Sage Astro Masters

Ozzy- Libra sun/Gemini moon/Capricorn rising Archer- Sagittarius sun/Libra moon/Capricorn rising We pretend to know everything. We don't actually. But we do know a lot. If you want us to answer compatibility send the Sun, Moon, Mercury, and Venus signs of BOTH people. You can google your sun signs.

[cosmic-astrology]

The signs as things that Ozzy has done so far in 2016:

Aries: Finished an entire tub of ice cream while I was on my period, got yelled at by my mom, and yelled back at her because she bought rocky road instead of mint chip BECAUSE WHO DOES THAT??!?!¡?¿¡!¿?! Then I cried. Taurus: Went to a party with some friends. Got turnt af. Then people wanted to play spin the bottle because why not and I flat out refused to make out with one dude because I was not into him AT ALL. I then tried to convince him to give his turn to the really hot girl sitting next to him because YES PLEASE and then after the game ended she hooked up with me in the bathroom. Gemini: Made a list of reasons why I would totally win Survivor. Then realized how dorky I was being and made a list of reasons why I'm such a loser. Then made a list of reasons I don't care that I'm a loser. Cancer: My ex started talking to me while he was in Europe studying abroad and I freaked out because I thought I caught feelings again. But when he came back home I got over it because it just didn't have that romance movie appeal anymore. Leo: Figured out how to get my eyebrows even more on fleek than they already were. And I keep getting compliments on them like 3 times a week, no lie, and I'm super proud of myself Virgo: Yelled at my best friend when he found a stray cat and brought it home with him and hid it in his room because WHAT IF IT HAS DISEASES OR EATS HIS HAMSTER Libra: Gave Archer advice on how not to fuck a girl on the second date even though I'm a giant hoe and have absolutely no room to be giving anyone advice on how to be a proper gentleman. Scorpio: Got cast as Glinda in my ballet company's production of 'The Wizard of Oz' and got mad because I fucking hate pink and now I have to wear a giant pink dress fml. Sagittarius: Took my dogs on a walk and tried to text people at the same time. But it's really hard, tbh, so I started sending those voice memo things instead. But then my big dog stepped on the small one, I freaked out and dropped my phone on the road and screamed because I thought I broke it. And then yelled more because one of my friends started saving all the voice memos and I sounded like an IDIOT IN ALL OF THEM. Capricorn: Got promoted to manager at my work even though I'm significantly the youngest one there and have no idea how to do anything but fuck it because PAY RAISE MOTHERFUCKERS Aquarius: Went to the mall with my friend. But instead of going into the mall I dragged him across the street to to buy pizza and then to the playground and spent 3 hours there eating pizza and being children and trying to take pictures of the full moon on my phone even though it was 30° outside. Pisces: Got fucking OBSESSED with kpop. OBSESSED. Unhealthily so. Then made a kpop blog where I cry about how perfect my kpop husbands and wives are because I can't contain my feels.

[cosmic-astrology]

The Signs as Stupid Conspiracy Theories:

(We’re not going to go into detail, but the descriptions of these all exist on the Internet and they’re so dumb… Enjoy!)

Aries: April is the governments blood sacrifice season

Taurus: Obama can control the weather

Gemini: Russell Brand is the new Messiah

Cancer: The moon isn’t real

Leo: Most of the worlds leaders are space lizards

Virgo: Vaccinations control your mind

Libra: Yoga is a form of satanic worship

Scorpio: The Quakers were owned by the mafia

Sagittarius: Michelle Obama has a penis

Capricorn: Dinosaurs helped build the pyramids

Aquarius: Saddam Hussein owned an alien stargate

Pisces: NASA hides cameras in our food

[allfiveelements]

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility! 😘

[solitudee]

Weaknesses of the Venus

*Check Venus

Venus in Aries, can be self-centered, irritable or moody.

Venus in Taurus, can be possessive, jealous or impatient.

Venus in Gemini, can be  greedy, stressful or unsentimental.

Venus in Cancer, can be clingy, moody or aloof.

Venus in Leo, can be inflexible, too impulsive or materialistic.

Venus in Virgo, can be distracted, closed or overly sensitive to their surroundings.

Venus in Libra, can be too straightforward, unreliable or easily offended.

Venus in Scorpio, can be too secretive, closed or moody. 

Venus in Sagittarius, can be clingy, possessive or too sarcastic.  

Venus in Capricorn, can be too stubborn, intolerant or nervous.

Venus in Aquarius, can be impatient, too impulsive or distant.    

Venus in Pisces, can be overly sensitive, naïve or obsessive.

[ssapphik]

lol im straight!!!!!!

just kidding april fools haha. what a terrifying prank. can u even imagine

[cosmic-astrology]

the struggle of being into astrology

me: so when's your birthday

person: it's in march haha

me: okay, but what day?

person: why does that matter?

me: i just like wishing people a happy birthday :)

person: okay

me: haha :)

me: [internally] why won't you just tell me when you're born omfg how the fuck am i going to know if you're an aries or a pisces you little piece of shit

[cosmic-astrology]

The Signs as Stupid Conspiracy Theories:

(We’re not going to go into detail, but the descriptions of these all exist on the Internet and they’re so dumb… Enjoy!)

