Masochism for the Asexual

anarchist neuroqueer nerd, especially of the social sciences, humanities, media/film who's chronically existentially angsty. • emotionally devastating myself with my media consumption cuz films and the joy/pain they cause can be way more erotic than sex! • Queer Liberation is the future! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇵🇸 • {any/all pronouns but not in the whatever idc way but in an I want to play bingo with pronouns way} • the distinction between silly and serious is an illusion. • everything is as deep as you want it to be. • follower of the corgi in the lightbulb. world's foremost BiT-ology scholar.

[corvid-newtwork]

Favorite Media

• Kill James Bond! • Scott Pilgrim • Disco Elysium • The Owl House • How to Train Your Dragon • The Summer Hikaru Died • Sonic the Hedgehog • Halt And Catch Fire • Bears In Trees • Fleabag • Person of Interest • Station Eleven • DARK • My Mad Fat Diary • A Series of Unfortunate Events • Nanny McPhee • Pushing Daisies • Studio Ghibli • Infinity Train • Courage the Cowardly Dog • Over the Garden Wall • Don't Hug Me I'm Scared • Derry Girls • Heartstopper • Making Fiends • Where's My Water? • Hannibal • Crazy Ex-Girlfriend • Heated Rivalry • The Pitt • Bluey • Avatar The Last Airbender + Legend of Korra • Nurse Jackie • Pluribus • The End of the F***ing World • The Americans • Heartstopper • Wander Over Yonder • Plants vs Zombies • Dying for Sex • Buddy Daddies • SK8 the Infinity • Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan • Go For It, Nakamura-kun! • You and I Are Polar Opposites • Sasaki and Miyano • given • Witch Hat Atelier • Journal with Witch • Erased •

My Writings

Masochism for the Asexual | Porter Sebastian Hymas | Substack

Full of existential angst and intellectual curiosity. Click to read Masochism for the Asexual, by Porter Sebastian Hymas, a Substack publica

[corvid-newtwork]

Just finished watching Erased for the first time!

Imagine mindfucking with a serial killer so hard they stop wanting to kill people. That's like the reverse of Hannibal....

Was it really obvious who the killer was? Yes. Do I care. Not even a little. I'm glad actually, it shows how well structured it is.

[corvid-newtwork]

Don't mind me I'm just thinking about the ways “Hikaru” would casually do and say stuff even though he doesn't fully grasp the concept, like not really understanding sexual desires but still saying stuff like "this feels kinda pervy" just because it looks like the situation where people would say that, just running off of the memories of another person.

[aro-ace-chaos]

I’m so tired of the “why do people hate aspecs, they aren’t doing anything?” argument. I know that it is an attempt to support us, but it fails so spectacularly to understand aromanticism, asexuality, and any other aspec identity that it’s actively frustrating.

We are doing something. We’re rejecting allonormative ideals and that’s a massive thing to do. We’re actively fighting not just to help other aspecs, but to help everyone, because amatonormativity (and allonormativity as a whole) hurt everyone. Single people who want to find a partner but can’t also deserve to be able to exist.

There are so many issues with the expectation of marriage, including:

A single income isn't enough to get by anymore

Having a spouse is almost necessary under the current medical system

Society shames and pressures people who are single to get into relationships constantly

Rejecting allonormativity means fighting against these things that hurt everyone.

So, no, aces and aros and other aspecs aren't "doing nothing." We're doing quite a lot.

[i-suggest-aro]

the reason why i think so many alloromantic people outright refuse the idea of "aromantic subtext" being a legitimate thing is that people view aromanticism as inherently shallow. to a lot of queer fandomites, "aromantic" is what they make the side character they don't really care about, so they don't have to bother coming up with actual analysis of their interpersonal relationships. it sucks, because aromantic narratives in fiction, intentional or otherwise, are worth exploring, analysing, and appreciating.

