This is the web zone of sebmal, a dumbo on the computer who likes video games and is definitely not a professional or competent writer. The articles and such within could possibly be bad and rambly, but he hopes you'll read them anyway.
This is a repost of something I wrote over on my Cohost, but I figured a year later it should also probably live on the domain I pay money to have. Better late than never!
This is the most successful piece of content I have ever created. At one million views it is the thing I've made that people have seen the most. It is the thing that the most people have seen my name attached to. And it's total trash.
It's 2017 and we're a week or so out from the release of Sonic Mania, a game that I'm, at that point, pretty damn excited for. A kindly poster from the Something Awful forums (that I have known from many forums previous) poses a challenge: be the first to beat his short kaizo Sonic the Hedgehog 2 ROM hack and he'll gift you a copy of Sonic Mania on Steam when it comes out.
I was already getting the game on PS4 but I figured whatever, everyone else seems to be having trouble with it, I'm bored, I got nothing better to do, I'll give it a shot. I load up KEGA Fusion, start a low bitrate and resolution OBS recording because it'll probably take a few hours and who cares it's a forum contest verification video, and get to work. A hour and half-ish goes by and I'm finished with the hack. I upload the video to YouTube, post it in the thread, win my free copy of Sonic Mania, and that's the end of the story. Thanks for reading.
Except of course it's not the end of the story. A few months after I got done thoroughly enjoying Sonic Mania, I realized that I'd been getting a weird amount of new subscriber emails from YouTube. I decided to actually look at my metrics and noticed a uh, highly localized spike of activity. Give you one guess on which video (hint: it's the one this post is about). "The Algorithm" had suddenly taken it and was running away with it at lightning speed.
In the timespan between posting the video and this spike, YouTube had announced they were drastically raising the bar on the metrics you needed to hit to have your channel monetized. I was by no means a large YouTuber at the time, but I was meeting the old requirements for monetization just fine. I wasn't anywhere near meeting the new requirements until now and this video was blowing the hell up for whatever reason, so I decided to do what any good opportunist would do and made it an unwatchable experience.
I set the ad frequency on that thing to the maximum that it'd let me. I forget exactly how frequent that was but it was something absurd like an ad every 5 minutes. Maybe even more than that. I figured I'd either get rich or maybe it would make people stop watching and leaving the worst comments in the world. Seriously the comments on this thing are their own nightmare, a bizarre soup of people ascribing meaning to nothing, trying to suss out emotions where there are none, saying complete gibberish, I'd need an entire second post to unpack whatever the hell is going on there.
Well, I wouldn't quite say I got rich. The money you get off what most people would conventionally call a popular YouTube video is just not much in the grand scheme of things. But holy shit they didn't stop watching. If anything they were watching more. Why didn't they stop watching? This video was less than nothing. It was an ordeal to watch all the way through. Why were they doing this? Why was the algorithm showing this to everyone? Why this and not one of the things I put effort into or something that was at least meant to be entertaining at all? I didn't have the answers and I still don't.
Before this I personally wasn't lamenting the possibility of losing monetization on my channel as up until this point I had made around $40 total on YouTube in the decade or so I'd had a channel. But I had been spending a lot that time watching friends with channels around the size of mine who were actively hustling to, and unfortunately failing to, meet the new hurdle. They were putting out some really good shit. Way better than my stuff, frankly. And here I was getting launched to the finish line by... a throwaway, blurry, hour and a half long, commentary-free, save state abusing playthrough of a crummy Sonic ROM hack? That I had made as a means to a completely separate end?? That got promoted by a computer program for seemingly no reason???
It felt shitty. One of the friends I mentioned in that last paragraph was my longtime friend Fotts who was in the middle of getting their (sadly now dormant) series TAS Force off the ground. They were constantly tweeting about the ordeal of trying to meet the new monetization requirements and it was a damn shame because they were putting in a ton of effort and it was great. The kind of thing I'd watch even if I wasn't friends with anyone on it. It was a million times funnier than anything I was doing, and the complete opposite of my shitty contest video. If there was any justice in this world the views I was getting on this dumpster fire would be going to them. But as it turns out, there is no justice online.
I recalled a conversation I had with them a few years back while they, I, and a group of about 7 or so other friends were all wandering around an Orlando Wal-Mart wearing identical black t-shirts that read "MARVEL CAN SUCK MY COCK" in big block letters (long story). They had actually kind of gone through this sort of thing before. See, they're the uploader and one of the voices of this video you may or may not have seen with 6.5+ million views on it.
They lamented to me many of the laments I was currently lamenting. "This was just a stupid throwaway thing", "why is this so much more popular than the stuff I put effort into", "it's just me making PaRappa the Rapper say the word 'Chinese' over and over". Ok maybe that last one was a bit more specific to them. Anyway, I responded with (and I admit a lot of the reason I felt this way was because I thought and still think the video is funny) something along the lines of "you can't pick what hits for people, it might have been throwaway but at the end of the day you posted it because you thought it was at least a little bit funny, try and focus on the fact that you have a popular video at all rather than the fact it's not one of the videos you're particularly proud of".
But yeah damn turns out that advice is easier said than done when it happens to you, and it's even harder done when it happens to a factually not entertaining video. One you could have uploaded as unlisted and achieved your intended result with. The runaway success of this thing genuinely broke me on this whole "Internet" deal.
I should stress I mean this in a good way. I realized that it's not so much that you can't pick what hits for people, it's that you physically cannot pick what gets put in front of people. The people cannot pick what hits for them. A computer does. You can try and promote and affect what gets seen in your own small sphere of influence, but ultimately we are, on YouTube and on all of our social platforms, at the mercy of a black box of computer programs that I'm not even sure the people who created them understand anymore. I'd obviously known this on some level prior to this video existing, but bearing witness to it all happening firsthand to this video in particular was another thing entirely. Anything prior that I had achieved marginally similar success with (there were a couple that had broken 100k) was meant to be entertaining. It was meant for people to watch and go "I liked that", not for one guy on a forum to see and go "good work solving my maze Superman". I could classify the success as "neat, people liked that one" in my brain. This defied classification.
The only logical conclusion was that it truly didn't matter what I uploaded. It's all decided by a random machine picking things at random to serve random amounts of people, and the people click on it and watch it simply because it is there. You can poke at the machine, prod at the machine, try to guess what the machine likes, try to iterate on something the machine has previously demonstrated that it likes. It's all an effort to get the machine to put it in front of the people who will click it because it is there. That's what all the bigger capital-C Content Creators do. From the high level stuff of "what kind of things do I upload" to the low level minutia of "how many curse words can I say in the first minute", making it Big On Line in any capacity is about trying to appease an unknowable mechanical entity and nothing else. It's either that or you're "old money" in a sense, established before this all became the case.
And again, the bigger names do this. Entire companies do this. If I were "smart" I would have pivoted my entire YouTube channel to nothing but hour and a half long commentary-free bullshit hard ROM hack playthroughs. Maybe another one would hit like this did. But for the life of me I could not and cannot think of anything more soul crushing.
I wouldn't say I had aspirations to be a Big Time YouTube Man, but at that time I would have maybe liked to be a Moderate Size YouTube Man. Or a moderate size Twitch man. Someone who had people watching but was still able to have fun with it and do his own thing. This newfound realization that it was truly a random lottery, even beyond the random lottery that most of human life is, that becoming any size bigger than Small Time was literally decided by an actual factual random number generator, freed me from the desire to do anything that I didn't want to do. If actively chasing success on these modern, algorithmically-driven platforms, actively going after "Kaizo Sonic 2 Full Run" numbers, meant putting aside the things I like and reinventing myself and the things I do down to the minute details in order to appease a literal ghost beyond anyone's understanding or control that changes what it's looking for on a whim, then I did not want to do that. I did not want to keep a timer for when I could talk normal, I did not want to announce my streams on Twitter with the link in a separate reply one day, in an embedded image the next, and in my display name the next. If there is absolutely one thing I do not want to do in my life, it's dance for a robot.
But the most freeing thing about realizing this is that it also meant if I just kept doing stuff I liked, maybe, someday, I could get lucky enough to where the unknowable internet robot would push that in front of a million or so people. In the grand scheme of things it's about an equal chance of that happening on something I like and am proud of versus something I made in a desperate cloying attempt to placate an algorithm.
Anyway damn this got long and rambly sorry about that lol. This was initially meant to just be a little toast to the 5 year-ish anniversary of me fully becoming an Internet nihilist. Remember folks, it's meaningless to chase success in an algorithm dominated landscape. In the words of a certain extremely Normal-type man, "real life isn't all just being true to yourself", but I reject the notion that the Internet is not or should not be, in spite of the legion of ghouls and freaks at the top of the chain actively trying to make that the case every day.
Be true to yourself. Do what you love, make what you love, post what you love, and maybe if you're lucky a computer somewhere will decide it's your turn, because that's the single deciding factor in all of this. In the mean time, you'll end up slowly and naturally surrounding yourself with cool people who get you, if only a little bit. At least that's what's happened for me so far. I've been pretty alright with it.
Hello again, website. Been a bit. I’m not gonna get into it too much but this year was straight up the worst year of my life. Will it remain that way with so many years left to come? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure it will at least always be in the running. Sorry to start this off on a bummer but it’s just been a bummer of a year. I have good, tangible reason to believe 2022 will at least be an improvement though. Hopeful for the future and all that. Anyway! One way that this year did not suck was in regard to those lovable Visual Games we all enjoy playing. Good year for those, which means it’s time for yet another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2021.
Shin Megami Tensei V (Nintendo Switch, 2021)
Shin Megami Tensei V is a cool video game. It is not as cool as Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne. I know this applies to most video games created before and since, but it feels relevant to note here, this game being in the same direct series and all.
SMTV's combat and demon management is absolutely on point. There were some changes I initially didn't know if I agreed with, like lowering the amount of times buffs/debuffs stack and the introduction of the Essence system, but in the end the gameplay was basically as engaging and challenging as it ever was so all that stuff won me over. What didn't win me over as much is the move to open areas. In SMTV, the world is made up of a handful of large open areas that you're meant to platform around in and explore to find treasure, sidequests, all that JRPG stuff. It's functional and the platforming is surprisingly decent for being inserted into a turn based RPG, but looking through every nook and cranny for all the treasures and Mimans you're missing gets tiring after a while, and the map being incredibly unhelpful at describing differences in elevation exacerbates that. It also doesn't help that most of the areas just feel like the same desert wasteland with different colored lighting. There's not a ton of visual variety which, combined with the kinda underwhelming characters and plot, do a lot to make the game Not As Cool As Nocturne(tm).
All in all though SMT5 is a good time, and probably the only entry in the series so far where I'll go for 100% completion (mostly because beating the game in New Game+ takes like five hours if you just run towards the main objective markers). I'd love to see what they could do if they expand on this framework with a Maniax/Apocalypse style release in the future.
Metroid Dread (Nintendo Switch, 2021)
Metroid Dread is like, shockingly good. MercurySteam not only finally made a good game, they made a fucking great game. I replayed (at least one version of) the mainline Metroid then-quadrilogy this year in the leadup to Dread releasing and picked Samus Returns as my Metroid 2 experience since I hadn't played it, and I thought that game fuuuuuucking sucked. Slow, clunky, repetitive, annoying, I just did not have fun with that game outside of thinking the post-Queen Metroid stuff was kind of neat. Like I'd genuinely rather replay original Metroid 2 before I touch Samus Returns again, and it majorly tempered my expectations for Dread.
So how fuckin’ surprised was I when Dread comes out and it's the most fluid feeling and fun to play Metroid game yet? Samus controls like a dream in Dread, the combat is snappy and satisfying, just moving around in and interacting with the world feels great. Basically every lame idea they had in Samus Returns is either massively improved or outright gone, and there's a bunch of cool new powerups that are fun to use and feel like smart additions to the series rather than the devs going "I don't know, Samus get machine gun?". The combat is also way more engaging. The basic enemies aren't a slog to deal with like they were in Samus Returns, and the bosses are uniformly great, with the final boss being probably the most fun fight in the series.
I did have one big complaint on my first playthrough (and keep in mind this is a complaint that disappeared in subsequent playthroughs), and that was that progression felt super railroaded to me. Not as in your face "You Will Go Here And Only Here, The Objective Marker On Your Map" as Fusion and Other M were, but it still felt like there was really only one obvious, correct way to go from whatever room the powerup you just acquired was in to the next room a powerup is in, and if you tried any other way you got hit with a door you couldn't open. It felt very hard to get lost or miss anything important (but boy howdy did some people still manage to pull off both of those spectacularly, the discourse around this game for the months after it came out was fucking insufferable), very hard to go anywhere the devs didn't intend for you to go, very limited.
Then I replayed it with the express purpose of looking for sequence breaks and holy shit sequence breaking this game is so fucking fun. Maybe BECAUSE that first playthrough felt so restrictive, finding ways to skip around and avoid shit, both in ways intended by the devs and ways unintended by them, really made me appreciate the world design way more. It's not like Zero Mission levels of masterfully designed to allow you to do whatever if you're smart enough to know how, but they let you get away with some duuuuumb shit if you're trying to. Like, I beat the game without any sort of extra jump ability just to see if I could. I got myself in so many dumb situations that I had to improvise my way out of, got myself locked into boss fights that I was just barely equipped to handle, and it all felt great! You can get so dumb with this game! I beat it like 5 times within the month it came out. It fucking rules. Play Metroid Dread, it's a good game.
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Nintendo Switch & eventually PlayStation 4, 2019)
And on the other end of the search action spectrum, I finally got around to playing Bloodstained and man if this isn't the best search action Castlevania game without "castle" or "vania" in the title. Right up there with Symphony of the Night and Aria of Sorrow.
It's not too much of a looker, but it makes up for it basically everywhere else. There's soooooo much weird shit to discover and so many weird systems on top of systems on top of systems. It's just a weird game in the best way possible. The power curve is great too, by the end of the game you're zipping around at 100 miles per hour, warping through walls, stopping time, near-instantly decimating everyone with chain lightning and 8-bit fireballs, all sorts of wild shit. If you like the exploration-focused Castlevania games you owe it to yourself to play this.
Just don't play the Switch version. It's indefensibly bad, like it should be illegal to sell that version. Buggy, crashy, framey, hard to look at, just a total fucking mess. Really wish the full scope of how terrible this version of the game would be was more readily apparent before I ended up choosing the physical Switch version on my backer survey!!
Lost Judgment (PlayStation 5, 2021)
Lost Judgment was another big surprise for me. I enjoyed the first Judgment's story, but kind of hated almost everything about actually playing it, and only hated playing it even more when I picked it up again this year to refresh myself before the sequel came out. Lost Judgment, on the other hand, is the most fun a Yakuza game has been to play since Yakuza 0 with a story that's just the dictionary definition of acceptable.
