confoodsing

every menu's got a dud... and i have a knack for ordering it. these are my misadventures in ordering the least yummy menu item, and the confusion that occurs when what comes to the table isn't at all what i'd expected!

[confoodsing]

conSHOESing!

Your eyes do not deceive you!  This is a "guest post" (of sorts...if shoes could blog) about a confusing SHOE pickle I recently found myself in.  It all started with the quest for some bridesmaid shoes...

My guidance was to find some neutral type shoes, and since it's an outdoor wedding, wedges will be crucial.  I've been on the prowl for the perfect pair for 1.5 months. 

Since I'm savvy to the wonderful world that is Zappos (and a great admirer after reading their founder's awesome book: Delivering Happiness), I turned to them for help.  After ordering about 11 pairs of shoes and sending them all back for various reasons (Zappos is super cool like that), I finally found ones that I liked, were comfy, and I met the requirements!  Only problem was that my normal size of 8.5 was too small.  Strike one. (Or 12, if you're counting.)

Thus launched my quest for a size 9 or 9.5.  No luck.  Sold out - and not just on zappos...but nation wide. This is particularly frustrating for someone like me, since I consider myself to be really skilled at finding (aka stalking) things online: My favorite discontinued eyeliner, clothes I've been waiting to go on sale, dudes, obscure household items...you name it, I can find it.  So you can imagine my frustration with this fruitless search!

I had set a notification for Zappos to tell me if the shoes came back in stock - and lo and behold, I heard from them yesterday that they'd tracked down a size 9.5 pair!  I immediately ordered it (hoping since they run quite small, this larger-than-normal size would fit), and they arrived at my place today. Things were coming up roses!  Until.......I opened the box.  Strike 13:

One of these things is not like the other!

Well shoot.  I guess it was too good to be shoe.  Same style, two different materials and sizes...probably won't fly for the wedding. :-\

I decided calling Zappos was the easiest way to solve this conundrum since they are so awesome, as previously stated, and have SUPERB customer service (just read some of these stories!). The gal was so apologetic and friendly and helpful, and we had a really lovely chat. In no time, she had: 1) already refunded my order, 2) put me on the watch list for any pairs that may be returned, AND 3) gave me a Zappos store credit! Even after this slight mix-up, they remain one of my fave companies out there.  Out of all the things I've ordered from them over the years, this was the first (and likely last!) conshoesing situation, and really only made me admire them more.

All this to say...while I still don't have any shoes to wear to the wedding (in a month), I do have a generous Zappos store credit, a nice new friend in their customer service department, AND a new post for the dry period that has been the confoodsing blog. 

Zappos wins again!

[confoodsing]

Every Taco Has a Silver Lining

...at least every taco at District Taco does.  ¡Orale!  (This is their motto which apparently means "Right On!" I like it.)

Where I was:  District Taco at 13th & F Street NW.  Our Foodie Friend Frank was raving about it on our drive back into town, so we stopped in for a little Sunday evening treat.   What we ordered:  Spaghetti.  Just kidding! That would have been super confoodsing. We got tacos! Dave ordered 3 different types, I ordered 2 different types, all on the same order...which is a lot to keep straight. Just look how long this receipt is!

Why it was confoodsing: There was a little mix up with our order.  I think they combined part of Dave's order with part of mine.  Not a big deal, but we mentioned it to them just as an FYI.  What happened next was...the silver lining moment!  At the mere mention of the mix up, D.T. (District Taco) swung into action. They brought out a corrected taco for Dave in a skinny minute PLUS a complimentary cup of queso (which was delish!). Very sweet of them. Then, I opened my second taco and found it had the wrong meat in it. We mentioned this again and they brought out my corrected one right away, and they let me keep the mixed-up taco! This really floated my boat because my main beef (teehee) with sending food back is that they just throw it away...what a waste!!  But not at D.T. - here, I got my corrected taco to enjoy then, and my mixed-up taco to take home as a leftover snack.  

Pictured: My leftover taco, little cup of chopped cilantro, empty basket of devoured tacos, and Dave's birch beer. (BTW, Foodie Friend Frank took the simpler approach of ordering a burrito with everything on it...which made for a much less confoodsing situation.)  That said... I will totally go back to District Taco! Because: 

it's very reasonably priced (tacos are $2.25 each, and they are hearty!)

it is very fresh!

it has a wide assortment of free salsas ranging from super spicy to very mild (which I appreciate as a seasoned spiceaphobe!), and a huge bowl of freshly chopped cilantro for your self-topping delight! 

the customer service is excellent!  Mix-ups like this one happen all the time at restaurants (from the divey-est to the fanciest), but I've rarely seen such gracious corrections and over-compensations of a mistake as we did at District Taco. 

The atmosphere is chill and friendly, they have a fun story of how D.T. came to be, and to top it all off, it's really fun to exclaim their motto. Try it with me now... ¡Orale!

[confoodsing]

not your mama's white pizza

...or anyone's white pizza for that matter!  This time my friend Katie was the victim.  We all puzzled through the menu description with her AND tried to clarify with the waitress...but to no avail.  What came to the table was very confoodsing.

Where we were:  Darlington House Cantina Pub (DH strikes AGAIN!)

What she ordered:  “Pizza Bianca” (Menu Description: Pizza Bianca and fresh jalapegno*, garlic, lemon, and olive oil for dipping)  Ok so there were admittedly a couple red flags for this one: 1) *what is a jalapagno?!? and 2) why is it under the charcuterie and cheese boards section instead of the pizza section right below it?  Silly pizza bianca must've lost its way!  

(Now if you're from Italy or know a lot about Italian food and reading this, you're probably thinking "DUH girls" right about now. But bear with me...)

Once I got home and was still perplexed, I Googled Pizza Bianca and educated myself on the food, and now it all makes a lot more sense.  But since we were at the restaurant and had a real live source of knowledge in the form of a waitress, we did some old fashioned "Googling" and asked her to clarify this item for us.  She said: "it's just like, a white pizza."  So Katie, trusting gal that she is, put on her brave face and went for it.

Why we were confoodsed when it came out...

It was a bread basket.  With some dipping sauce.  Since we had been told it was "white pizza," this was confusing because while the bread was in the shape of pizza slices, that is where the resemblance line was drawn.  There was no cheese on it, which white pizza in our experience usually has, AND it tasted kinda fishy...which we thought was pretty fishy.  

It was fine...but since Katie was excepting white pizza, it was a bit disappointing.  We may just be super uncultured (does everyone know what Pizza Bianca is?!? I just asked another knowledgeable source and he said "white pizza?"...so we may not be alone!), but since none of us knew Italian, we used our deductive reasoning plus our waitress' (faulty) advice to decide what this dish should look and taste like.  While we could not have been more wrong, we at least all learned a valuable lesson and will be much more cultured the next time we're faced with a non-pizza "Pizza Bianca" on a menu!

Now if we could just figure out where the fishiness came from...... 

  ?!

[confoodsing]

Chicken Parmewhattheheck?

Herein lies the recount of my coworker Edmund's recent confoodsion while we were at lunch together.  I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has these issues!  (Although perhaps my presence alone was enough to cause the mix-up... :-\)

Where we were: Devon & Blakely in Foggy Bottom

What he ordered:  A Chicken Parmesan sandwich...or so he thought.  D&B is the type of place where they have tons of pre-made sandwiches in a big case, you point and say the one you want, and hope to get the right one.  

Why we were confoodsed when it came out... Because it was a a chicken salad sandwich!  While it is true that both of these items have the word "chicken" in them, parmesan and salad sound pretty different...at least to me. 

The sandwich looked like this: 

Edmund was pretty sure he'd said "chicken parmesan"...and we were both pretty sure that this was chicken salad.  In a momentary flash of hope, we thought of checking the bag in which the sandwich came since they write the order on there...surely that would solve this conundrum!!  

Here's what the bag "said":  

Huh?! Thanks for nothing, bag.  If only we spoke scribble... Wish we could've gotten these guys on the case!  

...next time.  

That said... Devon and Blakely is a very tasty lunch spot with a great selection of salads, sandwiches, and more! Just make sure you enunciate (and maybe point, gesture, act out, double check etc. your order) to avoid a similar confoodsing situation.

[confoodsing]

How Now, Brown Rice?

Where I was: RedFire Kabob (I just popped in to grab a quick side dish to supplement my homemade lunch)

What I ordered: I wanted a side dish of rice.  Just some good ol' plain rice because it was that kind of day.  And as luck would have it, the new kabob place in Georgetown that I was walking by had sides of rice!  So I told the cashier "I'd like a side of rice please."  To this, she responded "white or brown?"  Now, when offered the choice between the two, I generally go with brown because apparently it's healthier.  So I lept at this opportunity to sneak a few hearty grains in and said "oh neato, I'll go with brown rice!"

Why I was confoodsed when it came out... Because, while I am no grain expert, I am 99.3% certain this was just white rice masquerading as "brown" rice due to a brownish seasoning they threw on there.

It looked like this: 

If you look closely (or just look where I pointed the red arrow), you can see one little grain there in the front who lost its seasoning coat and exposed the naked grain in all its whiteness. ((embarrassing!))

