🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
🚨 EU Deportation Regulation Giving Immigration Police ICE-like Powers, Threatening Civil Rights for ALL EU residents, Set to Pass TOMORROW 🚨
The EU Parliament and the Council of Europe have agreed on the EU Return Regulation. The rule would manage the expulsion of people who have been denied legal status in the EU by giving immigration police broad powers over these people, and by extension, over EU citizens. Over 200 organizations have condemned the regulation, which is set to pass TOMORROW, 17 June, 2026.
What it would mandate:
Invasion of private homes and workplaces without a warrant. Police would have the right to raid people’s homes to enforce deportation orders. This is NOT LIMITED to dwellings belonging to the immigrants in question, but ANY private dwelling. This is a HUGE and dangerous change to existing laws.
2. Vastly increased surveillance and detection across the EU, to "detect" migrants without legal status. This would include:
Bulk data collection and unlawful sharing
Unlawful data transfers to third countries that lack an adequate data protection framework
Arbitrary, opaque and inaccurate ‘security risk’ assessment used to enforce deportations, potentially performed automatically by AI. (Details)
This would affect the privacy and rights of migrants AND EU citizens and residents. State surveillance without due process is a slippery slope and does not belong in a democracy.
3. The creation of “third country hubs” for people who cannot return to their own country for humanitarian reasons. This means depositing people in countries they have no connection to, and which may not be safe, as no safeguards have been required by the law. The EU intends to leave their treatment entirely up to the third countries. We do not yet know which countries would be selected, what the conditions are or how the asylum or other migration petition will be resolved.
Note: the EU has recently invited the Taliban for "talks on migration," which should concern everyone.
4. Deportation of unaccompanied minors to third country hubs
"The EU’s inability to effectively monitor and enforce human rights in partnerships with third countries has become increasingly evident, as reports of violations continue to mount. Shirking responsibility in this way has resulted in many thousands of people being exposed to violence, abuse, exploitation, and death." (Joint Statement)
5. Prolonged detention with expanded grounds for inclusion. Detention for up to 30 months, and reduced avenues for appeal or legal counsel. Potentially indefinite detention for migrants deemed a "security risk."
This concerning and dangerous law is largely backed by a number of far-right parties. It is the first major assault against the European institutions that exist to protect human rights, for migrants and citizens alike. It will not be the last. We're all watching the situation in the US unfold as a warning of where this kind of legislation leads.
What to do:
Contact your MEPs and YELL about this! Tell them why it's unacceptable, and that you will be watching to see what happens.
Find your MEP here!
It's unlikely we can stop this from being passed at this point, but let’s do our best! Let’s speak out so more groups and countries support a challenge at the European Court of Human Rights, as where it will hopefully get it overturned!!
More info:
Amnesty International has a good, more detailed overview with links to relevant information.
Recall uses AI features "to take images of your active screen every few seconds."
I think every computer user needs to read this because holy fucking shit this is fucking horrible.
So Windows has a new feature incoming called Recall where your computer will first, monitor everything you do with screenshots every couple of seconds and "process that" with an AI.
Hey, errrr, fuck no? This isn't merely because AI is really energy intensive to the point that it causes environmental damage. This is because it's basically surveilling what you are doing on your fucking desktop.
This AI is not going to be on your desktop, like all AI, it's going to be done on another server, "in the cloud" to be precise, so all those data and screenshot? They're going to go off to Microsoft. Microsoft are going to be monitoring what you do on your own computer.
Now of course Microsoft are going to be all "oooh, it's okay, we'll keep your data safe". They won't. Let me just remind you that evidence given over from Facebook has been used to prosecute a mother and daughter for an "illegal abortion", Microsoft will likely do the same.
And before someone goes "durrr, nuthin' to fear, nuthin to hide", let me remind you that you can be doing completely legal and righteous acts and still have the police on your arse. Are you an activist? Don't even need to be a hackivist, you can just be very vocal about something concerning and have the fucking police on your arse. They did this with environmental protesters in the UK. The culture war against transgender people looks likely to be heading in a direction wherein people looking for information on transgender people or help transitioning will be tracked down too. You have plenty to hide from the government, including your opinions and ideas.
Again, look into backing up your shit and switching to Linux Mint or Ubuntu to get away from Microsoft doing this shit.
Steps to Disable or Uninstall 'Recall' in Windows 11 24H2
there are multiple options here depending on how comfortable you are digging into your computer's registry. You can either simply disable it surface level through settings or excise it entirely from the system registry
reblogging again as a cautionary tale to please PLEASE fucking make a system restore point before you do anything. i consider myself tech savvy and still nearly bricked my computer. and make sure you know how to access safe mode
Adding this link here for further reference - when I should be forced to use Windows 11. A German article explaining how to disable it surface level: https://www.heise.de/tipps-tricks/Windows-11-Recall-deaktivieren-so-geht-s-10176728.html?hg=1&hgi=1&hgf=false
Reasons people may decline to comment or kudos on fanfiction they enjoyed:
They consider comments and kudos transactional compensation to the author, and they don't feel that the work was good enough to deserve compensation, or they don't believe they owe compensation to fan authors in general.
They consider comments and kudos as feedback, and they don't feel that the author wants or needs feedback from them.
However, comments and kudos aren't compensation, and they aren't even necessarily feedback either.
Comments and kudos for fan authors are:
encouragement to keep writing
reciprocation of a bid for connection
interaction with your community
confirmation that they're not the only one interested in their story
Please don't consider comments, or especially kudos, purely transactional or purely a form of feedback. Comments and kudos are a way to show authors in your community that you're glad they're there.
Authors aren't "entitled" to kudos or comments, but readers aren't "entitled" to fic, either.
Fanfiction is a community, and when an author repeatedly reaches out to their community for connection only to receive silence in return it is very discouraging and can result in the author withdrawing from the community altogether.
Friendly reminder that it was canon the Doctor was in love with Rose in episode six. Of season one. He's been down bad since the beginning. In fact, it was so obvious that a DALEK noticed. A dalek, without emotions or love of its own. Just saying. He loved her so much 🥹😭😭
Series: The Disco-Stick of Destiny (fifth instalment)
Summary: SOMEONE is defacing the pavements of Manchester with phallic, ahem, images. Hilarity ensues.
Notes: Er....hello? Been a while, hasn't it? RL has been an utter jerk and I haven't felt much like writing. I've had this idea swirling around in my head for a good couple of years, ever since I saw this article (and yes, it's real) about a man drawing penises around potholes to get the council to fix them. Of course, I immediately thought of Jack Harkness and finally, my recalcitrant muse decided to wake up and DO SOMETHING. And so I give you...this fic. I'm absolutely and terribly rusty, so apologies up front and hope you have a laugh anyway.
As always, thanks to @rose--nebula for the beta x. All mistakes are mine, and I'd like to take this opportunity at this AI riddled time to add that while DW and its characters belong to the BBC, this fic and my OCs belong to ME and are the product of my disease riddled brain.
Also on Ao3 I Teaspoon.
“Unbelievable- he’s at it again!” Doctor James McCrimmon growled.
“Who?” Rose asked absently, scrolling on her phone.
“Jack bloody Harkness, that’s who!” The Doctor flung his newspaper onto the table in disgust.
At that, Rose looked up. “What’d he do this time? And why’s it in the paper?”
The Doctor scoffed. “Take a guess.”
She blinked in momentary confusion before her eyes grew wide. “You don’t mean…”
“If your guess is ‘ drawing knobs around pavement potholes in Manchester’, you win and thanks for playing!”
“But….why? He’s been so good lately,” Rose groaned, seizing the paper and scanning it frantically. “He hasn’t defiled anything, or asked to see your pants, or my knickers or anything for at least a month!”
“And now we know why,” her husband growled. “He’s off defiling pavements up North!”
“Are we sure it’s him, though? Was he caught, or… Not seeing names here, says it’s an anonymous man….”
“How many people you know who go scrawling giant knobs on concrete, Rose?”
“Yeah, alright, but still…we should have proof, Doctor. If we’re goin’ to accuse him of this we need proof, cause he promised.”
“Who said anything about confronting him?” The Doctor folded his arms, only to deflate at Rose’s disbelieving look.
“Alright, fine,” he grumbled. “S’pose I might have a bit of a history of confronting him about his extracurricular activities.”
“Yeah, and especially after the sky-writin’ incident.” Rose cocked her head and suddenly smirked. “But I reckon you didn’t mind that one too much.”
The Doctor’s expression softened. “Course I don’t- brought me right to you, didn’t it?”
Unable to help herself, Rose leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only to be caught by a strong grip as she went to draw back.
“Something on your mind, Dr McCrimmon?” She grinned, tongue touching her teeth.
“You know there is.”
The blue eyes she loved so much burned intensely and moments later, Jack, the paper, and penis-covered potholes were all forgotten.
For the time-being.
**************
“I can’t believe we’re stalkin’ him.” Rose shook her head, gazing out the window at the passing scenery. “Not how I pictured spending Tuesday evening.”
“Said it yourself,” the Doctor muttered as he drove. “We need proof. How else we going get it?”
“I thought we’d get the street camera footage from the Council or something! Or….or talk to neighbours about his height or whatever! Show his picture to nosy little old ladies and pretend he’s a long lost relative! Not dress in black and follow his car to bloody Manchester on a Tuesday night! In Donna’s car, no less!”