But yeah holy shit they did it, they finally paid off the Dragon Engine debt and made a Yakuza game that's got fun action combat and a ton of weird optional side activities. Like, really fun combat. Best in the series combat. The new Snake style is super fun, having three styles makes a lot more sense than having two, they all flow into each other way more naturally, you can do funny air juggles, it's genuinely the best it's ever been. The breadth of side stuff reminds me of Noted Best Game In The Series Yakuza 5, there's wayyyy more than you think there would and reasonably should be. Like even more than Yakuza 7, and that already felt like it was mostly back on the right track in that regard. And sure it's all pretty hit or miss, but that's the way things should be with these games, dammit. They should get wild with it and they super did and I'm so happy it finally happened again.
It's a shame the story just isn't super engaging! Not awful, just not that compelling. I really hope the weird business with Kimura's agency not knowing what a computer is doesn't stop a third Judgment game from happening, because an iteration on the gameplay from this one with a story that's more in the caliber of the best this series is capable of could be fucking killer.
The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (Nintendo Switch, 2021)
This is kind of a weird game to talk about. There's a lot of weird aspects to unpack about how it was released.
The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is a collection of two games, "The Great Ace Attorney Adventures" and "The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve", neither of which were released outside of Japan until this year. The first game originally came out in 2015 and was met with, from my outsider view, a pretty negative reception. So much so that I really didn't hear anything about the sequel when it released two years later in 2017. It seemed like a flop that was destined to sit in the no localization corner with Ace Attorney Investigations 2 (Capcom! You dumbasses!! Give AAI2 an official release!!! It's one of the best games in the franchise!!!) until suddenly in 2021 it didn't. Capcom was just bringing them both over here in a compilation, suddenly as that.
After playing through this collection I can say two things: I 10000% percent understand the initial reception in Japan, and I think The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is pretty damn good. Releasing it like this was absolutely the only correct call on Capcom USA's part. If US fans got it piecemeal like Japan did there would've been riots. The fact that it was initially split into two games with a two year gap between each is insane. This is just one bigger than usual Ace Attorney game.
GAA1 is, when taken on its own, SO fucking weirdly paced. The first case is genuinely bad in my opinion. It's your average Ace Attorney tutorial case except expanded out to three and a half hours. Then you get to case two expecting things to pick up and, while not bad, it's entirely an investigation segment. The third case is trial-only (but again, not bad!). The fourth case finally has you do both one investigation segment and one trial segment, and then the fifth and final case is the first and only one that dares to take place over more than one day. And then it's over! And it's over with an almost Halo 2 level "see ya next game suckers" ending! I wouldn't go so far as to say GAA1 is bad, but it is a game that's mostly setup and, when taken as a standalone product, has bizarre pacing that's only acceptable in the context of it being the first half of a larger thing you can immediately continue.
With all that out of the way though, when taken as the one large product it was released worldwide as, Great Ace Attorney Chronicles is the best game the series has had since Ace Attorney Investigations 2. The first half being basically nothing but setup is, coincidentally enough, good at setting up overarching mysteries and characters for the second half to very successfully make good on. Especially the characters. The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles has the most eminently likeable core cast of characters since the original Ace Attorney trilogy. It was extremely bittersweet leaving them at the end of it all. Herlock Sholmes is the best character of 2021. He is a huge dip shit and he is my huge dip shit. The ultimate lovable dumbass. And then it has all the charming writing, music and animations you'd expect from a good Ace Attorney on top of that. If you're in the mood for an XL AA and you go in knowing that it's gonna be big and take its time, I can't recommend it enough.
Bravely Default II (Nintendo Switch, 2021)
Ok look, I know every single year I have one game where I go "this was objectively good but still disappointed me" and in recent years I've even made a disclaimer similar to this one right here. Bravely Default II is this year's game. But before I get into it I feel the need to stress, emphatically stress even, that this game is objectively good. I played it, I beat it, and overall I enjoyed it. It would not be on this list if I didn't. Please please please do your best to keep this in mind as you read the following rambly wall of text.
Bravely Default II might be one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I love the first Bravely Default. It's one of my favorite JRPGs of all time. Final Fantasy V is my favorite Final Fantasy and they made a shiny new FFV just for me with an insanely good soundtrack. Just that would have been enough for me, but they also went and did one other thing: they made it weird. Bravely Default gets fucking WEIRD.
What starts out as a purposefully traditional "warriors of light please you must save the crystals" story suddenly turns into what appears to be a time travel story after you "save" the last crystal, which then turns out to actually be a multiple dimensions story when you find out your cutesy fairy companion Airy is secretly a major villain, which is signified by the game's subtitle on the title screen changing from "WHERE THE FAIRY FLIES" to a big goofy red "AIRY LIES". You run through multiple dimensions, each one becoming more and more warped and distorted from the original one you knew, until you eventually face the final boss on the edge of all realities, banding together with every alternate universe version of your heroes as represented by your actual friends on your 3DS online friends list. And that's just an extremely surface level synopsis of how the back half of that game just fuckin’, goes for it. Just does a bunch of extremely weird, over the top, unexpected things that make it stick in your mind forever.
I don't like the direct sequel, Bravely Second, as much as the first game but it also Just Fuckin’ Goes For It. Maybe even harder in some respects! Like, the game opens immediately on a scripted unwinnable fight with the final boss and halfway through the game you fail in stopping his plan, and the solution is to use the newly unlocked New Game+ button on the main menu to go back to that unwinnable fight and break the scripting so you can win. The true final boss attempts to defeat you by sending you back to the main menu and literally forcing your cursor to pick the delete save option. The Bravely Series Fucking Goes For It! It rules!! I love it!!!
Anyway, the scene is late 2019. I'm on the last leg of my commute home from work, walking to my apartment from the bus stop, begrudgingly watching The Game Awards on my phone. Suddenly, the announcement I never expected to see on Geoff's dreadful obligation of a show magically appears: fucking Bravely Default II. I honest to god started jumping up and down and yelling on the sidewalk. I cannot remember the last time a game announcement surprised and delighted me that much, let alone one at the fucking Game Awards. It was all I could think about for the next couple of weeks. My mind raced with all the wild directions they could possibly go from the end of Bravely Second. Hell, they were already calling the third game in the series Bravely Default II, what title screen nuttiness would they get up to this time? I was so fucking pumped. They were doing it! They even got the original composer back after scheduling conflicts stopped him from working on Bravely Second! This was gonna rule!
Bravely Default II is a good game. It still has the rock solid core job system gameplay the rest of the series has. Bravely Default II is also the worst game in the series. Bravely Default II Does Not Fuckin’ Go For It, in any respect aside from the music. Revo did his job there. Nobody else did.
For starters, Bravely Default II wasn't developed by the studio that developed Bravely Default and Bravely Second, Silicon Studio. It was instead handled by Claytechworks, the developers of the mobile game Bravely Default: Fairy's Effect. I'm assuming this is the reason a lot of Bravely Default II's gameplay and mechanics feel like varying degrees of a regression from Bravely Second. Bravely Second (and technically Bravely Default: For The Sequel, which is the upgraded version of the original that was the only version released internationally) introduced a lot of interesting new job mechanics, skill interactions, and overall gameplay systems that are either severely pared down or completely absent in Bravely Default II.
It's also just kinda fucking ugly? The first two games were pretty damn good looking for the 3DS, with well-stylized characters and very pretty painted backgrounds. The backgrounds here in Bravely Default II are still nice, but the models look rough and on a technical level everything just looks grainy and blurry and there's a lot of framerate hitching.
The whole thing very much feels like a separate studio that wasn't several iterations deep in a series had to scramble to hammer a game into a shape mostly resembling the shape of those old games while missing a lot of the details. I don't know why this change of studios was made. I hope either Claytechworks gets it together or Silicon Studio comes back for a hypothetical sequel.
But beyond the gameplay shortcomings, my biggest misgiving with Bravely Default II is that it does not have that Bravely series juice, and I was DESPERATELY craving the juice. It makes some meager attempts to provide the juice, but it's just water with food coloring. The story and presentation just does not have it together, and the "wild stuff" they do try to pull mostly falls flat. The final boss genuinely snuck up on me. They do a few fakeouts with the final boss near the end of the game and I honest to God thought the actual last fight was another fakeout until it was over, with only the degree to which how hard the music was going (extremely hard, hard enough for me to look back on the fight as being cooler than it actually was) giving me any sort of suspicion that this was truly supposed to be the climactic final battle.
Even worse than the stuff they fumble is the stuff they just don't do, which is most of it. One of those later game fakeout bosses starts to play a key theme from the original Bravely Default, hinting at some sort of deeper meaning/connection/plot, but there isn't any. Nothing comes of it. That character just disappears after that fight, leaving you to maybe potentially go out of your way to find a hidden lore page to get any info on what her deal was, just like so much of the rest of the game's plot details. I also didn't think the final dungeon was the final dungeon! It's just kind of a lightly altered version of the world map!! Hell, they don't even do anything weird with the title screen!!! They named the third Bravely game Bravely Default II and they don't even do anything weird with the title like the first two games did!!!! Fuck!!!!!
Bravely Default II is a good game. I played it, I beat it, and overall I enjoyed it. It's a shiny new Final Fantasy V just for me with a good soundtrack and, as previously stated, that's enough for me.
Psychonauts 2 (Xbox Series X, 2021)
In a list already full of big shocks, this was the biggest shock. I genuinely kinda can't believe how well they pulled Psychonauts 2 off.
If you asked me what my favorite games were in 2005, as one of the handful of people who played Psychonauts, I would have put Psychonauts pretty damn high up on my list. I spent at least a decade after it came out lamenting the lack of a sequel and cursing the world for ignoring such an incredible game, so much so that eventually all the energy I had behind those feelings was just depleted. When Double Fine finally did announce Psychonauts 2 as a crowdfunding campaign, my reaction was along the lines of "sure, fine, I'll believe it when it's out". The release of Psychonauts 2 ended up sneaking up on me.
I only ended up realizing it was imminent like a week or so before its release date, and in an "oh fuck wait shit I actually am excited about this" frenzy I decided to replay the original to refresh myself, and I'm glad I did because it just made it that much more clear how much they fucking NAILED Psychonauts 2 when I ended up playing it right after. It's like the original game came out 16 days ago, not 16 years ago. They didn't skip a beat, didn't age a day. It's uncanny, like everyone involved with the first game immediately time traveled to 2021 after production finished. The entire voice cast is back and firing on all cylinders (except maybe Cruller, whose voice got much more southern and much less grandpa in the interim), the writing and environments are as wild and inventive and charming as ever, and the gameplay is monstrously refined from the first game. Just wildly better, it's full of smart improvements and plays great (Jeff if you're reading this you're insanely, impossibly wrong (also hi)). I could go on and on about what they got right but I'd have to list nearly everything.
I genuinely think the only criticism I have is that by focusing the story so hard on having a big central mystery, it feels more like you learn how characters relate to that mystery rather than learning about the characters themselves, and I liked naturally learning what made each character who they were over the course of a level in the first game. For instance, I had zero idea why Compton's level was game show themed until I looked at his room in photo mode at some point and saw that he was watching game shows on TV and kind of inferred from there that he's just cooped up watching them 24/7, whereas I feel a detail like this would have more effortlessly revealed itself over the course of the level in the first game.
But I'm nitpicking. Psychonauts 2 is an incredible, almost impossible seeming follow-up to one of my favorite games ever. Just stunning considering the gap between releases and what Double Fine has done/been through in that gap. I'm so happy it happened, and I'm so happy I got to play it. Psychonauts 2 is game of the 2021, just edging out Metroid Dread. Thank you.
These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:
Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania (Nintendo Switch, 2021): This is a good game, but mostly on the merits of being built off two great games. They made a lot of weird decisions with it, and it's an aesthetic downgrade on every level, but for the most part it's still those Super Monkey Ball 1 & 2 levels, and those are still good. 100% the best Monkey Ball product released in the last decade and a half.
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (Nintendo DS, 2008): And in search action Castlevania games that DO have "castle" and "vania" in the title, this is probably the most fascinating of them all. Absolutely the best one mechanically. The glyphs are a cool mix of standard weapons and Soma's soul system, and turning the MP bar into a Souls series-style stamina meter is a cool shakeup. If they managed to make a sequel to this before Konami decided to be Konami, it probably would have been the best in the series.
Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade (PlayStation 5, 2021): This is a better version of a fantastic game and the added Yuffie side mode is very good. Yuffie might just straight up be my favorite character to play as? Super versatile and fast with a real fun ability set. Really looking forward to using her more in the sequel. The story for her campaign is decent too, I just wish they left the Deepground dipshits in the basement where they belong.
New Pokémon Snap (Nintendo Switch, 2021): New Pokémon Snap is exactly that. It is a New Pokémon Snap, but bigger and fancier. I was never one of the ones clamoring that there's GOTTA be another Pokémon Snap RIGHT NOW like a lot of people were, but I would have gladly accepted one at any time, and here I am now to accept it. It's extremely similar to the first game, but that 20-something year gap does a lot to mitigate that being a negative. Looking forward to Newer Pokémon Snap in 2041!
Monster Hunter Rise (Nintendo Switch, 2021): Monster Hunter Rise whips. Literally, you have a grappling hook you can whip around with. But yeah, it's solid as hell Monster Hunter with very little of what got in the way in MH World. They completely revamped the Hunting Horn, and while I think it's still fun I do miss the old one. Also a little light on content, but nothing a G rank expansion won't fix. Good stuff!
Hitman 2 & Hitman 3 (PlayStation 4 & PlayStation 5, 2018 & 2021): Grouping this in as one game since it essentially is and I played it all at once. A bucket load of great new levels and mechanical additions to the formula established in the previous game. Not much more to say than that, it all just kinda rules. Hitman just kinda rules. Except Sniper Assassin mode, that sucks.
Mario Party Superstars (Nintendo Switch, 2021): I feel a lot of the same ways about this as I feel about Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania. A good game carried on the backs of great games with a lot of weird decisions around the edges, but still the best product released in the franchise since the mid 2000s. Some of the items are just too busted, and a lot of the rules changes drain the typical Mario Party tension and stakes out of the whole thing. Great online play though, hope it eventually gets more boards as DLC.
Resident Evil Village (PlayStation 5, 2021): I had fun with Resident Evil Village. It's good. When I was done with it I never wanted to play it again. It's going for something more action-y than Resident Evil 7, and what it ends up being is weirdly reverent towards Resident Evil 4 but with none of the mechanical chops to back it up (masterfully demonstrated by its absolutely terrible take on The Mercenaries mode). Entertaining in the moment but instantly forgettable. A popcorn video game, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Virtua Fighter 5 Ultimate Showdown (PlayStation 4, 2021): Virtua Fighter 5 rules and it's nice that they ported it to something other than 360 and PS3. I would have rather had a Virtua Fighter 6. They also should have given it rollback netcode. And put it on the PC. The apparent success of this release has given me high hopes that I will eventually get all of those.
