They were falling into old habits now. His foot on her seat. His hand on her knee. The soothing motion. The ease of everything. Rachel’s face got slightly red. Brown eyes opened wider to put all her focus on him. “I don’t.” She agreed, her words coming out like a whisper. Rachel came closer, bending her knee so Finn’s hand could find a space closer to her thigh.
Hearing all the pain and begging in this voice, Rachel felt a pain in her chest. Rachel had to take some blame for them. She knew. She could have asked. Instead, she had been scared and chose her career over everything. Finn had left first but she let him go. All those times, she had pursued him and the one time he might have needed it most, Rachel set him free. Even now, a confession was dangling between them. Holding all the air in the room and bringing in a lot of heat. The brunette couldn’t play dumb for long.
She studied his features, his handsome face, the honesty of his voice. The way he looked at her like she was the most special thing in the world. “I want things to spill.” Rachel’s tone was serious and her brows furrowed. She had a strange aching to comfort him. Putting her hands on his shoulders and circling them in a smooth rhythm. “The more I understand, the better.” Perhaps things could be explained, perhaps there was something better in their future even in the midst of this horrible present. Eyes were starting to look but Rachel didn’t care. So much of their relationship was were in the dark, now was the time they could be seen in the dimly lit bar version of the Light.
Rachel had never flinched at Finn’s touch. Being with him had always been a warm welcome and a passionate embrace. Her body missed it and it showed with the way she instinctively leant in. Her hands found his knee and she copied his previous motions. There wasn’t much though to any of this but Rachel always let her emotions get the best of her.
Every touch was felt with excitement. Her mouth opened in a dramatic ‘O’ at his confession. “You came to New York? You watched me? Which performance?” Rachel was more than surprised that Finn had cared enough to come all the way to New York. “I hope it wasn’t my tenth one because I had this really annoying cough the day before and I was seriously worried that my voice came out a little nasal.” It was the shock of the statement that made Rachel want to speak further yet she restrained herself. Eyes briefly stared at Finn’s lips. “I saved you a seat at my first one. It was stupid and I didn’t tell anyone I did. Not even Kurt. Definitely not my dads. I told them I just needed the space for my dead grandmother but it was actually for you. I really wanted you to be there.” Rachel admitted. And he was. “You’re a good guy, Finn.”
Rachel smiled. Against all her better judgement, Rachel placed his other hand on top of her thigh and her available hand at the back of her neck. “I just need to know.” The words were close to whispers, silently begging. Gazing into his eyes, they were so close they could kiss. “ I just need to know…to understand…I mean I know…but I don’t know or understand and I want to more than anything….Please Finn.”
The two of them couldn’t resist the moment. Finn had known that since the first kiss in the auditorium. They always got swept up in their emotions and it was because of that that Finn knew things with Rachel would always be different. She would always be something more, somewhere in his heart that no other woman would ever reach. And once more, they were getting swept up in the moment. The moment of his confession, of the ache between them to let everything spill.
Her touch sent shockwaves through his body again. Her touch couldn’t be compared to anyone else’s. He’d been intimate with other women, had connections and fun but this here - it was only her touch that could put him into an out of body experience.
It was her pleading that did him in. Finn couldn’t keep the walls and secrets up, not when it was hurting her like this. The Ten had made a pact, and there was no doubt that Santana and maybe even Quinn would kill him if he was the one to break it. This was what Rachel was asking of him. The truth of why he ran away and never came back. And the truth he offered instead just revealed the depth of how much he still held for her.
It was serious and tense and in the turn of a second, Finn was laughing and shaking his head. That was on him though for not realizing that if the response wasn’t “I know”, it would have been a million questions.
“ It was opening night. “ He said with a chuckle, trying to fight back the waves of feelings over the fact she had saved that seat for him. She did love him still. She had felt the same, even all these years later. It made his choice that much harder and easier. What she was pleading for, it wasn’t for that dumb love confession. She knew he loved her still. She needed the truth and she maybe even knew exactly what kind of truth she was asking for from him. And if Finn wanted them to have a shot at love, he’d have to give the truth. Just then, just maybe, they’d have a chance to be in love in public.
Crap. Public. Public like the bar stools they were sitting on having this conversation. The way she had been pleading broke all his walls down and he was ready to spill it all. This wasn’t just any bar. It was Scandals and there was no doubt that Karofsky would find about Finn’s confession if he kept talking.
Swallowing hard, Finn took a deep breath, suddenly centering himself and realizing the cost of what started as a casual conversation. Disentangling himself from Rachel, already missing that touch for just a moment, Finn stood. Wordlessly, he entwined their fingers and silently asked for her trust to just follow him.
Weaving through the crowd, Finn reached the back door and pushed it open, checking it was empty and letting out a small sigh of relief as it was. In a smooth motion, Finn brought Rachel outside and brought her across the alley, letting the door slam shut. He spun her in front of him, pushing her gently against the wall and pinning her there with his own body. A hand rested on the brick at the side of her head and the other came to rest on hip, keeping her steady.
“ You might hate me. And you might be terrified and I can’t blame you for any of that. “ Finn said, swallowing again as he shook his head, his eyes locked down on her. “ I think it’s really obvious I still got stupid big feelings for you. Like love feelings. But I can’t keep this secret anymore if it’s gonna cost me you. ”