[shaneposting]

you are bisexual. or maybe you’re not, it doesn’t matter. the point is that you’re perceived as someone who is more than likely bisexual. people have all the old biphobic thoughts about you being greedy, being unable to commit to a monogamous relationship, etc. you’re too queer for straight people and too straight for queer people. tale as old as time.

but now you’re a public figure and they’re adding a whole extra layer to that. you have a partner that you love who isn’t the same gender as you. you’re not strictly gender conforming 100% of the time, you happily show physical affection to your friends regardless of their gender, you act silly and camp sometimes bc you’re a human being with the full normal range of human emotions.

people spin a wheel to see what they’re gonna criticise you for today. maybe they’ve decided you’re acting faggy for clout. you’re ‘queerbaiting’. your partner is proof that you’re actually straight.

or maybe the way you treat your same-gender friends is proof that you’re actually gay. you’re in denial, everyone can see it but you, these strangers who’ve never met you clearly understand you better than you ever could from living inside your own body. nobody acts like that unless they’re actually gay, right?

they act as if they’re almost sorry for you, or perhaps for themselves. your relationship with your partner is a loss for the community. as we all know, it is devastating when a bisexual person commits the sinful betrayal of entering a ‘straight passing’ relationship. and for you it’s worse, because you’re not even bisexual, you’re gay! either you’re fooling yourself and stringing your partner along and the world is being deprived of what is clearly a Real Gay, or you’re fooling everybody else and your partner is actually your beard and isn’t that just queerbaiting again with extra steps? you should just come out. you owe it to the strangers, who have already decided, because they already know.

you don’t see any of the discourse about this because you are busy being incredibly famous and watching the figure skating highlights. but ordinary bisexual people see what is being said about you by folks who are supposed to be their friends and allies and they fucking Hate It

[anistarrose]

As Aromantic Visibility Day (June 5th) approaches this year, friendly reminder from an aroace: it's Aromantic Visibility Day, not "Aroace" Visibility Day! Not all aromantics are also asexual — there are aromantics who are allosexual (aroallos for short), aromantics who don't separately label their sexual orientation at all, and aromantics whose sexual orientation doesn't fit into an ace/allo binary, as well as likely even more aros who don't fit into "aroace" for even more reasons — and all of them are equally included in Aromantic Visibility Day, because they are equally aromantic! In fact, those aros who aren't ace are disproportionately erased and in need of visibility, even more than aroaces are (which is really saying something, because aroace visibility itself is already terrible), so including them in Aromantic Visibility Day is vital, and using the correct name for the occasion instead of calling it an "aroace day" is a start.

Overall: again, speaking as an aroace myself, we aroaces will not be offended if you just call Aromantic Visibility Day the thing it is actually called! I care about sharing this upcoming day with my fellow aros, so stop excluding them, even accidentally! We aroaces celebrate this day but it is not for us exclusively!

[rusababy]

has anyone else realized that a lot of modern sex negative rhetoric is partially* a lot of grievances about compulsory sexuality, rape culture and allonormativity wrapped in morality since that’s the only way they’ll get listened to? if you want people to stop assigning morality onto sex yet make fun of people for not wanting to be sexual, sexualized or even think they’re boring, you asking for too much my nigga.

like, for example if someone said, “why does everything have to be sexual, people are so depraved!”, other than maybe an evangelical, would said person even be saying this if there wasn’t an overarching pressure to be sexual? like why do you think people care so much about highlighting the spectrum to get away from being seen as “sexless”? That’s not just because it’s inaccurate, it’s because being “sexless” is mocked and denigrated! It’s why I’d rather be sex neutral, on god I’m too averse to sex to say im “positive” about anything related to sex.

*Just making sure you saw this….

[menocchio-final-final]

we gotta make moves

[redstonedust]

idk how to explain it but im never truly comfortable with the way people insinuate that all older folks are inherently bigoted. it always feels like it kind of hand-waves away personal responsibility like ohhhh grandpa cant help homophobic, hes old. well ive met plenty of older folks who are normal about gay people. i think grandpa could be better. i think we should hold grandpa to higher standards.

