i'm acha

[cottoncandyelle]

tips dapet pasangan instant kak ara?

Main Roblox, pake ava cakep/lucu, cari target dan on mic pake suara dibikin soft dan pendengar yang baik then kasih kata" penenang harinya yang gundah gulana itu, and then tanyain deh "Kamu punya Discord gak?" gitu, setelah dapet Discord diajak deeptalk deh, trus mutualan deh di IG/TT, kalo bosen minta WA dia, kalo RL nya cocok, ajakin ketemu, atau effort dikit samperin ke homebase dia, walaaaa pasangan baru donee~~

happy deh (bagi yang beruntung beruntung aja)

[tirramisucoffee]

Coming Back After a Long Break

It feels a little strange to be writing again after such a long break. The past two months have been incredibly hectic, exhausting, and somehow still very exciting. So much happened in such a short time that I barely had the energy to sit down and process any of it, let alone turn it into words.

Last May, I attended the wedding of my first love.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I went to the wedding of the person who once held such a huge place in my heart. Seeing him there, looking genuinely happy beside his partner, was both beautiful and overwhelming. They had a traditional Balinese megayot wedding ceremony, and everything looked incredibly magical.

What surprised me the most was seeing his parents and extended family again. They still remembered me, and they welcomed me so warmly. It felt comforting, but also a little bittersweet. There was something strange about being surrounded by people who once knew me as someone important in his life, while now I was simply a guest watching from a distance.

Gusti Agung looked so happy.

Even though he occasionally saw me from afar, he still had to focus on all the beautiful traditional rituals taking place around him. Watching the ceremony brought back dreams I used to have. I once imagined myself getting married in a Balinese traditional ceremony, wearing a beautiful kebaya and one of those breathtaking, elaborate headdresses.

I still think Balinese weddings are some of the most beautiful celebrations in the world.

But what could I do? Some things were simply not meant to become mine. There were also parts of myself and my life that I could not let go of, especially the things I had believed in and defended for so long. Sometimes love is not only about choosing someone. It is also about deciding which parts of yourself you are willing—or unwilling—to leave behind.

Life continued after that, of course.

During these past few months, I also noticed that many of my online friends had disappeared. Some people I had not spoken to in a long time, while others had completely deactivated their accounts. It made me sad because even online friendships can become such a familiar and meaningful part of our lives.

Still, I guess that is simply how friendships work sometimes.

As someone once said, “People come and go,” right?

I also traveled to Solo to attend the wedding of one of my closest cousins. After that, I extended my leave until July 5 so I could watch NIKI perform at the Prambanan Jazz Festival.

Honestly, hearing her sing those songs live made me think about someone.

He is a guy I have always thought of as my own younger brother, although our connection has never felt completely ordinary. Sometimes I feel like he is both my twin flame and my karmic relationship. Being close to him taught me that men could be gentle, generous, understanding, caring, and, of course, incredibly annoying at times.

He is chronically online, and somehow I could talk to him about almost anything. No matter how random the topic was, the conversation always seemed to flow naturally. I rarely felt misunderstood when I talked to him. There was always something familiar about the way our minds connected.

Maybe that is why hearing those songs brought him back into my thoughts.

After everything that happened, I found myself quietly wondering:

Would it be okay for me to hope, just one more time, that I might meet him again?

[cottoncandyelle]

Luv uuuuu ❤︎❤︎❤︎

[tirramisucoffee]

Somebody Out There?

There are days when I feel like an independent, strong superhero who doesn't need anyone. And then there are other days where I play this song and become the official president of the global "delulu" club. Welcome to one of those other days.

"Somebody Out There" is basically the national anthem for hopeless romantics who still believe in fate, soulmates, and all that beautiful nonsense from 2000s rom-coms. The lyrics are pretty much: "Somewhere out there, there's a person who's perfect for me, probably doing the same thing I am, and we just haven't met yet." It's a sweet concept, but also kinda ridiculous when you actually think about it.

This song is like sprinkling glitter on the feeling of loneliness. It makes the idea of waiting for someone feel like some grand, cosmic adventure instead of just a sad wait in your room while scrolling through social media. A Rocket to the Moon crafted the perfect fantasy: that someone out there was made for you, and fate is working overtime to arrange your meet-cute. A super comforting thought, especially at 11 PM when you start questioning all your life choices.

