"Poop from a butt"

he/him, 19, 🇲🇽, #1 Assassin's Creed Fan, I like stuff, they let anyone (me) study physics these days, #1 Assassin's Creed Hater

[mimosa-sex-tea-people-contrsf]

Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round

Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)

Voting ended onJul 20

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

[fwugradiation]

“And if you’ll give me 40% of the MOST POPULAR VOTE, I’ll give you my SPECIAL REWARD... A year’s supply of NON-GLOOBY SLIME!!! Never or BARELY used!!!” Tenna concluded his speech with a huge smile, jetting his hands up in double peace signs.

The crowd roared in confused enthusiasm as Tenna gave a gracious flurry of low-FPS bows, pausing only for the occasional stink-nose at his audience plants who weren’t throwing enough 3D roses.

Eventually, the room fell silent. It was Senshi’s turn to speak.

He puffed out his chest, took a long, sweeping look over the audience… and shook his head.

“I can see not all of you are eating properly.”

The crowd murmured with embarrassment.

“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s time to take the turkey out of your icebox. I have seen the ingenious technology with which your people store food... and I have also seen the waste which results from such convenience.

“The food you take had a life. Beasts grew fat on the grass of the field, plants grew from the sun’s rays, and mushrooms grew from minerals in the cracks of caves. And yet, it sits in your iceboxes, collecting moisture until it perishes.

“Eat what is given to you. Because its life will make you stronger, too.”

Without another word, Senshi left his podium and stepped away from the stage. The crowd murmured in confusion. “Is he really like that?” somebody said. “I only remember reblogging the photosets of him tripping and showing ass.”

--

Back in the Green Room, Tenna wrung his antennas nervously.

“Y-y-you think they liked me!? They HAD to!! I mean, I don’t know what Asgore was thinking, getting that weird haircut and running that food waste campaign, but… YOU thought I did good, didn’t you, Kris?”

Laios nodded aggressively, a streak of blue face paint peeling from his forehead.

“You did AMAZING, Tenna! By the way, now that we’ve seen all your insider campaign secrets, do you have any more videos of Susie? Especially her tail... If I could get a look at that, I could finally tell if she’s a dinosaur or --”

THWACK. Fake antlers butted Laios’s head.

“LAIOS?? Weren’t we dressed up to help SENSHI???” Marcille hissed, gesturing awkwardly with her hooves.

Suddenly, Tenna turned to the two adventurers.

“Hey, WAIT a second. SOMETHING’s not right here...”

Laios and Marcille held their breath.

“Where the heck are my POINTS!?”

Just then, the door opened. Chilchuck took one step into the room, whistling and holding a large bag.

Everyone turned to him.

Chilchuck paused, took a step backwards, and closed the door.

“CHILCHUCK!!!” yelled Tenna.

“How come Chilchuck got to stay Chilchuck!?” yelled Marcille at the same time.

--

Meanwhile, in outer space somewhere, some guy was making out with a rock.

[cormac434]

Second rant of my AC1-Unity-Shadows (re)play thoughts, this one focusing on the only good game of the three which is sadly the first one, damn this series could've been so good.

AC 1 still feels like the only game concerned with like, being a whole game on its own and not appealing too much to mass audiences (or as much as a triple a game can do that), even if my current replay of ac2 is letting me realize that it's a really good game, I can't deny that as much as I prefer it, ac 2 is a lot more concerned with smoothing the edge of its predecessor, and some of that edge I feel was not all too bad.

AC 1 is concerned with the philosophy of the assassins, it's not an actual like masterclass on faction writing or anything, but it is rather interesting to see the Creed be built up slowly, by questioning and being questioned you learn to understand the why of it all, why the assassins work the way they do, what their mottos mean, etcetera etcetera. And same thing with the templars, even if they are constantly hidden and not truly understood in Altair's story, but is completed by Desmond's, by being in the belly of the beast, he can see from the first row what the templars are all about, at the height of their power, it's honestly crazy how well the game holds up in the overall narrative of the franchise.

Around here is when I should say that I played it on pc and installed a couple mods (EaglePatch and subtitles) so this includes more mission variety, which I understand is one of the big time complaints of the he game, even then, I feel like the gameplay variety is good enough for what it wants to be, in general that's a lot of what this game is, it's not trying to be anything more than what it wants to be, its efforts are directed towards delivering a satisfactory and complete experience of being an assassin

The focus on social stealth still imo remains unmatched, you're actually having to be careful about what yore doing and how you behave in front of guards and enemies, and since crowd blending isn't a thing, you're forced to think up of more routes and entryways to your targets, good time to also mention that Altair's and the assassin's designs are so good, making them deliberately similar to monks so they can provide a mobile hiding spot is the greatest character design choice of the series and sadly it would be absolutely misinterpreted until unity.

It makes you realize how many extra bells and whistles the other games have that aren't all too necessary, the game gives you four weapons, an insta kill stealth weapon, a formidable combat weapon, a ranged option and a non lethal option, really that's all you ever need, I found myself approaching the other games in a more conservative way in terms of resource spending, truly all you need is patience and a hidden blade to dismantle a stronghold.

Comparing this game to the other two reinventions of the series really puts into perspective that despite being the birth of the franchise, AC1 is honestly not a very appreciated game by its successors, which mostly focus on attempting to recreate the feel of either ac 2 or ac black flag. Which is particularly egregious in a game like mirage which is all about "returning to the roots" but is more concerned with adding stuff like blowguns, fast lifts, wanted systems and varied tools and favors the more aesthetic material of AC1 (bureaus, finger sacrifice, middle eastern setting, etc) rather than the gameplay and narrative philosophy

The parkour is really good, many will notice that climbing is rather slow compared to similar games of the franchise like the Ezio trilogy, but I feel like that really ends up making it so you want to think more of other options like parkour pathways in order to elevate yourself rather than just pressing trigger+run into a wall

It really makes it clear that the three foundational pillars of Assassin's Creed are Stealth, combat and traversal, and that's the metric in which I've found myself gauging these games from now on

The kingdom sucks it's probably the worst part of the game, like all of the games strengths are in it's urban settings, now imagine if there wasn't an urban setting and everyone wanted to kill you if you looked at them funny , thankfully this franchise will continue to focus on urban settings and not the open world Skyrim bullshit the rest of the industry seems to love, surely.

[cheshuiniza]

[cormac434]

Finally got though Unity + Dead kings, and I managed to fulfill my goal of finishing it around the same time as shadows and my ac 1 replay, point of it being seeing the 3 times that the franchise has (re)entered a console generation, all three of them have a fair couple of similarities in fact, but tbh that's an essay I'll write on my own time later.

The main point is ac Unity was a game for sure, and dead kings was a dlc for sure, at least they gave it out for free because of the bugs, but it makes it weirder because you can access it from like sequence 4 or something (like my dumbass did when I first played it).

Also, people glaze that parkour system way too much, Arno would rather climb into a chair and Lena around for 6 seconds during a chase while i wanna rip out my hair holy shit, playing AC1 did NOT help either, I miss actual free parkour not this preplanned, game assisted bs, idc if it looks cooler, I started my ac2 replay and the shit I've been able to pull off before even getting the assassin suit had me more hype than any cool move that Arno did.

The story is highkey a mess, I can't lie I can't care about the romance, when you got one of the most interesting times in history and such a cool concept for the assassin brotherhood you CANNOT make me care about these two chucklefucks, no matter how good their chemistry is, you got a plot about assassin-templar collusion and potential truce and you waste your time having cute little moments, neither philosophy is called out significantly and the only reason these two are working together is because they wanna bone, I guess you could say it's about love being more important but that's BORING and a shit argument when you have good arguments on why the assassins and templars aren't dissimilar IN THE FIRST FUCKING GAME.

Helix rifts were cool, not really enough to fully replace the present day segments but it is definitely cool to see what the franchise can cook up in different historical settings, I sure hope this idea is further explored and expanded upon, especially as helix and rifts become a more present part of the general Animus terminology!!!!

For being one of the more actually stealth focused AC games this game has some real issues with how it's enemies work in that regard, every enemy is connected to a hive mind wherein if they spot you they telepathically alert the nearest 3 enemies to be at orange detection, and the detection speed goes by so fast even with stealth focused armor, also chases are horrible, guns really fuck you up and they're kinda hard to avoid if you're trying to elevate through a parkour pathway, at least they can't do anything while you're in the roofs like literally anything no enemy type can do parkour you're virtually invincible up there as long as you don't expose yourself, and they take years to go into yellow detection for some reason.