Whereas, when I hear "brown rice"...I think of this:  

   (fluffier, heartier grains...)

Are you smelling what I'm stepping in?  (If they look the same to you, it must be a photo quality issue and you're just going to have to trust me on this one.)

That said...  It tasted fine, maybe even good.  But when a gal seeks out a side dish of plain rice and gets seasoned fake brown rice, that's pretty confoodsing. 

[confoodsing]

SLP: Sneaky Little Peppers

Preface:  I am a huge wimp when it comes to spicy foods.  As much as I wish that I could pop a ghost chili like it ain't no thang, neither my mouth nor my stomach can handle it...which makes for a very unpleasant experience all around after accidental consumption :-\ 

Where I was:  Estadio (Logan Circle) with co-workers Elizabeth and TP.

What we ordered: Blistered Padron Peppers & Sea Salt 

Here are the SLPs in all their sneaky glory:

Why it was a confoodsing choice: 

Because one in every ten or so peppers is SUPER SPICY, and the other 9 are totally NOT spicy...and there is NO WAY TO KNOW by looking at them!  I must mention here that we had an awesome waitress, Alex, who gave us a thorough warning about these SLPs. While I would normally have heeded the waitress' warning and said 'no way jose' to the chilis, my friends were intrigued.  So we ordered them along with the pea shoots, brussel sprouts and the grilled country bread (all delish).  Being a typical youngest sibling who doesn't like to miss out on any of the fun, I wanted to get my padrons on too!  Thus, we came up with a buddy system where TP or Elizabeth would: 1) slice off a tiny piece of the end 2) taste it and, if it was deemed safe for wimps, 3) give me the rest of the pepper. 

This worked great for the ones Elizabeth taste-tested.  TP, on the other hand, has a skewed sense of spice and offered me a "mild one"...not so much TP. Ay ay!

That said...Estadio is great!  Delicious shareable food, seasonal slushy cocktails, nice servers and atmosphere. My only suggestion is if you're a fellow spice-wimp and ever come across these padron peppers, try the buddy system before each pop! 

(I was too hazy from OD'ing on brussel sprouts that I forgot to snap a pic of the hot lil' thangs, but mango & tomato documented it for me...so photo creds go to them!)

[confoodsing]

huh?!

Where I was: Ruth Glen, VA (I don't know where it is either...I was on the way back from a meeting in Richmond)

What I ordered saw:  This sign:

Why I was confoodsed... Because it just doesn't make sense!  Greek?  Italian?  Who knows!

That said...

Trip Advisor has some nice things to say about it...so who knows, maybe next time I'll stop in for some Greek (?) Italian (?!) food.

[confoodsing]

the "pizzalad"

Where I was:  District 2 Bar & Grille

What I ordered:  The menu called it a "Grilled Veggie Flat Bread--Rubbed with extra virginia olive oil and topped with tomatoes, artichokes, red onions, field greens, kalamata olives and goat cheese."  

Ok this one might have been my fault for misunderstanding.  The word "flat bread" to me generally suggests a pizza-like dish, and the goat cheese / veggies all suggest pizza-like toppings.  

Why I was confoodsed when it came out...

It was an arugula salad.  With some goat cheese, olives and tomatoes in it.  With a piece of flat bread underneath the heaping pile of arugula.  It was a Pizzalad!!!  I love salad, but this night I was hoping for something a little less healthy.  

It looked like this: 

That said...

Monday night at D2 is half price burger night.  It's a great burger and a great deal.  Hence forth, I will stick to the burgers!  Or ask for clarification on menu items that are potentially confoodsing...

[confoodsing]

pizza the puzzle

Where I was:  Darlington House Cantina Pub

What I ordered:  "4 Seasons Skizza" - a flat bread pizza with artichokes, black gaeta olives, mushrooms, roasted peppers (Sounds delicious, no? I love these veggies, and I love pizza so...boom.  Ordered.)

Why I was confoodsed when it came out...

There was no cheese on my skizza!  It tasted fine, but fairly boring--like some pizza sauce spread on some dough with some veggies dropped on top. (It was also quite small - I had to order a supplement!) 

Maybe it just needs a little more plate appeal (and cheese!)...but what I got looked more like this:

That said...

My friends who ordered the gnocchi and the baked chicken were very pleased. The Cantina part of Darlington House is very cozy and the staff was kind enough to lend us candles for our friend's birthday cupcakes.

UPDATE!

I returned to DH last week for take 2, and noticed the menu description for the 4 Seasons Skizza now included... MOZZARELLA CHEESE!!!  Clearly I was not the only one who had trouble with this item, and they changed the recipe.  This is very vindicating for a confoodsed gal like me!