Look, I'm not the type of girl who sits by the window waiting for a prince on a white horse. I'm more the type to sit in front of my laptop, cursing at the slow internet connection. But when this song comes on, my brain betrays me.

I start to wonder, are you also stuck in traffic listening to old pop-punk songs? Are you also ordering a coffee with a misspelled name on the cup? Are you also laughing at your own jokes because no one else is around to hear them?

This song makes me think, maybe this "you" isn't some mysterious figure on the other side of the world. Maybe "you" are someone who's already here, but we're both too busy with our own messy lives to notice. Maybe fate isn't about the stars aligning, but about having the guts to stop wondering and start finding out.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Maybe I just need to go to sleep.

So, to you, the inspiration for this post—whether you know it or not—this one's for you. Thanks for being a fun fantasy in the middle of a sometimes-boring reality.

[cottoncandyelle]

I hope you find the one you've been dreaming of soon Tirra Cantik. Thank you for making time for my wedding this weekend. I hope you'll be by my side to see how our journey has finally found its happy ending, and you've been a part of that journey and will witness this moment. Thank you Beautiful, I'm sure you'll be next!

[cottoncandyelle]

Kenapa selalu ketemu orang yang salah ya? Kamu sebenarnya punya standar tinggi. Yang serius, stabil, dewasa, bisa diandalkan. Tapi kamu terlalu cepat "memberi" energi pasangan ke orang yang belum tentu siap akan hal itu (over give)

[cottoncandyelle]

Maaf ya bukan bermaksud cuek apa gimana tapi sebagian besar yang pengen kenal itu napsu dan rasa penasarannya lebih besar daripada ketulusannya. Sekian🙏🏻

[tirramisucoffee]

Plot Twist: totally out of my initial expectations

(Photos by Tirra | Bali/March/2026)

Honestly, this trip is totally out of my initial expectations. I was supposed to fly out here after Ied, but duty calls! I had to catch the epic moments of the Ogoh-ogoh parade and score a direct, exclusive interview with Ida Sri Bhagawan Natha Nawa Wangsa Pemayun.

I definitely couldn't have done this alone. From the very beginning, I was warmly welcomed and supported by the amazing people at Diskominfos Bali Province. A huge thank you to the Secretary of Diskominfos, Bapak Gusti Ngurah Kama Wijaya, and the Head of the IKP Division, Bapak Anak Agung Ngurah Bagus Aryana, for playing such a big role in helping me out!

Of course, huge shoutout to Kak Desak, a crew from TVRI Bali (thank you Passa for introducing us), who helped me piece together this special coverage for my article. Another massive VIP who played a huge role in making this direct meeting happen is the Chairman of Paruman Walaka PHDI Bali, Prof. Dr. I Gusti Ngurah Sudiana.

I honestly have to say, everyone was incredibly cooperative, respectful, and so welcoming to me, even though I’m not Hindu.

The Kebaya Incident, Accents, & The Inside Joke

Things got a little hilarious because of my outfit. Since I wasn't wearing my hijab for this coverage and instead wore a beautiful Balinese kebaya with my long hair let down, I totally blended in. The locals, who were initially speaking Balinese to Kak Desak, naturally tried to talk to me in Balinese too. They completely thought I was a local reporter!

Since I actually have this hidden talent of easily mimicking people's accents, I played along for a bit and they totally bought it! One thing I found so interesting and cute is how they often add the word "wi" and "jus" at the end of their sentences. When I tried it out, it actually fit perfectly wkwk

Honestly, I’m genuinely scared this accent and the "wi" and "jus" habit will stick with me all the way back to Kalimantan! I still remember when I spent almost 3 weeks in Solo; I brought back the soft Javanese accent with me when I returned to Kalimantan. But anyway, the moment they asked which specific area I was from, Kak Desak immediately blew my cover and explained to them in Balinese that I'm actually a Dayak girl from Kalimantan haha, and thank you to that bli for giving me a Tridatu bracelet and for the compliments. I really do appreciate it.

Meeting the Mastermind Behind "Sapa Warang"

(Photos by Tirra | Bali/March/2026)

Speaking of the Ogoh-ogoh parade, I also got the chance to meet and snap some photos with the artist who created the epic "Sapa Warang" figure, Bli Marmar Herayukti. He was super humble and we ended up chatting a lot right on the spot.

He even invited me to check out his art studio "Br. Gemeh" where the magic happens and where he creates all his masterpieces. I'll probably have to arrange my schedule for that next time, though. But seriously, it was such a fun and cool experience!