[this-is-adultism]

I genuinely don't think it matters if parents love their kid or not, honestly. It truly doesn't matter, as love is just an emotion, and your emotions truly do not matter when it comes to the wellbeing of other people. Your actions do.

It doesn't matter how much love you have for your kid, how much you just wanted to protect them and give them the best life they could... if you abuse them, you abused them. If you hit your kid, screamed at your kid, sexualized your kid, and you take 0 accountability for it because you love them, you are no better than a parent that despises their child or doesnt care for their child and does the same thing. As they like to say, facts do not care about your feelings. Harm is still harm when it comes from a loving heart.

[lamorineblog]

Actually there's no such thing as harm coming from a loving heart. Love and harm do not coexist. Thank you.

[this-is-adultism]

This literally just isn't true. Like at all.

@child-abuse-survivors

[jamiessecretoh]

The development of yoshikaru is so funny to me because it did a full 180 . “Hikaru” is like “I need to go back to the mountain to let yoshiki move on with his life. He doesn’t want me, he wants the old Hikaru.” Meanwhile yoshiki is like “if you leave me I will kill myself.”

[corvid-newtwork]

I've written about this before, but I think it's so underrated how TSHD goes against the dominant scripts for grieving. It would make a lot of sense to stick with Yoshiki developing an obsessive attachment to "Hikaru" out of an inability to let go—it is basically the premise of the bulk of romantic* horror—but MMR really just said ‘nah, I'm interested in doing something else.’

[anomalia-arromantica]

Oh, absolutely. Yoshiki getting literally eaten by the symbol of his grief was one of the earliest endings for the manga I considered, given the way the story goes at first. He could have also pushed 'Hikaru' to enact what he never could have with the original, trying to fit 'Hikaru' into a human mold with just as tragic consequences for him and everyone in the village. Rejecting the monster bearing his loved one's face could have also been used as a sign of moving on, something that's even prompted in-universe: Kurebayashi presents 'Hikaru' as something that Yoshiki needs to reject to properly move forward. Those are all classical horror tropes. The anime even goes further into that by adding that sequence of 'Hikaru's contemplating how Yoshiki could move on if he weren't there.

But TSHD instead subverts all notions about grief and this monster wearing somebody's corpse, and then poses the question of "Now that this person that you loved is gone, how will you cope with the void left in your life?". Moreso, "What would happen if your routine wasn't forced to change while you're grieving?". And actually, "What if rather than compartmentalizing your feelings to conform to this classical societal expectation of what moving on is, which is an euphemism for this connotation of having to do as if this person never existed in the first place, you actually had a constant photography of them by your side?".

'Hikaru' is wrong about thinking Yoshiki would have been better of if he hadn't been there: the most likely option is what I said earlier about how the original Hikaru was right to worry about Yoshiki's wellbeing, because Yoshiki would have been left alone in a village he hates, entrenched in an unstable family dynamic after losing his best friend and main support. 'Hikaru's presence saved Yoshiki, to the point one of the "bad endings" in Vol.6's extra comics signals that had 'Hikaru' left him, Yoshiki would've stayed miserable for the rest of his life in Kubitachi. And I think this is also why it bothers me when people aren't paying attention to the story many such cases and seem to expect 'Hikaru' ditches that body because it doesn't fit into their mold of what Yoshiki's grieving process should be like. Because ultimately that body was given to 'Hikaru' by the owner for a purpose, and Yoshiki likes that 'Hikaru' has it ("Sorry 'bout all this. As long as he's here no one will mourn ya. But with him around, I'm happy 'cos I won't forget you. Forgetting'… is what scares me the most"), even long before he learns that was Hikaru's death wish all along. And if 'Hikaru' didn't have that body, then he would not be able to keep his memories or experience his life with Yoshiki in the way he has until now either.

