I know my value.

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell." Oscar Wilde About Me

[gaysie]

being a woman is just a constant cycle of [maybe if i was prettier] [maybe if i was prettier] [naybe if i was—]

[shittynewyorkercartooncaptions]

[unnonexistence]

welcome to Mealtimes With Executive Dysfunction, please have a look at our menu:

leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard)

leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard), except they aren’t actually there anymore because you ate them for lunch

staring into the fridge and whining

plain rice

tuna straight from the can

tuna ON TOP OF PLAIN RICE WHAAAAAAT *air horn noises*

something that’s probably gone bad a little but you don’t have the energy to care

something you actually like but you’re too tired to cook it properly

something you hate but it’s still slightly better than all the other options

canned soup

cheese???????

peanut??? butter?????????????

guilt about eating canned soup for the 6th time this week

oh thank god i have vegetables in the freezer 

the fresh vegetables you accidentally left to rot because preparing them was too much effort

the easiest & least appetizing of 5 ways you know how to cook eggs

12 different snack foods over a period of 5 hours

[criminaljustish]

- not eating anything at all for the next seven hours because you couldn’t decide between any of the above, so you gave up and now you have a headache

[forfuckssakejim]

So. When I was in 5th grade. All my classmates had ganged up on me and called me a lesbian and I didn’t even know what it meant at the time. I even said “I’m Spanish. Not lesbianese”

Anyways. At lunch a lunch lady had saw them making fun of me and asked when they said and I told her they called me a lesbian and she told them to apologize????

And then I remember telling my teacher the next day and as class was leaving she asked for me to hang back. She told me that being a lesbian was nothing bad and to just ignore them. I was like “I don’t even know what a lesbian is? All i said was that queen amidala was so pretty I wanted to marry her” and my teacher chuckled and nodded her head before saying that I could go.

[forfuckssakejim]

Y'know…looking back on this, I’m pretty sure my teacher was a lesbian.

[its5amandimstillawake]

[forfuckssakejim]

This is the only valid reply on this post.

[sailorcuba]

why is the sims so addictive but only for a short amount of time??? like all u do is play the sims u don’t sleep u don’t eat it’s like you’re on drugs for around two days and then forget about it for the next whole year

[newtonpermetersquare]

why have i been disgraced

[king-monky]

Angels in the Bible: “Hey do you - stop screaming I’m sent by God - do you need help getting out of this situation?”

[closet-keys]

That post about Edward from twilight is going to singlehandedly change the definition of “effervescent.” In like 3 decades there’ll be a note on the etymology of the secondary definition and it’ll have to cite that snail post as the origin of the linguistic shift

[waral]

What's it supposed to mean now?

[closet-keys]

Effervescent’s primary definition is a chemistry term referring to air escaping from liquid in foam, bubbles, or fizziness and the etymology connects back to the Latin verb fervere (to boil). There is already a secondary definition, which I’m guessing is what the OP of that post was using, meaning like “a bubbly personality” or vivacious, enthusiastic, etc. The idea of the post is that his character would look at something small, slow, quiet, (boring) like a snail and just interpret it as this lively wonderful being-- which tracks with the common understanding of Bella as a character lacking much personality or liveliness and Edward finding her to be the same way. But, with the post being meme’d, the connotation is shifting from a sort of descriptor of bubbly personality to the idea of finding something incredible or awe inspiring (with a layer of irony added in that it’s something not usually regarded as incredible or awe inspiring). The usage and thus the definition is gradually shifting in a similar direction to “fantastic” or “awesome” where the original usage has taken a back seat to a much more common usage of hyperbole.

[black-nata]

whoever said scooby doo isn’t intellectual: explain this then

[swingsetindecember]

in movies, when a scientist is held hostage and is forced to make a bomb or virus, like my guy, those villains don’t know shit about science. just make a gumball machine, my dude

[january-summers]

eighth grade science fair volcano, but fancy looking

[swingsetindecember]

 i just want once where the villain is like, you are too late, i detonated the device and instead of doom and gloom it is just confetti sparklers with abba’s waterloo playing and the scientist is like, bitch you thought 

[tanoraqui]

every time a scientist gets kidnapped to build a terrible weapon, they think about just bullshitting it, but then a tiny voice in the back of their mind says, but don’t you want to see if you can? don’t you want to laugh madly as you show them all? don’t you want to just go feral?

[thatmadscientistbitch]

Honestly when’s the next time you’ll get this kind of grant funding?

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

human brain: having these chips is bad for me. my skin is unhappy, my stomach is unhappy, therefore i shouldn’t eat thi–

lizard brain: SALT FEEL GOOD EAT SALT E̛A̩̮͖̹T̴ ̭͇̯͚S̴̰͚A̻̤̝̙̤͉̩L̜̩̹̝͈̺̀T͇̤̯̫͈̤͠

[shitty-car-mods-daily]

She loves that look until it *rains* on the interstate.

[jj-frunkington]

finally. a shitty mod

[kvothe-kingkiller]

okay so the funny thing about this is that it was a complete joke, and the men in the replies on twitter just Werent Getting It (also apparently whoever submitted this to this blog lol)

[dembirdboiz]

Better version

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

gonna be some awkward convos in the afterlife

[quiteliterallyhotsauce]

lmaooo what?

[star-wars-shit-posting]

[kat-rose-griffith]

I really like the detail in the second episode of avatar the last airbender when Aang says he’ll give himself up if they leave the water tribe village alone and Zuko actually leaves them alone. Like most firebenders would have just agreed and attacked as soon as they had Aang but Zuko didn’t want to reign chaos on the world he just wanted his honor back

[little-miss-rasputin-pageant]

zuko went and proved in the second episode of the show that he had more honor than most of the fire nation put together

[jonbutter]

Oh my god, the Ten Rules of Comedy

Punchline does not mean hit the child.

Don’t howl at your own jokes.

Tentacles funny. Razor sharp claws not funny.

Multiple heads should speak one-at-a-time.

No claws for tickling.

Scared kids don’t laugh.

Try not to hurt the audience.

Always keep sharp spikes in!

You won’t get a laugh if you don’t take a bath.

Never let them see you slobber.

[bogleech]

okay but how many children had to be eviscerated before this was all figured out

[rottenbutrecovering]

not to toot me own horn but the fact that i didn’t kill myself in the 2010s? big dick energy idk how i pulled that one off