G.M.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." -Maya Angelou

[corvussempervirens]

friends with no benefits

That night was torture - you sat me across the table  From you, and I painfully watched as 

His blanched skin, blonde hair curled towards you,  Casting a spell of lust - with your body as the target.  And worst of all, you were receptive to it -

His towering white male shoulders not an easy  Feat for anybody to beat, especially not me,  even though I thought I’d made my feelings clear. 

So, 

I sat, 

Biting my tongue to keep me from screaming out All the stupid things I feel for you. To keep me from begging you to pretend that you’re not into him. 

So, 

I scratched

My inked scarred skin, longing to be seen, to feel The web of safety that you swore surrounded me  When, one by one, you put my demons on display, gave them names before you walked away. 

Instead, you stare, pretend to care. Dare me to make The next move, straight into a wall of silence.  And I guess you were clear:

you didn’t care to steer near me

But,  I thought that maybe as a friend, there wouldn't be  So many dead ends. Instead all I’ve gotten is messages  Left on read, and fear that I exposed way too much  Weight to bear - my biggest nightmare come to life. 

[corvussempervirens]

Lucy

By: Guadalupe MonserratWritten February 2021 Summary: Lucy’s life is a journey through desire, betrayal, and self-discovery. From youthful experimentation and intense relationships to enduring abuse and heartbreak, she struggles to find freedom, trust, and a sense of herself. Amid chaos and isolation, she fights to reclaim her voice and agency. READ IT HERE 🙂

[corvussempervirens]

macbeth

Witchingly familiar – a small glance towards

You; lick of lips, sway of hips, so inviting,

But you keep me at a distance, and I am

Such a lover girl, so all I do is think of you –

Starve myself until I get to eat you up, just

a bit from the neck down, as far a taste as

It’ll take to bring you to the edge, and over If you wish

[corvussempervirens]

tangled roots

It feels like I’m banging my head against the fucking wall Over and over. I love her so much, I really do, and she Truly came out of the earth and grabbed me, rooting me Down as I was slipping away into the heavenly abyss.

I don’t understand how we’ve gotten here, or how I have Lost the strength to now hold her down when she needs Me the most. As much as she’s helped me find myself And as much as she’s really tried to help me get better; I once again feel like I’m giving parts of myself away.

Ultimately I know that this comes from my past trauma And how much of myself I’ve had to give and rip apart, And how long it took me to come back together. But Sometimes it feels like rather than to take the time to Strengthen and nurture my own sprouts,

I was pulled too tightly and forced and formed into a Perfect partner. I want so badly to be everything she Ever needed because of everything she’s done for me, I owe her my life. But how much of me do I have to give Away? She put me back and now I am ready to tear.

[corvussempervirens]

river lethe

No longer do I want to be used and discarded;

Nor do I desire to be the one who has chaotic,

Cosmic catastrophes as a punishment for others’

Transgressions. I understand that I am an empath,

And that my pure heart makes me willing to forgive

The sins of others – but that doesn’t mean I should be

Forced to bear their burden, living out their sentences

in Tartarus, while the sinners themselves get to…

[corvussempervirens]

juguetes (toys)

You haunt me;    posses me; this corpse, a  Rag            doll  Tossed around Hoping for you To just let me  play.  

[corvussempervirens]

Last Dance

We waltz around each other. Hand in hand; chest to chest. So close, each breath synchronized.

Yet

True intimacy avoids us, even In close proximity, limited range Dance floors, it skirts around us.

Where did it go?

Hide, run to? See

We

Used to be conductors holding The orchestra together, keeping Time with every drop of the kick

Drum.

Now all thats left is kicks Straight into our ego. And who Am I to want…

[corvussempervirens]

rx

The pressure is all together too much. They look at me, and see the possibility  of all their mistakes rectified - and I  am left with no option but to fail  under duress. Gun to my head. Do they even care about who I am? What I feel? The weight of my skin on my soul? Or is my value left to be determined by my skills and assets? And what am I without either? Without expectations and prescriptions. 

Am I at all?

[corvussempervirens]

ay amor

Truthfully, I want to make love to you. And if you knew me, you’d want to make love to me too. Always the possibility of  tender skin, tangled hands and flesh unbounded. The unfamiliar is intriguing.  A question mark along your hips,  A kiss to bring your eyes back behind your lids. Just a small moment. Where everything  is you. 

[corvussempervirens]

obsidian

obsidian crag! toss me anew into the jagged mountain range of your love. heat spewed magma formed forever into a reminder of what it once was. would that be possible for you and me? to crystallize the possibility of us into darkened, serrated, minerals of what we could have been?

[corvussempervirens]

irreverence

where does it all come from, anyway? this irreverent attitude towards life embedded in us. we're creatures privileged enough to step back and boldly ask -

"what am i?" as if our existence isn't some sort of cosmic miracle unexplainable by the limited range that words have provided us. As if there was no mystery to remain.

"i'll find a way to make this worthwhile" just to carry on in toxic fuel and blind consumption. masqueraded by social media posts that spew nonconformity and which state to the world:

"i'm better than this." as if the energy expenditure required to run the databases which carry that message through microfibers across the world isn't fueling the very system we claim to renounce. "i'll find a way out"

as if the "i" existed separately from the "we" of the interconnectedness of the cosmos. how could we be more than that? on this planet that luck allowed us to inhabit as if we deserved it

[corvussempervirens]

matthew 7:3

how very god-like of you. to create faith from fear and ask for suffering as a testament of my devotion. is it not enough? to have me on my knees, open-mouthed, to receive communion and recite your holy prayers? on top of this, you'd like to see me ridiculed, flogged, and crucified to prove my worth. to cleanse me of my sins. but what about yours?

[corvussempervirens]

otra pa'ti

la luna, el mar, y tu. moonlight waltzes on the surface of the waves, and it reminds me of the way you could move in and out of me. las olas crecen con el jalo de la luna; como tu me jalas a mi, y luego me empujas. yo - la tierra, y tú - la agua. siempre moviendo en direcciones diferentes. y la luna nos cuida, nuestro amor que siempre nos quiere traer juntos.

[camillevivier]

lovers

[before-life]

by c-h-e-r-i

[corvussempervirens]

mary jane

i want to call her and tell her how much she means to me. but she's in love with someone else and i, i don't have much to offer. so, i'll write it instead; about the way my eyes grew legs trying to follow her around. or about the way my restraint went on vacation,

compelling the temptation to fuck her against the wall, until my hands turned to ashes in a futile attempt to avoid her flesh - a crematorium where bodies of her lovers go to die of desire. like fire, she ignites and consumes - regardless of the outcome.

[corvussempervirens]

a series of unhinged thoughts

she calls me her girl but goes home to a woman who plays her like a familiar instrument i wonder if she, too is used to being used ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the mistress of possibility rested her head on my chest at night while my addiction to the worst part of myself unhinged desperate to taste venom from the fang of the snake ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i hate the way she makes me feel