“Well, he’s the one who chose Tuesday,” the Doctor pointed out, changing lanes to follow Jack’s car. “We’re just following his lead. Makes sense that he’d choose a weeknight, though- fewer folks about, less likely to run into someone while he’s defiling the pavement. And as for the car- well, he knows ours on sight, doesn’t he? He’d make us out in a minute,”
Rose shook her head and gazed at the passing scenery. They’d been in the car for a good three and a half hours and this was the fifth time they’d had this discussion. She couldn’t believe that they were driving all the way to Manchester to catch Jack defacing potholes.
“Besides, we’re helping him,” the Doctor said. “We catch him, he gets a lecture. If the police catch him, he’s facing fines, possible prison time and likely problems at work. And you know the Council’s out for blood.”
Rose exhaled. “Yeah,” she said finally. “I just…it feels wrong and I hate it.”
The Doctor glanced over at her for a moment before returning his attention to the road. “I know,” he said, hand clutching the gear stick. “But what else can we do? Hide a camera in his car? Not much better, that. Might even be worse.”
“Yeah, course it’s worse,” Rose sighed, rubbing at her forehead. “’S kind of annoying though. He’s helping, in a way, seems a shame to stop ‘im.” At the Doctor’s incredulous glance, she shrugged. “’Getting all the holes filled, innit? Local council’s left those giant holes for ages, no matter how many people write and complain about people falling and gettin’ hurt. And now as soon as he draws around one, pothole is filled the next day. Shame to put a stop to it.”
The Doctor snorted. “Never thought I’d say it, but it’s true- his little artworks are getting those holes filled faster than you can say “Fact Finding Mission to the Caribbean.” He sobered. “That’s what I’m worried about, Rose- he’s embarrassed the local Council and they’ve had to spend money they don’t want to. They’ll be steaming mad and if they catch him, they’ll throw the book at him to make an example.”
“Yeah.” Rose shook her head. “It’s mad to think this is riskier for him than painting a giant knob and balls in the sky.”
The Doctor shrugged, veering around yet another lorry. “He was commissioned by his superiors to make some sort of sky art, and he did. The whole knob thing was dismissed as a communication glitch. But this is takin’ on a local council and defacing their property to force them to do their job. You know they’ll be champing at the bit to get him for whatever they can.”
“Tossers,” she muttered. He grunted in agreement and they drove in silence for a while before Jack signalled to turn off the highway ahead of them. The Doctor followed and before long, they were cruising through side streets, a few cars behind, as Jack seemed to take a leisurely tour through what seemed to be a council Estate. Finally, he came to a stop and parked. Slipping out, he made for the side of a building and hid, seemingly scoping out goings and comings. Clad in black as he was, he was entirely invisible against the side of the building.
“Here we go,” the Doctor muttered, driving a little further ahead and parking in a small side street. Moments later, they were behind a little building of their own a few shops down, watching and waiting.
Nothing happened.
Minutes passed and still Jack stayed behind his building, watching intently.
Half an hour into this silent vigil, Rose frowned. “Doctor,” she said quietly, “I don’t think it’s him.”
“Course it’s him- we saw his car and his face!” the Doctor whispered back.
“No- I mean I think we’ve got it wrong. I don’t think he’s the one doing this.”
“What’s he doing here, then?”
“I dunno but he’s been stood here for at least half an hour and not one person has entered this street for the last fifteen minutes. Why would he just stand there when he could be done and gone already?”
“Could be making sure,” the Doctor whispered doubtfully.
“You don’t believe that anymore’n I do,” Rose whispered.
The Doctor sighed. “It doesn’t seem to make any sense. But then….why’s he here?”
“He looks like he’s…if I didn’t know better I’d say he was waiting- for something or someone.”
“But who?” The Doctor shifted silently closer.
Rose opened her mouth to reply when a small black shadow made its way quietly and slowly down the street. “Shhh! Something’s happening!”
Silently, they watched as the shadow was joined by another shadow, this one slightly faster as they made their way to a certain point in the road.
“We need to get closer,” the Doctor whispered, clearly intrigued.
Rose nodded and, moving as silently as she could and sticking to the shadows, she slowly shuffled closer to the spot the two people were bent over. The Doctor was presumably close behind her, but she couldn’t hear a sound- he’d always been a dab hand at stealth, likely the result of years as a combat medic.
Feeling the Doctor’s squeeze on her shoulder, she settled in to wait, having gone as far as they could without leaving the shadows.
The two shadows only a few metres away were whispering loudly and rustling about with what seemed to be a bag until at last, one of them switched on a torch and shone it at the ground, the other armed with what looked like a spray can, when-
“GOTCHA!”
Jack suddenly appeared, armed with a torch of his own, which he shone at the two culprits, seizing one of them by the arm. “Thought you’d get away with it, didn’t you? Shame on you! It’s practically theft of intellectual property!”
Rose’s jaw fell open. “Oh my God!” She whispered in spite of herself.”He came here to catch them!”
