I’ve always wanted to keep a journal, but I feel so lazy to do it Hehe. Today I prefer writing to you because I think you were the stronger one. The happy one. You were the one seen by others to be full of happy thoughts, jokes and talks a lot. You were the extrovert, and I’m the introvert.
The introvert who prefers to sing songs of my favorite bands and dream of them. Sleep when irritated and cries when hurt, but you’re different because you’re a happy-go-lucky-girl. You laugh so hard and talks a lot even though things go the opposite way. I want to be like you again.
Today I feel depressed, sad and I don’t know what to do to save myself. I wanted to cry, but I can’t. I wanted to scream , but I can’t. I sometimes feel like I was Hazel Grace, a bomb, but Hazel has her Augustus, an Augustus that I don’t have. ( It doesn’t matter though Haha I don’t look for one yet :P )
I learned making others feel happy and comfortable because I wanted to feel the same thing, but at times I end up needing motivation and inspiration, and I am still the one who heals myself and save the day. I just say a mantra like “You can do it. Stop the drama.”, then atleast I’m fine, somehow.
I realized that I do have an introvert and extrovert personality. My front and back side. Sometimes I wanted to see people, sometimes I don’t. There are things that I wan’t others to see, and things that I don’t want them to, thus I hide them inside that’s why at times I wanted to explode, but I can’t explode, so instead of exploding I learned to somehow cope and say a thing like “Yeah that’s life’s challenges”, it’s normal, so keep moving, and it never happened to be easy hence it becomes to be a double challenge.
Beyond this very blurred dramatic and crazy letter to myself, I hope I can somehow be the stronger one. The extrovert. The happy one. Sometimes my self-esteem depreciates/declines/decreases ( I don’t know what was the appropriate word to use), so I wish that everytime it does, there’s someone or everyone cheering me up. Luckily it happens. Thanks! I never wanted to feel alone, that’s why I never let anyone feel alone when I’m with them which is why I appear to be the happy one, but inside I know I’m not all the time.
Therefore, through all of these, I know God can help me and through His grace I can, ultimately.
Cheer up na Isabel! Raccoon raccoon. Baliw mo Hahaha
