I am eighteen years old. I am 5′9″ and apparently I am too tall for everything. I have been too tall for a lot since I was young, and it has had its advantages, don’t get me wrong, but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in this case. I am intimidating and am “not allowed” to be introverted because I automatically stand out too much-- not to mention I am a redhead so even if I were average height I would still be a sore thumb.
And I’m not even that tall. 5′9″ should not be considered tall, but just slightly above average. I have struggled with my height for the majority of my life because I am immediately seen as intimidating, or I must be an athlete. But if I want to do theatre and music and acting, I have to do it with male counterparts taller than me, and that more that not means they will be significantly older than me.
I was just given a role in an original youth show based off of a show I absolutely adore and this is how they told me I was getting cast last Sunday:
Congratulations, Sierra! We would like to offer you the roles of (undesired role #1) and (undesired role #2) in (I’ll just leave the name of the show out)! We were so impressed with your voice (and acting/dancing) and would like to showcase your talents with many vocal solos and featured characters throughout the show. You could easily handle the role of (desired character), but it didn't work out with the pairing next to (male counterpart) (who is short-statured). So, we will really utilize your beautiful voice as (undesired role #1) and also (role #2). As (role #2), you will start the show as the star vocalist... until strange things start happening with ghost sighting. (Role #2) character is based off an actual ghost legend, so that part of the show will be very interesting to reenact as well.
Being the human that I am, I sobbed after reading this. You could easily handle the role... but it didn’t work out with the pairing. A role I have been dreaming of playing since as long as I can remember and I am too tall/he is too short. I was the only one at the call back that could sing the part of the character I so badly wanted. I sang my heart out, acted my socks off and worked so hard at that four hour audition/callback to be told I was too tall? It shouldn’t matter! Who cares if I’m a little taller than he is?? The fact that they told me that was the sole reason I wasn’t getting cast in that role was crushing. But I sucked it up, and I told myself “this is theatre, this is the way it is, accept the role you’ve been given and give it everything you’ve got”.
That lasted about a week.
Our first rehearsal was tonight and it was horrendous. I had befriended some of the girls there who were about 16, 14, 14, 13, and 12. I have become used to working with younger young-adults in theatre and had no problem bonding with them at the callback, and I enjoyed myself. At the callbacks, they told me they could hear me singing through the wall and that they were certain I would get the role I wanted. I showed up to the rehearsal and five separate times I was told: “You got cast as (desired role), didn’t you.” To which I held back tears when I replied no. They asked why and I told them that is the way it goes. I wasn’t going to put a bad name to my director to my fellow cast-members, that would solve nothing. It wouldn’t get me the role, it would make me the type of person I do not want to be.
Other people started arriving then and the majority of the kids there were under eight years old. My heart sank, my stomach lurched, and I almost walked right back out to my car and left.
I had never heard of this theatre company, they had never heard of me, I lived an hour away but I figured this is a show of a lifetime and I would love to at least be a part of it in some way.
Once the rehearsal started I noticed something was off. The script was tweaked to fit the humor of a five-year old, the script looked like it was printed off of Microsoft Word Processor by a high school drama student writing a ten-minute play for class. Not every part was cast, and parts were fitted to the people playing them. They did not have a solid script, nor a selected ending, the “music director” (if you can call her that) told me that for the part of my second role, they were not sure of what song they wanted and that I could choose what I wanted to sing. The song for the first character I was cast in, which I also inadvertently chose, could be cut however I wanted.
I immediately felt like they were not as invested in this show as I had planned to be and I decided that I could not do this show, that it was simply unreasonable for this to go on.
This is the email I sent them when I got home from rehearsals an hour later:
I need to inform you that I will be unable to do the show. The circumstances surrounding this decision were very difficult for me to come to terms with, but there are some things that I feel are insurmountable.
First of all, being the eldest by wide strokes in this show is an obstacle that I was not prepared for. Since the audition was offered for up to 18 years old, I was expecting to find more people my age, or near my age, to be in the show, and when I was cast I believed that was the case. At the rehearsal tonight, there were more children under the age of twelve than above and I cannot see myself working in a show with a cast of small children being eighteen years old, and being the only eighteen-year-old.
Secondly, from your email to me about initial casting, I was led to believe that though height seemed to be the only issue in being cast in the leading role, that I would still have an opportunity to perform in terms of singing and acting. From today's rehearsal, I found had one short line in each of the acts and though I had singing solos, I felt that for my age and my ability I was being underused. And I understand that this is a production for younger children and I am not saying that anything should be taken away from them to be given to me, or that I deserve a bigger part. Contrarily, I am saying that it seems wiser to me to offer the part to a child better suited in terms of the cast as a whole.
I mean no disrespect to your value as a director or your ability in terms of casting, I just feel that I was not given an accurate depiction of what the show experience would be, and I feel that the time commitment I am putting away from my work at both of my jobs in not only attending rehearsals but driving an hour to get there is not worth while for either side.
I want your show to be everything that you have planned for it to be, and from the casting and the experience I had at rehearsals tonight, I sincerely believe that it is best that I withdraw from the role and let it be offered to another member of the cast.
I am sorry if I have wasted your time or seem ungrateful for the experience you have offered, it was wonderful to have auditioned and experienced working with you even to the degree that I did, but I do truly believe this is best for everyone.
If I could have my deposit of $150 mailed to me at (my home address), that would be greatly appreciated so I will not have to use too much more of either of our time.
Thank you for the opportunity and the honor of casting me in your show, and I know you will put on a wonderful show.
AND I PAYED MONEY FOR THIS! LIKE HELL NO I’M DONE
If they even try to tell me that anything I said in my email is false or not fair I am going to lose my mind and flip out on them. I was much nicer on this email than I should have been and if they tell me any different I will unleash all of my tears and rage.
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
blakekathryn
