I scrap a lot of ideas and end up abandoning them entirely. I was told by a friend that maybe some people would be interested in that, so I’m posting them here.
Tagging:
Deleted fic (fandom) will take you to stand-alone fics that I decided not to write or pursue.
Deleted scene (fandom) will take you to additional scenes for works of mine that were published.
Alternate scene (fandom) will take you to alternate takes on works of mine that *did* get published, just differently.
Fandoms:
Beetlejuice
TADC
Ghostbusters
Other
>(number) means that the fic will be larger than that number.
<(number) means that fic is shorter than the number.
The farm itself was pretty basic, although extremely rundown. Her ‘house’, if she could call it that, was still standing. That was pretty much all she could say about it. It was sad inside, although someone had left a brand new broom and some cleaning supplies on the table for her, which was nice of them really. She’d set her lone bag full of the only things she’d bothered to bring against one wall and had spent her first day doing basic chores.
She swept. She scrubbed. She washed the linens and laid them out on some grass to soak in the sun and clear the musty smell out of their fibers. The first night she’d slept incredibly soundly, and then the second day she’d woken up to a note pinned to her door.
<i>Hello and welcome to Lantana!
We’re delighted to have you! Please be sure to do the following tasks so that way you will fit right in and enjoy your stay.</i>
Pomni didn’t know what to make of it. Clearly it was a ‘to-do’ list of some sort but how and why they’d left her a to-do list when it was <i>her</i> farm was a total mystery. They had some gall. Pomni balled it up and tossed it in the bin. If some unseen person thought they could micromanage her now that she was <I>finally</i> her own boss they could take their little notes and shove them far up their ass.
She would do things her way.
The sun was already bright on the farm, and she felt overly warm in her jeans and light spring jacket. The wood of her deck was sturdy underfoot, despite the clear age and weathering. And the farm was…a mess. A really big, scary, overwhelming mess. The lawn was covered in weeds and trees and there looked to be pieces of trash and debris mixed into the overgrown grass. This was going to be a fucking nightmare to clean up, but she knew she needed to do it.
So day two was spent picking up all the trash and cutting all the grass. It felt easier than she’d feared but it wasn’t <i>easy</i> by any stretch of the imagination. By noon she was wiped out, and by the time she could head to bed, she could barely make it the twenty steps into her house to lie down properly. In the morning her body hurt for a moment, but as soon as she ate breakfast (a singular boiled egg) she was right as a fiddle.
When she stepped onto her porch, a new note was pinned to her door, this time in all caps. She tossed it into the trash and jumped down the steps to continue the miniscule progress (but still, progress!) she’d managed to do the night before. And so day three she was out in the field again, cutting, axing down trees, clearing as much area as she could. By the time she headed to bed she had a sizeable amount of the field cleared well enough that she’d be able to plant some crops as soon as she could get into town and figure out where she could buy seeds.
Day four she was feeling <I>rested</i>. Breakfast had perked her up, naturally, but even before she’d had her singular fried egg she was feeling pretty solid. She was starting to feel like she’d found her footing, too, she’d gone to bed so pleased by her new yard that she’d woken up feeling a little burst of confidence. May she <I>could</i> do this. Maybe she wasn’t crazy for leaving her completely fine job to pick up farming in the middle of her life. Maybe this was good, actually!
She was so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even heard the shuffle of feet outside her front door, so when she yanked it open she nearly got knocked right on her head. The poor guy yelped and jumped back as she blinked up at him, surprised that anyone had come onto her farm. Although maybe she shouldn’t be, since she’d gotten two notes so far.
The man was a tall, lean guy, all pink. Well, his body was, anyway, from the bare feet on her porch to the tips of his slightly-drooping ears. He looked sheepish when she looked stunned and he blushed a little, hands wringing together in front of his pretty purple overalls. His toes brushed over each other too, and he bent over, looking the very picture of a shy, contrite man who was found doing something he probably shouldn’t be doing.
”Uh,” Pomni said, and then cleared her throat. Okay, so not speaking to <I>anyone</i> for three days straight was probably not the best plan. “Hi?”
”Hi,” He said, flush deepening. She glanced around when she heard something strange, but nothing was in view. Odd. Then he was talking again, before she could investigate further. “I’m, um, Evil Jax.”
”Is there a good Jax?” Pomni asked, amused.
