Yeah, this tumblr has a bit of history. Some good, some bad. I’ll keep it for the good.
I’ve recently been trying to discover myself. I’m confused; who do I truly want to be? How do I want to make my mark on the world? Do I want to lead a life of ignorance or strength? Do I truly thirst for ALL knowledge? Ever since I abandoned this page, I have found myself grasping at letters trying to make nonsensical words in the unforgiving realm of my current being. I’m spinning helplessly, and inside I feel great pain. My past, my future, my present. If I explore deep enough it’s an emotional mountain of turmoil and pain. The younger version of myself grasped at others for feelings of safety and sanity. I was entirely wrong in doing so. I cannot depend on another being, especially when people are prone to take any power over another and abuse it. It’s a dog eat dog sort of world and people are trampling over one another to find their space. They want pleasure, immediacy, and occasionally love. In all honesty, I find myself hating humanity more than loving it, but when I do find love for it- it’s very powerful. People are lovable, evil, intolerable, beautiful, ungrateful.. I could go on and on with strings of adjectives. How I would love to erase my past sometimes- yet I know the future is so much brighter. Ever since moving forward, I am strong and loved and even admired and it’s wonderful. I bring light into the lives of those who otherwise would not have light. A 99 year old smile is one of the most uplifting things I have encountered in my 20 years. Further, I need to remind myself I have conquered mountains greater than those yielding pain. I have conquered the unthinkable in the wake of great criticism! I was talked down when I wanted to pursue and instrument, and my, did I show them! It was a struggle but with great friends and practice I became very good at my instrument of choice- the trumpet. Though I’ve taken a short break this semester, I anticipate furthering my abilities in the beautiful brass instrument that gave me hope and friendship. Perseverance in the face of adversity is tough sometimes- I need to re-instill hope into myself. I absolutely CAN do anything and I am aware I have great capabilities that I often neglect out of laziness or fear. With courage and passion, I know I will rock this world with great advancements. Though now I am often hungry and tired, the future is much brighter I am sure. I will never let somebody tell me that I cannot when I can..
Hell, if elderly people can sing their hearts out in their 70′s and 80′s in the Young@Heart choir?
You know, I often feel out of touch with my peers. Their hearts are set on petty dramas and themselves. They dabble in the realm of drugs and sex and distract themselves with the society surrounding it.
I often find that I am really lonely, even when I shouldn’t be.
I need my electronic keeper back.
I need it to organize thought. to inspire personal hope. to reblog pictures of cats.
Yes. I will update this more frequently.
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