Conversations with Craig

Gonna be honest this will probably offend a lot of people. Or everyone. Totally unscripted. Totally uncensored. All really outlandish and possibly complete wastes of breath and/or time. We are brothers and shall take no responsibility for the actions you take upon reading the things we say.

[conversationswithcraig]

Craig: I do NOT want to go to my dad's funeral.

Me: I have an idea but people are not gonna fuck with you afterwards.

Craig: What?

Me: Block everyone for a week and don't say anything.

Craig: I work in public service. How farfetched would it be for me to have a stomach bug and be throwing up for a week?

Me: Not at all. But don't talk to anyone for a week.

Craig: Gotta be honest you're really being the devil on my shoulder right now.

Me: I'm cool with that. You have enough angels right now.

[conversationswithcraig]

I'm tryna fuck you when I'm fuckin' up taxes.

Craig

[conversationswithcraig]

[conversationswithcraig]

Is beer vegan?

Craig

[conversationswithcraig]

Fuck Amber Rose

[conversationswithcraig]

I'm going to sleep, I've got breakfast to eat in the morning.

Craig

[conversationswithcraig]

I'm high and I can't find my onesie!

Craig

[conversationswithcraig]

Frank Ocean's America is definitely on top of our America.

Craig trying to compare Frank Underwood's America is winning

[conversationswithcraig]

[conversationswithcraig]

You know shit’s bad in England when they call in the Americans

Craig on Swansea City having an American manager

[conversationswithcraig]

Craig on the The Life of Paul

[conversationswithcraig]

Craig on Gatlinburg, TN

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Happy Thanksgiving

[conversationswithcraig]

Craig: Is the second letter in 'opportunity' an O or a U?

Me: It's an O.

Craig: I feel like it should be a U. When I become president, I'm changing it.

Me: No. I actually enjoy the English language to some degree.

Craig: I'm gonna get a PhD in English and change it.

Me: I'll do that with you and whoever gets the highest GPA wins.

Craig: ... Damn, that's a good challenge.

[conversationswithcraig]

Craig: My friend Rachel is excited to meet you.

Me: Who?

Craig: The one with the big boobs

Me: Ah.

Craig: Yeah. And we can possibly see Nikki.

Me: Who?... Oh, Nikki. I thought you said Missy.

Craig: Who's Vicki?

Me: See, we all fucked up.

[conversationswithcraig]

Guy Fieri

Craig: I'm mad this nigga has my dream job of going around the world eating food and drinking.

Me: Who? Guy Fieri?

Craig: No, Action Bronson. Fuck Guy Fieri. I hate that nigga.

Me: Why?

Craig: Everything about him! How do you not hate Guy Fieri?!

Craig's Mom: Craig!

Craig: Damn it. I woke my mom up being mad at Guy Fieri.

[conversationswithcraig]

Preparing for Rise of Iron