“Well, yeah, my—um, sorry, that’s not why I came though!”
Well, of course he hadn’t come to talk to her about a man she didn’t know existed before this strange conversation. That would be weird. And silly. But he was kind of seeming like an odd guy. Cute, though.
”Um, I came to see, ah, you haven’t been doing the…checklist? It’s to help!” He said, eagerly, “So you can get used to your new life here in the valley.”
”Oh!” Pomni narrowed her eyes a little, “Was that you coming on my farm to leave notes? Well you can stop, I’m not following your checklist.”
”Aw,” Evil Jax pouted, “You don’t want to meet the rest of us?”
Pomni stared. Wait, <I>had</i> the checklist just been a bunch of stuff she’d normally be fine with and she’d simply been avoiding it because she was stubborn? Or had it been more…list-y, before, and now he was changing the goals? She couldn’t remember. Weird. And the trash was taken, apparently, every single night so she couldn’t check, either.
“Um, do you want a tour at least? I can help!”
Pomni frowned a little, hating to disappoint him, “Well—“
”Oh <I>please</i> let me help!” Evil Jax said, and he leaned forward earnestly, “I <i>love</i> helping and Jax <I>never</i> lets me help him no matter how nicely I ask and until you showed up I didn’t know if I’d <I>ever</i> get to help again!”
“—okay,” Pomni said, defeated by his big eyes and nervous smile.
He looked delighted at once and his shoulders relaxed. He hopped off her porch, but before he could turn around to take her hand and help her down the steps, she found out what the odd noise had been. He had a little tail, and he must have been <i>very</i> excited by her agreeing to go with him, because it had been wagging a mile a minute.
It was still wagging as she followed him into town, him leading the way for only a moment before he lagged back to match pace with her.
“So, how long have you lived here?” Pomni asked, when it seemed he wasn’t going to start the small talk himself.
”Uh, hm, ah,” Evil Jax thought about it, “I’m not sure. A while. It’s a good town, I hope you’ll like it.”
”I’m sure it’ll be…fine,” Pomni said.
Truth be told, it was day four and she was already missing her accounting job. Her friends. Her apartment. Her beat up Honda Civic. The smell of a greasy taco after a late night at the office. The view of the river from her porch. Maybe she would have been happier if her farm had a river, but as it stood it was mostly dirt. Boring. Predictable. God, what had she done? Well, she was in it now. Might as well do the best she could.
”You um…never told me your name,” Evil Jax said shyly, glancing at her.
<i>Cute</i>. He was cute. She liked his nervous looks and his expressive ears and his little tail that was beating so fast she could barely make it out. At least if she was stuck here she had some eye candy. That was nice. And it would be kind of nice to meet the others and get a lay of the land. She really had <I>no</i> idea what the valley was even <I>like</i>.
“I’m Pomni.”
”Pomni,” He sighed dreamily, “What a beautiful name.”
”Thank you,” She said, amused. “It does what it has to.”
”Gosh, and you’re so pretty and dedicated. You’ve already done so much! Your farm was so clear..” Evil Jax paused and then lit up, eagerly touching her arm before tucking his hands behind his back, “I bet you’d want some seeds.”
”I would love to buy some seeds. Where can I do that?”
”Kinger’s General Store. Come on, it’s just right here!” He led her past a pretty blue store front and to a larger, warmer one.
The door swung open into a general store, alright. There were three or four shelves lined with various cooking supplies and a few shelves filled with seeds for the season they were currently in. The walls were clean and well cared for and the floor was freshly swept. There were a few photos on the wall behind the cashier, and there was one locked shelf that had a little sign in the glass window:
<i>ID Required, Ask For Help</i>
The shelves inside were covered in bottles of liquor and several squeezy tubes of what appeared to be a pink sauce. Weird. But Evil Jax didn’t seem interested in any of them and instead led her through all the shelves to the counter itself. There was a big display on one side that had a bunch of backpacks in various colors and on the other side was, presumably, Kinger.
He was a tall man, pale wood with big eyes in a pale blue. He seemed out of it when they approached but when Evil Jax said hello his eyes focused and snapped to their faces. His hands floated in front of him and he adjusted his purple cardigan so it fell over his shoulders better. He had no mouth, but she knew he was smiling not only from how his eyes crinkled but how his voice sounded.
”Oh, Evil Jax. I didn’t see you there!”
”This is Pomni,” Evil Jax said, stepping to the side. She waved awkwardly.
”Oh, hi Pomni! Nice to see you again. Are you having fun?”
”Uh, what?” Pomni said, brow furrowing.
”Don’t mind him,” Evil Jax said, “Hey Kinger, Pomni needs some seeds.”
”Seeds! Well why don’t you come to my general store and I can get you some?”
Pomni stared at him and then shifted her attention to Evil Jax, who was watching her take in that this poor guy, who apparently ran the only store in town that sold seeds, was…not right. That was the polite way of saying it, right?
“Uh, sure, thanks…” Pomni said.
The older man reached under the counter and then brought out some packets of seeds, that he spread out over the counter so she could see. Her eyes glazed over after she read the third name and she realized, belatedly, that she didn’t know how to fucking farm. She’d moved out to a farm, given up her life, set herself up to be trapped forever in a place she didn’t like very much with people she didn’t know and she didn’t even know how to do the <i>one thing</i> she had come here to do.
Farm.
Well, maybe it wasn’t too late to jump in the river. Ugh. She sighed, wide eyed, staring at the seeds.
”What would you like?” Kinger asked politely. “Just tell me what kind and how many and I’ll bag it up for you!”
Pomni made a noise of desperation, and her heart beat was starting to pick up as her hands shook. Oh, god, she didn’t know how to farm. She didn’t even know how to plan these. Or what to do. What was she going to do? She was going to lose <i>everything</i>! And just as the walls started closing in and she was getting dizzy, she felt a gentle hand on her elbow.
”Can I help?”
”What seeds should I get?” Pomni asked at once.
”Um, well…I like rhubarb,” Evil Jax mumbled, “And carrots. Jax likes strawberries, but don’t tell him I told you.”
”Uh, sure, great, those three, um, please. Kinger. Two of each.”
”Rhubarb and carrots only sprout once,” Evil Jax told her, “But you can harvest strawberries more than once.”
”Uh..huh, okay. Thanks for the information.”
”Kinger?” Evil Jax asked, “Is it okay if she pays you now and we pick it up later? I want to show her the valley.”
”Of course,” Kinger said, “You two enjoy your little stroll! Ah, to be young and in love!”
”We’re not—“ Pomni started, but Kinger looked surprised, which silenced her.
”Oh, Pomni! Isn’t this place cute?”
Evil Jax’s hand took her elbow and turned her around, walking with her towards the shops front door.
”Have fun storming the castle!” Kinger said, and then laughed to himself as they pushed through the door.
”That was weird,” Pomni said to Evil Jax.
Evil Jax wasn’t looking at her, though, he was focused on where they were going. He led her up a staircase and then down a path that wound through trees. The wind was cool and crisp and she liked how it felt when it brushed her hair around her face and sent her ponytail flipping. Evil Jax had let her go at some point and now they were walking side-by-side, feet crunching on the cobblestone pathway that poked out of the grass. Something kept catching her eyes, and she kept glancing into the trees, certain she could see something there, but Evil Jax mentioned nothing and by the time she’d decided to risk it by asking and being a weirdo
Down from the store’s front entrance was a bar, and he led her that way now.
The newest and roughest of the collection. I was half-awake for half of this *and* this is what i call a ‘working it out story’. I find that if i just start writing I can work out kinks faster than if I try to puzzle it out beforehand. This was one of those. I had a vague idea but wasn’t sure how it would work or what the world would be like, so I just…started writing. So it likely contradicts itself as my thoughts start to solidify.
This quickly morphed with another idea of mine and an iteration of this will be released on my ao3 in a little while.
Premise: Jax is a florist in a sleepy town and Pomni moves there to work for the local grocery store corporation. Funnybunny with whole cast present.
Note: some place holder words! Dani is Evil Pomni.
Straight out of college Pomni had been offered a job in a sleepy town in the middle of nowhere. Which wasn’t exactly her speed but it also wasn’t something she hated the idea of, either, and she really needed to get her foot in the door. She could spend a few years paying down her student loans and putting aside some savings so she could buy a house and get some physical equity.
The house she was renting, a small, old house off one of the main roads was picture perfect. The whole town was, actually. When she’d first arrived she’d been certain she was in the wrong place, because the whole thing was way, way prettier than she’d ever thought it could be. The main roads had ‘no car’ rules, so her house had a back alley that let her park her car on her rented property while not infringing on the rules of the road outside her front door. There was a strip of picturesque shops a road over, and the two roads were connected by a sprawling, beautiful park.
From her house she could get to pretty much anything the town had to offer in less than twenty minutes of walking. The town was, frankly, perfect, and she was saving a ridiculous amount of money. But things were <I>boring</i>. While she wasn’t the world’s <I>biggest</i> thrill seeker, she still liked at least a <I>little</i> bit of thrill. At the moment, the closest she got to ‘thrill’ was the weekly flavor mix-ups at the coffee shop down the street from her place, halfway between her house and her office.
It didn’t even matter what the flavor was, she never even bothered to look, she ordered it without fail the day they posted the new recipe. If she liked it, she got it every day. If she hated it, she got it once more ‘to be sure’ and then spent the rest of her week idly wondering if she’d like the next week’s flavor better. None of that was very exciting, either, but short of driving into the next city over in an attempt to broaden her horizons (three hours one way on a good day) she was kind of left without a lot of options.
She was standing in line, staring at the bagels lined up in the display case and trying to sus out if she thought she’d prefer a carrot bagel with cream cheese or an everything bagel with lox. The problem she was having is she wasn’t sure if lavender-infused green tea with mocha would go with either of them, so she wasn’t really sure what to do about breakfast, when there was a commotion at the front of the store. Not her business, really, but she could hear some mild arguing followed by an annoyed snap. She politely ignored it, figuring the cashier probably had it under control. Like, she probably <I>knew</i> the guy snapping at her, that’s how small this town was, right? So it was probably fine.
He might even be related to her. So decidedly not her business at all, and she wasn’t going to get involved. Not that she was going to get involved anyway, she very rarely did.
But by the time she’d put in her order there was no more commotion, just polite silence like usual. The girl, a whisp of ribbons with a mask, took her order and told her chipperly that it would be ‘just a moment’ before she smiled a little more warmly, as if they knew one another. She supposed they did, kind of, know each other, because the woman seemed to work the same shift every week, and that was when Pomni came by on her way to work.
”I knew you’d want to try the special,” She said. Her nametag said ‘Gangle’ on it in pink glittery gel pen. There was a sticker beside it of a little pink bunny, but Pomni wasn’t sure what it was.
“Haha,” Pomni said, politely, “Yeah, you guys have a new flavor every week.”
”I know,” Gangle said, shyly, “I make them.”
”Really?”
Gangle nodded sheepishly, “Yeah…so, um, if you have any feedback…well, you know where to find me. Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me which ones you’ve liked…some…time?”
”Uh, sure, but—“
”Gosh, <I>Gangle</i>,” a man’s voice came from over her head and Pomni jerked away, startled by his sudden proximity. He was almost leaning on her. A complete stranger. What an absolute dickhead. He grinned, looking lazy, “Are you asking her on a date?”
”What?” Gangle squeaked, startled out of her smiling as her two ribbon-hands pulled up in front of her, wringing together, “No, of course not!”
”Then stop flirting!”
”I’m not—“
”Uh, it’s fine,” Pomni said, interrupting them.
The guy was much taller than she was. She maybe came up to his stomach, but it was hard to tell, because he was slouching over the counter and leaning his chin into his palm, grinning at a frustrated, worked up Gangle. He was dressed really casually: jeans and a loose shirt. His feet were bare, and he was holding one of their brown to-go bags in one of his hands. He didn’t look like the professional sort that <I>usually</i> came through here, other office workers like Pomni or some of the local business owners, like Ragatha. When the man processed what she’d said, he turned to her with a frown.
”What’s fine?”
”You can have her,” Pomni said, and his ears twitched. “I wasn’t trying to intrude. I’ll just take the coffee and the bagel and you guys can pick up where you left off.”
”Oh, he wasn’t—“ Gangle said.
The man spoke at the same time, tone clipped and angry, “You think <i>I’d</i> flirt with <i>her</i>?”
”Sure, isn’t that why you care so much what a stranger’s doing with her?” Pomni replied cooly.
The man scowled and his ears drooped and her eyes flicked up at the motion, making him scowl more and they sagged for a moment before he ‘clicked’ back into place, ears springing up, grin back, eyes wide instead of narrowed. Huh.