The Thrill of the Omed-Omedan Tradition

(Photos by Tirra | Bali/March/2026)

I also went to one of the post-Nyepi activities: the Omed-Omedan tradition! It's this super fun event where young Balinese Hindus engage in a traditional tug-of-war while getting completely drenched in water. I happened to be one of the people who was super excited for this specific activity. The energy, the splashing water, the whole vibe was just absolute, joyful chaos!

Mini Reunions & Familiar Faces

Oh yeaa, I almost forgot! While I was there, I actually ran into my ex-coworker who moved to Bali—who is basically like an older brother to me—Kak Don! I also caught up with Kak Adinda, my senior from my Communication Studies days back in Malang.

It was a blast hanging out and catching up with everyone. It was super fun!

[cottoncandyelle]

Wow keren banget please..🙌✨

[cottoncandyelle]

"I hope you remember my smile in every girl you meet"

NO! I hope you forget it. I hope you NEVER think about me when you're with her. She deserves to be loved fully, she deserves to be the only one.

And I deserve to be more than a second thought.

[cottoncandyelle]

Pernah gak sih kamu heran, kenapa banyak cowok suka balik lagi justru pas kita sudah berhasil move on?

Banyak dari kita yang mungkin langsung berpikir, "Nah, akhirnya dia sadar juga betapa berharganya aku." Tapi, tunggu dulu. Seringnya, bukan itu alasannya.

Cowok yang kembali setelah ngeghosting itu biasanya bukan karena dia tiba-tiba melihat nilaimu yang sesungguhnya. Mereka kembali karena merasa kehilangan akses. Saat kamu berhenti memberi perhatian, berhenti merespons, dan berhenti menyediakan kedekatan, mereka baru merasa ada yang hilang.

Penting untuk dicatat: kembali bukan berarti cinta.

Terkadang, mereka hanya rindu pada kenyamanan dan semua perhatian yang dulu kamu berikan. Ingat ya, orang yang benar benar tulus menginginkanmu tidak perlu kehilanganmu dulu untuk menyadari betapa berharganya dirimu.

Jadi kalau dia pernah menghilang tanpa kabar (ghosting) lalu tiba-tiba muncul lagi, mungkin ini saatnya untuk mencoret namanya dari daftar hidup kamu.

[cottoncandyelle]

Tiga hal ini harus dibahas sebelum lo jadian sama seseorang.

Yang pertama, lo tipikal avoidant attachment atau anxious. Nah, ini tuh penting banget menurut gue. Karena kalau misalkan mereka nggak komunikasi tiba-tiba jadian, pas si avoidant ini berperilaku dingin, nah si anxious ini nanti akan bertanya-tanya, anjir sebenarnya dia tuh beneran sayang nggak sih sama gue? Kayak misalnya ketika si anxious ini dia tuh mau clingy ke si avoidant, itu tuh bakalan ditolak mentah-mentah guys. Jadi hal ini perlu diomongin di depan menurut gue

Yang kedua, love language. Ini nggak sepenting itu. Jadi kalau bisa di awal lo kasih tahu lo sukanya tuh disayang dengan cara apa. Dikasih duit kah? Nggak bercanda deng. Maksudnya lo lebih suka kayak dia tuh ngasih lo waktunya, service-nya, atau ngasih lo kayak dipeluk gitu

Yang ketiga yang perlu dibahas itu adalah pertemanan. Ini penting banget, ini super penting nomor satu menurut gue. Apalagi buat teman-teman yang friendly. Gue itu tipikal orang yang sangat suka berteman, bahkan sama lawan jenis atau sama sesama jenis. Cara lo berteman dan juga cara lo berkomunikasi sama teman-teman lo itu harus lo bahas, supaya ketika elo sudah berpacaran, apa boundaries-boundaries yang tidak bisa diterima oleh pasangan lo. Misalnya, biasanya lo kalau misalkan single, bisa hugging ke temen cowok lo, tapi kalau misalkan udah pacaran, hal-hal itu mungkin aja nggak diterima sama pasangan lo, karena mereka nggak suka. Jadi hal pertemanan ini harus sangat dibahas, untuk kelangsungan hidup berpacaran

[cottoncandyelle]

