Life of a College-Aged Idiot

Inane ramblings and inadequacy on display

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

Opening Themes

I’m a loser.

For fucks sake, I have a favorite Pokemon opening theme. And it’s not the first season’s.

I lied. I have two. It’s a toss-up between Johto League Champions and Master Quest (seasons 4 and 5, before they got into the Hoenn crap that should never have been created).

So yeah, I’m a pretty cool dude.

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

im too stupid to get through legend of zelda a link to the past unassisted

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

Three F’s

Fight or Flight really should be Fight or Flight or Freeze. People, and most other animals too, often lock up when presented with a stimulus that doesn’t fall clearly into the fight or flight categories. This has some evolutionary benefit, as it is easier for predators to spot and track a moving object than to locate and focus on a stationary one. To illustrate this, you probably walk into furniture in your home more frequently than you run into other people walking on the street. However, there are things in nature much scarier than pedestrians with their eyes glued to their devices. The wise words of Dr. Alan Grant, “Don’t move! He can’t see us if we don’t move” (which, in context, are wasted, considering Grant and the girl immediately proceed to move), do have some real-world merit.

Thankfully, I sure as shit don’t have to elude tyrannosaurs on a daily basis. I deal with something far worse.

Pretty girls.

While walking on campus recently, I spotted a crew of three women wearing matching shirts who were heading the opposite direction. I thought nothing of it. I live on a university campus, there’re tons of clubs and organizations that still run during the summer, and I was too excited to hit the gym and go for a post-workout swim than to pay attention to my surroundings. However, I recognized unexpected motion (seriously, it’s a thing), and one approached me.

does not compute

I froze. I know I’m not such a lady-killer that three women would talk to me unsolicited. They’re going to talk to me about their club. While all three are good-looking ladies, one is especially cute. Petite, faux-punk thing going (which is ridiculous, but she pulled it off). She extends her hand and says “Hi, my name’s [name I can’t remember], what’s yours?”

shit shit shit

First, I don’t like talking to actual people. You don’t count because you don’t actually exist. Second, I like even less to have sudden conversation forced upon me. Third, I always try to be polite and rarely pull the scowl-and-keep-walking, even if I do think I have a pretty mean scowl. Last, I can’t kick this girl in the face and I can’t sprint away. I’m trapped. I want nothing more than to flee to my safe place, the gym, and cry tears of self-loathing as I overhead press.

I took her hand and shook it, probably crushing it in the process, and mumbled out my name. She continued, “We’re part of [Christian organization] and we’re going to be holding a bible study on [day] in front of [building] at [time]. Do you think you’d like to come?”

I spat out my default response: “I have class then, sorry” (which I actually did, but I was definitely not thinking about my schedule at the time).

crises averted theyll go away now keep walking

“Aww, that’s too bad, is there another time that you’d could do? Something you’d be interested in?”

error: unexpected input

I froze. Again. Only for five seconds or thereabouts, but the time passing by was palpable. So I’m standing there, it’s hot outside and I’m sweating, my face bearing a stupid half-grin-half-grimace I use automatically when in distress. I’m staring at this girl while her crew watches me, a lummox of a man-child, gawk at their friend. Eventually, after much agony and a few too many seconds, I get out “You’re very kind, but probably not.”

Take a second and think what that sounds like in actual conversation. It’s a little ridiculous, and I instantly wanted to slap myself. Fortunately, she reacted well, said, “that’s fine, just tell me like it is”, smiled, and departed with her friends. I was disgruntled.

Damn evangelical Christians. Young men will do or say just about anything for validation from a cute girl. They won’t catch me. My powers of crippling awkwardness will always prevail.

For better or for worse, I’m not a fighter and I’m most certainly not a lover. I’m a freezer.

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

that girl is totally checking me out

shes the lifeguard of course shes looking at you moron youre in the damn pool        

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

what in the name of schwarzenegger is an arnold press

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

I’m the Next Pollock

I wish I could paint more. I love painting. But taking 16 hours in a short semester doesn’t allow for much free time, and what I do have I end up shitting away here. Also, roommates and dorms don’t lend themselves to studio art. Not enough space. Especially considering I often paint via whacky applicators, on unusual materials, and it’s not like there is space for an easel in a shared room. I have, what I think, to be a really cool idea, but I can’t just throw my roommate’s belongs out the window and say the space is now reserved for the fine arts.

I’ll be the next big thing, someday. People will look at this blog and cite it as another facet of my genius. Just you wait.

Ha. Yeah. Just you wait.

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

you need flashman to beat quickman

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

my spirit animal is the mosquito

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

ORBQIT

I figured I’d outline for my audience of no-one but me a segment I’d like to call “Obvious Revelations, Brainless Queries, and Intrusive Thoughts”. These posts will be bold, because they happened in my head, and will generally be one string of words, cohesiveness not guaranteed. They will be over a wide range of topics, as thoughts tend to be. They may provide some insight into my interests and my mental state. If you, who happen to be foolish enough to read this blog, don’t understand an ORBQIT, don’t ask. The source is even more foolish.

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

What am I Doing? What are YOU Doing?

First, formatting.

Plain text: address, directed toward you, the nonexistent reader

Bold: thought, or something that could be approximated as such

Italics: action, or a descriptor of what is physically going on around me

These forms will cut in and out of each other, but I will attempt to keep things somewhat intelligible. I will sometimes use bold, rather than something like parens, to represent an aside. These are essentially my commentary on what I am saying. im confusing myself with this explanation

Second, this blog is primarily a place for me to vent my excess thoughts and emotions. This means that, considering my astounding readership of zero, it will mostly be me talking to myself. is that healthy This also means that content will be whatever the hell I want it to be. There may be a string of crap, low-quality posts implying i make notcrap, followed by a silly photo I upload of something in my life, immediately succeeded by a treatise on Schumann.

Thanks for reading.

But seriously, what are you doing? This blog is a pointless attempt at self-actualization.

[collegeagedidiot-blog]

From the Start I’m Wrong (or Maybe Not)

Initially my username was collegeageidiot. Brighteyed and ready to share my bullshit with the rest of the world, my thoughts went so:

this is good

pause

teenaged not teenage

pause

furious typing

consulting internet

there is no consensus i can do whatever i want i like collegeaged better

And here we are. This is a forum for me to spew my mental detritus, share my social gaffes, and monologue my general ineptitude.

 Don't expect the quality of posts or of writing to increase.