Confessions of Cordafia

There is a big big girl, in this big big world. Follow her on her adventures and misadventures in LiFe.

[cordafia]

Because the girl from the faraway barrio came....and conquered. 🗽 #dreams #dreamsarefree #dreamsarereal #newyork_ig #newyork #newyorkcity #visitnyc #visitnewyork #travelnewyork #travelnyc #travel #travelandlearn #barriolass #fromthebarrio #waldorfastoria #waldorf #waldorfnyc #waldorfnewyork

[cordafia]

For all the pains, For all the hardships, For all the tears, And for all the fears, Whatever happens, However difficult it could get, Knel down and pray to Him, He will always protect. Happy birthday Cordafia. #birthday #wishes #strength #positivity #smile #womanwithstrength #torontoliving #immigrants #lifeofanimmigrant #igers #igerscanada #igerstoronto #selfie #happiness #love #grateful #gratefulness #blessed

[cordafia]

"Dealing and coping 101. Drowning this winter sadness with a friend and San Miguel." #lifeofanimmigrant #homeawayfromhome #WinterProblems #immigrants #itsgonnabeokay #igers #igerscanada #igerstoronto #sanmiguelpilsen #sanmiguelcanada #Positivity #positivity101 #fromthesix #fromthe6ix #confidante #friendship #girlfriends #beer #winter 📷 by Bo Fajardo. Follow Bo @bofajardobw @bofajardo

[cordafia]

The night is young, And so are we. Aymtaynkyu. Bow.

[cordafia]

"Sometimes, the place you are used to is not the place where you belong. You belong where you believe you belong." -Queen of Katwe Photo by Bo Fajardo. Follow Bo @bofajardo and @bofajardobw #torontoliving #toronto #fromthesix #fromthe6ix #streetsoftoronto #igers #igerstoronto #igerscanada #6ixwalks #blogto #toronto_insta #seemycity #lovetoronto #1toronto #stroll #narcity #positivity #positivity101

[cordafia]

Daphne at Dolly's. #dollys #toronto #fromthesix #fromthe6ix #wethenorth #igers #igerstoronto #igerscanada #filipinofood #weekend #weekendswithcordafia #homefood (at Dolly's)

[cordafia]

Instagram-y caption be like: Because why not? We're in Canada! #TimHortons #maplecountry #coffeetime My kinda caption: Lu, hurry! Get some maple dip donut! and coffee! double double! and we sit there in the sofa and have our picture taken! Smile! #tourist #keynada #checkinpamore (at Tim Hortons)

[cordafia]

Love in the Time of Starbucks

(written September 2014)

 Part 1.

Tall pike in a grande cup...with two packs of honey, and errrr..... a smile.

Jumping from my bed and waking up knowing I’ll encounter those early morning on weekdays makes me giddy excited to run to work. Yes, you. You are my “guy I go to work to.” 

Leaving home (The Philippines) for almost 3 years and juggling life here and there with whatever job I can get, doesn’t bother me at all since I laid my eyes on you. Yes, you. The tall guy with the kindest smile, the kindest face. The tall guy who even if I see a glimpse of just his hair or his back sends crazy palpitations in my heart. The tall guy who makes me forget everything; including proper english when he is looking at me. The tall guy who orders brewed coffee everyday of his life and slightly touches my hand with the most extraordinary two dollar coins in my lifetime. Oh, if he just knew how I prayed hard that even once, just once, he will order a handcrafted beverage.Then, I can have the reason and courage to ask him his name and write it in the cup...as well as in my heart.

[cordafia]

I wrote down our happy memories, at least the ones I can remember, and placed them in a jar.I will open the jar and pull out a memory on days when I need some happiness, or at least a memory of it. Have a safe flight back to The Philippines, Lu! I already miss you and Baymax!lol Love you and see you soon again! #gossipgirls #friendship #itsagirlthing #igers #igersnyc #igersnewyork #holidays #christmas2016 #newyorkcity #nyc #housemates #universitylife #UPVisayas #updiliman #universityofthephilippines #manhattan #travel #travelandlearn #visitnyc #visitnewyorkcity (at Waldorf Astoria New York)

[cordafia]

Kiv

When a good friend of mine died weeks ago, I remember walking on the streets insensitive of how the smoke coming from the jeepneys hurt my eyes or forgetting to put soap powder on the washing machine’s soap dispenser while washing my clothes.I cannot even remember how a day passed without having the thought crossing my mind that my friend was really gone and he will never wake me up with his morning calls as he used to. That was I remember the most stressful day of my life where smiling was a difficulty in my part and if smiling is to be forced, it was accompanied with tears. Days passed and the whole barkada communicates with the eyes and leave each other with hugs before going apart.As I endlessly walked one cold december day, I stopped as I hear the church bell ring and found myself inside looking up at Him and trying to find the answer why my friend had to die.I cried silently and I dont know for any reason, but my heart became lighter and as I knelt and pray, I begin to understand why he had to take my friend. He freed my friend. No longer will my friend suffer pain or loss, he will forever be at peace. Prayers are such strong canes that prevents you from falling down.Prayers are silent answers why we have each day to cherish.Thru prayers, little by little, I have learned to accept what happened. Prayers free our souls.

written December 2003

Freshman, Lyceum of Manila, College of Law

[cordafia]

me.  Now.