Combat's fineeee, I don't have much to say, weapon variety is back and one handed sword is still the best option and clearly the intended one, but they do get points for sometimes using the hidden blade mid combat in certain moves and finishers, which I always like.

Too many collectibles, whoever at Ubisoft that though that the "Full" display mode should be the default when opening the map instead of the "Selective" mode deserves pain in their life, that shit deals psychic damage everytime you open it the amount of shit bloating the map just makes me want to close the game, especially since this game has like 5 different versions of petruccios feathers and missions that are literally just "kill guy".

I could speak more and I probably will but I've already made this post way too long and tbf I could probably write a book on the thoughts I have on each AC game so I gotta stop at some point, anyways Bellec did nothing wrong.

[ferrykitty]

I was talking with a friend yesterday and he made the mistake to open a conversation about assassin's creed. After a long talk he said

-Connor was like a wall, no feelings.

Never understood why people feel that way about him. He is such a sweetheart after all that he is been through. I always wonder how he is so gentle and understanding with his enemies after causing him so much pain. 🤎🪶

Thanks to Assassin's creed series for the great video. The screen recording are from his/her original video and the copyright belong to the creator. All recognition and relevant credits belong to him/ her.

[scarlct-vvitch]

project hail mary is insane bc the first half is like oh my god the world is dying and there's alien bacteria eating the sun and there's some guy alone on a ship and he's having a breakdown and the flashbacks are getting darker and this is a tragedy the likes of which i have never seen. then BAM andy weir says fuck you actually. here's this pokemon guy he's here to save the day with the power of friendship. and it's the best thing you've ever seen in your life

[altairibnlaahad0]

It didn't desynchronize so it's canon

[cormac434]

The entire Bellec Fight in unity

[tensleepmice]

[cormac434]

Been replaying unity unfortunately and everytime this game does something it breaks my heart so hard, when this game is good it's downright incredible but it's good for like 10 minutes total and when it's not being good it's so fucking frustrating

Omg Paris is so big and feels so alive but everytime I open the map I want to put some lead in my skull at the sheer amount of stupid collectibles that are just there to pad out your playtime

The parkour system is so in depth and interesting except when Arno climbs a chair and refuses to get down in the middle of a chase

The combat is interesting and not fucking killstreakslop anymore now instead you either two shit people or they two shit you because heaven forbid we balance agame

But oh that's because it encourages stealth, yes stealth is actually a central mechanic in this game for the first time in so long and it's kinda broken and enemy detection is wildly overtuned and sometimes gadgets don't work properly

And don't get me started on the story, that stupid centrist "errrmm actually the assassins would totally side with THE MONARCHY" fuck off man you had such a good avenue to explore the corruption of revolutionary movements through templar meddling but no fuck you, you get "both sides are bad" bullshit and more "templar and assassins can coexist" bogus that WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH IN AC 3 WE LITERALLY HAD A WHOLE GAME ABOUT THIS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DO THIS STILL OH MY GODbut Arno and Elise are cute seriously they're such good performances

[cormac434]

Hey guys I gotta be so for real I really don't want them to remake black flag, that's like, bottom 3 games they should remake, no I don't care if they make it as faithful as possible, I also don't care if they make it an rpgcreed that game is available on every single console system ITS ON THE FUCKING SWITCH PEOPLE, that shit is the most accessible game in the saga after the damn ezio trilogy.

And it's so frustrating because that game has aged perfectly fine, not incredibly but it's a 2013 game it came out on the ps4/xbox one that shit plays perfectly y'know what rotting carcass didn't? AC 1

That shit started off your franchise and the audio mixing is ass, the lack of subtitles isn't helping, the gameplay is clunky, and if you're on a playstation you're outta luck because Sony hates backwards compatibility, that game is begging for a remake, hell, a remaster, but nOOooOo we gotta remake black flag because we're desperate for money

And I promise you I like black flag, it's a good game (people refuse to accept that it spawned many of the issues people have with modern ACs but that's for another post), I like the boat stuff, I like the ground stuff yadda yadda the thing is, if you like black flag, you can play it, it's there, it's available, it plays well, nothing about that game needs a remake and when they remake it they'll either make it so close to the original because there's honestly not that much to change, or they'll change it so much it won't feel like black flag anymore and if you wanted it to be more like black flag YOU CAN PLAY THE ORIGINAL

There's no advantage to it, like seriously i don't see a world where it's a net positive for the community at all, at this point I just hope they try to do something with AC1

[cormac434]

With the news coming out and the supposed leaks I've changed my mind actually, I'm happy it's an RPG Creed now no one gets to be happy and we can all agree that this was a bad idea and no one wants this shit

[assassinating-my-thoughts]

I can see why some people ship Haytham and Charles Lee, the way that man sucks up to Haytham the first time they meet? Like a puppy running underfoot. I paused my game and just stared, I completely forgot about how that man acted.

It’s such a weird thing to see him like that while knowing what he’ll do, the damage he causes. There’s such a difference between the bastard we see with Ratonhnhaké:ton and the stars in his eyes man with Haytham.

Also the fact one of the attack moves is planting both feet on the opponent and kicking off them is amazing. I can’t help but feel like it’s a bit extra, especially because it ends up with them also on the floor (though Haytham and Ratonhnhaké:ton get up unlike their enemy). Though they are Kenways so what else can you expect?

[cormac434]

Very interesting how it shows us further how the templar order is based around subservience and trying to suck up to your nearest superior while the assassin brotherhood is about actual respect and mutual learning

[asscrackcreed]

smth smth parallels with hardcore/toxic masculinty where insecure men look up to macho/highly masculine men in order to feel validated which continues the cycle of abuse smth smth

[asscrackcreed]

the way they address white ignorance in ac4 is quite casual but it still worked pretty well because ade basically tells edward that he has to always endure what others do and say. this ties in really well with edward being ignorant as a whole. he clearly isn't racist and has no issues in working with black people but it doesn't get further than that. its just a big part of his entire characteristic of just not caring about others. that's why he has such a big change of heart at tulum because he's realised that his actions are getting ppl hurt, and worse, killed. but even before that you basically understand straight away what kind of character edward is. his ignorance came less so from not knowing or understanding and was more so due to not caring for what didn't benefit him.

you then have other characters actually be racist even if its a bit more subtle when edward gets to nassau. hornigold asks if edward 'lets' ade carry a pistol to which he responds with a firm answer indicating how that question is unnecessarily hostile

'You let him carry a Pistol, do ye?'

'Peace, Ben. Ade saved my Life.'

i would've preferred a more snarky response but you could also just say that edward's ignorance is showing a bit here since he was only concerned about proving loyalty (which is still somewhat valid) rather than questioning why ade has no reason to not be as trusted as any other stranger. i think its interesting to point out as well that it doesn't come as a surprise that hornigold actually ends up a templar later. i didn't feel much for his death in any way other than satisfactory and maybe a slight tug at the heart strings when he was present at the table in the end sequence.

anyways i mention this because whilst everyone else has always had that sense of justice, hes always been difficult to fit into the creed cleanly. edward would actually be more alike to altaïr because they both do things in the game because they either were told to or it benefits them. it isn't until a tragic event leads them to shed their ignorance and try to make things right albeit at a pace rather than straight away. but even at this point edward doesnt feel like an assassin, not the righteous type that ezio, connor and later, altaïr, was.

[rk1kincorrect]

i keep getting excited bc recently i see shit tons of ezio fanart on tiktok but then i check the tags and it’s never actually ezio it’s always a minecraft youtuber on the qsmp called ewron (ewroon?) who has ezio as his mc skin

[rk1kincorrect]

i keep getting excited bc recently i see shit tons of ezio fanart on tiktok but then i check the tags and it’s never actually ezio it’s always a minecraft youtuber on the qsmp called ewron (ewroon?) who has ezio as his mc skin

[rk1kincorrect]

ac1 remake but nothing changes except they recast philip shahbaz with an accent, add proper subtitles and cutscenes, and there is an option to play the game in arabic (like mirage)

[rk1kincorrect]

ac1 remake but nothing changes except they recast philip shahbaz with an accent, add proper subtitles and cutscenes, and there is an option to play the game in arabic (like mirage)