I know you're not very active on here, but I got an ask I struggle to answer because big words and stuff (the autism). If I remember correctly, you're a zen meditation person.
The ask is about the question "How can you practice (practice as in improving) unconditional love?"
Hope you read this š
š
First: While unconditional love is about accepting people, don't ignore dangers. Just because you're able to love an enemy doesn't mean that your enemy loves you too. Also, don't ignore your mental health when helping people. "Put on your own life jacket first".
Ok, so this is what I was taught:
Look at your current circumstances and ask yourself, "Can I be love despite all of this?"
If your answer is yes:
Start with someone you already love deeply (romantically or platonically, though a deep non-romantic bond is best) or are VERY fond of, as this is easier.
Is there something they could do or say that would stop your love for them? It's not about being deeply hurt, hating what they did and cutting off contact but still loving them/being fond of them somewhere deep within. It's about really not loving them anymore.
If no: Great, that's unconditional love!! ā¤ļø You can judge the actions of someone and not agree with them, while still loving them on a fundamental level.
If yes: Ask yourself why. Very often it's a childhood programming; we think that people have to earn our love and stopping to love someone if they misbehave is the only right thing to do. We think that getting too attached and not being able to stop loving someone makes us weak. - This is incorrect, this is conditional love.
Work through this until you don't feel weak, vulnerable, and afraid anymore at the thought of still loving someone after they did something you'd consider bad.
Now, here's the next step. The overused, "We're all one" phrase.
Yes, even if you don't like it, chances are that you and someone you consider a horrible person have something in common. Even if it's just that you both think you're doing the right thing or that you both were brainwashed into despising a certain group of people as a child. Or maybe you both have the same hobby.
This isn't the time to immediately try to love rapists and fascists (though unconditional love includes them as well), but maybe try an individual of a group you consider "bigoted". Just one individual please, not a whole group. One individual.
Remember that all people deserve love and that you can disagree with someone and judge their actions, but still be willing to help them in need. Or if that's too hard for you, at least try to sympathise in thinking, "They don't know what they're doing. They were brainwashed. They probably were hurt. They're in survival mode. I don't have to like them, but every human is worthy of love. I might not see it, but they are."
If that's too hard, find something you have in common and practice your ability to bond over this while ignoring everything else. This is something you'll need to do on a regular basis because it in fact is hard and needs practice.
Generally, try to be accepting of people you think are doing and thinking the wrong thing. Work to see the good in those people - because it exists, sometimes it's just very very very hidden. Again, you don't have to like them. But unconditional love is accepting people, no matter what they do.
While practicing this, your brain will tell you, "If I try to love this bad person, I'm a bad person myself" multiple times. This is a conditional love programming trying to convince you that people only love like-minded people. Remember that you practice unconditional love, and unconditional love works differently.
Unconditional love is all encompassing. It isn't to be earned. It's there. And what you do is cleaning the window to see what's been there already.
There are more steps. For example loving those who have done really horrible things and don't even try to be better. But you shouldn't try this until you've mastered the first two steps. Otherwise you're bulldozing parts of yourself that weren't ready to love unconditionally. And bulldozing parts happens quickly. Trust me, I speak from experienceā¦
Ok, so much for unconditional love. But what if your answer to the question, "Can I be love despite all of this?" was no?
If your answer was no, ask yourself, "Why not?" and resolve this blockage.
Maybe it's easy to resolve. You could simply be hungry, sleep deprived, or overstimulated, etc.
Maybe it's more complex.
It could be anger. In that case, work through your anger. Or it could be fear. Or hate (though hate is the result of fear, so that would be a two-step process). Maybe you can forgive someone (only forgive someone if ALL of you means it, otherwise you're bulldozing parts of yourself, which leads to more blockages). Maybe it's a mental childhood programming. Work to undo this programming and your biases. This can take a while.
After you feel that your blockage is gone, again ask yourself, "Can I be love despite all of this?", and repeat the process.
Note that this is a long process and your goal isn't to actually "be love", but to be a bit more loving than before. And then again a bit more. And again. You will feel more at ease at some point. That's when your answer to the question likely will be "yes".
Then proceed with the, "Yes" part.