“And we came to catch him.” the Doctor said at a normal volume, evidently deciding that secrecy was pointless.
Jack and the two small figures turned towards them. “What’s that?” Jack called, shining his torch in their direction. “Who’s there?”
Sighing, Rose turned to the Doctor and shrugged. “Nothing for it now, I s’pose.”
“Too right,” the Doctor muttered, striding towards Jack, Rose close behind him. “What in the world are you doing, Harkness?”
“Doctor? That you?” Jack stared. “And Rosie? What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you are, I expect,” the Doctor shrugged. “Catching the culprits.”
“Yeah but how did you know where- you followed me.”
Rose cringed. “Yeah…”
“You thought it was me?” Jack looked both flattered and a little hurt. “I promised, you know.”
“You also tend to find loopholes in just about any promise you make.” The Doctor folded his arms. “Australia ring any bells?”
Jack grinned somewhat sheepishly. “Well, I guess that’s true enough. But flattered as I am that you thought of me- nope, not me this time, my lovelies.”
“Then who is it?” Rose demanded. “If it’s not you, who the hell is drawing a cock and balls around the pot holes?”
“Good question.” The Doctor peered at the dark, shadowy figures that seemed even smaller at close range. “Who’ve you got there?”
“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?” Jack turned to the figure he was clutching by the arm.”You want to fess up or shall I do the grand reveal?”
The two figures turned to look at one another before sighing and removing their balaclavas to reveal an attractive elderly Black woman and …
“Gran?” Rose gaped.
“Evie?” Jack’s tone was utterly disbelieving.
“Blimey, didn’t see that one coming,” the Doctor muttered.
****************
A few minutes later, they were all sitting at the stranger’s kitchen table, her home only a few minutes away and thereby agreed to be the most sensible rendezvous point.
Rose stared at her grandmother in shock.
“Stop gaping, Rose, you’ll catch flies.”
“Are you joking?” Rose demanded. “We catch you in bloomin’ Manchester about to spray paint a… a meat and two veg around a pothole and that’s all you have to say?”
The two elderly ladies blinked, as though they hadn’t been caught about to spray paint male genitalia on the pavement.
The Doctor and Jack wisely said nothing.
“What would you like us to say?” the other woman asked.
“How about explaining what my grandmother is doing hours from home defacing public property?” Rose stared. “And who are you and why were you helpin’?”
“Mind your tone, Rose dear,” Evie Prentice soothed. “No need to get upset, there’s a dear.”
“Don’t even try it, gran,” Rose warned. “You can start talkin’ to me or I can call mum and you can explain it to her.”
Jack whistled.
“Blimey, no parlay or anything- straight to the first volley,” the Doctor muttered.
“I’m a grown woman, Rose McCrimmon, and I can go where I please.” Grandma Prentice folded her arms.
“That you can but that doesn’t typically mean you can also commit acts of public vandalism, Gran.” Rose exhaled. “The Council’s fuming and if you get caught they’ll dock your pension or worse.”
The two elderly women said nothing.
Rose took a deep breath and tried again. “Gran, why? Please, just tell me why?”
Gran sighed. “Well it isn’t exactly a secret, Rose dear, is it? The Council’s ignored these potholes to the point that they’ve become a real menace. Someone has to do something! Jabe nearly broke her ankle last month!”
“Gran,” Rose said patiently. “I know the potholes are bad but you don’t live here. Why are you slinking about in the dark four hours from home to get potholes filled?”
“Well, Jabe lives here, for a start. Oh, we’ve not had introductions, have we? Jabe Cheem, this is my granddaughter Rose McCrimmon and her husband Dr James McCrimmon. And this is Squadron Leader Jack Harkness.”
Jabe’s eyes grew wide. “That’s him?”
Gran nodded.
“Oh my,” Jabe blushed. “He’s a looker, in’e? Could steal the air from your lungs, that one.”
The Doctor snorted. “He’ll steal the last of your sense if you’ll let him. How do you know Harkness?”
“Well,” Jabe said. “I don’t know him, of course. But Evie’s told me all about him of course, and his little…. art projects …”
“Blimey,” the Doctor muttered, even as Jack beamed. “I think I see where this is going.”
“Well, after I tripped and nearly snapped my ankle clean in two, I called Evie and she said we should do something about it. And I told her I’d written to the Council, along with half of Manchester, and no one had done a blind thing, the lazy sods.”
“And I said,” Gran broke in, “well, if the usual methods aren’t working, why don’t we try something a little un usual?”
“And I said," What d’you mean unusual?”” Jabe continued, her grey and black hair gleaming in the kitchen lights. “And Evie said “ man bits on a dry river bed unusual. If they won’t respond to a letter, they’ll respond to a parsnip and two turnips decorating the pothole, won’t they?”” The older woman beamed, apparently not noticing two cringes and a delighted chortle at her choice of words. “And it worked, and it’s all thanks to you, Squadron Leader Harkness!”