And I'll probably look back to this someday and laugh my head off and wonder how I ever got so wound up over some boy I like who happens to like someone else. I should be pretty used to it by then, shouldn't I? but for now, I guess i'll have to deal with it the only way I know how. Cry a little then maybe laugh at myself a little, and wonder why in the world it couldn't be me, for once.

-Peyups archive

[cordafia]

The Train Ride

It was rush hour. We sat across each other so we can both be seated on the only two vacant seats left. Looking from his dress shirt that was unironed, he must have woken up late again. But I like it with my man not too tidy, a little unruly makes it manly. He stood up to offer his seat to an old lady. Then he looked my way, he smiled at me, I smiled at him back. I like my man that way, such a gentleman. As the train stopped on the next station, a woman beside me stood up to get off. He then sat next to me. My heart felt like a tornado was rushing in. While I was drowned in this feeling, he was slowly, quietly leaning his head on my shoulder and went to sleep. And as he was too tall, I tried to sit shoulders up trying to come to his head's level. I felt the pain, my shoulders almost giving up, but for my man, for my man I am willing to stay with that position longer. His hair? His hair smell like that perfume I always try in The Bay , always trying, but can never afford to buy. He must have done an all nighter last night, his snore is almost like a car engine going broken. How I wish this train will never stop. I made up excuses in my head for my boss as to why I’m going to be late later. I wanted him to be this near to me longer. Then we arrived in Yonge-Bloor. Crap! I hate Yonge-Bloor station starting that day. He woke up as the train came to a halt and apologized for sleeping in my shoulders, I smiled at him. He stood up and together with the sea of commuters, he rushed outside. I saw his back, and from there, I whispered. Goodbye my man. Goodbye stranger.

 There goes my love, but only on my own.

There goes my love, forever unknown.

[cordafia]

Magpaalam ka naman.

Alam ko namang hindi talaga maiiwasang minsan sa buhay mo, masasaktan ka, maiiwan, mapapaasa. At alam ko ring mahirap magpaalam. T*ngina, syempre naman alam kong mahirap magpaalam. Pero bilang paggunita man lang sa munting kung ano mang maaaring mamagitan sa dalawang tao, sana naman kung sakaling humantong na nga ang wakas, magsabi ka man lang. Kung ito na nga yun, magpaalam ka naman. Yun lang. Contributed by Gmajor on the now defunct peyups.com (Sept. 16,2003)

[cordafia]

Possibilities by lemondrop- peyups.com

Tonight is going to be the last time that I will think about you and me. Not that there was ever a "you and me". But I have to admit, for the better part of the last two years that was all I could think about. The possibility. Possibilities... they tend to drive people a little crazy. At least that's my excuse. I still remember the first time I met you. I was not even that impressed. I remember telling the guy who introduced us... "I think I'm taller than him". But somehow, the second time I saw you, I realized you had the nicest smile I had ever seen. That smile made me want to smile back. And I don't even like to smile. More so then, with my god-awful braces. Who likes smiling with a mouth full of metal? And I really liked the way you fixed your hair. It was cool. You were cool. Listening to the sound of your voice, your accent so different from mine. Talking to you, I felt my limits expanding. Talking to you, smiling into your smile, in that fleeting moment, the realization that there is a whole big, wide world out there... waiting. That's it. Your smile, your hair, and the way I felt when talking to you... the feeling that my world is suddenly so small and so big... all at once. I didn't even see you for a year after that. But like every long distance crush, I would think of you from time to time. Wondering where you are and what you were up to. I never really thought I would ever see you again. But I did... in this big wide world; we somehow ended up being real friends. I mean, what were the chances, right? Thinking like that... Well, that's when the possibility of it being more started driving me a little bit crazy. And so here we are. More than three years later. I don't have braces anymore and you have lost all your hair (shaved your head, instead of fighting a losing battle with hair loss). Not just acquaintances but really good friends. But some things never change. I'm still slightly taller and your smile is still the nicest smile I have ever seen. Thinking of it now, it still makes we want to smile back. Even though I never like to smile... Even though I am a little sad. Sad, because all this time, you just never got it. Somehow, the possibility that used to fill me with wonder just didn't have the same effect on you. This realization was not easy to accept, nor is it easy to live with given the fact that I just saw you today and will see you again tomorrow. But I also know that I am thankful to have met you. Because it's through knowing you that I came to know of possibilities. I realized that, although it IS a big wide world... anything can happen. People, places, things you think that are out of reach today may be right beside you tomorrow. The possibilities are endless... ... And so I know that one day I will meet him. And me too, based on my uncertain smile, would see the possibilities in me. Tonight though, for the last time... I just wish that it could have been you.

[cordafia]

of letting go. yes. i.did.let.go.of.you.

I have moved on. Moreover, I have let go. Of you, of me, of what once was, and of what never will be.

But I have yet to find closure -- and I will when you answer just one last question. Call me what you want, but I sincerely refuse to believe that 'no' is not the answer.

Did you, even just for a split second, love me back?

Or were all those times you called, those love quotes you sent me, those endless, somewhat annoying text messages, those letters, meaningless?

Just answer me with a yes, and I shall forever let us go.

---

taken from the now defunct peyups.com

[cordafia]

That cold december morning....

[cordafia]

2013 trip to Socal,North Cali and New York.

Was it just a dream? Was it worth it? Should I not have woken up instead?