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@sapphorps
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 QUINNTANA
QUINN: I /am/ offended. If I wanted to sleep with you I’d just say so. But I said I wanted to talk to you because I want to talk.
QUINN: Oh and don’t act like you wouldn’t want in my bed.
QUINN: Very. Why are you so frustrating?
SANTANA: sure jan.
SANTANA: talk about in your dreams ;)
SANTANA: does our "special" talk require absolute sobriety?
collidinghudson:
I know this is the first time I’ve been in the US for football kickoff and I should be more excited especially since the Bengals might not totally suck but….everything kind of sucks right now. Gonna still try and drag myself to Scandals for the game. Yeah, I said Scandals. Gay people like football too and it doesn’t smell like stale tobacco.
Good to see those neck bolts have come in handy and shocked some sense up and into that five-finger forehead. That’s real growth, Finn. And not the horizontal kind. I don’t like assuming, but. Just so we’re clear, you haven’t done anything especially stupid lately, have you?
storyteller-q:
We don’t know that. But validity of your reviews aside, I don’t know the world where I’m giving you “apology” meals. The late night lunch is in spite and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And you can serve yourself.
But It’ll probably be sooner rather than later.
You know me better than that. Not a tear has been shed over this. I just don’t want to be here. I left the Quinn who lived here a long time ago. All looks are good looks for me by the way.
Denying the fact that you blatantly offered to make and pack my lunch seems like a moot point now. You can play frosty all you want, but you can’t fool me into thinking you don’t like playing house. I mean, Q. We’re lesbians.
Good isn’t a word I’d willingly use for your grunge phase, but I’m glad we’re mostly on the same page. I got some mixed vibes at the funeral, and my psychic Dominican third eye has had a weird feeling since day one. Tell me that’s not just me?
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 QUINNTANA
QUINN: So you're saying you're not just going to drop everything just because I ask?
QUINN: Can you just come over, or meet me somewhere when you're free? It's important.
SANTANA: no offense, but if this is some weird attempt at a booty call, i'm gonna need a lot more encouragement.
SANTANA: how important?
rbroadwayberry:
Honestly Santana, how ridiculous of me to think that you would have grown up by now. Your immature jokes mean absolutely nothing and are a very ill conceived attempt to hide your envy for me.
How interesting that you know. I wonder how a plastic surgeon could have gathered that knowledge?
Allow me to be the first to clue you in on a secret you’ve been blissfully sheltered from living in your bubble of Broadway dreams; belting your schnoz off in the “big” leagues won’t change who you are any more than it’ll change the fact that I’d rather be dead than live out my life Big Bird-ing it up in The Muppets Take Manhattan.
The same way anyone with half a brain cell would come to realize that pretending this never happened isn’t the key to joint freedom from this hellscape. It’s not rocket science.
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 QUINNTANA
QUINN: Are you putting bandaids on the idiots of Lima right now or are you free? I wanted to talk to you about something.
SANTANA: i think that depends on your next text.
SANTANA: what's up?
storyteller-q:
Please, I’m simply stating the obvious, Lopez. And just for that, expect a baked ziti lunch delivery. I’m sure patients enjoy staring at your ass while you tell them what’s wrong with theirs, but I bet the nicknames are only from the paid reviews. I do not stalk you.
I need out of this place. Yesterday. If it’s possible to be allergic to a town I swear I’m allergic to Lima. If we were in New York I could threaten your waistline with real Italian food.
I have made some questionable investments, but I can guarantee that exactly zero percent of this hard-earned cash money has been spent on pre-approved Yelp reviews. We both know that any five star ratings of my ass and/or practice are legit. So I’ll take you up on that apology ziti whenever you’re down for serving me late night lunch in the slums.
I hope you’re not talking the same watery eye syndrome that seems to have plagued our weaker links. Stone cold has been a good look for you, and I never pegged you for the type to have a conscience.
rbroadwayberry:
Right exactly like you to ignore any white flag for camaraderie and go straight into battle.
This is hardly the time to be making jokes of that manner, Santana. You never know which of Karofsky’s fellow police officers could be around. Besides, surely it pays you us all better to not even mention Mr.Schuester since we are all completely innocent. Right?
And I will have you know that I have more than a million followers on Instagram and I am verified on Twitter. Perhaps the uncultured streets of Lima are unable to recognize me sometimes but even at my first ever Funny Girl show, I was greeted with much applause and recognition at a very popular gay bar in Manhattan. So while I am not yet Patti Lupone or Kim Kardashian, I am a very confident B-Lister who will be rising very quickly to A-List.
Not to burst any of your “battle” bubbles, Wonder Dweeb, but are we absolutely certain you weren’t mistaken for one of the runners-up in Ru’s latest season of Drag Race? There’s a real uncanny resemblance there, and I know from personal experience that those man hands can be highly deceiving.
Hot tip: avoiding the elephant in the room altogether is, like, infinitely more suspicious. Especially when the elephant winds up dead.
calmthehunt:
I’m just glad to hear you haven’t lost your charm, Santana. I don’t know what we would all do without your bitchiness around. Good to know that you aren’t afraid to get down and dirty with Lima’s lowest of lows. I wouldn’t be able to handle the smells that came from the hospital around here, I can only imagine the god awful scents that plaster the walls of Lima, Ohio’s hospital.