“You mean I inspired you?” Jack beamed. “And here I was thinking that I was coming to tell off some presumptuous copycat when here you are instead, following my method!” He wiped away a tear. “I’m so proud!”
“Oh my god, don’t encourage them!” Rose gaped in horror. “Aside from the fact that I’ve spent far longer than I ever wanted to talking to my gran and her friend about….male parts… they’re going to get in trouble, if they keep this up! The Council will have you arrested and booked! They’re already on the bloody warpath!”
“Watch your language, Rose,” was all Gran said.
“Are you serious?” Rose stared. “You’ve been committing crimes in public where anyone can catch you, you have the Council after you- and Jabe, you LIVE here!- and you’re worried about my language?”
Gran patted her on the arm consolingly. “Sometimes, Rose, a sacrifice is needed for the public good. If we get caught, we get caught, but we’re doing too much good to stop. If drawing Pythons of Passion-”
-“Oh my God!” Rose choked and even the Doctor looked a little green.
Jack was practically preening.
“-forces the council to do their jobs, then that’s what we’re doing until all the holes are fixed.”
“And what happens if you get caught? When you’re caught? What then?” Rose demanded. “They’ll make a point of leaving every last pothole just to make a point. They’ll be even worse about repairs for the next ten bloody years at least. And you’ll either be fined or in prison. What good will it do then?”
Gran hesitated. “That isn’t very likely, is it?”
“What, a government body being vindictive sods?” The Doctor folded his arms, looking oddly naked without his usual leather jacket. The garment had - after much discussion- been left behind as “too loud” for their stealthy activities. “It’s practically a given, that. And not hard to catch you- we did. And so did Jack.”
“They have a point, ladies,” Jack said reluctantly. “They do have a point, much as I hate to say it. Things could get very ugly if you’re caught.”
“What are you saying? We should just let it go?” Jabe demanded. “We should just put up with it?”
“Not at all!” Jack hastened to assure them. “Not at all, my young padawans. No, we just need to be strategic about it.”
Gran blinked. “What’s a pandawand?”
“Never mind,” Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Not the point.”
“What is the point?” the Doctor broke in.
“The point, my Delicious Doctor, is that the enticing Evie and the lovely Jabe have asked for help.” He winked. “And I never turn down a pretty face.”
The two older women blushed, ignoring the Doctor’s exasperated snort.
“And so, my dear ladies, you are in my hands.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “We can use the work you’ve already done without having to risk you any further.”
Rose tuned out as Jack began rabbiting on about news networks and photogenic ladies and some sort of public shame campaign with the local residents using the media as their stalking horse.
Suddenly however, she jolted upright, clutching the Doctor’s hand.
“What…” She swallowed, hoping to God she hadn’t heard correctly. “What did you just say?”
“I said,” Jack declaimed grandly, “that Evie and Jabe’s work has not been in vain, and we shall triumph! The Pee-Pee of Protest will prevail!”
Rose buried her face in the Doctor’s shoulder and groaned.
Series: The Disco-Stick of Destiny (fifth instalment)
Summary: SOMEONE is defacing the pavements of Manchester with phallic, ahem, images. Hilarity ensues.
Notes: Er....hello? Been a while, hasn't it? RL has been an utter jerk and I haven't felt much like writing. I've had this idea swirling around in my head for a good couple of years, ever since I saw this article (and yes, it's real) about a man drawing penises around potholes to get the council to fix them. Of course, I immediately thought of Jack Harkness and finally, my recalcitrant muse decided to wake up and DO SOMETHING. And so I give you...this fic. I'm absolutely and terribly rusty, so apologies up front and hope you have a laugh anyway.
As always, thanks to @rose--nebula for the beta x. All mistakes are mine, and I'd like to take this opportunity at this AI riddled time to add that while DW and its characters belong to the BBC, this fic and my OCs belong to ME and are the product of my disease riddled brain.
Also on Ao3 I Teaspoon.
“Unbelievable- he’s at it again!” Doctor James McCrimmon growled.
“Who?” Rose asked absently, scrolling on her phone.
“Jack bloody Harkness, that’s who!” The Doctor flung his newspaper onto the table in disgust.
At that, Rose looked up. “What’d he do this time? And why’s it in the paper?”
The Doctor scoffed. “Take a guess.”
She blinked in momentary confusion before her eyes grew wide. “You don’t mean…”
“If your guess is ‘ drawing knobs around pavement potholes in Manchester’, you win and thanks for playing!”
“But….why? He’s been so good lately,” Rose groaned, seizing the paper and scanning it frantically. “He hasn’t defiled anything, or asked to see your pants, or my knickers or anything for at least a month!”
“And now we know why,” her husband growled. “He’s off defiling pavements up North!”
