The Random Ramblings of a Madwoman

^she/her^ *28* 18+ Writing/Art/Minis/ Randomness Blog🖤 🥀Spicy author & Shop owner ITRHS.STORE 18+page: scrumptiouswhispersx

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[cosmicxrabbithole]

Have you ever fallen so hard and fast for someone that it feels like you've jumped into the ocean with no life vest?

They hold you and everything seems... brighter;

Livelier?

You're treading water together and it's beautiful.

Then you blink—

and they're gone...

You realize how far out you'd floated

The water is dark and turbulent

You're alone

They're standing on the distant shore

Their back facing you as they walk away...

[cosmicxrabbithole]

It's not your attention i want

It's the knowledge that you're thinking of me

That you took a minute out of your day to text me

That I have a place in your life

Actions speak louder than words

And right now—

Your actions say the opposite...

The words you've said

"I'm afraid of losing my boundaries because I care so much for you"

So instead,

You give me breadcrumbs —

Inconsistent pieces of affection

When you really care about someone,

Those small moments of freedom

You want to fill with them

Letting them know you care, you thought of them, you're still there even when you're busy

It's all about priorities...

And I guess my place on that list is incredibly low

[aymmgreen]

POLYTRIX edit || When She Loved Me (cover by Reinaeiry)

buy me a coffee ; >

[cosmicxrabbithole]

A stroll

"Walk with me?" I say, my hand outstretched. He accepts it and falls instep beside me.

The night breeze sends a small shiver through me. We walk in silence for awhile, before the words form in my throat. "I care about you, more than I feel safe to admit. Sometimes I find the idea that you, or anyone for that matter, could care for me too- utterly flooring."

I keep my eyes trained on the road in front of us. " I wasn't really looking for my person when you stumbled into my life." I choke back the emotion welling in my throat.

"Now that I've found you I -" my breath hitches. "I'm terrified, I want to run and hide from the feelings, but I don't want to run from you." I choke back a sob, slowing my pace as I turn to him.

"I'm here. I'm fighting a one man war in my head, and I feel like I'm losing." The tears begin to fall, no longer willing to be contained. "I want to explore your mind, creep my way into your thoughts, experience how great of a person you are, support you in every way possible, and sit with you when the world feels heavy. " I look at him now, squeezing his hand in mine.

"I don't want you to fix me. I just want to know you'll be there when the darkness finally clears. I don't want to fix you either, because we're not broken. We are two flames dancing together. We lit like a match in the night and I would do anything to protect that flame. " I look down at our clasped hands, trying to summon the words.

"I guess what I'm saying is— would you protect that little flame with me?" Hesitantly, I raise my head to meet his eyes.

[cosmicxrabbithole]

Falling

It started with a message

You were persistent

That night messages turned to calls

Comparing the lives we've led until now

We felt it — the stutter as our hearts began to thrum rhythmically with one another

falling...fast

The fear crept in

We backed away

It's too much, it's too fast

Miscommunication played her hand

It almost ended us before we'd begun

The rekindling

Cool rain on a hot summer night

We began to video call

Our conversations more vulnerable

The ache to feel your touch, your lips pressed to mine, be a part of your day...

Falling...too fast

It's only been a few weeks

Yet, I can't stop the storm of emotions or deny the tug of connection pulling me towards you

It's terrifying, exhilarating,

And yet...

I continue falling head first for you.

...I swear it might be...

Love

I think I'm falling in love with you...

Let me invade your mind

Fill your days with joy

Overflow your heart with affection

Set your body ablaze with my touch

Hold you when you're hurting

Fall unapologetically in love with you

We're falling fast and I don't want to hit the brakes; I want make up for all of the time before you came into my life.

If it's love, I'll gladly give it to you—whole heartedly.

[cosmicxrabbithole]

The wind billows around me, tousling my hair and mussing my clothes. The rain beats rhythmically outside. Thunder booms and lightning cracks, briefly illuminating the darkness.

There you stand, drenched and disheveled, just inside the storm.

My storm.

I eye you wearily, a mixture of surprise and caution.

Why were you willing to brace my storm?

Will it last?

You wring your clothes and sit across from me. A smile on your lips. Not one of mischief or deceit. No, one of care and adoration. You sit with me, patiently, until the storm dies down and I stand. I hold out my hand to you.

You accept it and stand, walking with me in my storm. The rain has become a mere drizzle, the wind a gentle breeze on our skin.

We walk together hand in hand until the storm returns. We sit together in the storm, entangled in each other's embrace — a lightning rod, harnessing the power and light in a whirlwind of constant darkness. Waiting to share the beauty and spark. Lighting the darkness and spreading streaks of color and life.

We repeat this cycle endlessly.

Storms are necessary to wash away the old. Lightning brightens the darkness.

Thunder releases all of the negative emotions pent up.

The breeze taking away the remains of the storm.

And you...

You stand steadfast, ready to weather each storm and harness that energy— a lightning rod.

[makingsenseofwhathappened]

hi. just a reminder

you’re not too much. not too broken. not too late.

you are allowed to be proud of your survival. you are allowed to rest. you are allowed to take up space.

you are already enough. you are already whole.

love, someone who gets it

[cosmicxrabbithole]

The ache from craving a touch you want but you've never felt, compared to craving one you've experienced but will never feel again... Both torturous in their own ways.

One, a delicious craving fueled by the endless possibilities

The other...a soured memory of what was

[cosmicxrabbithole]

[cosmicxrabbithole]

The baker warned you that the cakes in the window were display cakes - to read the labels prior to picking one

You eyed a cake that had drew your attention each time you passed the window

You greedily shoveled the cake into your mouth

Ignoring the label that read Not for Human Consumption

Once the bitter taste hit your tongue you added icing thinking it'd "fix it"

Thinking the cake must have been made wrong

Now your stomach aches with bad decisions

The baker watches in disappointment

Redecorating the cake you wanted so badly you were willing to destroy it

The cake returns to its' pedestal in the shop window

The baker takes their place back behind the counter

All is as it was

Yet the baker now places large warning signs around the shop and sighs heavily when someone glances at the display cakes.

The display cake has cracks in its' pristine icing where you greedily dug in your fork

You lay on the floor, groaning in pain as patrons walk around you

You were warned

You were selfish

Now sit with the consequences of your actions

That cake was not yours to have and you would have known that if you'd listened to the warnings you were given.

[cosmicxrabbithole]

I told you I'd choose you every time

I just wanted you to choose me once...

[cosmicxrabbithole]

I gave you my love,

but you gave your love to another.

I turned my back on you,

because my love wasn't enough

to keep you the first time.

I won't be fool enough to let you have it again.

But my tears still shed

and my heart still aches.

For I wish I was enough,

To be chosen.

Wanted.

Loved.

The way I chose,

wanted,

loved

you.

[cosmicxrabbithole]

You promised me nothing and, yet I silently promised you everything...

[cosmicxrabbithole]

They just want someone to hold them and tell them it's okay to finally stop fighting. The war is over, it's safe now. Wrapped in their protective arms, while they rest and recover.

[cosmicxrabbithole]

When you have to be strong and responsible all day, you just want to go home to someone who holds you and let's you be vulnerable.

[memeuplift]