Stay victim to sick childhood trauma induced by an overgrown Keebler elf, I’m sure. Hey, the ER may be slammed with junkies and gutter sluts, but Allen County Jail’s got a reputation for scraping the very bottom of the barrel. Shame you’re officially stuck with those sights and smells until further notice.
ladytrousers:
It’s not my fault you didn’t prepare, San. Green can’t be that awful. At least it’s not, like, orange. I’d probably appreciate and/or accept the offer if you had something I was remotely interested in sucking. But, alas.
You could always go for a pleated skirt and Breadstix tee combo. You definitely wouldn’t stand out. I’d offer something from my own wardrobe but I have very little that would fit your chest. Some sweaters, maybe. But it’s August. Columbus isn’t that far, not that it’s much better. I hope you chose express. I’m not mentally prepared for another memorial service.
Orange is nobody’s color, least of all mine. Which is yet another reason Lima P.D.’s barking up the wrong tree. Jumpsuits aren’t my thing either.
Thanks, but no thanks. That’s a totally heinous implication and what’s officially the worst advice I have ever received in my young life. And that service was bogus. Half the crowd barely knew him, at least not like we did. I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you’re prepped and rehearsed for the aftermath with Dickhead Dave. As a friendly reminder, I need a top notch performance that goes above and beyond any crocodile tears you shed graveside.
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 MARTANA
MARLEY: Good for the citizens of Lima, but boring for you.
MARLEY: Not this time. At least not yet.
MARLEY: I really appreciate it, San. Seriously.
MARLEY: Him and his damn jealousy. Add alcohol to the mix and you know he gets. I just don’t want Kai to be around it right now.
SANTANA: so the usual. who did he "catch" you "sneaking around" with now?
SANTANA: it's totally cool, mar. no big deal.
SANTANA: i'll even let him play doctor, if he's up for it.
storyteller-q:
You could, just eat healthier, you know? I know that you know that, you did go to medical school after all. I hope. Also, Red bull is disgusting. But onto more important things, I can’t believe they’re legally allowed to keep us here. I’m calling my attorney tomorrow to be sure.
On an even more important note. I hope your patients don’t actually call you Dr. Snix, San.
You are, and have always been, a hater, Q. You know BreadstiX is the one and only Achilles heel to my carefully constructed food regimen. And I know you stalk my Yelp reviews; it’s Dr. Hotpants to the general public.
Let me know what your lawyer friends say about the hostage situation. Mine hasn’t had any luck negotiating. My guess is we could end up stuck here a while.
calmthehunt:
Santana Lopez is referring to herself as a sad girl? The world must be ending. At least tell me you’re going to indulge in some of the flavored red bulls and not be drowning yourself in the bitter original one that leaves the coating in your mouth? Good luck to your, Dr. Snix, all of the homeless Lima groups will be running in just to get a feel of you touching them.
Shut it, Captain Oblivious. For legal reasons, I’m obligated to keep up with this boohoo crap, but don’t get it twisted; I’m still that bitch. I’m a professional. I don’t need to mask the taste of my battery acid with Tropical Breeze. And you can rest assured that I’m not above cuffing handsy freaks to their beds in a way that’s anything, but wanky. Homeless, or not, I’ve been there, done that. And I know it’s a level of douchebaggery I can’t tolerate, if you catch my drift.
puckermns:
Damn, I was hoping the story would end at will be coming, but whatever. I’ve heard Karofsky’s going hard on this whole investigation thing. Who would’ve guessed that douche would be leading this thing? Full offense to the department, but where do they keep the real cops?
Is that the only thing you’ll be riding? When’d you become all work and no play, Lopez? Has it really been that long? I should’ve visited more often.
Think again, Stringbean. Those days are long gone. Thank God. And, to be fair, I’m sure exactly no one wanted the job, and cops are total losers. It makes perfect sense they’d handpick the biggest pig in the pen.
Probably not, if the day-shift nurses play their cards right. And that’s on working hard to play harder.
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 MARTANA
MARLEY: I mean technically if you’re on the clock then you’re working.
MARLEY: Nothing happening in Lima right now? I guess that’s a good thing.
MARLEY: When do you get off?
MARLEY: I need you to come get Kai. He’s fine but I don’t want him around James right now.
SANTANA: no patients.
SANTANA: unless you count james, which (might i remind you) could be arranged. just say when.
SANTANA: but i'm on call. i can be there in 15. what happened this time?
TEXT MESSAGE 📲 MARTANA
MARLEY: S.O.S
MARLEY: Are you working?
SANTANA: depends what you consider working.
SANTANA: am i on the clock? yeah. but am i doing anything worthwhile and/or muy importante? absolutely not.
SANTANA: are you okay? is kai okay?
collidinghudson:
The good news is that you won’t be alone in fixing all those Lima bums. Managed to get them to give me a short term contract. I mean honestly, I’m definitely the best nurse in that place. Use the fancy doctor skills and get me pulled onto your service exclusively.
That doesn’t mean a whole lot to me when half the ER staff’s too strung out or stupid to manage a code without a breakdown, but I’ll take what I can get. Here’s to hoping your late night “service” is a little less disappointing now that we’re all grown up and gay. They’re not cleft palates in Peru, but at least working together will feel kind of normal. Even with Karofsky up my ass. So, thanks. For being here.