“I don’t care,” he said, “But there’s no way you’d actually entertain her. I mean, look at her. She’ll snivel all over you.”
”Are you always this charming or are you only like this with people you don’t know?”
He considered that and then held his hand out to her, and she balked. What was the game here? This guy seemed a little unstable at best, did she <i>really</i> want to encourage this behavior? Maybe. This was the most interesting thing that had happened to her in the four months or whatever that she’d lived here. She slid her hand into his and gave it a nice, firm shake. His grin widened.
”Jax.”
”Pomni,” She said, and took her hand back.
“What—“ Jax began, but they were interrupted by Gangle holding out her drink to her.
”Pomni?” Gangle said, “Here. On the house. Sorry about that.”
”Don’t worry about it. You can’t control other people. Thanks, Gangle. See you tomorrow. And I’ll bring a list of my favorite coffees for you, okay?”
“You have a list?”
”Yeah, I write them down and do little reviews in my bullet journal. I can get a copy for you of my favorites and why.”
”That would be—“
”<i>That would be</i>,” Jax mocked, annoyed. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Enjoy your lame coffee. It’s <I>matcha</i> flavored.”
”Thanks,” Pomni said, and reached around him to take the coffee from Gangle’s outstretched hand. When she turned to go she had to force herself not to look back at him. It wasn’t worth it.
Pomni’s office was run by an older man who had peaked sometime in the early nineties and been coasting along comfortably in his office ever since. He barely did much of anything, honestly, and she wasn’t entirely sure what to make of him. Sometimes he seemed perfectly able, and other times she was pretty sure he was barely cognizant. But the company did fine even with him as the manager, so they felt no need to move him. Or something. She wasn’t sure. While she didn’t know a ton about corporate jobs she got the feeling that immediately questioning the companies decisions on personnel might make her a target or labeled as ‘difficult’. Which she wasn’t, she was mostly <I>curious</i>.
But companies didn’t seem to make the distinction.
She had a meeting today, sort of, and she was kind of dreading it. Most of her office was fine, but there was another woman she worked with that looked almost exactly like her. They were so similar in almost every way that people had started jokingly referring to them as ‘The Twins’. Pomni had once had the singular pleasure of someone telling her, as if it was a compliment, that the <I>other</i> lady was the ‘evil’ twin.
So now instead of making a good impression, or her preferred <I>no</i> impression at all, she was one half of a pair. And not even the more interesting half, but the boring, dependable half. Not that she should be complaining about that, that was certainly better than being the wild card when her job was <I>accounting</i>.
”Heeeeey, there she is!” Came the low, drawn out tones of her ‘other half’. “Good Pomni, right on time. Ready to watch the Queen of Accounting hold court?”
Pomni tried not to smile. For all her hating being half of a pair, she did think ‘Evil Pomni’ was funny in her own way. She talked like a man and moved like a bro and, for some reason, refused to wear pants to work. She had a number of tight, severe pencil skirts that showed off her spiky heels, the kind with the red sole. Today she was in a black skirt and a dark gold top, her hair swept up into a french twist and held in place by gold-and-red hair sticks.
Much more feminine than her own attire: black slacks and a white button down with a red tie. She’d started the day with a feminine blazer on, too, so she wasn’t <I>entirely</i> dressed like any of the men. But that had already come off and was draped over her arm, so…well. She was dressed like any of the men.
”Yeah, hold on. Let me drop my stuff off.”
”Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you. Couldn’t live without showing off to my other half,” The other woman purred, and winked, flashing her a grin full of sharp teeth.
Pomni rushed to her desk and set her stuff down. Her desk was in the corner, against the windows, and she wondered how she’d lucked out not for the first time. She loved being by the window so she could look outside and see the people walk by. Her desk was rather bare. There were a few things tacked up to the small cork board hanging on the wall beside her computer monitor, a framed photo of a cityscape at night, and a tiny plastic figure of a bunny asleep on a flower.
She tucked her bag into her drawer and draped the blazer over the back of her chair before she headed back to meet Dani. Dani was waiting at the door, and when she approached she turned, all sharp smiles and loose body language.
