Another new chapter of "Afterlife":
A night full of shadows
Memories.
Expectations.
Tears.
Dreams.
Wishes.
Confusions.
Hopes.
Support.
Loneliness can hurt terribly. The body increasingly cramps and sensations leave a dull feeling.
The bottom line was that there were pluses, yet something was very wrong.
So much time had passed, seeped into the soft soil of life, delicious seconds never to return.
He moaned with pleasure, this dream had it all. Just before the climax, he awoke because he was shivering. He was not only shivering, he was freezing cold.
It was gloomy around him. Still quite dazed from sleep and the erotic dream, he simply didn't know where he was for a moment.
Then suddenly he heard a voice, it sounded as if through absorbent cotton, only gradually the words penetrated clearly to his eardrums.
"Sabah alkhayr habibi."
Dorian whirled around. He still saw nothing, but he felt a body beside him.
A pleasantly warm body.
A hairy and soft body.
A distinctively scented male body.
Suddenly someone switched on a small bedside lamp.
Did a small hysterical scream escape Dorian or was it the raging headache playing tricks on his imagination?
This was not the person he had thought of in his dreams just a short time ago.
And then again, "Sabah alkhayr habibi."
This time directly to his face.
"How are you, Dorian?"
Although Dorian's head was about to burst, he literally jumped out of bed.
He abruptly became aware that he was standing in the room stark naked.
He quickly grabbed the pillow and pressed it in front of his exposed manhood.
"Habibi? Are you okay? You seem confused. I'll give you a glass of water."
The young man in the bed, lifted the covers aside and slowly got out. Dorian saw that he, too, was completely naked.
Adel reached next to his bedside table and lifted a water bottle from a backpack, with it he went to a small table where a water glass stood and poured some.
The young man took the half-full glass and walked over to Pavus in the half-light of the bedside lamp. With a mild smile he handed over the drink.
"No, thank you. Adel? What are you doing here? Or what am I doing here? Damn..." Dorian's teeth ground, he was so cold.
"Why don't you drink something first? It's the alcohol showing its after-effects."
Dorian reached for the water and drank it down in one go.
"Thank you very much. But Adel... what happened? Gosh... I totally blacked out and I'm sure my brain will explode if I make one wrong move." Moaned Dorian.
Adel sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Dorian kindly.
"We had a little fun last night and..." That was as far as he got.
"Fun!? We had fun? WE??" Dorian's heart raced, his pulse throbbed in his throat, his head vibrated with pain.
He dropped the pillow and ran to the window of the small room. With a little twist, the window was open and icy night air poured into the little mountain cabin room.
In and out! Dorian took a deep breath. The icy air didn't do his lungs much good, but his head cleared up. After a few minutes, he closed the window and turned to his colleague.
"We had fun, Adel...I was hack full! I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Dorian rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers.
"But I am not! You're a nice guy, Dorian. You're charming and a really great person. It's nice that we're more than colleagues now. Habibi." Adel smiled gently.
"Oh heavens..." Dorian frowned, trying to control himself and concentrate.
"It's all right, Dorian. Come on, you're not master of your senses yet. Let's get some sleep first, we can talk more tomorrow. We're on vacation and quite honestly, I'm starting to get cold as fuck!"
Adel was so nice and his laugh so charming. The younger man nimbly scrambled from the edge of the bed back to his side and covered himself. Then he tapped Dorian's spot a few times and beckoned him to join him.
And it didn't help. Dorian remembered by now that the cabin was overcrowded because of a sudden storm, unexpected guests rolling in, all asking for a place to camp for the night.
So people who knew each other were grouped together, and Dr. Sharif and Dr. Pavus were the only men from the doctors' team who wanted to spend a few days' vacation here.
But Dorian would never have thought in his life that this would happen here. Yes, he knew about the homosexuality of his colleague. Although he had Arab roots, he had his coming out surprisingly early. Adel was a genuine open man, a true nerd at work, but always friendly and bubbly with colleagues. His competence in the team was convincing and people liked him. Well, some people he met in the course of his work did not get along with Sharif's open manner. Behind his back, people talked about him: an Arab (he was a second-generation Canadian by birth), a Muslim (religion meant much less to him than his beloved science), a doctor (he had worked hard for it), a gay man (yeah, so what?!) Dorian honored him as an absolutely reliable colleague and a smart head in the team, he was grateful for his hard work on the project "Beyond the mirage". He honored him as a human being, he thought he was great. But Dorian had no interest in a relationship or an affair, and Adel showed no physical interest in Pavus either. Dorian still had not come out of the closet, but had told Sharif at some point. It changed nothing at all in their cooperation.
