Thoughts on: Nadiya Hussein and anxiety in the Coronavirus lockdown
I recently listened to an episode of Bryony Gordon’s “Mad World” podcast, with Nadiya Hussein. The discussion focused on her ongoing battle with anxiety and the way our current situation of lockdown has brought her struggles to a head. She candidly speaks about her own battles and highlights the potential danger of self-isolation, when withdrawal is the very thing she would turn to in her worst moments with anxiety.
Overall, I felt three things stood out:
(i) the importance of checking in and reaching out,
(ii) the realisation that perhaps we all have messiness that we covered up with a busy schedule and
(iii) the reminder to be thankful for the gift of life.
It’s nothing groundbreaking or novel, but I cannot stress enough the power of checking in. Making time to listen. Reaching out. It’s so important that we ask this question with sincerity, both to others and to ourselves. It’s more than a mundane greeting, it’s an invitation to delve into the things on people’s hearts. It’s an opportunity for vulnerable connection.
Anxiety is isolating and without a patient ear, a kind tongue and a loving heart, those suffering in this situation will not be practising social distancing, they will be trapped in anti-social isolation. I believe that Jesus listens, speaks and loves. There’s no distancing measure that can keep him away from his followers’ call. And I believe he set us an example to follow - to mirror this overflowing love and servitude to those who need it most. To those who are suffering, who are lonely or afraid, I’d love to offer my (virtual) company in any way I can.
Nadiya confesses that she ‘cannot control [her] anxiety and [her] mental health’. And I would be inclined to agree somewhat. Our emotions and thoughts rarely feel under our own control. But we can control where we look, who and what we allow to speak into our lives. And this in turn has the power to influence the way we think and feel. We have a responsibility to discern truth from lie, light from dark. Often the truth is not the most comfortable place to look, the answer is seldom a quick-fix solution, but we can persevere in this decision to believe the truth about our lives and our situations. That is, that He is in control, that He loves us and wants the best for us.
A word Nadiya used to describe her condition is Debilitating. She described the experience of anxiety as ‘like being locked in your own head’. A daily battle against the voice in her head telling her that everyone else is doing just fine, enjoying the moment and living life in a way that she ought to. Nadiya talks about how she observes others who seem to be enjoying their in-the-moment lives, creating a very acute sense of self-loathing and regret for her inability to be ‘like them’. A cycle of shame, like a perpetual hamster wheel.
But we are not condemned. We have been set free from guilt and shame. When we slip into the throws of sadness, worry, fear... we are not to be ashamed. In fact, I believe His heart breaks for ours when he sees us struggling against the lies that so easily entangle us. This shame we feel is often related to how we think we will be seen by other people. But what if the very creator of the world sees us as beautiful, chosen, loved? Shame really has no place in our God-given identity. In denying shame, we deny the power of hiding away, we allow ourselves to be raw and real. To cry out to God when we are hurting, to ask for prayer and confide in people who see us for who he made us to be.
“Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.”— Ephesians 2:19-22
I love a to-do list. I equate productivity with meaning daily. When asked if I have had a ‘good’ day, I will first consider the length of ‘achievements’ or ‘completed tasks’ behind me and thus determine how well my day has been. And I don’t think this is such a novel approach. Productivity itself isn’t wrong. But the danger comes when productivity alone consumes our sense of self, replaces our patience and generosity, quashes our creativity and dulls our gratitude. We are all trying so hard to be productive, to justify our time, to be useful in every way we can. The more you do, the more you deserve, right?
But there’s absolutely nothing we can do to earn the grace of God. No amount of order, productivity, accomplishment. He died for us when we were still sinners who refused Him:
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8
“You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you.” — Romans 5:6
It’s got absolutely nothing to do with what we have done, but everything to do with who He is.
Podcast host, Bryony, talks of ‘existential angst’ today and I could not have coined a more befitting term. In fact, staying busy and ‘managing’ can easily default into a pattern of hiding or denying, a black hole of pretending everything is just fine.
Whilst coping mechanisms should not be written off, nor should they be something people feel ashamed of finding comfort it, they cannot take the place of healing. We cannot distract ourselves better. Yet for some time, we have been so easily able to seek refuge in distraction and control. We have been so keen to shout louder than the voices of worry. Work, partying, gym, shopping... can provide a convenient alternative to facing up to our own weakness.
So, when left with very little else but our own thoughts, we may find ourselves with an unwelcome realisation. That is, that we are utterly flawed. Our thoughts are not always wholesome and kind, our esteem is as volatile as the British weather and when left to our own devices, we very often fall short of where we’d like to be.
Nadiya speaks of how she used to remove her glasses before speaking in front of crowds, because if she does not see them then she can pretend they are not there. It highlighted a common refusal to come to terms with the reality in front of us. We so often don’t want to ‘face up to the facts’. Yet, to realise how utterly helpless we are is also to realise how much we need the helping hand that is outstretched to us. He came that we might have life to the full. He came to save us from our ego, our ceaseless striving to be ‘holy’, our obsession with status. He came to put an end to our fruitless quest for self-fulfilment.
‘you are alive, which is a great place to be right now’
Nadiya makes a beautiful point of stopping to appreciate the miracle that is our life. To stop and allow yourself to breathe is to express gratitude for the gift of life.
The lack of certainty brought about lately has created a call to stop ignoring the life in front of me. Yes, there is hurt and hardship. Yes, there is pain and panic. But there is so much more. There is meaning and truth, friendship and family.
We can be grateful for the miracle of life and still be real about the utter devastation that is around us today. A miraculous and meaningful life is not a life without hardship. But it is a beautiful thing.
Whilst we are messy and emotional, His spirit is steadfast and sound. Whilst the world cries out in pain, He listens and He weeps with us. We don’t have to downplay anxiety or fear today, but we cannot fall prey to the self-loathing shame of not having it all together. We must instead choose to look to Him with expectancy, with hurting hearts, with gratitude for life, with a desire to be held in the hands of the one who created us.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9
Link to article and podcast here