Some are gonna hate me for saying this, but being untouchable as a girl in this era is kind of a flex. Ada cewek yang pernah confront cerita gitu ya sama aku, bahwa dia tuh kesel gitu karena dia pengen in relationship, dia pengen punya pacar gitu kan sebenarnya, tapi nggak ada yang deketin dia, nggak ada yang bahkan nge-DM dia gitu yang padahal, gua ngelihat dia tuh sebagai cewek yang cantik banget gitu loh, cantik, tajir, karirnya bagus, kayak ibaratnya masa sih gak ada cowok yang mau sama dia gitu kan. Dan dari fenomena ini aku nyadar bahwa sebenarnya kadang permasalahannya itu bukan di ceweknya, justru mungkin karena ceweknya terlalu cantik, terlalu apa let's say pintar, udah gitu dia juga dari background keluarga baik-baik, what she shows on social media itu kan juga represent her gitu kan, terlihat dari liburan dia ke mana aja, pakaian atau stuffs yang dia gunakan itu kan sudah menunjukkan standar dia, yang mana mungkin cowok pun juga jadi nggak bisa sembarang deketin dia gitu loh.

Karena mereka lowkey tahu bahwa mereka nggak akan bisa menyeimbangi lifestyle-nya, udah tahu diri duluan gitu loh, waktu itu gue belum gimana kepikiran, cuman sekarang aku bisa bilang ke dia bahwa, ya udah, justru bagus gitu loh nggak sembarang cowok yang deketin u berarti, nggak sembarang orang yang bisa main-main atau kayak coba deketin km, karena biasanya yang kayak gini-gini akan ke-filter sendiri gitu, ke-filter dengan sendirinya. Jadi nggak main quantity, tapi lebih ke quality gitu loh, kualitas cowok-cowok yang emang bisa yang setara lah gitu at least sama dia, atau bahkan kalau misalkan pun ya, misalkan pun emang ternyata nggak setinggi atau selevel ceweknya, tapi at least cowoknya tuh siap gitu loh kalau sewaktu-waktu dia bisa aja diinjek-injek sama keluarga ceweknya, mungkin dipandang sebelah mata, diremehkan.

Justru lama-lama percaya deh, ketika you're too accessible, you're too reachable gitu ya let's say, u akan mikir sendiri gitu sebagai cewek, emang aku se-touchable itu ya? Karena banyak banget dideketin sama cowok-cowok itu juga nggak selalu melulu berarti kalau dia itu so high value gitu loh, lagi-lagi nggak semua. Jadi balik lagi ketika you're untouchable, lu harus mengambil dari sisi positifnya bahwa being untouchable itself will save you a lot of time, save you from bad experience and even save you from people, men specifically.

[cottoncandyelle]

You're so different from the rest

I'm honestly not sure if I regret us. Because in my heart I'm mad, I'm upset that you acted the way you did. I'm not good on asking for “ reassurance ” because words are just words afterall.

My mind quiets down after seeing the action itself. I thought you would be the way I thought of you, thinking that you love me or loved me. But it made me realize that I have been the one truly needing you. Which is why you said I changed, because I was the one chasing at first until I got hurt of feeling that it was turning one sided. I'm not really special to you, I wasn't special to you.

You would go on “ love ” another girl if not for me that I found myself to be in your life that night. It hurt to see you find someone else so easily and loving them. Like all of the words you said before was all just lies. That your begging was just pretending to want me to stay. Because you're so open to reassure someone else right after we ended. You made me feel so stupid.

Back into the days and nights of me crying over your absence but you were already enjoying yourself in someone elses. I said harsh things to you out of anger, because you hurt me. I hate to admit but I honestly just wanted you to sincerely say sorry and that you really cant lose me. But I already lost who I fell inlove with. You already took the ending of a one week of talking stage with another girl your “ karma ”.

Oyaa how I wish you respected me. I have so much more to say but this is it for now :))

[cottoncandyelle]

a girl doesn't actually get happy when a man buys her flowers, she gets happy when the man thinks of buying flowers for her.

to reword it "the flowers themselves isn't what makes her happy, it's fact that you thought about her and took action in making her happy"

[tirramisucoffee]

Hey manusia super cuek gengsian dan keras kepala , kenapa sih ngeselin tuh ngeselinn banget herannn

day 1 dikata-katain follower tumblrku sendiri :( ga bisa ya aku butuh support system, emang aku ngapain sih..

[cottoncandyelle]

Kata katain aja sih dia enih

[cottoncandyelle]

show me that you're really the one. i only make space for someone who's consistent and knows exactly what he wants. i don't date for fun, and i don't waste my time.

