Conversations with My Partner

Conversations between my husband and me

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: Oh my god, I forgot to eat today!

Boyfriend: It's okay, I have our favorite Chinese place on speed dial.

Me: You're my hero

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: Hey, do you want to get a pizza from Tim’s Magnificent Pizza World?

Me: Where?

Boyfriend: You’re know, the pizza place right around the corner from us.

Me: You mean Me N’ Ed’s?

Boyfriend: Yeah that one!

Me: Never in history has someone gotten a name SO WRONG.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: I don't think one egg is going to be enough for me.

Me: *runs in from another room*

Me: Are you saying that one egg isn't UN OEUF.

Boyfriend: You're French lessons are really paying off.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: Our cat is the cutest thing in the whole world!

Boyfriend: You’re cuter!

Me: First of all, you’re a liar. And second of all, get out.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: We need to watch this movie. Our boy stars in it!

Me: You mean Michael B. Jordan?

Boyfriend: The "B" stands for Boy.

[conversationswithmypartner]

While watching Paranormal Activity

Boyfriend: These movies are much less scary if you picture Toby as the guy from The Office.

[conversationswithmypartner]

While watching SNL cold open Boyfriend: Who do you think they're gonna get to play Stormy Daniels? Me: Stormy Daniels. 2 minutes later

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: Are you watching porn?

Me: ASMR.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: I forgot! I still have a cinnamon roll!

Boyfriend: You have two!

Me: What?

Boyfriend: Me...I'M YOUR OTHER CINNAMON ROLL 😃

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: I just thumbed down 3 songs in a row on Pandora, so it started playing a song called "I Give Up."

Boyfriend: I think Pandora's trying to tell me something...

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: I had a dream last night.

Me: What was it about?

Boyfriend: Well, we were back in high school–

Me: OH GOD NO.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: Can I touch your butt?

Me: No, not right now.

Boyfriend: Ok, can I touch your legs?

Me: Sure.

Boyfriend: *while touching my legs* mmmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmm...

Me: Oh god, no, that was so much worse!

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: I'm so smart, I could be a detective.

Boyfriend: Oh really?

Me: I see what others do not see.

Boyfriend:.....

Me: Ok, no, but I see what others see and make a really big deal out of it!

Boyfriend: That's more accurate.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: I have to leave in a half hour but I have to eat something real quick!

Boyfriend: How about pizza?

Me: No.

Boyfriend: Chicken sandwich?

Me: No.

Boyfriend: Cereal?

Me: No.

Boyfriend: I'm giving you half hour suggestions, babe.

Me: .......pizza.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: What's the difference between X and XXX?

Me: X is softcore porn and XXX is hardcore porn.

Boyfriend: Is there a medium-core porn?

Me: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Me: Cause you're not hardcore....unless you live hardcore.

Boyfriend: Did you just make an obscure School of Rock reference???

[conversationswithmypartner]

Boyfriend: I overheard my students say that I have nice-ass arms.

Me: You do have nice ass-arms.

Boyfriend: Thanks, they're called legs.

[conversationswithmypartner]

Me: What if one day robots took over and we just let it happen? Like maybe they would create a perfect government and they would give us everything we need. I think maybe we should just accept our robot overlords.

Boyfriend: You know that's the plot of the matrix right?