13 Reasons Why...(This My Story....)
Suicide, Rape, Bully...these are all touchy topics.
It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to speak out.
I hope if anything, that is what we learn from the show. That it is okay to talk about this topics. That it is okay to listen to those who need to talk.
I am a “suicides survival” I don’t think any of my friends know. I don’t even think my best friend know. I tried my Freshman year of high school to drink handful of pills. Fear rushed in me, I quickly throw up. Maybe I was to scare, I chickened out. Forcing myself to throw up was not my weakest point. The moment I decided to swallowed those pills, that was my weakest point. I was not bullied in school. I was me in school and I was not afraid to show it. But home was a different story. My dad. My relationship with my mom. I never said this, and I hope this help someone. I tried to kill myself because I felt alone. I felt alone at home. I felt alone in school. My father left. My mom and I fought everyday. My dad rejected me. I tried not to show it. I laughed, I smiled, I joked, but I was alone. Something I still battle with today. But I would never forget one of my friend’s reaction. I don’t even think he remembers, but as soon as I confess to him, he turned red. I was confused. He started yelling at me, he was angry, that’s when I knew 1 person cared for me. A few months later I confess to my mom. We sat in the car in silent. She took my hand and in tears told me to never try that again. She told me it was okay to come to her and talk to her. She told me that it was just us 3 against the world. We could not let the world win this battle. This is my story.
I battle everyday with anxiety and depression. There are so many days when it is just easier to believe that i’s okay to shut it all off. That it is okay to just close my eyes. But then I would never enjoy those beautiful good days the world offers me. If I had died that day, I would have not gotten a chance to fly across country and watch my favorite band perform in their home state, in their first 8123 Fest. I would have never own my first puppy. I would have never fought with my sister about which dog sleep where. Heck I would have never signed up for Kickboxing.
Now whenever I get these attack, I cry. I let it out, I call my mom and just let her talk. She might not asked what triggered it, She might not ask why I’m feeling such away, she knows that’s not was I need. She just talks to me. When I’m back, when I’m calm, that’s when I tell her, if there is anything to say. Some times there’s no reasons for such attack but for the simple fact that it was stronger than me.
Rocks will always be thrown at us, we just need to know when to dodge them, when to catch it, heck, we can always throw one back.
Well, I’m going to go. It’s 3:30 am, the kids I watch in the morning will be arriving in the next 30 minute and that will give me 3 hours of sleep before I wake them up to take them to school