How do I work this infernal communications device?

Blog of Commander Starscream, second in command of the Decepticon army. Using this "Blog" to research humans and document my time on this horrible rock. My helper human is Shep, direct the tedious tasks to her.

[commander-starsqweem]

ATTENTION SEEKERS!

The time has finally come! My Armada clones are live on starrtoy!

You can find him here

This is just, as the Human puts it, an "interest check" to see how many we need to produce to meet demand. It would mean the world to the Human (and me ) if you could vote for my darling sprogs.

Side note, don't feel you have to vote for him if you genuinely have no interest in buying him. I don't have a price yet but I'm hoping to keep him under $45 plus shipping ( starrtoy does world wide shipping) . Im not super fussed on making a big profit here, i just want my little dudes out in the world!

Yes yes Human, you do the details and ill handle promotions.

You've become even more of a marketable plush

Excuse you. I already am! Just look at me: im adorable, who wouldn't want multiple of me in their nest???

No comment. Continue your pitch.

So like, reblog and vote for me on this aptly named starrtoy website, my darling seekers! Help bring my armada to life!

-Starscream, your highly marketable commander

[commander-starsqweem]

Ahh. Home.

[commander-starsqweem]

Mini log

Megs, I'm sorry we had to leave Penny behind.

The betrayal.

I'm sorry but we didn't have time to go back for her. It takes like an hour's drive to get to the airport. Besides, customs takes a very dim view of invasive sharks on their planes.

She will never forgive me for abandoning her.

She's a shark megs, I don't think they can hold grudges.

I can never forgive myself for deserting her!

I don't think this is the worst thing you've ever done megatron .leaving a plushy shark at home is very low on your list of atrocities.somewhere between the war crimes and leaving the toilet seat up.

You don't understand, Human! Those were choices I made! I have never just forgotten an ally! I would never accidentally leave someone behind! But I forgot her! My precious charge, entrusted to me by you! A sacred duty! When we got to the car I didn't even notice she wasn't with me...

Wait you chose to DELIBERATELY leave the seat up. I FELL IN, I COULD HAVE BROKEN MY AFT!

Your aft would be a small price to pay for the opportunity to flush Starscream down into the sewer where he belongs

HEY!

Accidents happen megs, it's not a big deal.

How will I explain to her family. They will have me exiled from the aquarium... And rightly so.

Are you gonna mope the rest of the trip? You will see her again tomorrow night when we get home.

....

Perhaps you can...regale her with your adventures on the aquarium. Write her a poem...or something.

...you think she might like that? Will she forgive me if my retelling is suitably detailed?

Uh..sure. why not.

Then I shall write her an epic to rival the musings of primus himself!

Whatever makes you feel better Megatron.

[commander-starsqweem]

Mini log

Human! Don't just sit there and giggle! Your colourful companion is trying to eat me!

You might even say he....aSALTED you...

...you are NO help, Human. When we get home i'm train wildbreak to void in your shoes.

Knockout won't let you, he likes my puns.

-The Human, Happy and Hilarious.

[commander-starsqweem]

Thank you to everyone who came to say hello at tf nation! It was great to see you all! Megatron, Starscream and I are all conventioned out and ready for home

Yes, it was wonderful to see so many of my little seekers and to acquire so many new followers as well.

Hmm. It was... acceptable. I was pleased to see so many of you humans recognised the greatness that is your once and future, lord megatron. But to everyone who insisted that the Humans carry sack was "gay baby jail" and that I had been "imprisoned for everyone's safety" count your fragging days.

They weren't wrong...

What was that, Starscream!?!

Nothing my lord, nothing at all.

Anyways we are heading to the human travel port to fly home for a well deserved rest. Perhaps we shall see some of you in Dublin next weekend but if not, thank you again, we had a wonderful con

-Starscream, your favourite commander

[commander-starsqweem]

The Human and I are conned out. We're having a little sit outside of the registration room. Come say hello, just don't expect us to get off the floor.

Edit

We migrated to the room to use the chairs. The Human is OLD and has a back ache

[commander-starsqweem]

Con fit! The red should be easy to spot but incase I have to take it off I'm also wearing a Starscream shirt

Excuse the dusties

And my bestie is also wearing a Pikachu hat so

Y'all have no excuse not to see us lol

I've only got a few goodie bags but I have plenty of stickers, ribbons and starscreams business cards

Star and I will be along shortly, see y'all there!

-Human

[commander-starsqweem]

Well posted my con fit and Tumblr really said frag you and frag your drag too

[commander-starsqweem]

I can't sleep because I left big scream at home and I like to use him as a pillow. Plushscream does not appreciate being squished

Hotel sleep is genuinely the worst ;-;

[commander-starsqweem]

Unleashed these two at the tfnation hotel for a photo op. They attracted a small crowd and caused only a small ruckas with the hotel staff by asking for a pint of energon from the bar behind us. Unfortunately I was just there to pick up some goodies, so they had to go back in the transport bag

Oh well, I'll let them have free run of the place tomorrow

-Human

[commander-starsqweem]

Did my nails for tfnation. I hope Starscream approves

-Human

[commander-starsqweem]

Log -00083

Roughly once per 2 week cycle the Human accompanies her carrier on car chores day. This usually involves going out and about in her city, tootaling along in their little non transforming car to collect goods and items for the week.

I rather enjoy these chores days despite the terrible mode of transport they choose. Alas personal aircraft are not common here and walking is a truly atrocious method of getting from a to b.

Still, it's nice to spend time with my squishy and her family, get out of the nest etc. It is almost a guaranteed way of acquiring a little lunchie treat. The Humans carrier chose this time and was even kind enough to feed me one of her little chicken pops, despite the limited number available, and some of delicious orange fizzed energon.

I've rather come around on this whole chicken business. I still think the comparison between myself and those evolutionary dead ends is unfavorable. But I shan't deny it any longer : they are very tasty.

Despite already being fed and watered I managed to beg a little morsel of crispy fried chicken from the Human. It was salty and delicious . I fear I should have saved some for shockwave to analyse , perhaps finally find out what these herbs and spices are...alas.

I should be thankful these organics iv found myself with are so easily parted from their treats and tasties. I barely even have to say 'please' anymore: they just share with me automatically! If only I could find this kind of reverence and devotion amongst my own kind. The Human tells me sharing is 'human nature' and " just something family does without question".

Perhaps...just maybe... This "family" thing would be beneficial to the Decepticons. But I am a selfish creature. Is it so wrong to want to keep this for myself?

Bah, I'm overthinking it. Let's see if there any of those little crispy bites of fries left

- Starscream, your Kentucky fried commander

[commander-starsqweem]

Log-00082

Hey megs. What's all this?

Hmm. Going somewhere, Human?

Uh yeah, me n' star are going to tf nation in Birmingham this week.

Without ME?

That was the plan, yea?

Unacceptable. Rearrange your luggage, I will be accompanying you to the convention.

You're coming to Dublin with us, isn't that enough? I don't want you to have a flare-up or get overwhelmed and cranky.

You expect me to choose? Think me some delicate newspark??? Lord Megatron and penny accept no concessions!

But you don't like traveling especially traveling with " hoards of unwashed fleshlings".

I know my own words! You think me a fool as well?! Human, your insults have crossed a line!!!

I'm trying to be considerate. It's my holiday too, I don't want to have to spend it worrying about you.

Hmmm. Your worry is noted and appreciated but entirely unnecessary.

Gee thanks .

Still, allowing Starscream free reign of a convention devoted to us? I must go, if for no other reason to remind those hoards of fleshlings who the real deception leader is. Besides, It is a small price to pay for my beloved penny to see her family.

....you just want to go to the sealife aquarium, don't you?

That is a tertiary activity at best!

Uhuh.

... But I can't deny it greatly influenced my decision to accompany you.

Ok fine, I'll get you a ticket. Just promise to behave.

Excellent. I shall pack light. I leave the rest in your capable hands, Human.

- Lord Megatron

[commander-starsqweem]

Log-00081

Oh hey star, was wondering where you were.

Good morning Human. I decided to go to the store for a few things. You carrier even provided me with a little cart to put them in.

Oh that was nice of her. It's the prefect size for you too!

It's adequate. Although,It doesn't seem to want to follow my directions. It should be glad I'm in a good mood and that I like it's colour. Otherwise I'd have sent it for re-education.

That's a universal experience for trolleys. They have a mind of their own. What did you get anyways?

Oh just a few things. We're hosting your colourful companion soon, I thought it best to stock up.

Poptarts, pizza, cheese, jellybeans....did you get any vegetables? Maybe a little fruit?

Why would I buy such terrible items? I want your companion to enjoy her time here, not suffering needlessly.

Humans like vegetables...most of the time anyway...do you even know what spam is?

Hmmm...no. but I assume it's some sort of digital delicacy? Made up of a lot of different bytes and such. I thought soundwave might enjoy it.

Uhh...well it is made up of a lot of different bits but probably not in the way you think. Ill show you how to cook it.

Excellent! Your companion will eat like a king!

-Starscream, your connisuire commander

[commander-starsqweem]

Mini log

So I got some little pink Trixie Mattel scissors. They're meant to be beauty scissors for like. Cutting eyelashes maybe trimming eyebrows. Star and I are using them for crafting, plushie making etc cuz I don't wear much makeup lol.

I like to think Trixie would approve, she loves toys

- Human

[commander-starsqweem]

Seekers, a question for you all.

should your commander expand his influence to other social medias?

yes

nah

Voting ended onJul 31

Im thinking of getting the Human to create me an instagrab and perhaps a bluski? (Is that how you spell it , Human?)

Close enough. Instagram and blu sky. Not twitter, it's a cesspool.

Whatever you say, Human. We won't stop posting here, we will simply be cross posting to other websites to try and boost the seeker count, further the interest in the Humans shop and our little armada proforms.

I will help with the posting, of course. We have plenty of valuable datalogs to spread

- Starscream, your influencial commander

[commander-starsqweem]

Omggggg I've just stumbled upon your blog daily logs

I have one word: sooooo squishy omgggggg

Okay that was three words, technically five actually

Sigh

Do you have any life advice, dear Starscream?

He is also stretchy.

HOOMANBLEASESTAPPPP

fine.

Ugh. That's better. Fleece-human I hold you entirely responsible for that. However since you asked *nicely* I'll indulge you.

I really don't understand yalls obsession with asking for Starscream advice. He's not particularly sage or wise.

Hush Human, I have plenty of perspective to offer you squishies. I've been observing your kind daily, for half a year now.

I dispense the same advice when my seekers ask because some of you little winglets need to hear it again and again before your processers take it in.

Unclench your jaw, Drink some water,Touch a grass, hug a loved one and perhaps have a little treat. You deserve it.

I would also add some things that the Human in particular needs to be told. You don't have to earn rest (no matter what Megatron says), pace yourself, you don't have to do everything right away and 1% is still better than 0%.

Don't call me out like that.

Listen to my wisdoms and maybe I won't have to.

-Starscream, your learned commander