there's a hole in my soul

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

[careymulligandaily]

Carey Mulligan at “The Great Gatsby” Cannes Premiere | May 15, 2013

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

Camilla took care to smile softly. She didn’t want to seem any more like a lunatic after that sudden laughter. She also didn’t want Cordelia to see where she lived—there was plenty of time to be scared off by her living arrangements later. “We could meet there, if you like.”

[cordeliahathaway]

Returning Camilla’s gentle smile with one of her own, Cordelia nodded, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “That would be wonderful with me. I really look forward to it.”

[thelittle-raearchived-blog--blog]

Ariel raised an eyebrow as if it was enough answers, resting her hands on her hips and cheekily asked “Has it been that long?” a frustrated expression crossed over her features “Actually I don’t think it has been that long.” she pouted, wondering if she looked different. Cordelia did look different though, her hair and face were the same but there was something different…she couldn’t quite pinpoint what. 

[cordeliahathaway]

Her gaze softening as she laid eyes upon Ariel, she smiled gently. “I’m sorry - I’ve just been a bit out of it this week,” she admitted, running a hand through her hair. “No, it hasn’t. It’s lovely to see you again, though. You look very nice.”

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

Camilla laughed. Wow, this girl actually thought she could afford somewhere fancy. She’d probably be disappointed when she discovered the contents of her wallet. “Flying Crocodile sounds great, actually. All those highbrow dinner places make me nervous.” 

[cordeliahathaway]

Raising a fair eyebrow at Camilla’s sudden outburst of laughter, she managed a small smile, nodding as she met the older woman’s dark eyes once more. “Oh, me too,” she confessed with a giggle. “That’s good, then. Do you want me to pick you up, or would you rather meet there or something like that?”

[mr-rowan-steele]

  The guilt of up and leaving Barton all those years ago had never really left Rowan, despite his efforts to keep in touch. Dozens upon dozens of letters that started with the words I’m Sorry had been written to those he left behind, but he never could bring himself to drop the quaint white envelope into the mailbox. His uncertainty was exacerbated by the passing of time, as he theorized none of them lived in the same houses anymore—sending a letter would be a waste of time.

  Boy, did he have a lengthy letter memorized for Cordelia Hathaway, and seeing her struck a chord of bitter happiness in his soul.

  “Hey Cordelia,” he laughed, his mouth twitching up and down as the mixture of excitement and melancholic nostalgia overtook him. “Long time no see,” he tried to be casual, closing the distance between them with a few steps, but when he really looked at her—so close to her—his smile disappeared. “I’m sorry. How have you been?” he asked with solemn demure.

[cordeliahathaway]

Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans, Cordelia eyed him, a mix of nostalgia and cheerfulness in her gaze. “Yeah,” she responded, laughing quietly and letting her eyes fall to the ground. “I’ve been okay, I suppose,” she admitted, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. “Not the best, not the worst? How have you been?”

[tsarchived-deactivated20150713]

Terra did not think there was room inside of her for any more demons. The ghosts that lived in her home already inhabited every space that was not bone and flesh, but they seemed happy to make room for every memory that was inspired by the colors of the hallway, the noisy chatter of the children and the sound of lockers being slammed shut. Terra felt on edge, and the fact that she had bumped into someone in a frustrated frenzy did not help her nerves. She glanced at the woman in front of her. The features were familiar, the eyes too; the smile most of all. It did not take her long to connect a memory with this lady and she nodded, “Yes, I remember.” The fig had lived for a good seven years – a success for Terra, mind you! – but had been entirely forgotten when Ava moved in permanently. There was no time to water a plant when a teenager demanded to be fed every evening. “I bought Sebastian from you.” The tree had been with her for almost a decade; naturally she had named it. Sebastian, at least, was a little less embarrassing than Heffalump.

[cordeliahathaway]

Terra’s face was so familiar to her, yet, like almost everything in this town, it seemed to have changed in some way. Biting at her lower lip nervously, the woman all but sighed with relief that Terra remembered what she was talking about. “Sebastian?” Her pale pink lips quirked up into a smile. “That’s quite a lovely name.” Running a hand through her hair and shifting awkwardly, she questioned, “Um, how have you been doing?”

[cordeliahathaway]

Turning her gaze to the ground, Cordelia bit at her lower lip, her head resting against the cold brick exterior of the building. As she heard a voice behind her, the slender woman startled, her eyes widening. “Fuck,” she mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do I know you?” she questioned bluntly, eyes scanning the other person.

[careymulligandaily]

Carey Mulligan for Empire, May 2015

[campclit-deactivated20150410]

Visit Original Link

[mr-rowan-steele]

  Despite his deep-rooted resentment, Rowan could not deny that the answer he was given ten years ago was the last puzzle piece to the bigger picture—a perfect match, as its unexpected shape had explained the rest of the enigmatic pieces with undoubtable certainty. Methods of transportation were always going to be tough, as, iron and metal were a fae’s worst nightmare.

  But when one finds the answer, one can work towards a solution, and in his secretive studies Rowan concocted a viable means to travel that eliminated seventy-seven percent of the adverse side effects experienced while in close contact to machinery.

  It really did work like a charm—he’d could be rich if he sold his secrets to the faeries—but there was something about sitting on the park bench and feeling the soil and earth underneath his feet through socks and shoes that put him at peace. By plane or by car, Rowan would always appreciate the time he spent with two feet on the ground.

  In his peripheral view he could see the outlines of a figure, as he was keen to ignore them and mind his own business on his phone. Yet, when it appeared they weren’t going to leave him to his personal space, Rowan’s head pivoted towards them.

  His blank expression tightened with shock. “Oh… oh my god,” he said in between a shaking breath “It’s you.”

[cordeliahathaway]

It was all so different here. She hadn’t expected it to be so different - or was it just her that was different? God, that’s sentimental. Biting back a laugh as she ran a hand through her newly dyed hair - a shade that seemed to be between brown and auburn - and moved a elegant finger over the button of her camera to take a photograph of the sun setting. It really was a gorgeous town, Barton Hollow. Despite the memories that still haunted her, she couldn’t deny that it was so lovely. 

Once the photograph seemed to be to her liking, she tucked away the camera in its case, planning to make her way back to her car when she spotted a familiar face out of the corner of her eye. Rowan. Her eyes widened, and all thoughts of leaving flew out of her mind. Once he spoke, his words shaky, she gave him a shaky smile. “Hi, Rowan,” she said softly.

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

Camilla shifted back a little, surprised. “Great,” she said, somewhat at a loss for words. She hadn’t expected it to go this far, honestly. She’d expected the pretty girl to walk away, but now she was just sitting here, looking up at her with those bright eyes. 

“So, um, Friday? I’m not sure where we could go; I don’t eat out often,” she said, tapping her fingers thoughtfully. 

[cordeliahathaway]

Cordelia smiled softly, her long eyelashes fluttering as she turned her gaze from the ground towards Camilla’s lovely dark eyes. “We could go to the Flying Crocodile,” she responded thoughtfully, two delicate fingers resting against the cool and smooth skin of her cheek. “Or we could go somewhere a bit fancier, but most of those places are out of town. It’s up to you, really.”

[tsarchived-deactivated20150713]

If there was one thing that Terra never wanted to do in her life, then it was to be the parent in a parent/teacher conference. Something else she hoped to avoid was to return to high school. Yet here she was one Thursday morning, exiting the principal’s office and feeling an awful lot like the teenager she had once been. It was obvious the man did not respect her, remembering her teenage tantrums and many times she had been suspended. ‘You have not graduated, Terra. How do you fare as a parent?’ Terra supposed that one minute longer inside of this office and she would have strangled the man with his own tie. Terra stalked through the crowded hallway, avoiding freshmen and hallway runners; they were the worst of the bunch. Under her breath she cursed as she still managed to run into a particularly stubborn individual. She glared at them. Then she remembered just why the fine principal of this school did not respect her and so willed her features to soften. “I’m sorry about that.” How strange, twenty-three years ago she would have simply kicked them aside. “I did not see you.”

[cordeliahathaway]

Cordelia rushed down the hallway, bowing her head in an attempt to hide the anxiety that lingered behind her eyes. She was scheduled to give a presentation the students about photography earlier that day, and she couldn’t help but feel a mixture of excitement and terror at being back in her hometown. Not noticing the dark-haired woman heading in the other direction, she crashed into her, startling a bit but pulling a small smile to her face. “Don’t worry about it,” she responded sincerely, toying with one of her bracelets. “It’s perfectly fine.” Taking another glance at the woman, her dark eyes lit up as she recognized the other woman - she had sold a fiddleleaf fig to her years ago, and she could recall laughing about how she had named her succulent Heffalump. Biting back a grin, Cordelia apologized, “I’m sorry - you must think something’s wrong with me. I just remember meeting you at the flower shop here years ago.”