“Are we sure it’s him, though? Was he caught, or… Not seeing names here, says it’s an anonymous man….”
“How many people you know who go scrawling giant knobs on concrete, Rose?”
“Yeah, alright, but still…we should have proof, Doctor. If we’re goin’ to accuse him of this we need proof, cause he promised.”
“Who said anything about confronting him?” The Doctor folded his arms, only to deflate at Rose’s disbelieving look.
“Alright, fine,” he grumbled. “S’pose I might have a bit of a history of confronting him about his extracurricular activities.”
“Yeah, and especially after the sky-writin’ incident.” Rose cocked her head and suddenly smirked. “But I reckon you didn’t mind that one too much.”
The Doctor’s expression softened. “Course I don’t- brought me right to you, didn’t it?”
Unable to help herself, Rose leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only to be caught by a strong grip as she went to draw back.
“Something on your mind, Dr McCrimmon?” She grinned, tongue touching her teeth.
“You know there is.”
The blue eyes she loved so much burned intensely and moments later, Jack, the paper, and penis-covered potholes were all forgotten.
For the time-being.
**************
“I can’t believe we’re stalkin’ him.” Rose shook her head, gazing out the window at the passing scenery. “Not how I pictured spending Tuesday evening.”
“Said it yourself,” the Doctor muttered as he drove. “We need proof. How else we going get it?”
“I thought we’d get the street camera footage from the Council or something! Or….or talk to neighbours about his height or whatever! Show his picture to nosy little old ladies and pretend he’s a long lost relative! Not dress in black and follow his car to bloody Manchester on a Tuesday night! In Donna’s car, no less!”
“Well, he’s the one who chose Tuesday,” the Doctor pointed out, changing lanes to follow Jack’s car. “We’re just following his lead. Makes sense that he’d choose a weeknight, though- fewer folks about, less likely to run into someone while he’s defiling the pavement. And as for the car- well, he knows ours on sight, doesn’t he? He’d make us out in a minute,”
Rose shook her head and gazed at the passing scenery. They’d been in the car for a good three and a half hours and this was the fifth time they’d had this discussion. She couldn’t believe that they were driving all the way to Manchester to catch Jack defacing potholes.
“Besides, we’re helping him,” the Doctor said. “We catch him, he gets a lecture. If the police catch him, he’s facing fines, possible prison time and likely problems at work. And you know the Council’s out for blood.”
Rose exhaled. “Yeah,” she said finally. “I just…it feels wrong and I hate it.”
The Doctor glanced over at her for a moment before returning his attention to the road. “I know,” he said, hand clutching the gear stick. “But what else can we do? Hide a camera in his car? Not much better, that. Might even be worse.”
“Yeah, course it’s worse,” Rose sighed, rubbing at her forehead. “’S kind of annoying though. He’s helping, in a way, seems a shame to stop ‘im.” At the Doctor’s incredulous glance, she shrugged. “’Getting all the holes filled, innit? Local council’s left those giant holes for ages, no matter how many people write and complain about people falling and gettin’ hurt. And now as soon as he draws around one, pothole is filled the next day. Shame to put a stop to it.”
The Doctor snorted. “Never thought I’d say it, but it’s true- his little artworks are getting those holes filled faster than you can say “Fact Finding Mission to the Caribbean.” He sobered. “That’s what I’m worried about, Rose- he’s embarrassed the local Council and they’ve had to spend money they don’t want to. They’ll be steaming mad and if they catch him, they’ll throw the book at him to make an example.”
“Yeah.” Rose shook her head. “It’s mad to think this is riskier for him than painting a giant knob and balls in the sky.”
The Doctor shrugged, veering around yet another lorry. “He was commissioned by his superiors to make some sort of sky art, and he did. The whole knob thing was dismissed as a communication glitch. But this is takin’ on a local council and defacing their property to force them to do their job. You know they’ll be champing at the bit to get him for whatever they can.”
“Tossers,” she muttered. He grunted in agreement and they drove in silence for a while before Jack signalled to turn off the highway ahead of them. The Doctor followed and before long, they were cruising through side streets, a few cars behind, as Jack seemed to take a leisurely tour through what seemed to be a council Estate. Finally, he came to a stop and parked. Slipping out, he made for the side of a building and hid, seemingly scoping out goings and comings. Clad in black as he was, he was entirely invisible against the side of the building.
“Here we go,” the Doctor muttered, driving a little further ahead and parking in a small side street. Moments later, they were behind a little building of their own a few shops down, watching and waiting.
Nothing happened.
Minutes passed and still Jack stayed behind his building, watching intently.
Half an hour into this silent vigil, Rose frowned. “Doctor,” she said quietly, “I don’t think it’s him.”
“Course it’s him- we saw his car and his face!” the Doctor whispered back.
“No- I mean I think we’ve got it wrong. I don’t think he’s the one doing this.”
“What’s he doing here, then?”
“I dunno but he’s been stood here for at least half an hour and not one person has entered this street for the last fifteen minutes. Why would he just stand there when he could be done and gone already?”
“Could be making sure,” the Doctor whispered doubtfully.
“You don’t believe that anymore’n I do,” Rose whispered.
The Doctor sighed. “It doesn’t seem to make any sense. But then….why’s he here?”
“He looks like he’s…if I didn’t know better I’d say he was waiting- for something or someone.”
“But who?” The Doctor shifted silently closer.
Rose opened her mouth to reply when a small black shadow made its way quietly and slowly down the street. “Shhh! Something’s happening!”
Silently, they watched as the shadow was joined by another shadow, this one slightly faster as they made their way to a certain point in the road.
“We need to get closer,” the Doctor whispered, clearly intrigued.
Rose nodded and, moving as silently as she could and sticking to the shadows, she slowly shuffled closer to the spot the two people were bent over. The Doctor was presumably close behind her, but she couldn’t hear a sound- he’d always been a dab hand at stealth, likely the result of years as a combat medic.
Feeling the Doctor’s squeeze on her shoulder, she settled in to wait, having gone as far as they could without leaving the shadows.
The two shadows only a few metres away were whispering loudly and rustling about with what seemed to be a bag until at last, one of them switched on a torch and shone it at the ground, the other armed with what looked like a spray can, when-
“GOTCHA!”
Jack suddenly appeared, armed with a torch of his own, which he shone at the two culprits, seizing one of them by the arm. “Thought you’d get away with it, didn’t you? Shame on you! It’s practically theft of intellectual property!”
Rose’s jaw fell open. “Oh my God!” She whispered in spite of herself.”He came here to catch them!”
“And we came to catch him.” the Doctor said at a normal volume, evidently deciding that secrecy was pointless.
Jack and the two small figures turned towards them. “What’s that?” Jack called, shining his torch in their direction. “Who’s there?”
Sighing, Rose turned to the Doctor and shrugged. “Nothing for it now, I s’pose.”
“Too right,” the Doctor muttered, striding towards Jack, Rose close behind him. “What in the world are you doing, Harkness?”
“Doctor? That you?” Jack stared. “And Rosie? What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you are, I expect,” the Doctor shrugged. “Catching the culprits.”
“Yeah but how did you know where- you followed me.”
Rose cringed. “Yeah…”
“You thought it was me?” Jack looked both flattered and a little hurt. “I promised, you know.”
“You also tend to find loopholes in just about any promise you make.” The Doctor folded his arms. “Australia ring any bells?”
Jack grinned somewhat sheepishly. “Well, I guess that’s true enough. But flattered as I am that you thought of me- nope, not me this time, my lovelies.”
“Then who is it?” Rose demanded. “If it’s not you, who the hell is drawing a cock and balls around the pot holes?”
“Good question.” The Doctor peered at the dark, shadowy figures that seemed even smaller at close range. “Who’ve you got there?”
“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?” Jack turned to the figure he was clutching by the arm.”You want to fess up or shall I do the grand reveal?”
The two figures turned to look at one another before sighing and removing their balaclavas to reveal an attractive elderly Black woman and …
“Gran?” Rose gaped.
“Evie?” Jack’s tone was utterly disbelieving.
“Blimey, didn’t see that one coming,” the Doctor muttered.
****************
A few minutes later, they were all sitting at the stranger’s kitchen table, her home only a few minutes away and thereby agreed to be the most sensible rendezvous point.
Rose stared at her grandmother in shock.
“Stop gaping, Rose, you’ll catch flies.”
“Are you joking?” Rose demanded. “We catch you in bloomin’ Manchester about to spray paint a… a meat and two veg around a pothole and that’s all you have to say?”
The two elderly ladies blinked, as though they hadn’t been caught about to spray paint male genitalia on the pavement.
The Doctor and Jack wisely said nothing.
“What would you like us to say?” the other woman asked.
“How about explaining what my grandmother is doing hours from home defacing public property?” Rose stared. “And who are you and why were you helpin’?”
“Mind your tone, Rose dear,” Evie Prentice soothed. “No need to get upset, there’s a dear.”
“Don’t even try it, gran,” Rose warned. “You can start talkin’ to me or I can call mum and you can explain it to her.”
Jack whistled.
“Blimey, no parlay or anything- straight to the first volley,” the Doctor muttered.
“I’m a grown woman, Rose McCrimmon, and I can go where I please.” Grandma Prentice folded her arms.
“That you can but that doesn’t typically mean you can also commit acts of public vandalism, Gran.” Rose exhaled. “The Council’s fuming and if you get caught they’ll dock your pension or worse.”
The two elderly women said nothing.
Rose took a deep breath and tried again. “Gran, why? Please, just tell me why?”
Gran sighed. “Well it isn’t exactly a secret, Rose dear, is it? The Council’s ignored these potholes to the point that they’ve become a real menace. Someone has to do something! Jabe nearly broke her ankle last month!”
“Gran,” Rose said patiently. “I know the potholes are bad but you don’t live here. Why are you slinking about in the dark four hours from home to get potholes filled?”
“Well, Jabe lives here, for a start. Oh, we’ve not had introductions, have we? Jabe Cheem, this is my granddaughter Rose McCrimmon and her husband Dr James McCrimmon. And this is Squadron Leader Jack Harkness.”
Jabe’s eyes grew wide. “That’s him?”
Gran nodded.
“Oh my,” Jabe blushed. “He’s a looker, in’e? Could steal the air from your lungs, that one.”
The Doctor snorted. “He’ll steal the last of your sense if you’ll let him. How do you know Harkness?”
“Well,” Jabe said. “I don’t know him, of course. But Evie’s told me all about him of course, and his little…. art projects …”
“Blimey,” the Doctor muttered, even as Jack beamed. “I think I see where this is going.”
“Well, after I tripped and nearly snapped my ankle clean in two, I called Evie and she said we should do something about it. And I told her I’d written to the Council, along with half of Manchester, and no one had done a blind thing, the lazy sods.”
“And I said,” Gran broke in, “well, if the usual methods aren’t working, why don’t we try something a little un usual?”
“And I said," What d’you mean unusual?”” Jabe continued, her grey and black hair gleaming in the kitchen lights. “And Evie said “ man bits on a dry river bed unusual. If they won’t respond to a letter, they’ll respond to a parsnip and two turnips decorating the pothole, won’t they?”” The older woman beamed, apparently not noticing two cringes and a delighted chortle at her choice of words. “And it worked, and it’s all thanks to you, Squadron Leader Harkness!”
“You mean I inspired you?” Jack beamed. “And here I was thinking that I was coming to tell off some presumptuous copycat when here you are instead, following my method!” He wiped away a tear. “I’m so proud!”
“Oh my god, don’t encourage them!” Rose gaped in horror. “Aside from the fact that I’ve spent far longer than I ever wanted to talking to my gran and her friend about….male parts… they’re going to get in trouble, if they keep this up! The Council will have you arrested and booked! They’re already on the bloody warpath!”
“Watch your language, Rose,” was all Gran said.
“Are you serious?” Rose stared. “You’ve been committing crimes in public where anyone can catch you, you have the Council after you- and Jabe, you LIVE here!- and you’re worried about my language?”
Gran patted her on the arm consolingly. “Sometimes, Rose, a sacrifice is needed for the public good. If we get caught, we get caught, but we’re doing too much good to stop. If drawing Pythons of Passion-”
-“Oh my God!” Rose choked and even the Doctor looked a little green.
Jack was practically preening.
“-forces the council to do their jobs, then that’s what we’re doing until all the holes are fixed.”
“And what happens if you get caught? When you’re caught? What then?” Rose demanded. “They’ll make a point of leaving every last pothole just to make a point. They’ll be even worse about repairs for the next ten bloody years at least. And you’ll either be fined or in prison. What good will it do then?”
Gran hesitated. “That isn’t very likely, is it?”
“What, a government body being vindictive sods?” The Doctor folded his arms, looking oddly naked without his usual leather jacket. The garment had - after much discussion- been left behind as “too loud” for their stealthy activities. “It’s practically a given, that. And not hard to catch you- we did. And so did Jack.”
“They have a point, ladies,” Jack said reluctantly. “They do have a point, much as I hate to say it. Things could get very ugly if you’re caught.”
“What are you saying? We should just let it go?” Jabe demanded. “We should just put up with it?”
“Not at all!” Jack hastened to assure them. “Not at all, my young padawans. No, we just need to be strategic about it.”
Gran blinked. “What’s a pandawand?”
“Never mind,” Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Not the point.”
“What is the point?” the Doctor broke in.
“The point, my Delicious Doctor, is that the enticing Evie and the lovely Jabe have asked for help.” He winked. “And I never turn down a pretty face.”
The two older women blushed, ignoring the Doctor’s exasperated snort.
“And so, my dear ladies, you are in my hands.” Jack waggled his eyebrows. “We can use the work you’ve already done without having to risk you any further.”
Rose tuned out as Jack began rabbiting on about news networks and photogenic ladies and some sort of public shame campaign with the local residents using the media as their stalking horse.
Suddenly however, she jolted upright, clutching the Doctor’s hand.
“What…” She swallowed, hoping to God she hadn’t heard correctly. “What did you just say?”
“I said,” Jack declaimed grandly, “that Evie and Jabe’s work has not been in vain, and we shall triumph! The Pee-Pee of Protest will prevail!”
Rose buried her face in the Doctor’s shoulder and groaned.