They headed in together, but Pomni’s mind was anywhere but on whatever Dani’s presentation had been about. Well, not anywhere, but focused on that guy at the coffee shop and how weird that whole thing had been. God, he’d been kind of a dick and yet every few moments her mind returned to him and how good he’d looked leaning over that counter. He was slim, barely had anything to work with, but she liked the arch in his back and the way his long limbs draped loosely when he spoke, like he was too lazy to care…
Until he wasn’t, anymore, and something lit inside of him.
Man, she hadn’t been attracted to someone like this in years. It was almost too bad it was unlikely she would see him again, because she thought he was a perfect mild thrill to get caught up in. Just the kind of distraction for her. And he was kind of a jerk, so she knew he wouldn’t get wild and ‘catch feelings’. Easy, clean distraction.
And distracted she clearly was, because the moment they left the meeting, Dani turned to her and said, “So what the fuck’s got your attention?”
Pomni blinked, “Huh?”
”Oh shit you’re cooked, babe,” Dani said, and Pomni cringed at the ‘endearment’. Dani didn’t notice (or pretended not to notice) and carried on, “Who are they? Tell me it’s not your fucking realtor, she’s suuuch a fucking <I>drag</i> man, you can do <i>way</i> better than her.”
”Uh, no, not Ragatha,” Pomni said, although she had to admit she’d considered it for like, a minute.
All the way up until she could tell that Ragatha was the type of lover that would…cling. A little. Which was fine! Totally fine! For people who weren’t <I>her</i>. She didn’t do the cuddling after sex thing. She didn’t do dates. She didn’t hold hands. And Ragatha felt like the type of woman who needed all of that and then some. Pomni just didn’t have it in her. And not just for Ragatha, but kind of for anyone. She’d do it now and again, if she ran into someone she liked well enough that she thought it was worth it. But it was so rare that it ever worked out in any meaningful way that she’d kind of called quits on the entire thing.
No more dating. Especially not <I>here</i>. She’d stick to what she knew so she wouldn’t be stuck in a town of fifty people with an angry ex.
“So who’s the fucker that’s gotten under your skin and hopefully between your legs?”
“Uh,” Pomni said, flushing a little at how crass (and <i>loud</i>) she was.
“Spill, you know you gotta kiss and tell in this place. We’re the same person, haven’t you heard? What’d we get up to last night? Tell me they had you flat on your back with your legs in the air and their—“
Pomni’s hand closed over her mouth and she could feel Dani’s big, toothy grin press against the flesh of her palm. God, no wonder she was the ‘evil’ twin. She was a fucking menace. Pomni wanted to throttle her. She glanced around nervously to see if anyone had overheard their uncomfortable conversation and then removed her hand from her mouth.
”Nothing happened. I just had a weird interaction when getting my new weekly coffee flavor with some guy I’d never met before and I guess it’s thrown me off.”
”Aahhh, so you finally met a local that makes you we—“
Pomni clapped a hand back over her mouth and stifled whatever she was going to say, sweating a little when their boss walked out of the conference room. If he thought it was weird that the two women were standing in the hallway, just out of view of the conference room, standing too close together with her hand clamped over her mouth, he certainly didn’t <i>look</i> like he thought it was weird. But today he kind of looked…dazed. And he had since she’d come in. Not a good day to try to talk to him or make sense of much of anything at all.
”Oh, hello girls.”
”Hey Kinger,” Pomni said, and Dani mumbled under her hand before her tongue darted out. Pomni recoiled, wiping her hand on her pants, glowering at the other woman.
”Hey, Kinger,” Dani grinned. “Pomni was telling me about—“
”Don’t,” Pomni growled, flushing.
”—this new coffee down at Gangle’s. You like green tea?”
”Oh, green tea! Hm, no, can’t say I do. But gosh my wife could make a mean tea. Did I ever tell you about the time we had to go to the hospital because she asked me to bring in the sunshine pitcher and I completely forgot and then…”
Dani had stepped around Pomni and started to walk, and Kinger, eager to share with someone who would listen to him, had walked off with her, so his story faded into soft mumblings the further her got from her. Pomni watched them go and then turned to head to her desk, dropping her empty coffee cup into a bin on the way.
Seated at her desk, she pulled up her emails and groaned out loud when she saw an email from <I>Kinger’s</i> boss. An over-eager, loud, socially inept man who seemed to like to overreach because he knew, at least on some level, that Kinger wasn’t well enough to oversee an entire branch.
