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@cosmicxrabbithole
Have you ever fallen so hard and fast for someone that it feels like you've jumped into the ocean with no life vest?
They hold you and everything seems... brighter;
Livelier?
You're treading water together and it's beautiful.
Then you blink—
and they're gone...
You realize how far out you'd floated
The water is dark and turbulent
You're alone
They're standing on the distant shore
Their back facing you as they walk away...
It's not your attention i want
It's the knowledge that you're thinking of me
That you took a minute out of your day to text me
That I have a place in your life
Actions speak louder than words
And right now—
Your actions say the opposite...
The words you've said
"I'm afraid of losing my boundaries because I care so much for you"
So instead,
You give me breadcrumbs —
Inconsistent pieces of affection
When you really care about someone,
Those small moments of freedom
You want to fill with them
Letting them know you care, you thought of them, you're still there even when you're busy
It's all about priorities...
And I guess my place on that list is incredibly low
POLYTRIX edit || When She Loved Me (cover by Reinaeiry)
buy me a coffee ; >
A stroll
"Walk with me?" I say, my hand outstretched. He accepts it and falls instep beside me.
The night breeze sends a small shiver through me. We walk in silence for awhile, before the words form in my throat. "I care about you, more than I feel safe to admit. Sometimes I find the idea that you, or anyone for that matter, could care for me too- utterly flooring."
I keep my eyes trained on the road in front of us. " I wasn't really looking for my person when you stumbled into my life." I choke back the emotion welling in my throat.
"Now that I've found you I -" my breath hitches. "I'm terrified, I want to run and hide from the feelings, but I don't want to run from you." I choke back a sob, slowing my pace as I turn to him.
"I'm here. I'm fighting a one man war in my head, and I feel like I'm losing." The tears begin to fall, no longer willing to be contained. "I want to explore your mind, creep my way into your thoughts, experience how great of a person you are, support you in every way possible, and sit with you when the world feels heavy. " I look at him now, squeezing his hand in mine.
"I don't want you to fix me. I just want to know you'll be there when the darkness finally clears. I don't want to fix you either, because we're not broken. We are two flames dancing together. We lit like a match in the night and I would do anything to protect that flame. " I look down at our clasped hands, trying to summon the words.
"I guess what I'm saying is— would you protect that little flame with me?" Hesitantly, I raise my head to meet his eyes.
Falling
It started with a message
You were persistent
That night messages turned to calls
Comparing the lives we've led until now
We felt it — the stutter as our hearts began to thrum rhythmically with one another
falling...fast
The fear crept in
We backed away
It's too much, it's too fast
Miscommunication played her hand
It almost ended us before we'd begun
The rekindling
Cool rain on a hot summer night
We began to video call
Our conversations more vulnerable
The ache to feel your touch, your lips pressed to mine, be a part of your day...
Falling...too fast
It's only been a few weeks
Yet, I can't stop the storm of emotions or deny the tug of connection pulling me towards you
It's terrifying, exhilarating,
And yet...
I continue falling head first for you.
...I swear it might be...
Love
I think I'm falling in love with you...
Let me invade your mind
Fill your days with joy
Overflow your heart with affection
Set your body ablaze with my touch
Hold you when you're hurting
Fall unapologetically in love with you
We're falling fast and I don't want to hit the brakes; I want make up for all of the time before you came into my life.
If it's love, I'll gladly give it to you—whole heartedly.
The wind billows around me, tousling my hair and mussing my clothes. The rain beats rhythmically outside. Thunder booms and lightning cracks, briefly illuminating the darkness.
There you stand, drenched and disheveled, just inside the storm.
My storm.
I eye you wearily, a mixture of surprise and caution.
Why were you willing to brace my storm?
Will it last?
You wring your clothes and sit across from me. A smile on your lips. Not one of mischief or deceit. No, one of care and adoration. You sit with me, patiently, until the storm dies down and I stand. I hold out my hand to you.
You accept it and stand, walking with me in my storm. The rain has become a mere drizzle, the wind a gentle breeze on our skin.
We walk together hand in hand until the storm returns. We sit together in the storm, entangled in each other's embrace — a lightning rod, harnessing the power and light in a whirlwind of constant darkness. Waiting to share the beauty and spark. Lighting the darkness and spreading streaks of color and life.
We repeat this cycle endlessly.
Storms are necessary to wash away the old. Lightning brightens the darkness.
Thunder releases all of the negative emotions pent up.
The breeze taking away the remains of the storm.
And you...
You stand steadfast, ready to weather each storm and harness that energy— a lightning rod.
hi. just a reminder
you’re not too much. not too broken. not too late.
you are allowed to be proud of your survival. you are allowed to rest. you are allowed to take up space.
you are already enough. you are already whole.
love, someone who gets it
The ache from craving a touch you want but you've never felt, compared to craving one you've experienced but will never feel again... Both torturous in their own ways.
One, a delicious craving fueled by the endless possibilities
The other...a soured memory of what was
The baker warned you that the cakes in the window were display cakes - to read the labels prior to picking one
You eyed a cake that had drew your attention each time you passed the window
You greedily shoveled the cake into your mouth
Ignoring the label that read Not for Human Consumption
Once the bitter taste hit your tongue you added icing thinking it'd "fix it"
Thinking the cake must have been made wrong
Now your stomach aches with bad decisions
The baker watches in disappointment
Redecorating the cake you wanted so badly you were willing to destroy it
The cake returns to its' pedestal in the shop window
The baker takes their place back behind the counter
All is as it was
Yet the baker now places large warning signs around the shop and sighs heavily when someone glances at the display cakes.
The display cake has cracks in its' pristine icing where you greedily dug in your fork
You lay on the floor, groaning in pain as patrons walk around you
You were warned
You were selfish
Now sit with the consequences of your actions
That cake was not yours to have and you would have known that if you'd listened to the warnings you were given.
I told you I'd choose you every time
I just wanted you to choose me once...
I gave you my love,
but you gave your love to another.
I turned my back on you,
because my love wasn't enough
to keep you the first time.
I won't be fool enough to let you have it again.
But my tears still shed
and my heart still aches.
For I wish I was enough,
To be chosen.
Wanted.
Loved.
The way I chose,
wanted,
loved
you.
You promised me nothing and, yet I silently promised you everything...
They just want someone to hold them and tell them it's okay to finally stop fighting. The war is over, it's safe now. Wrapped in their protective arms, while they rest and recover.
When you have to be strong and responsible all day, you just want to go home to someone who holds you and let's you be vulnerable.