And that’s a wrap on 2021, gamers. What does the new year hold for this neglected website? I dunno man. I’d like to at least get that article about the ToeJam & Earl 3 racism final boss up so that story is somewhere other than a Twitter thread, but beyond that you’ll just have to wait and see. As always, thank you so much for reading to the end of this. See ya next year.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. It counts as writing, so why not put those thoughts on my website too? Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Super Mario 3D World (Nintendo Switch, 2021)
The best Mario game, now even better. There's a bunch of small tweaks they made to character movement and mechanical interactions that I really like, but the biggest improvement is finally being able to play this game all the way through in multiplayer thanks to the new online support. The netcode isn't perfect but it's functional enough to not get in the way too much, and it turns out for as much as I thought this was basically a perfect solo game, it's also the only fun multiplayer Mario.
Control Ultimate Edition (PlayStation 5, 2021)
A perfectly functional, adequate video game. Neat world and lore, but the gameplay is extremely not impressive. Not actively terrible by any means, but very much something you trudge through to see the story. I'd maybe check out a sequel if it had some big improvements, but I dunno if I'll ever go back to this one.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. It counts as writing, so why not put those thoughts on my website too? Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (Nintendo DS, 2008)
Order of Ecclesia is probably the most fascinating exploration Castlevania. It's the best one mechanically by a mile. The Glyph system is like your standard weapons and Soma's soul system all mashed into one, and your MP bar acting as a stamina meter is a nice shakeup to the combat. Portrait of Ruin style separate areas are back, and I'm still not a huge fan of that concept, but it all comes together way better than in that game. A sequel to this probably would have been the best in the series.
Oh, hey! Right! I have a website! I’m like a week late on writing this, but what’s a week on top of an entire year of not writing, right? 2020 was... well, we all know what 2020 was. For me personally, it was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. The worst in both ways you can probably assume and ways you definitely can’t (neither of which I’ll be getting into), and the best in ways I absolutely never would have guessed. That uncertain job I mentioned last year got very suddenly much more certain, at a much bigger company, for a much larger amount of money. That allowed me to get my own place, making my weird living situation much less weird. Still haven’t gotten the majority of my belongings off of the east coast, but if the entire world wasn’t currently fucked up by a global pandemic I’d have sorted all that out too. What I’m saying is that, for the third year in a row, my life has been a complete whirlwind that has left me very little time to get comfortable with any aspect of it. But I did manage to play more video games than I did last year! Which is perfect, because it’s once again time for another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2020.
Astro’s Playroom (PlayStation 5, 2020)
My one word description of Astro's Playroom is "delightful". It's just an absolute goddamn delight. A total surprise too! Included with every PlayStation 5, Astro's Playroom is, in my opinion, one of the best pack-in games of all time.
First off, it's an incredible tech demo for the PS5's new DualSense controller. It was easy to brush off Sony's talk about the controller's haptic feedback and triggers as some Nintendo-style HD Rumble bullshit, but it really is incredibly cool once you get your hands on it. The game is obviously more than a tech demo though, or else it wouldn't be on here. It also just so happens to be an extremely solid and fun platformer on top of that. Astro controls exceptionally well and the levels are all well-designed and fun, even the gimmick vehicle ones designed to show off different features of the controller. It also has an oddly compelling speedrun mode, made all the more compelling by the PS5 notifying you when your friends beat your times and the ability to load into it within two seconds from anywhere on the console. But the biggest thing for me and, call me a mark, because I am, is that the game is an honestly incredible love letter to PlayStation history.
For the first time ever, Sony has pulled off a nostalgia piece without it ending up as embarrassing garbage in the vein of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. There's a Nintendo-like joyful reverence for all things PlayStation oozing out of every single corner of this game. There are so many nods and references and gags for literally every PlayStation thing of note throughout the the last 25 years, and then on top of that there's a whole heap more for the things that AREN'T of note that only hyperdorks like me would get! A sly reference to the ill-fated boomerang controller? Yep. A goof on the fat PS3's Spider-Man font? You betcha. A trophy you can earn by repeatedly punching a Sony Interactive Entertainment sign until it breaks and reveals the Sony Computer Entertainment sign it was slapped on top of? Yeah buddy. It's deep cuts all the way down, even up until the final boss which had me grinning like a total dipshit the entire time. The game is endlessly, effortlessly charming.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch, 2020)
Animal Crossing: New Horizons was the perfect game at the perfect time. That doesn't mean it's a perfect game, I actually have some issues with it, but it could not have released at a better time than when it did. It came out at the very very beginning of everyone going into lockdown due to the pandemic, and it was the biggest game in the world for a couple of months as a result. I played like 300 hours and that pales in comparison to the amount of time many others put into it.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the most different Animal Crossing game there's ever been, and I'm of two minds on it. Like, I loved the game, I played a ton of it, but it's lacking so much of the stuff that made me love Animal Crossing in the first place. The series has been slowly trending in this direction for a bit now, but it's not really a game that happens around you anymore. It's all about total player control. You select where everything goes, you customize every detail of everything to your liking, hell, you can even terraform the landmass to be exactly what you want. Your neighbors take a backseat in focus and end up as little more than decorations with limited dialogue and next to no quests associated with them. Series staples like Gyroids are missing in action. Facilities and services that have been around since Wild World aren't implemented. It's similar to past Animal Crossing games in a lot of ways, but on the whole it feels like a different thing.
But like I said, two minds. New Horizons strays from what I truly want from an Animal Crossing game, but I can't deny that the game as it is is a hell of a lot of fun. There's SO much you can do and SO many options, it's super addictive. Plus it implemented my long-requested feature of letting you effortlessly send mail to friends online! Too bad the actual online play is as cumbersome as ever.
In conclusion, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a land of contrasts. I'm kidding. It's good, but definitely missing something in a way where I can understand some people being disappointed in it. I had a ton of fun though, and I'm probably going to get back into it later in 2021.
Trials of Mana (Nintendo Switch, 2019)
Late in 2019, with the physical release of Collection of Mana for the Switch, I decided I was going to play through each game on it for the first time and finally find out what this whole Mana thing was about. I went into Final Fantasy Adventure (the first game in the Mana series, because every RPG had to be Final Fantasy back then) with zero expectations and found a totally serviceable little Zelda-like with light RPG elements. I enjoyed my time with it. I went into Secret of Mana with the expectation of it being a beloved classic and found the worst game I beat that year, hands down. That game fucking sucks. I get why it made an impression on people at the time, but it's just so so SO awful to play. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed. Honestly, I would have been disappointed even if I hadn't heard it was one of "the best games" for so long. It would have been a disappointing follow-up to Final Fantasy Adventure, a game that in and of itself isn't anything incredible. Secret of Mana is just that rotten.
I braced myself for more disappointment when (after a much needed vacation from the series) I started up Trials of Mana. This game had a reputation too, as a long-lost classic that never made it stateside. One of the best games on the Super Nintendo, criminally never released for western audiences! Like Secret of Mana before it, I'd heard nothing but effusive praise. Unlike Secret of Mana, however, I was very pleased to find out that Trials of Mana mostly lives up to the hype. From a gameplay standpoint, Trials is an improvement on Secret in almost every single way. It's not perfect. The menus are still kinda clunky, animations for things like magic and items are still frequently disruptive. But the main thing is it actually plays like a sensible video game designed by humans with brains. Attacking is responsive! Hitboxes aren't complete nonsense! You don't constantly get stunlocked to death! There are more answers to combat than casting the same spell for five straight minutes to kill your enemies before they get a chance to move! It's great!
On top of being an enjoyable video game to actually play, the presentation is top notch. Secret of Mana could be a pretty game with decent music in some spots, but Trials is consistently gorgeous and the soundtrack is across the board great instead of randomly having songs that sound like clown vomit. And while Trials of Mana doesn't have the deepest story in the world, it manages to avoid being completely paper-thin like Secret. The story actually kind of has a reason for being a bit straightforward, and the reason is that it has a really cool system where you pick your three playable characters from a pool of six. Each character has their own goals and storyline, some of which line up with other potential party members, some of which don't, and you'll even run into the characters you didn't choose as NPCs along the way. This and the relatively brisk pace of the game make it highly replayable.
I'm really glad that Trials of Mana made it over here in an official capacity, even if it was like 25 years late. It's as good as I expected Secret of Mana to be and singlehandedly saved my interest in seeing any more of the series. I'm aware the quality of what came after is very spotty, but I'll get to the rest eventually!
Final Fantasy VII Remake (PlayStation 4, 2020)
They (almost) did it. They (basically) pulled it off. They remade (a chunk of) Final Fantasy VII and (for the most part) didn't fuck it up. Ok, funny parentheticals aside, Final Fantasy VII Remake is astoundingly good coming off of over two decades of just absolutely dreadful post-FF7 sequels, side games, and movies.
Final Fantasy VII has been historically misremembered as this kind of miserable, angsty, brooding thing, both by fans and by the company that made it. FF7-branded media after FF7 itself is a minefield of changed personalities, embarrassing original characters, and monumentally lame stories. Final Fantasy VII Remake is the first post-FF7 anything that actually remembers the characters, setting, and plot of Final Fantasy VII and what made them memorable and special to people in the first place. Which isn't to say it's a slavish recreation! There's a ton of changes and additions, and I actually like almost all of them! Except for some really big stuff I'll touch on in a bit!
The combat in Final Fantasy VII Remake is great. I was super skeptical about it when the game was first announced, but they actually managed to make the blend of real-time action and turn-based RPG menuing fun and engaging. The characters all play super differently from each other too, which is a huge and welcome difference from the original game. The Materia system fits like a glove in this revamped combat system as well. The remixed music is good as hell, and the visuals are beautiful (outside of a couple of very specific spots that I'm kinda of surprised they haven't fixed in a patch yet). It's a well-executed package all around.
But alas, as always, there are negatives. For starters, this is only part one of the overall Final Fantasy VII Remake project. It goes up to the party leaving Midgar which, as you may or may not recall, is the first six hours of the original game. They compensated for this by fleshing the hell out of the Midgar section the game, ballooning the overall playtime to total of about 30-ish hours. The game feeling padded is a common complaint but for what it's worth, I didn't really feel it until the unnecessarily long final dungeon, There's also the previously mentioned and funny parenthetical'd changes and additions I don't like.
This is big time spoilers for this game so if you don't want that jump ahead to the next game on the list. The Whispers suck ass. Final Fantasy VII Remake should have been brave enough to be different without having to constantly derail everything in the most ham-fisted and intrusive way possible. You can have Jessie twist her ankle without making a spooky plot ghost trip her. I don't want to fight the physical manifestation of the game everyone thought they were getting as an end boss. If you're not doing a straight remake, that's fine, but have the fucking guts to stand by your artistic decisions without feeling the need to invent the lamest deus ex machina I've ever fucking seen. The last couple of hours of this game are 100% about the Whispers and are awful for it. It's a true testament to the strength of the rest of Final Fantasy VII Remake that this aspect didn't completely sour me on it. I can only hope that they stay dead and gone for good in the games yet to come and the remake can be different while standing on its own two feet.
I truly cannot wait for the next entry in the Final Fantasy VII Remake project. I'm excited for Final Fantasy VII in a way I haven't been since the late 90s. I have a bit of trepidation that they could royally screw it up. I mean, they already got kinda close, as I said in my last paragraph. But they got so much right in this entry that, for the first time in decades, I'm willing to believe in Square Enix when it comes to Final Fantasy VII.
13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim (PlayStation 4, 2020)
My one word description of 13 Sentinels is "fucking crazy". I realize that's two words, but shut up. A bizarre hybrid of visual novel, adventure game, and strategy RPG, 13 Sentinels not only makes that work, but makes it work incredibly well.
The story is fucking bonkers. It's told entirely non-linearly and is purposefully dense and confusing, but it does an amazing job of hooking you with a cast of likable characters and some impressively well-paced twists, made all the more impressive by the fact that you can tackle the story in basically whatever order you want. I'll say it again for those in the back, the story is Fucking Bonkers. Wherever you think it's going, it's not going. Where it is going is PLACES. Seriously, if you want a wild goddamn ride, this is the game for you. The presentation is also stunning. It's a drop dead gorgeous game with a really nice soundtrack. Easily Vanillaware's best looking game, which is saying something seeing as looking good is Vanillaware's whole deal.
If I had to levy one criticism against the game, it's that the strategy RPG portion is just kind of ok. It's enjoyable enough, it doesn't get in the way and there's not too much of it, but once it starts introducing armored versions of previous enemy types it's kind of done doing anything different. It is really good at getting people to out themselves as having no idea what tower defense is as a genre though!
I haven't really historically been a "Musou Guy". Not to say I've actively disliked them, they're just not something I've seeked out very often or played very much of. Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition kinda turned me into a "Musou Guy" a little bit? It's good, surprisingly-less-mindless-than-you'd-think fun.
I actually super don't care about the Zelda branding. I think all the fanservice stuff is meh at best. What I do care about is that there's a ton of character variety and a metric shitload of content. There's so many different characters and weapons for those characters that all play differently from one another and SOOOOOO many levels to play. Like the story mode is, again, kinda meh, the real meat of the game is the Adventure mode and there's a ton of it. It's 8 different world maps, each based off a different Zelda game, with each square of the map containing a little mini-scenario with unique objectives and rewards. There has to be at least 1000 scenarios between all the maps. There's so much. And that's not even getting into some of the other side stuff like the challenge modes and the fairy raising. It's a crazy amount of game in this game.
And again, it's not as mindless as it'd seem. It's not really a game ABOUT destroying 5000 guys, it's an area control and resource management game where the 5000 guys are one of those resources. Knowing who to send where and when to fight who is way more important than pressing the XXX YYY XXX YYY on the more than one million troops.
I'd say that if you're even cursorily potentially maybe interested in a musou game, this is the one to try. And if you like it, it could literally be your forever game. A sequel came out recently too, and I'm looking forward to trying that out soon.
Phantasy Star Online 2 (Xbox One, 2020)
Phantasy Star Online 2 finally came stateside in the year 2020, eight years after its initial Japanese release and initial American cancellation. It's no Phantasy Star Online 1, but it is a really fun game in its own right provided you can find the willpower to break through its clunkiness and eight years of confusing poorly tutorialized free-to-play MMO cruft.
The main thing going for PSO2, and this is a major improvement from PSO1, is that the act of engaging in its combat is fun. The combat is just feels really really good. There's a bunch of different weapon types and classes, and once you find the ones that really click with you you're in for a good time, whether you're izuna dropping dudes with wire claws or literally doing air juggles and rainstorm from Devil May Cry with the dual machine guns.
The other stuff around that combat is weird. I generally like it, but it's weird. The story mode is one of the most bizarrely presented things I've ever seen. It apparently used to be something you'd seek out in the levels themselves, but presently it's just a list of scenes you pick from a menu and watch with next to no context until it makes you fight a boss sometimes. There's some weird moments in there that MIGHT have been cool if it were presented in literally any other way?
The systems and presentation are also way more... I dunno, pinball? Pachislot? In very stark contrast to how chill original Phantasy Star Online was, everything in PSO2 is designed in a way to maximize that flashy light bing bing wahoo you got ~*~RARE DROP CHANCE UP~*~ feeling. Which isn't to say I don't like flashy light bing bing wahoo, but it's a weird different thing.
Was it worth the wait? Yeah, sure! For me! This is another one that I played like 300 hours of! I haven't even seen half of it, I fell off right before Episode 4 released because it coincided with my move! I'm gonna go back and see all that shit! PSO2's fun! A different flavor of fun than the original, sure, but fun all the same. Another one that I'm glad finally made it over here.
Riichi Mahjong (A Table, 1924)
Holy shit I fucking did it I finally learned how to play Mahjong and it rules.
It started when I picked up Clubhouse Games for the Switch. I saw that it had Riichi Mahjong and something in my brain snapped. For whatever reason, I decided that this was the time I was going to rip the band-aid off and figure this shit out. It wasn't too dissimilar to the first time I decided to try eggs, but that's a different and much stupider story for a different time. I did the tutorial in Clubhouse Games, looked up some more basics and advice because the tutorial wasn't super amazing, and I kept playing while being aided by the game's nice helper features like the button that pulls up recommended hands. I kept playing and... sorta got it. I learned the basic rules, but none of the strategy. And then I stopped playing for a few months.
In that few months, for whatever reason, a decent amount of people I know had their brains snap the same way? Like a more-than-two amount of people I'm either friends with or following online also decided to learn Mahjong. I decided to get back on the horse and downloaded Mahjong Soul and I don't know whether it was perseverance or the power of anime babes, but this time I got it. I still refer to a sheet with all the hands and whether they work open or closed, and I'm by no means a master player, but I actually honest to god understand what I'm doing and it's an incredible feeling.
Mahjong has such a huge amount of what I like to call "Get That Ass" energy. It is the energy you feel when you get someone's ass. In Mahjong you are either constantly getting someone's ass or getting your ass gotten. Someone puts down the wrong tile and you fucking GET THEIR ASS DUDE! They're got!! They're a fucking idiot that put down the wrong thing and now you have their points!!! Or you draw what you need yourself and you're a brain genius all according to plan and everyone gives you points because you're so wise!!!! It's great!!!!!
Mahjong has long been one of those games where I'd say "I'll learn this someday" and never reeeeally actually try to learn, and I'm so glad I finally took the effort to because it's good as hell. And, truth be told, it wasn't THAT hard to learn? Like you can get to the point where I was where I didn't know the strategy fairly easily in my opinion, and once you do that It's just a matter of continuing to play to understand the rest. I highly recommended that you also go out and learn it if you similarly revel in getting that ass, it's so satisfying once you do.
Yakuza: Like a Dragon (PlayStation 4, 2020)
Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio took a big gamble with Yakuza: Like a Dragon. After seven games (more if you take spinoffs and remakes into consideration) they decided to focus on a new main character and, even more unexpectedly, they decided to change things up by turning the series into a turn-based JRPG. Their gamble paid off in spades. This is easily in my top 3 favorite Yakuza games.
The JRPG gameplay is surprisingly solid. There's definite room for improvement, but they nailed a bunch of it right out of the gate. Some mechanics are a little janky and I wish the job system was more fleshed out or just worked more like Final Fantasy V's, but they nailed one of the most important things and made the battles brisk and fun. It's a great foundation, especially for a team that's never attempted anything like this, and it's way more fun than the combat's been in any of the previous Dragon Engine games. I can't wait to see them iterate on it.
Everything else is top fuckin' notch. The music is great, the side content is fully fleshed out in a way it hasn't been since before they switched to the Dragon Engine, and I love the characters and story so much. Yakuza has a new main character in Ichiban Kasuga, and he's my son and I love him. Kiryu was great, and I love him too, but he was a bit of a passive protagonist. Stuff happened around him and he mostly just stoically reacted to it. Ichi is a much more active lead and it's great. He's a big lovable dope, and his tendency to keep an upbeat attitude and eagerness to leap into action is such a breath of fresh air. And it's not only Ichiban, since this is an RPG you have a whole party of characters and they're all great! Having them with you at all times bantering with each other and reacting to things is another great change of narrative pace, too.
Yakuza: Like a Dragon just straight up rules. As someone who has historically not been too much of a fan of the Dragon Engine games, it's simultaneously a refreshing new take on the series and a fantastic return to form. I can't wait for what comes next. Wherever Ichiban goes, I go.
Moon: Remix RPG Adventure (Nintendo Switch, 2020)
After 23 years of Japanese PS1 exclusivity, Moon: Remix RPG Adventure finally got an English release this year for Nintendo Switch. I'm glad it did, because Moon isn't just the very definition of A Sebmal Game. It's the Sebmal Game missing link. In addition to being just a great video game, it helped me make a mental throughline for a bunch of games I love and a large part of my taste in video games.
To keep a long story short (seriously, I have a much much longer version of this saved in my drafts that I'll maybe finish someday), Moon turned out to be not the JRPG I assumed it was, given the title and basic story pitch, but a secret prequel to a game I love named Chulip. Moon's developer, Love-de-Lic, was formed by a handful of ex-Squaresoft employees, many of which worked on an extremely formative game I love named Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. Love-de-Lic broke up in the year 2000 and its staff went on to form a bunch of different studios that ended up making a BUNCH of different games I love like Chibi-Robo, Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland, Dandy Dungeon, and the aforementioned Chulip. These games, when you make the connection and line them up, all have a very distinct weirdness in common that makes perfect sense once you've realized many of the same people worked on them. Figuring this all out felt like snapping a piece of my brain back in place, and it was really crazy to come to understand exactly how much this studio that formed and disbanded decades before I'd even heard of them had impacted my tastes and, hell, my life.
So what is Moon, for those who don't innately understand what I mean by "a secret prequel to Chulip"? Moon is an adventure game where you explore a world with a day/night cycle, learn about that world's inhabitants, and eventually solve their problems. Think of it kind of like The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, but if the sidequests were the entirety of the focus with no Groundhog Day time reset mechanic and none of the Zelda stuff like combat and dungeons. You play as a young boy who, after a late night JRPG binge session, is sucked into the world of the game he was just playing. Everything is off from the way it was portrayed while the boy was playing the game, though. The hero he had previously controlled is actually a silent menace, raiding peoples' houses for treasure and slaughtering every innocent animal that crosses his path in an endless quest for EXP. The townspeople seem more concerned with problems in their day-to-day lives than the supposed world threatening crisis outlined in the game's intro. It's up to you as the boy to investigate this world's mysteries, help the townsfolk, mend the damage the hero has done, and eventually restore love to a loveless world.
Speaking of love, I fucking loved Moon. I loved the story, I loved the characters, I loved the music, I loved the way it looks (even though the Switch port is a little crusty in that basic emulator-y kinda way), I loved how constantly bizarre and surprising and funny it was. Like I said earlier, it's the very definition of a game made for me. It was essentially the progenitor of a long line of games made for me, and of games potentially made for me but I don't know yet because I haven't played them due to not understanding Japanese (UFO: A Day in the Life translation next please? Anyone from Onion Games reading this??). For as similar as Moon and Chulip are in their systems and pacing, I think I might actually like Moon better despite it coming earlier? It's not as full force maximum impact absurd as Chulip is, but it is a lot more playable and less obtuse once you get a grip on the time limit mechanic. You don't need a full strategy guide included in the instruction manual for Moon, and you don't need to exchange business cards with every single character to get information vital to finishing the game either.
I truly cannot recommend Moon enough if your taste in games ventures anywhere off the beaten path. Maybe this is a little conceited of me, but I assume if you're reading this article, let alone this far down into it, you relate to my video game opinions at least a little bit? You should play Moon. Everyone reading this sentence should play Moon. Moon: Remix RPG Adventure is my game of the year for the year 2020.
These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:
Death Stranding (PlayStation 4, 2019): Death Stranding, much like Metal Gear Solid V, was a game I enjoyed for the gameplay and not much else. The story, characters, and writing were a huge disappointment for me, but man if I didn't enjoy lugging those boxes around and setting up my hellish cross-continental goon summer camp lookin' zipline network.
Mr. Driller Drill Land (Nintendo Switch, 2020): I am a known Mr. Driller Enjoyer, and I enjoyed this Mr. Driller. Originally released for the Gamecube, Mr. Driller Drill Land is another long-time Japanese exclusive that finally came stateside this year and it's packed with new and novel twists on the Mr. Driller format. It looks super sharp, the music's great (also the credits music is the most impossibly out of place and extra as hell shit in the world and it's hilarious), and it's just a good ass time. The main campaign is pretty damn short, but if you're a post-game content kinda guy it has that and it's all super hard.
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PlayStation 4, 2020): They finally made another good new Tony Hawk game, and all it took was perfectly remaking two of the best old Tony Hawk games! Plays exactly like you remember it with the added benefit of the best mechanics from up to THUG1, looks great, packed full of content, even has most of the music alongside some mostly crappy new stuff. It's the full package as is, but I do hope they end up adding THPS3 to it eventually.
Mad Rat Dead (Nintendo Switch, 2020): Mad Rat Dead was a pleasant surprise that I only picked up because I saw a couple of people on my Twitter timeline constantly talking about it. A fun and inventive platformer where all your actions need to be on beat with the music. The gameplay feels great (aside from some not so great performance issues on Switch), the soundtrack is fun, and it's got a real good style to it.
Demon's Souls (PlayStation 5, 2020): I love Demon's Souls and this is Demon's Souls. It plays exactly the same with some minor quality of life changes. I don't agree with many of the artistic changes, but there's no denying it looks incredible on a technical level. If you want to play Demon's Souls again or for the first time, this is a perfectly valid and fun way to do so.
Groove Coaster: Wai Wai Party!!!! (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Groove Coaster is one of my favorite rhythm games, and they finally made an acceptable at-home version with Wai Wai Party. It's not a perfect replication of the arcade game control-wise, I have some issues with the song choices, and the pricing is frankly fucking ridiculous if you're not a Groove Coaster maniac like I am, but the same ultra satisfying gameplay is all there. You can even play it vertically in handheld mode! Flip Griiiiiiiip!
And we're done! Phew! Honestly didn't realize I played that many good games until I typed all this out. Thanks as always for reading this far. I'm gonna try and get back to regularly posting Breviews this year at the very least. Honestly don't know if I'll get anything else up on here, but we'll see. Here's to hoping 2021 is a little bit less of a nightmare!
Guest Article: Wheel Able's Video Games Post of 2019
Wheel able is an avid computer user and Game Boy Advance owner. Do not follow him on Twitter.
Gamer's.
Lately, I have been doing a bit of self reflection, which has, surprisingly, led me to realize some things:
- It is the end of the year
- I have played several video games
- I am more or less literate
-
At this point, I have two options: try to realize more things, or type a bunch of words about video games.
10. Kingdom Hearts III
This game is so stupid. This whole series is so insanely stupid. For some history, I had only played a bit of the original Kingdom Hearts, and all of Kingdom Hearts II before jumping right into this one - so I definitely understood about as much as one possibly can when it comes to this series. For me, this meant that I knew to expect some great music and I guess some idiots wearing trench coats who like to sit in a stupid circle of thrones that are entirely too high off of the ground. No person could reasonably sit on them - they're too tall. Suspension of disbelief only gets you so far, and Too-Tall-Chairs are where I draw the line. Make them smaller.
9. Little Town Hero
Contrary to what the previous entry may lead you to believe, I tend to care most about gameplay when it comes to JRPGs. That's not to say I will ever turn down a nice soundtrack or some ridiculous horse shit story about killing Anime God, but when it comes to your battle system, please just give me something that requires the use of my two remaining brain cells. Please, for the love of god, make me feel smart for once.
The battle system in Little Town Hero is something like a mashup of Mario Party and Magic the Gathering. I have never played Magic, but I know it has something to do with cards - which is essentially what Little Town Hero's mechanics boil down to (underneath a pretty JRPG exterior). Throw on top of that a board game map with environmental gimmicks, and you've got a battle system which makes me feel like I am actually thinking. And learning. And in the end, that is probably what every game should do (make me feel like I'm improving myself).
8. Pokemon Sword & Shield
I think Pokemon games are at their best when they're not trying to be anything more than what they are - simple adventures that make me feel like a dumbass kid again (as opposed to a dumbass adult). Conversely, I find these games to be at their worst when they force you down tunnels to ensure that you're laser focused on some overzealous Save The Galaxy From Evil story line. That's not to say SwSh (pronounced "swisshh" btw) isn't guilty of that to some extent, but for the first time in a while, it seems like the Pokemon team had the confidence (or lack of time) to not get in the way of the classic, grounded goal of becoming the very best Pokemon Master, like no one ever was (because they were all too busy trying to get the online features to work).
7. The Outer Worlds
I don't usually have nearly enough awareness to realize that almost no Role Playing Games actually encourage Role Playing, but The Outer Worlds managed to have me paying attention to the decisions I make - which is just not something I ever do in any situation. At a certain point, I found myself actually thinking about how my character would handle certain situations, rather than myself (Role Playing?????).
To be fair, I have played basically no western RPGs, and a smarter man than me would point out that other western RPGs have had similarly good writing for years. But this "smarter man than me" sounds like a complete nerd, whom I definitely plan on bullying.
6. Link's Awakening
The original Link's Awakening soundtrack is one of my favorites due to its charm and earnest goofiness, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that Nagamatsu's arrangements were able to maintain that character. My favorite tracks of his were the underground dungeon and Mabe Village tunes. Anyway the game is still good.
5. Trials of Mana
I played this game when it was still "Seiken Densetsu III", but now that it has an English title, that means I can put it on a list. I don't make the rules (citation needed).
This game is easily among the SNES's greatest offerings, and I'm pissed off NOW, knowing that I should have been pissed off back in like 1995 when they decided to not localize this game. No amount of anger I have in 2019 will ever make up for the pure fury I was clearly entitled to as a child.
4. Sekiro
The original Dark Souls is possibly my favorite video game, and I have yet to come across a FromSoft "SoulsBorne" entry that I don't like (there are plenty of """"souls-likes"""" from other developers that I don't care for, though!!).
Being a total Shit Coward, it took me all the way until Bloodborne to play these types of games without a shield - and I only did so because that game encouraged a more aggressive play style through its mechanics. Sekiro essentially requires that same approach, along with doubling down on the necessity of parrying. The result: Man It's A Hard One.
While the gameplay in Sekiro is likely my favorite of the SoulsBunch, the setting and lore unfortunately didn't really do much for me - landing it at 5th place on my Souls Ranking List (please look forward to my upcoming video on WatchMojo dot com).
3. Resident Evil 2
I was too scared to play the Resident Evil series as a kid, so I just watched my brother play them instead. Now that I am a powerful and wise adult, I can play these games for a full thirty minutes without even crying once.
2. Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
I've waited years to battle Dracula again, and it looks like I will have to continue to wait for more years, because Dracula is not in this game. What a disappointment (10/10).
It's a good thing I can't get enough of these Samus Belmont style adventures, because it seems like at least a handful of them are released every year. However, this one was at least twice as important as the others, because it was made by a man in a cowboy hat. Anyway, don't forget Dracula in the next one, Mr. Vania. I'm guessing you just forgot since it has been a while.
1(a). Ori and the Blind Forest
Like I alluded to earlier, I am indeed following the arbitrary GOTY guidelines and only including games that were released in 2019. BUT with the release of Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition this year, I think I can include this one?? Please do not call the police.
1(b). Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbrongus
Hey can you include expansions in a GOTY list? Somebody please email the president of games journalism and let me know. I am posting this list in five minutes and I don't want to fuck this up. Help
1. Outer Wilds
Being fairly unintelligent, I am both terrified and curious when it comes to things I don't understand. Space is one of those many things.
I booted up this game on a complete whim while looking around on Game Pass one day, and I'm convinced that's the best way to experience it. Since Outer Wilds is a game based entirely around exploration and learning, it'd be silly of me to say a bunch of stuff about what's in the game - and I am definitely not a clown, from the circus. When so many games are carefully crafted to make the player feel big and strong and important, Outer Wilds constantly reminds you of your insignificance. I can only hope that this game teaches others what I have known all along: it is actually good to be/feel small.
Well, that's it. I've played all the video games. Unless they, for some reason, decide to make more next year?? That seems like it could potentially be bad.
We’re here. The end of the decade. 2019 was a weird, turbulent year for me. Despite my cross-country move already being a year behind me somehow, nothing’s really settled yet. Living situation is still weird, still separated from most of my belongings, I left my full-time QA job for a contractor position at a mobile game advertising company that may or may not convert into a full-time position... everything about what’s going on with me still just feels like I’m completely winging it, and while that’s not a position I’m really comfortable being in for such an extended amount of time, everything seems to be working out okay enough despite it. All this is probably why I spent most of my time playing the shit out of a handful of games rather than playing a bunch of different games this year! Needed some sort of stability. Also when I did manage to pull myself away from the timesink games and play something else, a lot of them ranged from “okay” to “real bad”. But I still managed to play just enough stuff that I liked to where I can put out yet another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2019.
Phantasy Star Online: Blue Burst (PC, 2005)
I haven’t bothered to do two thirds of the story quests yet and have barely touched any Episode 4 content so this game technically doesn’t count for this list, but if I left it off I would be neglecting to mention an extremely large portion of my video game playing time this year.
I fell back into PSO preeeettty hard this year after the surprise announcement of Phantasy Star Online 2 finally coming to the US. Guess what: game still rules. It feels stiff to play and it’s obviously far less expansive than it seemed back in 2000, but the core of Phantasy Star Online is still as fun as it ever was and the aesthetics are still entirely my shit. I love everything about the way this game looks and sounds, I love stumbling on a weird new weapon, I love participating in the custom seasonal events the server I’m on runs, and I love how oddly relaxing the experience of playing this game and taking it all in is.
I will probably continue to play Phantasy Star Online into 2020. I will probably still dip back into it after PSO2 US servers finally launch. If I know you and you want to join my Discord server for PSO get at me. PSO forever.
Cookie’s Bustle (PC, 1999)
You ever play a game that just speaks to you? Even through a language barrier? A game so incredibly out there and bizarre in the exact way you love that you can’t help but adore it despite barely understanding it? Holy moly did I ever find that game.
I learned about Cookie’s Bustle through a news story last year about some rare games leaking from a Japanese collector’s stash. Didn’t manage to get it to run back then, but my off and on attempts to get it working finally paid off in March of this year and I’m so glad I kept trying. I knew nothing of this game other than it had a weird name and was about a bear doing sports, and it turned out to be a fully voice-acted and mostly unsubtitled adventure game starring Cookie Blair, a 5 year old girl from New Jersey who sees herself as a teddy bear and has traveled to Bombo World, an island nation once visited by aliens and currently in the middle of a civil war, to participate in the Bombo Sports Tournament.
Dead level, I probably shouldn’t have been able to genuinely love Cookie’s Bustle as much as I did. The only context I had for what was happening and what I was supposed to do was provided by a 20-year-old Google translated walkthrough with broken images, the game’s slightly higher than usual reliance on English loan words, and 30-ish years of video games and anime allowing me to halfway pick up on a handful of Japanese words. However, Cookie’s Bustle is dripping with an undeniable and off-beat charm that genuinely transcends language. Even if you can’t understand the words and specifics, you can understand the basic plot, characterizations, and emotions they’re going for.
Cookie’s Bustle manages to both be completely off-the-wall bizarre and feel totally genuine and heartfelt at the same time, a balance very few games manage to successfully hit but many of my favorites do. One could say that’s why it seems to have resonated with a decent amount of other people this year, too. Games rarely make me feel sad that they’re over. but when they do that’s how I know they’re one of the good ones. Seriously, go look up a longplay or stream of Cookie’s Bustle if you (understandably) don’t want to go through the hassle of setting it up and figuring out how to play it, it’s impossible not to love.
Devil May Cry 5 (PlayStation 4, 2019)
Here’s something crazy to think about: Devil May Cry 4 came out 11 years ago. Aside from being a potent reminder that time is moving too fast and we’re all going to die soon, that means that there hasn’t been a DMC for over a decade. Devil May Cry 5 does not bare this fact even a little bit. Not only did they pick up right where they left off and manage to make another Devil May Cry game without missing a beat, they made arguably the best Devil May Cry game.
I mean I still like the story and single-character focus of DMC3 the best, but DMC5 is the best playing game in the series without a doubt. Nero finally feels like he has a complete and complex toolset, Dante is the most mechanically dense and fun to play he’s ever been, and they even added a new guy that’s... neat to play as, until you start trying to S-rank the harder difficulties. Then he’s kind of annoying to play as. But it’s still cool that they tried something totally different and mostly got it to work!
They also did something very stupid that I love and used this game as an excuse to make literally every single piece of Devil May Cry media canon. Like, characters exclusively from the anime and the books show up and act like they’re someone you already know and love? And they go out of their way to explain the most esoteric lore shit possible?? And despite it all they still intentionally give DMC2 as short a shrift as they can??? It’s so dumb, it rules. It’s just one of the many things about the game that show that even with so long of a gap between entries, no love for the series was lost by the people that make it.
I don’t think the suits at Capcom expected this game to hit as hard as it did though, because despite there being clear areas where the game could be expanded on with DLC there still hasn’t been anything announced. I hope they’re maybe saving it for some sort of DMC3-esque special edition, or maybe just already working on DMC6, because even after getting all S-ranks I still wanted to play more. The game’s just that damn good.
Hypnospace Outlaw (PC, 2019)
I expected very little from Hypnospace Outlaw. I backed the game on Kickstarter solely because it looked cool and I thought a game about fake GeoCities was neat, and then I immediately forgot about it until it released. Admittedly my lack of expectations stemmed mostly from the fact that it’s kind of hard to set expectations for a game you never really thought too hard about, but even in the brief period of time where I considered it enough to give it money, I never expected it to be much more than a pretty-looking 101 Great GeoCities Jokez delivery vehicle. Boy was I wrong. I mean, it is incredibly good at that, but Hypnospace Outlaw is so much more than a funny period piece.
The basic premise is that you’re in alternate universe 1999 and have just become a community moderator for an Internet service provider that allows people to connect to the Internet while they sleep. You’re tasked with browsing the game’s weird fake Internet and issuing demerits to users who violate the five basic Hypnospace rules, but it quickly evolves into something way bigger. Hypnospace Outlaw’s greatest strength is its exceptional ability at weaving together subtle world building, small and engaging character arcs, esoteric microjokes, and a genuine sense of mystery and discovery into an incredibly cohesive and engaging package. It’s as much a game about the people that use and run its weird fake Internet as it is about that weird fake Internet itself. And a lot of the problems both face echo the problems we face with our real world Internet today.
When I was mapping out writing this article like a month or two ago I was prepared to go on about how at its core, Hypnospace Outlaw is an incredibly poignant story about how uncaring tech corporations actively harm their users and always have, but then a couple of days ago I read Colin Spacetwinks’ game of the year list and his #1 entry put most everything I would have said about that topic down in a way more eloquent and well-written way than I ever could have. And then I remembered that Friend Of The Site Heidi Kemps covered some of the same angle but from the perspective of the early Internet in an article earlier this year, again way better than I could have. So I highly recommend you read those when you’re done here. What I wanna bring up instead is just how effortlessly surprising and interconnected a lot of stuff in Hypnospace feels, using a mildly spoiler-ish late game example.
Two of the first “zones” you’re allowed to moderate when you start Hypnospace Outlaw are Teentopia and Goodtime Valley, which are essentially alternate universe Yahooligans and a little slice of Hypnospace just for Boomers respectively. On Teentopia you’ll see a bunch of kids that are wild for Squisherz, Hypnospace’s alternate universe version of Pokémon, and over in Goodtime Valley you’ll see (much like there was back in real world 1999) a few pages made by religious fundamentalists convinced that everything the kids like these days is the work of Satan. This of course includes Squisherz, and you can find a page by one organization full of crackpot conspiracy theories with flimsy evidence that TOTALLY DEFINITELY backs up their claim. Squisherz contains a wolf, which the Bible warns about many times! This giraffe monster CLEARLY has a pentagram in its design!! And the eye of this snake-like Squisherz is the eye of Horus, an Egyptian occult symbol and NEED I REMIND YOU that Lucifer took the form of a snake in the Garden of Eden!!! It is very clear what this page is goofing on and throughout the course of the game it doesn’t get updated at all, so it’s very easy to laugh at it and forget about it.
Very late into the game, you get an optional sidequest. Adrian Merchant, one of the CEOs of Merchantsoft, the company that created Hypnospace, was found out to have logged traffic indicating he was a frequent visitor of a website called Children of HORUS, and a call is put out to investigate what that even is. You can easily find the website, but it asks you for a password if you click the Enter button. Adrian Merchant is consistently portrayed throughout the game as a complete idiot, and the solution to this puzzle has you capitalize on that. Another early game objective ended up with you finding a list of cracked passwords, and one of those passwords happens to be for the instant messenger account of Adrian Merchant. If you can remember that he was even in that text file from forever ago, and then put two and two together that of COURSE that dumbass would use the same password for everything, you just punch in his messenger password and you’re granted access to the Children of HORUS page.
It turns out that HORUS is an acronym that stands for Hiding Occult References in Utmost Secrecy, and the page itself is a basic leaderboard with a list of names and two numbered columns reading “Hidden” and “Found”. In that list of names you’ll find A. Merchant, along with the names of various other CEOs and celebrities you might have read about elsewhere in Hypnospace. One of the other names on this list is F. Kazuma, the CEO of Monarch, creators of Squisherz. The funny conspiracy theory website from the beginning of the game that you most likely forgot about was, about this one specific thing, correct. There was an eye of Horus hidden on the snake from Squisherz. Not as any sort of Satanic plot, mind you, but only as part of some weird millionaire dickwaving contest. This dumb tiny revelation is not called out by the game at all and nothing comes of it, it’s just there for you to notice if you’ve been paying enough attention.
Hypnospace Outlaw is LITTERED with stuff like this. Weird small interconnected things you wouldn’t expect to be interconnected. Little dumb things you wouldn’t expect to have any sort of payoff but somehow do. And it’s also just as chock full of big things. Having all the pieces fall into place at once to where I was able to access Hypnospace’s equivalent of the dark web was the best sequence in a game this year for me, even beating out the outlandish shit in DMC5. Getting and solving the final case was a rush. Hypnospace Outlaw is full of incredible moments big and small. It’s genuinely engaging and affecting, which is so much more than I was expecting from a game that was pitched to me as “Funny GeoCities Cop”. It almost has no right being so good. But it is. Hell, even the music rules! I didnt even get into that! I don't have enough time or space to get into that now! The music is so goddamn good! I know I started these lists because I had no interest in ranking games, but every year I sort of jokingly-but-not-jokingly say “haha this game sure would be my number one if I did that!” for at least one game. It’s time to fully lean into it. I don’t gotta rank ‘em all, but I can pick a favorite. Hypnospace Outlaw is my favorite game of 2019 with a goddamn bullet.
These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:
Etrian Odyssey (Nintendo DS, 2007): Man, this series just started out good, huh? I dabbled with the first two games in college when I got a DS flashcart but never really dug in until EO4, and the first game is enjoyable in just about every way the modern ones are. Definitely more barebones and punishing though.
Kero Blaster (PlayStation 4, 2017): This is a game by the creator of Cave Story that does not aim to be Cave Story, and that’s fine! A fun little shooter in its own right, though I do think the shooting in Cave Story felt a little better than it does here.
Space Invaders Extreme (Nintendo DS, 2008): I played the shit out of this game in college thanks to that flashcart I mentioned before, but I never finished a playthrough in full until this year for some reason. Still way stylish and way fun! I need to get a copy of the second one...
CROSSNIQ+ (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Incredibly chill puzzle game that can be as hard or easy as you want it to be. Almost uncanny in how well it emulates the style of late PS1/Dreamcast games.
Super Mario Maker 2 (Nintendo Switch, 2019): Mario Maker 2 is kind of weird for me. It’s a solid improvement in a lot of aspects, but a clear regression in a lot of others. Also the online multiplayer is the second least amount of fun I’ve had with a video game this year (Secret of Mana swooped in and stole the number one slot near the end). Still, I had a lot of fun with it and I’ll probably end up going back to it eventually.
Katamari Damacy Reroll (Nintendo Switch, 2018): The original Katamari Damacy is still every bit as fun and charming as it was upon its original release. This port is weirdly based on the Japanese version with the English text inserted, which means no English voice acting and Wanda Wanda only plays in the multiplayer mode. The Joycon sticks also aren’t the greatest for doing charge rolls. But none of these faults detract too much from the game. Bring on We Love Katamari Reroll!
Earth Defense Force 5 (PlayStation 4, 2018): Sandlot somehow keeps finding ways to make each new EDF bigger and explodier, and EDF5 is the biggest and explodiest yet. I think the mission design in 4.1 was more solid overall, but 5 feels the best to play and has the most fun tools. Also the dialogue is the most absurd its ever been, and the final boss goes for it way harder than the series ever has.
Pokémon Shield (Nintendo Switch, 2019): This game is honestly just okay, but leaving it off would again be neglecting a game I put a ton of time into this year. Pokémon Sword is fun in the way most Pokémon games usually are, and extremely half-baked in basically every other aspect. I’m still having a good time putting together teams and finding shinies and doing The Pokémon Thing regardless.
And that’s 2019 (and this decade) in the bag! I don’t know where anything’s going from here, but I’m going to ride it out as best as I can! I hope you do too! As always, thank you so much for getting to the bottom of all these words. I’m hoping to be in a more stable place mid-2020, and then I want to get back to all the things I haven’t had time to do. I want to get back to streaming, I want to write more dumb articles like The Best Babies, I want to do it all! I hope I will be able to do it all. Until then!
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Secret of Mana (SNES, 1993)
I can understand why Secret of Mana made an impression on people. From an audiovisual standpoint, it's an incredible leap forward from Square's previous output. The plot, while paper thin, can be weird and charming at times. But oh my GOD the gameplay is 100% rotten. Attacking feels like unresponsive dogshit, hitboxes are nonsense, ally AI is braindead, the only reliable way to do anything is to abuse magic, you constantly get stunlocked, leveling up is a colossal grind... it's just miserable.
Super Mario Maker 2 (Nintendo Switch, 2019)
Mario Maker 2 rules in a lot of ways, but it's a regression in some others. All the new creation elements they added are awesome, but there's a lot of things around the edges that are just plain worse than the first game. Like, it has zero integration with your Switch friends list for some reason? The touchscreen controls are more clunky too. It's nothing game murdering but it's baffling. Also the online multiplayer is the least fun I've had with a video game this year, even when it's not laggy.
Pokémon Shield (Nintendo Switch, 2019)
Pokémon Shield is not a disaster. It is very half-baked, however. The new monsters are probably the best new batch they've ever done, but the region is just so boring. The Wild Area is small and feels very haphazard, the routes are the most short and straightforward they've ever been, and there are zero dungeons. The story and characters are all very throwaway too, but at least they aren't super intrusive. There's other issues as well, but ultimately it's still fun in the way Pokémon always is.
Final Fantasy Adventure (Game Boy, 1991)
Final Fantasy Adventure is the first game in the Mana series and it's simply okay. The gameplay is kinda like a simpler Zelda but with RPG mechanics. It's an early-ish Game Boy game and that fact really shows in how straightforward and janky it is. The game also suffers from the Link's Awakening problem of the Game Boy's limited buttons forcing you into menus constantly, but it's worse here because of how sluggish and unintuitive the menus are. It's still enjoyable, but by no means a must-play.
Space Invaders Extreme (Nintendo DS, 2008)
Man this game still whips ass. I played a ton of it back in college but I don't think I actually beat it back then? Which is dumb because it's very short, but I had a flash cart and just jumped between games all the time. Anyway! Space Invaders Extreme is a super smart evolution of the classic Space Invaders gameplay with a lot of fun interlocking mechanics. It's super stylish too. Very reminiscent of Rez. My only complaint is that the bonus rounds maybe break up the flow a bit too much.
Judgment (PlayStation 4, 2019)
I really liked the main plot of Judgment, but not so much the part where you actually play it. While the combat's better than in Yakuza 6, RGG Studio still wasn't able to make Dragon Engine combat feel engaging or rewarding here. The detective elements range from barely-there search sections to excruciatingly interminable tailing missions. The new sidegames, such as drone racing, are mostly lame too. I did overall enjoy my time with Judgment, but it mostly made me excited for Yakuza 7's changes.
Puyo Puyo Tetris (Nintendo Switch, 2017)
Puyo Puyo Tetris is a mashup that mostly works except for where it doesn't. Where it works is in the regular Versus and Swap modes, which make you pick a side and switch modes mid-game respectively. Where it doesn't work is... kinda every other mode? Fusion mode is a boring, confusing slog. Party mode is a lame score competition. Big Bang is fine I guess? It's just a fever battle. Basically every mode outside of the core two is no good. The story mode has a ton of filler too. Still decent!
Super Kirby Clash (Nintendo Switch, 2019)
This is an expanded version of an expanded version of a sub-game from Kirby Planet Robobot and it's as okay here as it was in its origin game. It's basically Kirby's take on Monster Hunter. You have four weapon classes and go out on boss fight missions with people online. The boss fights all sort of have the same rhythm to them so they aren't super exciting, but it's fun enough. The game's free-to-play, but it doesn't feel obtrusive until after the first credits roll so I guess it's fine? Maybe?
SEGA AGES: Sonic The Hedgehog (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
This is an accurately emulated release of Sonic 1 (finally, a truly perfect version on a portable system!) with some added gameplay features like the spin dash and, for the first time, Sonic Mania's drop dash. That's all good but weirdly enough, the online leaderboards were the real standout for me with this. Attempting to get as many rings as I could without getting hit and trying to get a high score in the Mega Play version were refreshingly unique ways to revisit a game I've played to death.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Etrian Odyssey (Nintendo DS, 2007)
Man, this series just kinda came out of the womb good. Etrian Odyssey 1 is much more barebones and punishing than the later games, but they really got the important stuff right on the first go. Enjoyable character building and combat, well-designed dungeons (aside from the tedious 4th stratum, anyway), satisfying mapping, and some good ass tunes. It's Etrian Odyssey, baby, and it always has been.
Kero Blaster (PlayStation 4, 2017)
The guy who made Cave Story made this and that fact is very apparent in regards to the visuals and music, but don't go into Kero Blaster expecting Cave Story. This is a super simple run and gun action game that doesn't aspire to be anything more. The controls feel a little bit stiffer than they did in Cave Story, but the action is still fun in that same way. And that's kinda it! The story is weird and charming but doesn't have any substance. A nice little game that doesn't overstay its welcome.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Hypnospace Outlaw (PC, 2019)
Holy shit. I backed this game on Kickstarter purely because I thought the premise and presentation were neat, but I honestly didn't expect it to be so outstanding. Way more than a period/nostalgia piece, Hypnospace Outlaw does an incredible job at weaving together interesting character development, subtle world building, tiny esoteric jokes, and a genuine sense of mystery and discovery. A game you can boil down to "Funny GeoCities Cop" has no right being this genuinely engaging and affecting.
Thunder Force III (Sega Genesis, 1990)
Totally competent lil' shoot 'em up. Looks good for 1990, nice music. Normal mode is a fun and breezy time, and a quick dip into Mania mode makes it seem like a decent but not too daunting challenge.
Pokémon Ultra Sun (Nintendo 3DS, 2017)
So not only did I not like Ultra Sun as much as original Sun, playing through it kind of made me like Sun less in retrospect? I don't like the small handful of changes they made for Ultra Sun, and playing through all the mostly identical old stuff without the novelty of it being new really made it clear just how Pokémon X/Y-level dull a lot of it is. Especially like basically every side activity in the game, they're all bad. Pokémon's still fun at its core though! Skates by on that for sure!
Earth Defense Force 5 Mission Pack 2: Super Challenge (PlayStation 4, 2019)
This DLC pack is billed as the super hard pro EDF gamers only one, but honestly the missions are more of a super tiring slog than a challenge. The exclusive weapons you get aren't as fun as the ones from Mission Pack 1 either. You're safe skipping this.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Devil May Cry (PlayStation 4, 2018)
I'm honestly surprised at how well DMC1 holds up. Obviously it's more limited in scope, clunky feeling, and rough around the edges compared to what came after, but it's kinda wild how much they got right on their first try. Also, man, this game is so lame. Beyond cornball, and not in the intentionally cheesy way 3 and 4 are. It's trying so hard to be cool in the most extremely 2001 way possible. It's so genuinely bad that it wraps back around into being awesome. I love it.
Devil May Cry 4 Special Edition (PlayStation 4, 2015)
Devil May Cry 4 is still good in spite of the parts about it that suck. Still the best combat in the series thus far, still has some pretty bad levels. I think what really stuck out to me in this playthrough is that most of the enemies just aren't that fun to fight against. It's fun to beat them up with your fun moves, but everything about the way they move and attack is just annoying to deal with. Still a good game, and the Special Edition adds a lot of neat stuff that I haven't fully explored.
Devil May Cry 5 Deluxe Edition (PlayStation 4, 2019)
I'm happy to say that Capcom still knows how to make a good Devil May Cry game. The 11 year gap between 4 and 5 didn't slow them down one bit. Nero and Dante are as fun to play as as ever, the new guy V is pretty interesting too, and the enemies are wayyyyyyy the fuck better than in DMC4. I think I still like DMC3 more due to the pacing and not having to jump between characters, but DMC5 is a lock for second best game in the series.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Cookie’s Bustle (PC, 1999)
Cookie's Bustle is a 100% voice acted Japanese adventure game. I maybe understood 1/4 of what was going on thanks to a Google translated walkthrough from 2001, the game's liberal use of English loan words, and my minimal Japanese comprehension obtained from 30 years of video games and anime. I really enjoyed it. The game oozes with a weird and offbeat yet universally understandable charm that really resonated with me. I'm glad I got to play it, and I'd do it again if it ever gets translated.
Earth Defense Force 5 (PlayStation 4, 2018)
I fuckin' love a good EDF and this is a good EDF for sure. I think the level design and pacing was honestly a lot better in EDF4, but I really dig all the new mechanical changes and a lot of the new enemies. The final mission of this one is also extremely wild in comparison to the final mission of every other entry in the series. I hope they keep making EDF games for the rest of my life.
Earth Defense Force 5 Mission Pack 1: Extra Challenge (PlayStation 4, 2019)
It's more missions for EDF5. They're barebones but fun. You can get some extremely powerful weapons from them. It's good.
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
Katamari Damacy Reroll (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Katamari Damacy is still an absolute delight 15 years later. This port has some minor flaws (misplaced music, no English voice acting, various polish issues), but it's nothing that distracts much from how eternally enjoyable this game is. Being able to play it on the go is perfect too, since the levels are at most around 20 minutes long. I played through the whole game on my multiple holiday flights and it was great, aside from the Joycon sticks not being ideal for doing charge rolls.
Ozma Wars (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Released in 1979 during the Space Invaders boom, Ozma Wars is very much a game in that style. It's actually kinda decent! I've definitely played worse. It has a decent amount of enemy variety for the time.
Sasuke vs Commander (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Released a year after Ozma Wars, this is another totally decent for the time shooting game, but with an added dash of charm. The game is set in feudal Japan rather than space, and you're shooting down flying ninjas trying to attack a shogun. The dead ninjas' bodies will kill you if they land on you, which is a weird touch that sets it apart. There's also some goofy cutscenes for things like losing to bosses and getting a game over. It's kinda neat!
Vanguard (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Not really into Vanguard. It's trying some stuff for sure, with the multiple scrolling directions and the 4-way firing, but I don't think the action itself is very exciting or fun.
Fantasy (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Fantasy owns. It's not the best playing game but it's the best everything else game. The voice acting alone is worth the price of admission.
Munch Mobile (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Munch Mobile has a unique premise where you're a car with arms that has to eat fruit and throw away garbage, but its controls and kinda shitty collision detection make it not that fun to play.
TNK III (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
TNK III is the origin of SNK's loop lever games, and it's not fun. You drive around in a tank blowing up other tanks and mowing down dudes, but it's just way too hard. It has that Gradius thing where if you die once you lose all your powerups, but it's kind of worse than that since without powerups basically every enemy can completely out-range you and kill you in one hit. To top it off, there's limited continues so you can't even credit feed your way through.
D*mn...!! It’s time for another edition of The Best Babies, the series of articles where I celebrate all the Pokémon that are good to me, of which there are many. Last time we began at the beginning with a look at all the great children of Generation 1, and now we have 100 new friends to sift through as we head into Generation 2.
Generation 2 gets a decent amount of disrespect, some of it warranted and some of it nitpicking from nerds with 20 years of hindsight, but taking into consideration its time and place (as you kind of have to do with Pokémon games since each successive entry is generally an objective improvement) Pokémon Gold is one of my all-time favorites in the series. I love its music, the atmosphere that music combined with the fully-colorized graphics creates, the implementation of the real time clock, the massive (at the time) amount of things to do, and of course I love the Pokémon! Also I... never really played Crystal. It’s probably better. I wouldn’t know. Anyway! Let’s dive right into this pile of fictional animals that I enjoy.
#155 - Cyndaquil
Cyndaquil? He cute and he know it. He's a spicy boy with a big nose who's always enjoying life. Later games that feature advanced technology such as "animation" show him with the fire on his back turned off, which I'm not a fan of, but when Cyndaquil is fired up, so am I!!
#157 - Typhlosion
It's not Cyndaquil's dad, it's Cyndaquil all grown up! Typhlosion is bigger, faster, and stronger too. Also suffers from later games showing him while his fire is deactivated, which is just plain embarrassing. Give a guy some privacy!
#158 - Totodile
I'm generally a base form water starter kind of guy, which you'll see as this series goes on, and Totodile is a damn good one. He's such a little scamp! Totodile loves to go buckwild and I want to go buckwild with Totodile.
#161 - Sentret
Sentret is a steadfast friend that likes to keep a watchful eye out, and I like to keep my watchful eyes focused on Sentret. It's impossible to say something mean about Sentret. He's very pure. He's a delightful little rabbit-eared ferret child that just wants to be tall. You can do it, Sentret!
#162 - Furret
Everyone! I have great news!! Sentret did it!!! Furret is the evolved form of Sentret and just look at him. So slender. So tall. Furret is a shining example that we can all achieve our dreams.
#163 - Hoothoot
The original Owl Orb. The Hydrox to Rowlet's Oreo. Hoothoot is mostly forgotten, relegated to whatever the Dollar General snack shelf equivalent of the Pokédex is. And sure, maybe he doesn't taste as good as Rowlet, but he has plenty of great qualities. He's both very round and quite pointy at the same time! He has deep, soulful eyes! His name is very fun to say! *cupping hands around mouth so my voice is louder* HootHOOOOOOOOOOOT
#165 - Ledyba
Ledyba has six hands and he is ready to THROW EM. Look at this dude. Look at those clenched fists. Look at those dead eyes. He is going to fuck you up with no remorse.
#167 - Spinarak
Spinarak is a lil' dope. He's the physical embodiment of the ._. emoticon and his ass is sad. Got a horn on his head too for some reason? I don't get Spinarak, but I like him.
#170 - Chinchou
Chinchou is cute fish with helpful flashlights on his very round head. I love a round, helpful head. He's also a Water/Electric type, which is neat! I'm maybe a bit biased because my very first shiny Pokémon was a Chinchou.
#172 - Pichu
What the heck! Why is this Pikachu so tiny!! Generation 2 introduced baby Pokémon into the world and we’re all better off for it. Baby Pokémon generally aren’t useful from a gameplay standpoint but they’re extremely useful from a “I love things that are good” standpoint! I have some theories about Pichu being key in the gradual slimming of Pikachu’s design but regardless of whether or not he was involved in that crime, you can’t deny the fact that Pichu is precious. I’m also glad he’s back in Smash Bros. Welcome back, Pichu!
#173 - Cleffa
Ah!!! Baby Clefairy!!! You're so good!!! Cleffa is an adorable little blorp of a baby Pokémon. Very few are cuter than this little beebiss. One of the literal Best Babies. I wish she was my friend in real life.
#175 - Togepi
Cleffa might be one of the literal Best Babies. but Togepi is the actual factual literal Best Baby. And they knew it! This small spikyboy was marketed to hell and back at the time, and for good reason. Togepi is one of the cutest Pokémon ever created. I love this egg child so much.
#177 - Natu
Natu is a psychic/flying type that's as wise as he is round. As you can see, he is very round! Natu is what we in the business call a "Big Circle". Big Circles are very powerful.
#179 - Mareep
Mareep is one of Generation 2's heavy hitters for sure. Look how fluffy this lil' man is! Look how fun "Mareep" is to say! Look at Mareep!! LOOK AT MAREEP
#183 - Marill
Who's this Pokémon? It's Pikablu?? No, it's Marill! God dammit aaaaaa!! Marill was one of the earliest revealed Generation 2 Pokémon, so early that it was subject to several completely false playground rumors about it being obtainable in Generation 1. People couldn't wait to get their hands on this great orb, and I don't blame them!
#185 - Sudowoodo
You might not know this, but Sudowoodo is NOT a tree. I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you. He's just a weird long rock that's pretending to be a tree. I like him for who he is, but I respect his choices. Sudowoodo subscribes to the "fake it 'til you make it" way of life, and I'm glad to say he's "made it" onto this list!!
#190 - Aipom
This APE got a HAND on he ASS. That's useful as hell! I'm so jealous!! He knows I am too, look at his face!!! He's loving this!!!!
#194 - Wooper
Oh shit!!! Hell yes!!!!!! Hell yes!!!!!!!!!!! Here comes another Big Favorite, it's the mother fuckin' Wooper. Wooper is damn near perfect. Extremely cute and yet another Generation 2 Pokémon with a very fun name. His only flaw is that he has no arms, which means he can never hug me back, but I know he's doing so in spirit.
#196 - Espeon
Psychic Eevee is a very nice Eevee. Simple, sleek, elegant. Has brain powers. Espeon is the whole package. Eevee can only evolve into Espeon if it's your best friend, so you know he’s a real pal!
#198 - Murkrow
Murkrow's existence answers one of our universe's fundamental questions: what if bird wear a hat???? Turns out the bird becomes extremely bad ass. Murkrow is a fashion icon, a real trendsetter. The only conceivable way he could become more powerful is if he started wearing a bigger, fancier hat.
#199 - Slowking
Oh my god Slowpoke you have become so smart. Incredible. Slowking is the product of the weird mutant Shellder biting a Slowpoke's head instead of its tail, releasing deadly neurotoxins directly into the Slowpoke's brain and turning it into a Wise Genious. That’s how neurotoxins work. Don’t question it. It’s science, and you better back off because Slowking is a scientist.
#202 - Wobbuffet
Wobbuffet... is very strong. Not in the cool muscles way, but in the inner strength way. Wobbuffet has no directly offensive moves. His entire moveset is made up of guards and counters. Wobbuffet harms no one, aggressors harm themselves. Wobbuffet accepts and bears all the stress and pain of existence. We can all learn a lot from this noble creature.
#209 - Snubbull
Snubbull is an ugly clown dog and that's great. She's the Pokémon equivalent of a pug. A pug that's also a clown! Later games changed Snubbull's type to fairy so now she's a magical ugly clown dog, which is a very strong title to have.
#213 - Shuckle
I don't know what Shuckle is, other than good. The Pokédex classifies it as the "Mold Pokémon", but I ain't ever seen mold that cute. He's a bug/rock type, so I'm guessing he's a worm or something? I dunno. Honestly in the grand scheme of things, Shuckle's true nature doesn't interest me. I just love this juice drinkin', rock dwellin', damage tankin' little dude!
#216 - Teddiursa
Wow! That’s a small bear! I love it! Teddiursa loves being small, being cute, and doing bear stuff. Just like me! Possibly collects dark energy from the moon and stores it in his forehead crest, the source of his power, but science has yet to reach an official conclusion.
#220 - Swinub
This pig is a great pig. A real pile of swine. Just a hairy, sleepy, snorting lump. Just like me! Much like that joke, Swinub is extremely good no matter how many times you see it.
#222 - Corsola
Corsola might have a hard and salty exterior, but she’s still a real sweetie! And with all those jagged protrustions, Corsola, sure is a real: “Pokey Mon”!!!! Where are you going!!!!! Come back!!!!!!
#225 - Delibird
You better watch out, cause Delibird is comin’ to town! That’s a Santa Claus reference, because Delibird is just Santa Claus if he were a fun bird instead of a human man. And everyone loves Santa. If you don’t love Santa log off of my web page.
#231 - Phanpy
Phanpy is a tiny elephant and it’s hard to think of something better than that. Maybe a very tiny elephant. A nano elephant. Thought experiments aside, Phanpy is great and I want to have one and let it ride around on my head and make toot noises.
#233 - Porygon2
Technology is incredible. The world’s top minds managed to defeat the Y2K bug and then turned the cyber duck we all know and love and very round immediately after. The absolute madmen. I’m still more partial to original Porygon’s blocky body, but I also have a big soft spot for Porygon2′s The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest lookin’ ass.
#235 - Smeargle
Smeargle... the smearing beagle. Smeargle is a fun dog who loves to paint, which I can relate to as a person who loves fun dogs and has no artistic talent. His tongue sticks out a lot which, as has been previously established, makes him a bit of a knucklehead. I would watch this knucklehead’s public broadcast painting show.
#237 - Hitmontop
Hitmontop is always upside down and always spinning which to me, a man who is always right-side up and rarely spinning, seems like a hellish existence. But he seems to really enjoy it, and that’s all that matters!
#239 - Elekid
Elekid is baby Electabuzz and he’s a real rascal. He has a plug on his head and I’m not sure what happens if you plug him into a wall outlet but it’s probably nothing good.
#241 - Miltank
A good cow goes a long way, and Miltank... goes... okay look I don’t know where I’m going with this but Miltank is a good cow added to a series that needed a good cow. Enjoys rolling up into a ball and being a major roadblock in an early Gym.
#242 - Blissey
Chansey got very happy and became even more egg-like in appearance. Now I’m very happy! If Chansey is a good egg, Blissey is a great egg!
The official Generation 2 Good Children list is now in the books! The Best Babies will return sooner rather than later with something a liiiiiittle bit different. Stay tuned!
Man! Wow! 2018! 2018 was a wild year for me. I managed to deliver those elbow drops I talked about last year and ended up doing a lot of of things. I left my job and moved cross-country in the span of like 2 and a half weeks! I took a new job in the video game industry (play Ninjin and Override)! I took a trip to Vegas a week after that! I got in a relationship! I got out of a relationship! It’s been a ride. A ride that hasn’t left me a ton of time to play video games or write about video games, but I’m like 1000 times happier now so it’s probably a fair trade. No matter what though, I will always be here at the end of the year to make a bunch of terrible MSPaint banners and provide you with another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2018.
Nocturne is a game that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since I beat it. It’s so damn cool. It starts with you witnessing a demonic apocalypse where only you, your two friends, your teacher, a reporter, and the man with the world’s wildest widow’s peak survive. These people are, with a couple of notable exceptions, the only real characters in the entire game. You barely see them, and when you do your meetings are usually pretty brief. Sure, you talk to and recruit a horde of demons to your side as party members, and you interact with a handful of demonic antagonists and various demonic NPCs, but for the most part the game is just you. You, alone, wandering the weird hellscape remnants of Tokyo. It’s one of the most solitary-feeling video games I’ve ever played, and it nails this atmosphere flawlessly. The music, the visuals, the writing, every element gels with every other element so smoothly to create a prevailing, almost overbearing feeling of loneliness. The combat and gameplay mechanics are what I understand this series to mostly be like (this being the only mainline SMT I’ve played), and are fun and engaging in a way that’s not too dissimilar from the Persona series. The only knock I have against Nocturne is that the dungeon design super sucks. I’m fine with endless corridors, my love of the PS2 Persona games can attest to that, but almost every dungeon in Nocturne has an annoying gimmick to it, and they all essentially boil down to different takes on a teleporter maze. I was kind of almost dreading navigating dungeons by the time I got to the last fourth of the game, but my intense love for literally everything else saw me through. For those of you who like JRPGs and haven’t played Nocturne, I’m sure you’ve heard this plenty of times, and I was like you once. I didn’t listen. But now I’m on the other side of the tunnel, so I get to say it. You should really, really play Nocturne. It’s good.
Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
Octo Expansion is what Splatoon 2′s single player mode should have been from the start. Don’t get me wrong, the packed in single player campaign is fine, but it’s basically a level pack for Splatoon 1′s. Octo Expansion, on the other hand, is 100% fresh. Structurally it’s much more diverse, with the campaign taking place over 80 mostly-bite-sized missions with varying objectives. There’s a couple of stinkers in there, but overall the quality of the missions is much higher than what was in the original single player campaign. They can actually be pretty tough sometimes too! It was fun to see some actual challenge in a Splatoon campaign. Everything wrapped around the core gameplay of Octo Expansion is kind of phenomenal. The setting and visual design is super weird, the music is way more mellow than anything else that’s come out of the series and creates a great sense of atmosphere, and the writing is actually genuinely pretty great. There’s a lot of funny dialogue and good character moments. They made me like Pearl! The weird gremlin that eats mayo! She’s my friend now! The last half an hour or so of Octo Expansion is also straight up my favorite sequence from a game I played this year too. Don’t sleep on this thing just because it’s DLC. It’s legitimately great.
Monster Hunter: World (PlayStation 4, 2018)
At the outset I was incredibly skeptical of Monster Hunter: World. This wasn’t entirely fair to the game, as a lot of this feeling was based on its initial E3 reveal trailer kinda sorta matching up to some mostly not true pre-E3 leaks, namely that it would be much more action heavy to cater to Western audiences and tie into the then unannounced Monster Hunter movie (which, as an aside, looks like a trainwreck that I desperately want to see). You can probably pretty easily find some tweets and posts from me around that time saying that the game looks like trash because of some misinterpreted new game mechanic. I am here to say that I am a big wrong dumbass and Monster Hunter: World is very good. You might be surprised to hear this, but it’s Monster Hunter! With a bunch of good and well-executed gameplay refinements! And graphics that aren’t repurposed from a PS2 game! It’s a ton of fun and I put a lot of time into it, but it’s not without its flaws. The number of monsters and weapons is comparatively way lower than in previous games, mostly due to that whole not repurposing PS2 models thing. It’s still kind of clunky in a lot of the places Monster Hunter has been historically clunky in, but also in some pretty big new ways, mainly around playing multiplayer. Also the story, while it’s as bland as it’s ever been, is exponentially more intrusive thanks to the addition of voiced cutscenes (which need to be triggered before the game lets you bring other players into story missions, causing a lot of that clunk I mentioned earlier). It’s all nothing game-ruining, of course. The game wouldn’t be on the list if it was! Monster Hunter: World exceeded my expectations, and I’m super looking forward to playing the recently announced G Rank expansion when it comes out next year.
Contra: Hard Corps (Sega Genesis, 1994)
I wish I could go back in time and kick my own stupid ass for not playing this sooner. I’d written off Contra: Hard Corps for the longest time based solely on some bullshit I read on the internet at an age where I just took other peoples’ opinions and made them my own. This and Castlevania Bloodlines were the bad ones, the ones some weird b-team crapped out for the Genesis while the SNES got the good stuff like Contra 3: Alien Wars. Well, it turns out... they were right about Bloodlines. But MAN were they wrong about Hard Corps. Hard Corps is the best Contra game. It fucking rules. I would have gone on with my life never giving the game a glance if not for this excellent Giant Bomb feature happening, and a couple of episodes in I knew I had to play it for myself. Contra: Hard Corps is fucking nuts. It’s balls to the wall 100% of the time. There’s so many unique enemies and wild bosses and they’re all never not exploding. The game has four characters with unique weapons and multiple different level paths that have totally different levels, bosses, and story beats. Oh, and the soundtrack fucking rips. Sometimes it’s a little too much, and there are definitely some sequences and boss attacks that are total gotchas that you can’t survive without prior knowledge of how they work. I’d also be remiss not to give a special shoutout to level 4′s awful, tedious, unskippable-on-any-route boss. But god damn if the rest of Hard Corps doesn’t outshine these flaws. It’s the high water mark for insane non-stop 16-bit action.
Deltarune (PC, 2018)
Does this count? It’s a demo for a full game that won’t be out for a real long time... I suppose it does, it’s self-contained enough. Deltarune, the free demo for the sort of but also sort of not sequel to Undertale, is unsurprisingly good as hell. Less surprising for sure, as Undertale is a known quantity these days, but I’m still way into it. The story is interesting and full of charming characters, and the battle system has been overhauled to include things like multiple party members with different abilities while still keeping all the things that made Undertale’s battles novel. The music is, of course, fantastic, and the visuals look much nicer while adhering to the same general style as the previous game. It’s fairly short, and some character development feels a little rushed because of it, but again, it’s a small chunk of the beginning of a much larger game. I can’t imagine any of this stuff wouldn’t be expanded upon. It’s hard to judge this thing story-wise due to the nature of it being a demo. I thoroughly enjoyed what is there, though, and look forward to playing the rest of the game in 50 years or whatever.
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (Nintendo Switch, 2018)
This game is so much. Even though the first thing I learned about this game was “everyone is here”, I still wasn’t ready for how much it is. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is maybe too much. Of course, as previously stated, everyone (meaning every single previous playable Smash Bros. character) is here. Most of the previous stages are also present. This was all known. Where the game really, truly goes overboard though is in the single-player content. There’s the usual classic mode for every character, this time specifically structured around a theme for each character, but the vast majority of it is actually comprised of the all-new spirits system. Spirits are non-playable video game characters that you can collect and equip to your fighters for special abilities, sort of like a less terrible version of Smash Bros. Brawl’s stickers. You collect these spirits through spirit battles, which are fights themed around the character the spirit represents via extremely clever usage of already existing fighters and mechanics. These battles range from the obvious (Big the Cat’s battle tasks you with fighting a giant purple Incineroar), to the obscure (fight the main characters from Zangeki no Reginleiv as represented by Link and female Robin while you’re giant-sized), to the creative (Porygon’s spirit puts you in a fight against wireframe Little Mac and Akira from Virtua Fighter, normally an assist trophy), to the downright in-jokey (the spirit of Ness’s Father, displayed as the telephone spirte from Earthbound, makes you fight an invisible Solid Snake). There are like 1200 spirits. The vast majority of them have an associated battle. And you don’t just experience these battles through a menu, at least half of them are implemented into the 30 hour long adventure mode, World of Light, which has you fighting spirits, navigating dungeons, and facing bosses. It’s insane. They focused on spirits in lieu of collectible trophies this time around and they absolutely made the correct choice. The trophies in the last two Super Smash Bros. games were fine, but easier access to existing 3D models of most represented characters made them inherently less exciting than Melee’s tailor-made collection of high quality (considering the time period) renders, many of which would never receive a 3D model again. The spirits system manages to be exciting in the same way Melee's trophies were, fostering a genuine sense of anticipation to see what they cooked up next, but in the context of gameplay. They completely knocked it out of the park. Smash 4 made it on one of these lists long ago, and I essentially just said “it’s more Smash Bros. and that’s good”. Smash Ultimate is also more Smash Bros., but it’s SO much more Smash Bros. It’s so much more extremely good Smash Bros. The only things I can ding it for are some totally subjective stage preferences (where the hell is Poké Floats) and some slightly less than optimal music sorting decisions. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is, ultimately, the ultimate Super Smash Bros.
These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:
Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Nintendo Switch, 2018): Remember Castlevania 3? Inti Creates sure did! This prequel to the still unreleased Koji Igarashi Kickstarter project Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is an unabashed love letter to Castlevania 3, and it’s pretty good.