The email was short and to the point, but as usual the intro was weird:
<I>To my Pumpkin Spice Pomni,
Another MONTH has passed and we find ourselves with ANOTHER day of BIRTH.
Please go forth to (floral shop name in all caps) and pick up THE GOODS.
Your BEEKEEPING BOSS,
CAINE</i>
Well, okay. Great. So now she had yet another stupid side quest to do. At least the florist wasn’t too far away. If it had been on the other side of town she would have had to ask Dani to drive her, since she’d left her own at home.
Dani lived clear on the other side of town, so driving was a necessity for her. She seemed to like the ‘commute’, which was less of a true commute and more like a ten minute drive through a town devoid of traffic. She told her she liked to listen to music, it gave her time to unwind. Before she got home and had a brownie, apparently, and then she’d winked but Pomni hadn’t really understood she’d meant an <I>edible</i> until, like, a week later.
She finished up a few tasks before she called the florist and enquired if the bouquet was ready.
The man on the other side of the phone sounded nervous and sweet, and his voice trembled a bit as he spoke.
”Um, hi, how can I help you?” He said, nervously. A voice was saying something behind him and he made a soft little noise not unlike a whimper. Pomni glanced at the receiver before he said, “This is (name of flower shop), um, how can I help you?”
”Oh, uh, hi,” Pomni said, “This is Pomni from (name of grocery store), I was just wondering if you guys have the bouquet we ordered ready? I want to come pick it up.”
Whole TADC cast, definitely Funnybunny leaning. Based on a few movies and horror tropes including The Descent, but nothing happens in this bit, it was just setting up the relationship dynamics for the fic.
Caving was probably in the top three things Pomni <i>didn't </i>want to do as far as Caine’s adventures went. Honestly, she'd never felt the urge to dive into the Earth even when she'd been on the outside and had had the option. Exploring abandoned buildings, sure. But going into the Earth where anything could happen? Not really for her.
So she hadn’t been super enthused when they'd set off on this adventure, and honestly she was feeling pretty annoyed already because everything she'd been worried about happening when she had been free had kind of come to fruition. At the moment the six of them were sitting in a small shaft of light that had broken through the cracked ceiling of the cave Caine had kicked them down into.
That was another thing, actually. While Pomni had never been Caine’s biggest fan, she certainly didn't think he was <i>mean</i>. Not like how Jax chose to be, anyway. Maybe accidentally so, for sure, he seemed out of touch at best and borderline insane at worst. But today he had physically kicked her down into this stupid adventure. And now she was sitting on a rock, staring up at a digital sun, and wondering if there was a time limit to the adventures or if they'd rot in here until they figured a way back out.
Across from her was Zooble, and beside them was Gangle. Ragatha had wandered into the relative darkness of the cave with Kinger, and Jax loomed somewhere just behind her. She couldn't see or hear him, but she could certainly sense him, and she found that he never wandered far from the group.
“So now what?” Zooble asked dryly.
“I guess we need to either wait and hope Caine comes for us or go find an alternative way out,” Pomni said, trying to sound a tiny bit positive to balance out the mood. That would be Ragatha’s job, but she'd been kind of off lately. A lot of them had been, actually. Pomni tried not to think about it too much since ‘off’ meant one of two things, and one of the options was way worse than anything she could even think about for very long.
“Haven't you seen <i>The Descent</i>?” Jax was closer than she'd expected, and as he spoke she could feel his words in her chest. She looked up at him curiously, and he leaned down over her. “Going deeper will just get us deeper. You have Last Girl written all over you, Pomni. Want to be stuck in here alone?”
“We asked him not to do any more horror,” Pomni said, but the hairs on her neck rose anyway. She really didn't like that Jax could still get a rise out of her even when she knew he was (most likely) full of it. “And anyway, the Last Girl is usually a– hm.”
Jax looked <i>delighted</i>, “A what?”
“Not me. Anyway, Caine usually makes us finish together. So no final girl, no picking us off one by one. Just normal caving.”
“Well, you're the thrill seeker,” Zooble said, “Have you ever done this?”
“I was more of like– you know when a housing developer makes most of the houses but then pulls out last minute so they all sit nearly done but entirely empty? Or abandoned cities like that one in Pennsylvania. Or theme parks. But caves? No, not really.”
“Too bad,” Jax said, and flicked the end of her cap as if her pompom was a bell, “You were almost useful.”
“Yeah, that's my dream. To be useful to you.”