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

“Yeah, it’s really making me feel inadequate,” Camilla joked. She was beginning to hope her ride wouldn’t show up for long enough to ask her for her number or something but clearly she was pretty terrible at reading this girl. She couldn’t understand what she wanted. 

“So,” she said, “would you go out to dinner with me?” 

[cordeliahathaway]

 Cordelia laughed softly, shaking her head. “You’re gorgeous. You fit right in here,” she said with a little grin, biting her lip and lowering her gaze as Camilla asked if she would want to go out to dinner with her. “I . . . yeah, that would be lovely,” she responded, her cheeks still on fire. That was rather abrupt.

[cordeliahathaway]

Cordelia has always been one to fall in love too quickly and fiercely, and, despite the years that have passed, this hasn’t changed a bit. She’s fallen in love with quite a few people all too soon only to find herself in volatile and intense relationships most of the time. It’s far too much for her, and she usually has to work up the courage to end her relationships after only a few months or even weeks. 

She’s found success in the field of photography, becoming a well-known public figure solicited by the rich and famous for photographs. Her true passion is photography with a more ethereal edge, but she does photoshoots for stars because the money’s good.

She moved out of Barton Hollow and to a studio apartment in New York City on her twenty-ninth birthday. It was too much for her, staying in the town where her mother and Jessamine still lived, and she had always loved the appeal of New York.

She’s been living with a sweet-faced, bubbly woman named Isabel Whitney for several years now. It’s sometimes a romantic thing, usually leaning more towards the platonic side, but Isabel is a wonderful friend to Cordelia and is always there for her.

She ran into Jessamine the day she left town - she had decided to stop at Fleur de Lily one last time before she went when she saw Jessamine there, admiring some roses and looking as gorgeous as ever. They barely acknowledged each other’s presence at first, but, just before she left, Jessamine said softly, “I miss you, Delia,” before smiling wistfully and leaving before Cordelia even had the chance to speak.

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

“I’ve only been here for a few years, actually. I wasn’t meant to stay here very long, but I suppose I just… landed here,” Camilla sighed, grinning a little at the end when she peeked up at Cordelia’s face. 

“But I like it here,” she said. “Lots of great people. Nice people,” she added, biting her lip and letting her head turn so she didn’t have to look directly at Cordelia’s face. People who’d lived there all their lives, people who’d be willing to wait with a stranger on the side of a street for a ride home.  “Gorgeous people,” she amended, feeling braver. 

[cordeliahathaway]

If it was possible, she blushed harder, avoiding Camilla’s gaze. “The people here really are lovely - I mean, like every town, we have a few assholes here and there, but it’s really such a great town overall,” she said with a shy smile, her fingernails tapping lightly against her knee. “Yeah, the people here really are beautiful. I swear, walking down the street sometimes is like looking out at a bunch of models,” Cordelia laughed.

[thelittle-raearchived-blog--blog]

You know what? I’ll stop by whenever Jasmine is available and ask her if I can apply for a job. Working with you would be great, and I bet the schedule wouldn’t be bad if its part-time. I’ll do my best then.  

[cordeliahathaway]

That’s really lovely, Ariel. It would be so great to work with you - I’m glad you’re asking Jasmine about it.

[camillasloane-deactivated201503]

“Wandering?” Camilla asked, leaning a little closer so that their shoulders were almost touching. “It’s nice to wander around here, I suppose.” She liked to do it sometimes, at night, when she was high; she liked to look at the trees and wonder how deep the roots grow. She liked to wonder how deep her roots had grown into this place already. 

“It’s quieter than all the other places I’ve spent any time in. And more beautiful,” she added, tapping her fingers against the pavement. She smiled at her. “Have you been living here long?”

[cordeliahathaway]

Her face flushed, Cordelia averted her eyes, mumbling, “It definitely is. It’s really a beautiful town.” Reaching up and twirling a strand of hair around her index finger, she agreed, “I’ve never actually lived anywhere but Barton Hollow, but it’s certainly quiet here.” Returning Camilla’s smile shyly, she nodded. “My entire life, actually, although I’ve moved in terms of living in different neighborhoods. How long have you been living here?”