Mom Hid My Game! (Nintendo Switch, 2017): A charming little game in the style of those old escape the room Flash games. It even looks like one (in the literal sense, not the pejorative). It’s not tough or replayable really, but it is $5 and consistently absurd and surprising.
Yakuza 6: The Song of Life (PlayStation 4, 2018): Yakuza 6 is kind of a weird juxtaposition. It’s the final chapter of Kazuma Kiryu’s story, but also the first game to use the Yakuza team’s new Dragon Engine. The story end of things is a good, solid sendoff for a bunch of characters I’m going to miss very dearly, but the gameplay feels very formative and limited in a way that sort of reminds me of Yakuza 1. I had a good time with it overall, but I hope they manage to dial it in like they did with the previous decade of Yakuza games and make something truly excellent again. Looking at you, Judge Eyes.
Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond the Myth (Nintendo 3DS, 2017): Etrian Odyssey V is a return to basics for the series, ditching things like overworlds and sub-dungeons and just pitting your party against one big labyrinth. Honestly, gotta say, I miss the stuff they left behind! The core of Etrian Odyssey is still super strong so I had fun regardless, but the overall simplicity of the game and the changes to how classes work had me missing EOIV more often than not. Soundtrack’s great though, as expected.
Sonic Mania Plus (Nintendo Switch, 2018): To be completely honest, most of the stuff they added to Sonic Mania in Plus really isn’t that fantastic. Mighty’s spike and projectile immunity is fun, but Ray’s flying is more interesting than effective. Encore mode is largely disappointing, with most of it feeling identical to the base game outside of its all-new (and too hard for their own good) special stages. HOWEVER, Sonic Mania Plus was an exceptional excuse to play through Sonic Mania another six or so times. Congratulations to Sonic Mania for being game of the year for two years in a row.
WarioWare Gold (Nintendo 3DS, 2018): A good compilation game, executed much better than in the team’s previous Rhythm Heaven Megamix, but lacking in reasons to come back after you’ve played all the games. There’s the usual toy room stuff WarioWare has had since Touched!, but it’s bogged down by reliance on a currency system and the fact that sooooo many things you unlock are just parts that feed into a larger, not that interesting thing. The part where you play WarioWare is great though, and the new visuals make it all feel fresh even though it’s mostly older games.
Mario Tennis Aces (Nintendo Switch, 2018): I had a brief, passionate love affair with Mario Tennis Aces. The core gameplay is rad as hell and more like a fighting game than a tennis game, with multiple different special shots and a focus on meter management. I played like 40+ hours of it between the full game and the demo and never even touched the single player (which makes it technically not count for this list, but, shut up). I got 2nd place at its very first tournament at CEO 2018. Then I... stopped playing. It had some weird balance issues, sure, but I think it was more a victim of circumstance rather than anything else. I moved basically right after CEO and just never went back to it. It’s still incredible though. I hope this game’s systems are the standard for Mario Tennis games going forward.
We made it! Bottom of the list! It was a shorter trip this time, but I’m still proud of you for making it here all the same. Thank you for reading the words I typed about video games. I’m looking to get this web page back into gear in 2019, so you can probably expect part 2 of The Best Babies sometime in January. Hopefully I’ll actually play some video games too so I can bring back Breviews on the first of February. Until then!
Pokémania has been running wild as of late thanks to the Pokémon anime marathon Twitch recently started running, but unfortunately with it has come a resurgence of one of my least favorite sentiments in existence: “The only good Pokémon were the first ones”. This is wrong for, lets say, around 656 different reasons. Every Pokémon generation is good. There have been lame Pokémon designs since the very beginning, and a lot of this championing of the first generation stems from the fact that a lot of people only played Red and Blue. I could go on and on and write a whole big teardown article on Generation 1, the people who worship it, Game Freak’s increasingly big nostalgia plays towards them, the lazy designs of some of the original 151...
But that’s not what I’m here to do! You can go on any stupid dipshit’s web zone and find some CinemaSins-esque garbage about why the thing you like actually sucks. I’m so over that bullshit. I refuse to feed any more needless negativity into the all-consuming black hole that is the Internet. This is my web zone, and I’m the dipshit that’s going to round up all my favorite Pocket Monsters from every generation of Pokémon and start a series where I write a little about all of them here, for you, in Pokédex order, featuring their original art. These are Pokémon that, if this were one of my reviews, I would give 4 or 5 stars to (meaning they are either Good or Real Good). These are The Best Babies.
#004 - Charmander
Look at this happy little dino lizard!! He’s bald, his tail is on fire, and he’s ready to have a good time. Evolves into some mean boys, and that’s fine, but Charmander is cute and fun and that’s very good to me.
#007 - Squirtle
Squirtle is very good. He’s a turtle, he’s a squirrel, and he loves to blow bubbles. The three key ingredients to make anything good. I think real life turtles are ugly dumbos, but you would never hear me speak an ill word of this precious creature.
#009 - Blastoise
Squirtle grew up and he got BIGH!! Blastoise is a great final evolution for a starter Pokémon (something that is evidently very tough to pull off), taking the cute baby and turning him into a beefy boy with shoulder guns. He is my friend.
#013 - Weedle
Look at him nose!!!!!!!! I normally don’t like bug Pokémon, and his feet nubs that kinda look like his nose weird me out a little, but it is very hard to argue with that face. A properly cute nose is a VERY big plus for any Pokémon, as you will see a little further down this list.
#025 - Pikachu
There’s a reason Pikachu is the face of Pokémon, but look, we gotta talk. See that Pikachu above this text? He’s so fat. He’s so fat and it’s so good. Pikachu has been a victim of a needless slimming down over the years, gradually growing more and more emaciated looking as the series has gone on. That’s not the Pikachu I love. That’s not the Pikachu the world loves. The reason Pikachu is the face of Pokémon is twofold: he’s the main Pokémon of the main character in the cartoon, and he was an adorable little tubbo whomst you want to give a big hug. The slim, big-headed Pikachu of the more modern games is a disgrace, and his continued public facing and entrenched popularity feels manufactured and compulsory rather than a genuine celebration of a beloved character. Bring back fat Pikachu. Let him be himself. (And change his cry in the games back to the original! He’s the only one that does the anime thing where he says his name and it’s weird!)
#035 - Clefairy
A lil’ pink friend who likes to get up to some fun mischief, but only when no one is looking because they’re very shy... relatable. Also, Clefairy is from the moon and that’s cool as hell.
#037 - Vulpix
Oh it’s SUCH A GOOD FLUFFY DOG!!!!! Ok it’s technically a fox but foxes are technically dogs. Whatever you want to say Vulpix is, I hope we can agree on one thing: Vulpix is very cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#039 - Jigglypuff
The GOAT. Jigglypuff is one of my Big Favorites. My Biggest Favorite, actually. One of the ultimate Pokémon. Jigglypuff is VERY round. Look at how round she is. Even her eyes are extremely round. Even the parts that aren’t very round (ears, feet, those stubby little baby arms) are still sort of round. And she loves to sleep, just like me. Jigglypuff is perfect.
#043 - Oddish
Grass ain’t supposed to walk!! It’s okay if this grass does though, because it’s very cute. Is its body dirt? Is it flesh? I don’t know! All I know is I would hang out with Oddish.
#046 - Paras
Paras is a cute lil’ crab bug man with cute lil’ mushrooms on his head, but Paras is also a sad Pokémon because the mushrooms are controlling his brain and the cute crab bug is really just a hollow soulless shell that only exists to nourish the mushrooms. A delightful friend that’s also a solemn reminder that the world we inhabit is a nightmare.
#050 - Diglett
LOOK AT HIM NOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Diglett is great. The perfect mole. All you need to see is his very cute head with his very cute honkin’ nose. Don’t even need to know what his lower half looks like. Diglett just gives you the good shit.
#051 - Dugtrio
LOOK!!!!! AT!!!!!! THEY!!!!!!! NOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god they’re so ANGRY too!!! Calm down you guys, you’re all cute as hell!!!!!!!!!!
#052 - Meowth
He is the Money Cat - And the good news is that HE IS A MILLIONAIRE. A good cat pal with a coin on his noggin. He will make you rich, in money and friendship!!!
#054 - Psyduck
Psyduck is so good dude. He’s a chufty boy with psychic powers and a vacant stare, just like me except for the part about the psychic powers! His existence is pain because he has a perpetual headache, but if I looked so cute with a headache I’d want one forever too!
#058 - Growlithe
Growlithe is just a good pup. I’d pet him. Also sort of suffers from the gradual slimming that plagues Pikachu, making him appear more “””””””LITHE””””””” later on in the series, but to a less severe degree.
#060 - Poliwag
Small round baby what got the transparent guts! That swirl is his intestines. Poliwag knows he’s cute inside and out, and he’s not afraid to show it!!
#061 - Poliwhirl
Polywag! You got so big! And you’re about to punch some motherfuckers!!! Hell yes!!!!
#074 - Geodude
Geodude is real, strong, and my friend. A big rock with big rock arms and big rock muscles. Very powerful.
#079 - Slowpoke
Ohhhhh shit here comes this dumbass. Look at this idiot. I love him. He’s so stupid. He’s my stupid friend and I love him.
#080 - Slowbro
Slowbro grew up and he’s still a total dumbass! He doesn’t even realize that mutant Shellder is eating his tail!! Get over here, you dipshit! Let me give you a hug!
#083 - Farfetch’d
Have you ever seen a more powerful duck? Dude’s got a weapon. He will fight you. I refuse to fight him, however, and will instead hang out with him and be his friend.
#084 - Doduo
What’s better than bird with one head?????? The answer is: Bird With Two Head. What kind of bird is it? An ostrich? A fuckin’ emu? All I know is Doduo is a good bird.
#086 - Seel
Hey you lil’ dope! Put your tongue back in there, you’re gonna bite it off! I love this knucklehead!
#090 - Shellder
What did I JUST get done telling Seel?! You’re a knucklehead too!!
#093 - Haunter
Haunter is like, the perfect ghost. In a better world Haunter is what we would think of when we think of ghosts as a concept instead of the stupid man wearing a sheet kind of ghost. Floaty hands, floaty body, very spiky, very spooky.
#094 - Gengar
Gengar isn’t the perfect ghost, but he is VERY fat and a real practical jokester! I’d give him a noogie if he were corporeal.
#104 - Cubone
It is impossible not to love this poor sweet child. His mom is dead and he wears her skull which is VERY fucked up but cute in a sad way. He loves to cry and bonk people on the head, much like me.
#108 - Lickitung
Oh my GOD look at him. LOOK at HIM. This large boy has a large tongue and that is large good! I’d yell at him about the tongue sticking out but I’m not sure he can help it???
#113 - Chansey
A good egg. A real sweetie! That’s Chansey. Chansey is an egg-shaped egg Pokémon that carries around an egg and uses eggs as a healing move, all before the Pokémon series would introduce Pokémon eggs as a game mechanic. Truly a trailblazer.
#115 - Kangaskhan
Mother and child..... the ultimate team. Kangaskhan is a good mom that loves to punch and carries around a teeny tiny baby that loves to punch just like its mama. The rocky looking skin makes her look even more powerful. Moms are tough.
#116 - Horsea
Horsea got that looooooooong mouth. Horsea is probably very good at saying “doot”.
#119 - Seaking
Seaking isn’t a Slowpoke level dumbass, but he’s a dumbass alright. A huge, vacant dope. I love it.
#120 - Staryu
Staryu is just a powerful design. Big ass star with some sort of wack ass crystal in the center of it that shoots stars that never miss. Plus every way he stands, he’s right-side up!
#121 - Starmie
How do you make a powerful star man even more powerful? Add another star. Starmie is two Staryus taped together and painted purple, the color of royalty. Somehow this all made his energy crystal even bigger, too. Incredible.
#122 - Mr. Mime
Mr. Mime is Hell incarnate. He’s a freak that doesn’t belong in this world or any other. I love him. He’s so fucked up. I would never want to be in a room alone with him. But I love him.
#129 - Magikarp
Magikarp you are so useless. What are you even doing. That’s not water. Why won’t you get in the water. You lovable failure. Get over here.
#131 - Lapras
Lapras is just extremely nice if you ask me. Loves to give rides on the water, very big. I’ve always questioned the supposed comfort of sitting on Lapras’s shell, but nobody in the games ever seems to complain. What a good, reliable friend.
#132 - Ditto
Ditto is the best Pokémon because he is every Pokémon. Another Big Favorite. Ditto is a fun goo man that can turn himself into everyone, and in the anime the copied Pokémon even get his dopey lil’ face, which is one MILLION percent something they should implement into the games. A classic of Pokémon.
#133 - Eevee
Look at this flufflord!!!!! He so fluffy!!!!!!!! Eevee is very fluffy, and very good. Can turn into many, many other Pokémon, which are also mostly good.
#134 - Vaporeon
See! I told you! Water Eevee is the most regal lookin’ motherfucker in the sea. Boy got a popped collar and everything.
#135 - Jolteon
Oh my god all of Eevee's fluff is frizz now! Because he’s electric!! Yes!!! Such a spikyboy!!!!
#137 - Porygon
Porygon is so good and only gets better as time goes on. He’s so weird and out of place, being the only Pokémon that’s actually a virtual reality computer program, however the fuck that works???? But also canonically he’s now like 20 years out of date, which is great. This very angular, very old cyber duck is another one of my Big Favorites.
#143 - Snorlax
Yo Snorlax fuckin’ owns in this series. This incredibly large man loves eating, sleeping, and can pull a minimum of 10 other Pokémon. Few other Pokémon are as huge as this big guy.
#147 - Dratini
Baby Chinese myth dragon!! Dratini is a small mystical snake dragon with a lil’ nubbin horn and big eyes and a big heart!!!! Keep being you, Dratini!!!!!!
#150 - Mewtwo
Mewtwo is, I guess, overplayed by this point. He’s the big bad secret final boss of Red and Blue, everyone knows him, everyone thinks he’s cool. Including me! I don’t care that he’s overplayed!! Mewtwo is a genetic freak, and he’s not normal. He’s so bony looking! What even is that weird flesh tube connecting the back of his head and his back?! Does not take after his mom at all, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re a weird monster made in a mafia lab. It’s okay though, he’s cool just the way he is.
#151 - Mew
Mewtwo’s mom is VERY CUTE!!!! A precious pink psychic cat baby who loves to float around the world and hide under trucks, maybe. Very rare.
And that’s all my best friends from Generation 1! Join me next time when I tackle the 100 new babies added in Pokémon Gold and Silver!
Every time I beat a game, I immediately mark it off on my Backloggery and write down my thoughts in the provided review field. Now I’m putting those thoughts on my website, too. Sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always 500 characters or less. They’re Breviews!
WarioWare Gold (Nintendo 3DS, 2018)
Warioware Gold is good, but not without its issues. The majority of the returning microgames are The Ones You Want, and the updated art and music (and sometimes gameplay) manage to keep things fresh even when playing a game you've seen in previous entries, which is the most important thing. It's sorely lacking in meaningful side content however, and the currency system used for unlocks isn't very great. Definitely a better executed compilation game than Rhythm Heaven Megamix though.