[tirramisucoffee]

Unlucky in Love, but Winning at Life

If I’m being super honest, my love life has basically been one big flop. But honestly? I still feel incredibly lucky. Even though I totally suck at romance, I hit the absolute jackpot with my friends and family. I’m always surrounded by such amazing, kind people who give off the best positive energy. They’re the reason I’ve made it this far. They’re always there for me, ready to listen whenever I need to vent. That support means everything, especially since I struggle with my mental health—dealing with crazy mood swings and relying on my meds—plus going through some tough spine physiotherapy lately.

I don't know why, but catching feelings for a guy is so hard for me. Honestly, I don't care how hot he is. My ultimate turn-on is just brains. I’m all about a guy who’s super smart, has high emotional intelligence, and is a strong provider. Like, please, no weak or wishy-washy guys who act like a confused princess! He’s got to be taller than me, too. But finding a guy like that these days feels almost impossible.

If I could manifest my dream guy, he’d be the perfect mix. Picture the smarts and strong provider vibes of Indra Priawan, but with the cheeky, playful energy of Abun Sungkar. I just really need a smart guy I can have deep conversations with, but who is also super cheeky and clingy—but only with me.

I want someone who makes me feel safe enough to bring out my soft, pampered, girly side. I want a relationship that’s just pure fun every single day. Someone who’s down to explore anything with me and can totally match my crazy energy and endless yapping whenever I’m in a good, stable mood.

At the end of the day, I think a relationship only really needs three core things to work: Communication, Commitment, and Mutual Trust & Openness. Everything else—whether it's religion, education, social status, or culture—is just up to the couple to figure out.

[cottoncandyelle]

kamu jadi paham kenapa dulu banyak yang gak jadi. kenapa dulu sering gagal. karena ternyata Tuhan lagi nyiapin seseorang yang lebih sesuai, bukan cuma sesuai selera tapi sesuai arah hidup.

yang paling indah itu pas kamu gak merasa insecure di dekat dia. kamu gak merasa kecil. kamu gak merasa bersaing. kamu merasa cukup.

dia gak cuma hadir sebagai pasangan, tapi sebagai partner tumbuh. yang kalo kamu salah, dia ingetin baik baik, yang kalo kamu capek, dia temenin tanpa merendahkan.

[cottoncandyelle]

menikahlah dengan pria yang memiliki provider mindset :

tidak wajib kaya tapi harus yang bertanggung jawab dan tau cara menjadi pemimpin keluarga karena dia akan selalu memastikan kebutuhanmu terpenuhi dan akan berusaha lebih keras untukmu.

pria sederhana bersikap namun dewasa secara emosional itu jauh lebih berharga daripada pria kaya raya tapi tidak bisa menghargai.

[tirramisucoffee]

Unlucky in Love, but Winning at Life

If I’m being super honest, my love life has basically been one big flop. But honestly? I still feel incredibly lucky. Even though I totally suck at romance, I hit the absolute jackpot with my friends and family. I’m always surrounded by such amazing, kind people who give off the best positive energy. They’re the reason I’ve made it this far. They’re always there for me, ready to listen whenever I need to vent. That support means everything, especially since I struggle with my mental health—dealing with crazy mood swings and relying on my meds—plus going through some tough spine physiotherapy lately.

I don't know why, but catching feelings for a guy is so hard for me. Honestly, I don't care how hot he is. My ultimate turn-on is just brains. I’m all about a guy who’s super smart, has high emotional intelligence, and is a strong provider. Like, please, no weak or wishy-washy guys who act like a confused princess! He’s got to be taller than me, too. But finding a guy like that these days feels almost impossible.

If I could manifest my dream guy, he’d be the perfect mix. Picture the smarts and strong provider vibes of Indra Priawan, but with the cheeky, playful energy of Abun Sungkar. I just really need a smart guy I can have deep conversations with, but who is also super cheeky and clingy—but only with me.

I want someone who makes me feel safe enough to bring out my soft, pampered, girly side. I want a relationship that’s just pure fun every single day. Someone who’s down to explore anything with me and can totally match my crazy energy and endless yapping whenever I’m in a good, stable mood.

At the end of the day, I think a relationship only really needs three core things to work: Communication, Commitment, and Mutual Trust & Openness. Everything else—whether it's religion, education, social status, or culture—is just up to the couple to figure out.