Another aspect I like is that the story is clear about how 'Hikaru' will never be Hikaru, but he's also not treated as "less" or "more" than the original. He's "else". It's a thing in the real world, in the end. Widows and widowers are often expected to what amounts to forgetting their deceased loved ones. After a certain point, it's just not seen as socially acceptable to mention them. Rituals of remembrance are seen as errors, as proof that the person has not actually "moved on". New spouses enter unilateral competitions with the dead person and search for validation in their insecurities, wanting the widow/widower to claim that they love them more than the dead spouse. It's depressing, but I can say it happens a lot.

I also like that TSHD doesn't pathologizes nor shames grieving. Despite not quite understanding it, 'Hikaru' never says something to Yoshiki like "Why are you sad? It's been over six months", or "You have me now, anyway". The monster who doesn't understand humanity has more compassion than actual humans.

Anyway, TSHD is really an awesome story. Love it for a lot of reasons. It's pretty neat and it makes me have very normal and totally not shrimp emotions.

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[jamiessecretoh]

The development of yoshikaru is so funny to me because it did a full 180 . “Hikaru” is like “I need to go back to the mountain to let yoshiki move on with his life. He doesn’t want me, he wants the old Hikaru.” Meanwhile yoshiki is like “if you leave me I will kill myself.”

[corvid-newtwork]

I've written about this before, but I think it's so underrated how TSHD goes against the dominant scripts for grieving. It would make a lot of sense to stick with Yoshiki developing an obsessive attachment to "Hikaru" out of an inability to let go—it is basically the premise of the bulk of romantic* horror—but MMR really just said ‘nah, I'm interested in doing something else.’

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I mean obviously I would fuck a monster but more than that I would bond emotionally with a monster over our shared sense of alienation and rejection from a hostile universe. together we would explore our deep-seated fear of being inherently unlovable, and reassure each other of our innate value as sentient beings deserving of love and kindness. i will hold them gently, and wipe the tears from their googly eyestalk-tentacles, and something will begin to heal

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

and then we fuck nasty, im not a saint

[regalbastard]

Hikaru really embodies the aromantic asexual experience. Not only has he expressed that he does not feel sexual desire on multiple occassions, the mangaka and his love confession in chapter 26 revealed that he also doesn't feel romantic love (as we know it, anyway).

Asexuality and aromanticism in particular are seen as alien, inhuman, monstrous, even. Many villains have been depicted as being evil because of their 'heartlessness' or lack of love, and characters that don't feel romantic love are often demonised and seen as less than human. Conversion therapy is also widely accepted as a 'treatment' for asexuality as it's viewed as something to be 'fixed'.

And just like real life arospec people, Hikaru constantly worries that his feelings and devotion will never be enough, that it will never be as 'good' as that of a normal (alloro) human's.

[just-aro]

sometimes it's so very draining that the majority of aro content is about fictional relationships.

irl, i live alone. irl, i am disabled. irl, that intersection and my lack of interest in partnering actively makes life really hard. everything is expensive. i can't always cook when i want to or have fresh ingredients, because my symptoms don't care if I want to cut up vegetables and eat something homemade before they go bad. if I have a bad flareup and getting up is not in the cards, that's it. i have what's next to me. the lack of social support for single folks, for disabled folks, for folks whose family care is inadequate or damaging... it's impactful.

I talk about how i once visited a place with an ex partner. i mention how our relationship started because i was pressured into it, and i wasn't really into the level of seriousness and 'forever' she treated it with. everyone says it's weird that i agreed if i didn't want it to be serious. i remember being 16, saying no, and a chorus of people telling me i was stupid and immature, that her family was rich, that we would be cute and to listen to them, not my heart. my heart was saying nothing.

i look at my current age and life goals. for many of my peers, dating and marriage and eventual kids are common goals. i am watching my rights erode and trying to practice good mental hygeine. my five year goal is to be alive. my next major life milestone is a nebulous desire to find a life i can tolerate living.

being aromantic significantly impacts my day to day. i want to see aro people living their lives, and doing so with joy. i want to see aro adults making it, ones like me. i want aro people to thrive. i want to live, aromantically.

i scroll the aro tag. it's fandom and shipping and asexual posts.