So what happened last night? Adel did not drink. Dorian, on the other hand, could vaguely remember drinking like a maniac. Up here in the snow and ice, without the stress of work, torrents of memories suddenly fell upon Dorian. Then there was this invasion of climbers asking for shelter. All this confusion, the voices, the inner loneliness that suddenly fell upon Pavus. He sought comfort in a few bottles of wine and harder things. At first a few of his colleagues drank with him, also some of the climbers, but soon it was too much for them. But Dorian's heart was still so empty, it really hurt him. He literally tried to fill it up.
David.
Hadn't he been talking to him, laughing with him, just a short time ago? Cassandra was now living with him with her little son, it seemed to be going very well for all three of them, David loved children so much and Cassandra was a heart of a person.
Dorian was grateful, he knew his David was in good hands.
His David.
Pavus liked this man so much. All the years of separation did not diminish one ounce of affection for this country bumpkin, as Maevaris used to dub him. Dorian was still in love with Trevelyan. Only he still could not say it.
And now this!
Dorian had apparently had fun with another man. Oh Lord in heaven! Okay okay, Dorian often had fun with himself, thinking about David and afterwards he felt better. Years of separation was one point, sexual abstinence was another! Pavus didn't count masturbation as cheating, especially when he was thinking about his beloved far away. But what happened last night was definitely... wait a minute! There was no term for adultery without being married!
Oh heck! And David had still told him then that he wanted to marry him.
Everything was destroyed!
Destroyed for good!
Dorian would not be able to return! Or would he?
If he had been able to resist Iva's advances after their reunion, he now succumbed to the old suffering of drinking and the closeness of the warm, yet strange body of his colleague.
Oh Lord in heaven, what had he done....
Dorian found his clothes neatly folded on a chair and dressed in a breeze in the semi-darkness of the chamber.
"Sorry Adel, but I have to get out of here!" And he went outside.
Adel shook his head, lay down and turned off the light.
Dorian stood in the sparsely lit entryway of the cabin. He would just go upstairs to the lounge area and sit on one of the couches and think, he wouldn't disturb anyone there. So he quietly went upstairs and sat on the couch. It was chilly, despite the fact that the fireplace was burning. He was cold, but he did not care.
What was going to happen now? How could he live with it? Dorian just didn't want to imagine what it would be like if David broke with him for good!
Suddenly Dorian remembered the package that David had given him when he left. He remembered the strange words David had told him then. To open it only if he might want to return... MIGHT....
Maybe David didn't mean to return to Texas or the United States, but himself?
To return to David...
And Dorian pondered and pondered and slowly fell asleep over it.
Suddenly his cell phone buzzed in his pocket, this woke him up.
"Dorian? Sorry to bother you in the middle of the night, but I don't know what else to do..." With a shaky voice and suppressed sobs, Cassandra contacted him.
It was early in the morning, here and in Texas.
"What's the matter, you seem troubled, my dear?"
"David, it's David. He's in intensive care. A heart attack. Oh God Dorian, what if..." Cassandra was at a loss for words.
"What, Cassandra? What happened?" Dorian had jumped up from the couch and was literally screaming into the cell phone.
"I don't know what to do. Dorian, I..." Cassandra started to cry.
"I'll be on the next flight. Don't worry, I'll be with you soon. Take care of you and Chris. You hear me, Cassandra? Stay calm, we'll make it together, okay?"
"Okay." Came the quiet, tearful reply from the other end.
Suddenly a door banged open, one of the climbers ran up to Pavus and started to get loud, "First drinking until you can't stand it and then scribbling around out here! Are you stupid?"
Dorian usually either kept his mouth shut and knew how to counter or apologized charmingly and respectfully, but today he didn't care. He didn't dignify the guest with a glance, ran back to his room and packed as fast as he could.
He had to go back!
No matter what had happened.
Cassandra and Chris needed him.
And he needed to see David again.
He still had so much to tell him.
And Dorian began to hate himself for his vanity, his selfishness, his drive to strive for unimportant goals.
For what did he become a doctor, if he now lost the dearest thing in life?
