs.

[college-quotes]

at the caf

Student 1, sitting down: Hey, guys.

Student 2: Do you know where you were when Harambe died?

Student 1: Uhh, yeah? I was in school when I heard the news.

Student 2, nodding: This proves what Student 3 was saying then -- Harambe is our generation's 9/11.

[college-quotes]

Student 1: Wet sand is dirt.

Student 2: What are you talking about? Wet sand is just sand. Wet dirt turns into mud.

Student 1: No, it's dirt.

Student 2: Wet sand is just sand!

*the argument continues for five minutes until Student 3 steps in*

Student 3: If sand isn't dirt then what is sand?

Student 2: Minerals mixed together.

Student 1: THAT'S WHAT DIRT IS--

[college-quotes]

Late stage capitalism tastes so good but settles poorly on the stomach.

Student, admiring the speed of Amazon delivery while mourning the costs

[college-quotes]

Student 1: Do you need another pillow? I feel bad because you just have one and I'm basically in a pillow palace.

Student 2: I'm good. Besides, omegas don't nest in the nests of other omegas.