Sometimes you accidentally derail the shift for everyone else and it wasn't even on purpose. You see, I was just a clown. Picked up my funny toys, my (fake) explosive grenade and my double-edged enery sword (unfortunately also fake), and started work as usual. A couple slips here, a couple slips there. Eventually, while scrounging maints, I stumble upon two Very Obvious syndies exchanging fucking codewords. Like. "Hey, Tristan, you look very AMUSED!" "Shit, do I, Ed? I might just start CLAPPING". If it was John Secoff who'd found them, it might've been a different story.
Instead, it was just me, Wacky Wally. I just jumped out of the dark with my toy sword and started hitting them while saying "I'm amused too!" They run off, then come back when they realize I didn't do any damage, and ANOTHER syndie comes in and is like "Oh shit are we all CLAPPING here?". Lord almighty.
I kid you not, this third Syndie, who was a very laid back lawyer, followed me the ENTIRE shift after that, absolutely convinced that I was some sort of syndicate mastermind who'd unleash some kind of ultimate robusting moves on the station. And you know what? I played into it. Told them I'd be willing to help out but that I was ultimately here for "glorious fun" (he understood it as the DAGD objective). At some point, we start seeing this knock-off brand of the Peaky Blinders waltzing around the station, led by Slippy Malone. I think nothing of it, and carry on. Trust me, they'll be important later.
Walking around with my clueless syndie sidekick who was really getting into character as some sort of clown mafia goon, we end up in the Chapel, where they were holding a mass gathering to worship Smile the Slime. Thinkin' I'd give everyone a laugh, I walk behind Smile, who's on the altar, and yell "THE SYNDICATE SENDS THEIR REGARDS" while hitting him with the toy lightsaber. You know that fucking "HORDE ALERTED" sound effect from Left 4 Dead? It was just like that. Suddenly everyone in the church descended upon me with everying they had - fists, toolboxes, crowbars, chairs - and I just keep hitting everyone with the toysword. My buddy goes apeshit, starts swinging a toolbox and it looks like he's doomguy in the coverart for DOOM. Suddenly, the bastard chucks a firebomb at the crowd and everyone disperses in time for a paramed to rescue me (not before knocking a man unconscious for attempting to make escape with my body)
As I wake up in Medbay, CMO is having an angry discussion with an officer over the chapel zealots and the apparently unjust arrest of none other than Slippy Malone. My buddy is nowhere to be seen, but I'm not very worried.Thinking to myself I oughta give shitsec a shake, I get up and start walking to the security department. Before I get there, however, I stop by HoP to scare him with my grenade and apparently he's amused enough by my antics that he slipped me a "funny" access in my ID. I of course test every door, and begin to have a growing suspicion that HoP just doomed the security department.
Before I get there, however, I see two officers bullying a botanist during a search. Always one to defy authority, I grab my trusty energy sword and start hitting the officers. The end result is about six stab wounds to the stomach, handcuffs and an awkward apology back at Medbay. Meanwhile, The Slippy Gang is very obviously trying to buy guns from Cargo, QM is nervously kicking the riot weapons crate to where no one sees it, unwilling to arm a gang of greytiders. Unfazed, I once more attempt to reach the hated Security Dept.
As I walk to Security, discontent is clear on the radio. Constant cries of "FREE SLIPPY MALONE!" and "Who the fuck is Slippy Malone" usually followed by "Shut the fuck up" swarmed the Common frequency. When I get there, I see a crowd in the Security Lobby. Officers are uselessly trying to disperse the crowd, the HoS is spewing hatred for the Slippy gang safely from behind the doors to Security proper.
This faux peace is shattered when an officer walks into security and carelessly lets a passenger comes in with him. The Head of Security says exactly two times, as detailed in the Space Law, "GET THE FUCK OUT NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU". The greytider is then scorched by a hail of lasfire from HoS' energy shotgun, not five seconds after the first warning.
The crowd goes apeshit. I immediately go to use my energy sword on the nearest officer, which ends me with a belly full of .35 auto rounds. People start actively protesting in front of Security as they unashamedly shot two unarmed people, but whatever fumes of righteous rage they're running on starts to get low after a bit.
During this time of general unrest, I touch the Security door that for some god forsaken reason, leads directly to their locker room, from outside. It opens. I grin. I spend the next five minutes covertly slipping security belts to people.
As I slip out of security once more, an officer sees me over the crowd and fucking bolts to me, has me stunned in .5 seconds. Giggling like a little shit, I scream out "POLICE BRUTALITY". The Mob converges upon the poor officer, and none other than one of the maint syndies from before start cuffing the secoff.
At this point, Security starts firing upon the crowd in obvious panic. The Blueshield officer shows up from God knows where because I hadn't ever seen the fucking Captain until now, and targets me with his gun. Except someone stuns him, I grab the weapon and shoot it once, making it blow up.
The tide suddenly turns against the rioting crewmembers because sec finally manages to think and starts dumping flashbags everywhere. The riot is dispersed, and I'm cuffed and taken to the bridge. As I'm dragged to the bridge, I see that whatever the fuck happened was station-wide. There's blood and dead people everywhere. When we arrive, there's already a dead body in the bridge. It's the greytider who had cuffed the officer, one of the maint syndies. I realize I'm probably not gonna serve time. The blueshied officer screams into the radio while she throws me to the ground. "I'll kill as many as I need to fix this. We can always bring them back."
She fucking slits my throat with a combat knife and leaves me for dead.
Eventually, the Warden somehow gets ahold of my body and the other guy's, and manages to bring us back to life. We were slated for perma but it was Uber fucked, and we'd just missed the evac shuttle too. Ward just let us go after giving the most depressing speech I've ever heard in my life, and the round ends.
No, it wasn't a rev round. No, I really WASN'T a syndie. I swear to God I thought this was just a minor stand-up against security
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