Aries: April is the governments blood sacrifice season

Taurus: Obama can control the weather

Gemini: Russell Brand is the new Messiah

Cancer: The moon isn’t real

Leo: Most of the worlds leaders are space lizards

Virgo: Vaccinations control your mind

Libra: Yoga is a form of satanic worship

Scorpio: The Quakers were owned by the mafia

Sagittarius: Michelle Obama has a penis

Capricorn: Dinosaurs helped build the pyramids

Aquarius: Saddam Hussein owned an alien stargate

Pisces: NASA hides cameras in our food

[cosmic-astrology]

The Signs as Stupid Conspiracy Theories:

(We're not going to go into detail, but the descriptions of these all exist on the Internet and they're so dumb... Enjoy!) Aries: April is the governments blood sacrifice season Taurus: Obama can control the weather Gemini: Russell Brand is the new Messiah Cancer: The moon isn't real Leo: Most of the worlds leaders are space lizards Virgo: Vaccinations control your mind Libra: Yoga is a form of satanic worship Scorpio: The Quakers were owned by the mafia Sagittarius: Michelle Obama has a penis Capricorn: Dinosaurs helped build the pyramids Aquarius: Saddam Hussein owned an alien stargate Pisces: NASA hides cameras in our food

[cosmic-astrology]

How is it posible that i relate 99.9% with pisces but i haven't got any pisces sign?

Idk man, unless you don’t know the rest of your chart? Because you could be Pisces dominant? I’m sorry, the way you worked your question I can’t tell if you know your chart or not. If you do know it and you don’t have any Pisces at all, then it could be a combination of other placements that act together to be Pisces-like? I’m sorry. I suck. -Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

Thoughts on a Sun Sagittarius, Moon Pisces, Venus Sagittarius, Mercury Capricorn and potential best matches?

My thoughts are that I want to be friends with you.And I think you'd do really well with an airy Aries (lol) or a water dominant Aqua (lol again)Jokes aside though, them. Yes.-Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

Hi do Aquarius and Leo get along? Because my Friends is Aquarius and Leo, The Leo friend is always so nice to me and Aquarius too but when we all hang out they always end up fighting and arguing last time my friend Aquarius Punched my Leo friend over how rude Leo was being(he was saying how Aquarius is so quiet gets too mad easily ), and Aquarius always tells me,"That foo always so loud and annoying fuck how do I put up with him" I need some answers please (sorry to bug)I'm a Libra

Ahh, a fellow Libra. It's hard to always keep the peace, huh? But someone's gotta do it...Leo and Aquarius are opposite signs. That really do behave as opposites. It's pretty standard that opposite signs either get along amazingly or they butt heads a lot. Especially with fixed signs, things can gets retry hairy pretty quickly. BUT, no matter how mad someone gets, it's NEVER okay to hit anyone... (Self defense is an exception, but not an argument, like come on, not okay). Anti-violence speech aside; I digress. I think your friends just need to realize what makes the other annoyed and be conscious of it. Or, and I know this isn't a fun option, just not be friends anymore if the fighting is constant. Because, especially for you all stuck in the middle, that's not a healthy friendship. They gotta be mature and put their pride aside and try to understand each other. -Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

what's the concept with sun / moon / rising signs and such if I'm a Leo ?

The concept?I'm assuming you mean what are they. Basically, when you're born, the planets are in a certain point in the sky (think of how ancient humans used the believe we lived in a geo-centric world, but instead of earth in general, think of yourself as the point that everything evolves around. The one time it's okay to think of yourself as the center of the universe lol). But yeah. From that perspective the planets are all "in" the different constellations that the signs are represented by. That means that you have a different sign for each planetary aspect. And each planet represents different parts of who you are. The signs determine how you express certain part of your personality. I hope that makes sense? It's 1 in the morning right now so my brain is kind of wooooOOOOooooOOOOoOOoooOo, ya know? Haha-Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

The girl I was seeing (Virgo) abruptly stopped talking to me two weeks ago and then broke up with me (Gemini) last week. She said she realized what we were doing was silly and basically threw up a wall between us. I think she's talking to her ex again. This all came out of nowhere. Do you think retrograde could be playing a part?

It's a possibility. (I don't know when this was sent, so I'm guessing it was back in January during the last retrograde OMG SORRY WE WERE GONE SO LONG SHIT MAN because the next Mercury retrograde is in April)(but also I don't really know when other retrograde S happen because they're not as often? I know, I'm an awful astrology admin whoops sorry). But especially since both Virgo and Gemini are ruled by Mercury, it'll affect you guys both a lot. But also, it could just be personal reasons. That suck. A lot. Because ghosting someone out is not ever cool. Astrology unfortunately doesn't hold the answers to all of life's questions. Sometimes people and situations just suck. I'm sorry, babe. But keep in mind that someone who would treat you so poorly doesn't deserve how awesome you are to begin with. Stay strong, cutie.-Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

Omg we missed you... Make some new posts! Yours is always so original :)))

We’ll get on it! We missed the blog and all you guys too!AND THANKS BABE-Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

Thoughts and perfect match for a sun Sagittarius, rising Aries and moon Virgo?

Hi. It me. Your perfect match.But seriously, go for some water or earth dominant air sign. Believe me.-Ozzy

[cosmic-astrology]

WOW HIATUS, WHOOPS...

Sorry we disappeared for so long! Stress and work and generally a lack of free time happened, so we're going to try to get back into the swing of things. Again, OOPS SORRY, BUT WE'RE BACK NOW THOUGH SO YAY AWESOME GREAT. (We have an influx of asks in our box, which we shall answer asap) -Ozzy and Archer

[dark-astrology-deactivated20180]

THE SIGNS AS SHIBA INU

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius: 

Capricorn:

Aquarius: 

Pisces: