(obligatory disclaimer: agreeing or disagreeing with one or more of these does not necessarily make you ace or NOT ace, your experience will vary!)
You’re not sure if you’ve ever felt sexual attraction.
You’re not even sure what ‘sexual attraction’ is vs. other types of attraction
You’ve ever had to just pick a person (celebrity or otherwise) that you had a ‘crush’ on in order to fit in with your peers (regardless of gender)
You’ve felt pressured to pursue relationships because “that’s just what everyone does”
You’ve felt pressured to kiss/touch/have sex with someone because “that’s just what everyone does”
Your peers being obsessed with sex makes you feel deeply uncomfortable or excluded
You’ve tried to mimic sex jokes or sexualized behaviors in order to fit in with your peers.
You’ve ever felt like “well, I guess must be bi/pan because my level of attraction towards everyone is the same” (and that sameness feeling isn’t actually, y’know, sexual attraction) (I’m just saying you’d be surprised how many aces start off identifying as bisexual or pansexual and then realize they are bi/pan ace or aro ace)
People having crushes/dating/having sex feels like a joke and you’re pretty sure everyone else is also faking or exaggerating their attractions (but then you realize they’re Not)
There are times when you suddenly remember that other people Fuck in real life, with Each Other, and it’s surreal as hell
The entire topic of sex is repulsive to you, or your just don’t understand why other people care about it so much.
You don’t understand people who complain if they go without sex for X days.
You don’t understand why people cheat (in real life or media), no matter how “hot” the person they cheated with is.
You’re fine thinking about sex as a vague concept, or even other people having sex (especially in fiction and/or on video) but when the topic of sex involves you personally, (or real life people) it’s a big nope.
Sexual jokes, innuendo, or flirting tends to go over your head often.
You have no interest or desire to masturbate and don’t get why other people do.
You enjoy masturbation but you’d be fine going without it.
You enjoy masturbation and can’t understand why some people claim that it isn’t “enough” for them vs having sex.
The idea of the “honeymoon night” (or other implied social sexual contracts, like a date expecting sex in return for dinner/being nice) fills you with dread.
The idea of having sex is strange or upsetting for you.
You enjoy sex but you’d be fine going without it.
You enjoy sex but can’t understand why some people seem addicted to it.
Sex is something you enjoy (or endure) moreso to have intimacy with your partner or because you want them to be pleased.
You’ve ever told someone you don’t want a relationship/don’t want to have sex, and they felt sorry for you or acted like you’re weird even though you’re perfectly happy.
You might be Grey Asexual if:
You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it’s a rare occurrence
(Not to be confused with having a libido)
You might be Demisexual if:
You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it was only after getting to know someone really well and only for that person (and even then, it might come and go at times)
If you find many of these things relatable, you might wanna look deeper into asexuality!
*- Please note that whether or not you have a libido is not a qualifying factor for whether or not you are ace. Some aces have zero desire or need to masturbate, for instance, others do masturbate. Some aces will even have sex to satisfy that drive. Feeling aroused is not the same as sexual attraction. This might sound confusing, but trust me it makes sense when you’re in this situation.
*- Also note that whether you have positive feelings towards sex (for other people or yourself), indifference to sex, or are triggered/repulsed by sex, also has no bearing on whether or not you are asexual. Allosexual people can also be positive, indifferent, or repulsed by sex, especially certain actions.
*- Ultimately, you are ace if you don’t experience sexual attraction, but since it’s a really freaking difficult task to recognize the absence of something you don’t even feel, this list might help some aces figure themselves out! ♥
(Feel free to add more! Aphobes and exclusionists, don’t interact)
amandla
romaincrisis
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tangentwithtanner
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