“Oh? I can think of a few things you can do for me,” Jax said playfully, all sing songy and lilting. Pomni hated that she had (very recently) started to think he was kind of funny. She really hated that she had to fight back a smile. And she really, <I>really</i> hated that he seemed pleased with himself as if he <i>knew</i>. What a jackass.
“Keep it to yourself,” Pomni finally said, and tugged on the harness around his waist, earning her a surprised look from him and a throat clearing from Zooble.
She took her hand back just in time for Ragatha and Kinger to step close. Kinger skirted around the beam of light, but Ragatha fell onto the rock by Zooble. Pomni was not, usually, super dense. She'd seen the way they had been looking at Ragatha lately, and she was pretty sure Zooble had been really into the cute little rock climbing outfit the doll had on today. Cute skort, tight shirt, hair up. Very cute, very feminine, very Ragatha. Even Pomni thought she looked very, um, <i>nice</i>. She stretched out on the rock and sighed.
“There's a cave entrance that way, so obviously he means for us to go deeper,” Ragatha said, clearly resigned. “It seems kind of scary, though. Sorry, Pomni.”
“Pomni?” Kinger’s voice sounded nearly lucid, and suddenly a hand was on her shoulder, drawing her attention. “Did you see Ragatha?”
“Yeah, she's right here. Why?” Pomni asked, warm and patient with him. She liked Kinger.
“Did she tell you yet?”
“Uhhh, Kinger!” Ragatha was on her feet, and trying to rush to him without it coming across as if she was rushing for him. “Why don't we go scope out the path while they gather the stuff?”
“No, no. Let the man talk.” Jax grinned, his elbow on Pomni’s shoulder now, “What hasn't she told our Pomni yet?”
“Nothing! Jax! Shut up!” Ragatha said, too hastily.
Pomni felt pretty sure that the cave would be better than this mess, and tried to stand to go. But Jax was leaning on her, and Kinger had her other shoulder, and Ragatha was blocking her in, so she had no option but to sit there and take it. Whatever it was. She couldn't be entirely sure…but she had an idea what it <i>could</i> be. And she really, really didn’t want to find out if she was right.
“I don’t need to know,” Pomni said, “It’s okay! Thanks though, Kinger. Maybe we should get going—“
”<i>I</i> want to know,” Jax said, and didn’t move. Pomni glared hotly up at him, and was annoyed when he simply grinned lazily back down at her. He was the <i>worst</i>.
”Jax!” Kinger said, suddenly, “It’s great you’re here!”
”What? Why?” Jax asked, immediately, sounding on edge.
Pomni inhaled sharply, turning her head to the ground to hide her face. After a moment she cast a nervous look up at him, and found his smile was gone and his body was tense. Pomni tried to ignore her heart beating rather hard and tried, desperately, to be as unaffected by this turn of events as she <i>should</i> be. It was <i>Jax</i>, for crying out loud.
“Because this will be much faster than telling her separately!”
”Oops,” Jax said, and tugged Pomni up to her feet, nearly knocking her over from the suddenness of it. He steadied her, then shoved her towards the cave entrance, and she stumbled again, shooting him a glare.
”Hey! Cut it out!”
”You’re right, we should go. Lead the way, Pomni, you’re always <i>so</i> good at that.”
”You can be a real jerk,” Pomni snapped.
”Aw, don’t let him get you down, Pomni,” Kinger said, trailing behind them, “You won’t believe the things I’ve heard men say about—“
”Enough, old man,” Jax snapped, “Nobody wants to hear you talk crazy.”
”He won’t talk crazy,” Pomni said, surprised, “We’re in the dark.”
Jax cast her a confused, blank look, and sighed, after a moment of silence, “Okay. And <i>why</i> does it being dark matter? Does it muffle the crazy?”
”No, it just helps me remember things better. Right, Pomni?”
Pomni smiled at him as he stepped up beside her, smiling as she said, “Yep! He’s much less scattered in the dark.”
”Oh, goodie. Did you hear that, Ragatha?” Jax yelled back to the group in the sun, “Kinger <i>remembers things</i> in the dark.”
”So? <i>Oh</i>,” Ragatha gasped, and Pomni heard her running and skittering over the cave floor as she caught up to them, “Good idea, guys, let’s get out of here. Hopefully it’s nice and easy.”
