Finding myself here again, because I have thoughts and who has time for therapy.
It seems like every other parent around me is on baby number 2, 3, 4... And I just don't understand how they're doing it. It's making me doubt if this was what I was supposed to do. I love my child endlessly, obviously, but I also have been questioning lately if I was meant to be a parent. I just don't seem to be able to manage it as well as everyone else. I am exhausted. I don't even think there's a word that explains the true level of exhaustion I feel. No part of me – mentally, physically, emotionally – could handle having another child. And maybe that's okay, but it's definitely not the norm. So it's making me wonder what's wrong with me, and my brain, and the way I function as a human. Because why is it so difficult for me, but so easy for everyone else?
And I know that I'm a good mom. That's not the problem. I'm giving her everything I'm capable of giving. She's kind and smart and has such a bright personality. She's a good kid.
But nearly every day, I find myself thinking about how much easier it would be to be a parent if I had a village behind me. And, technically, I do, but they're an hour and a half away and it's becoming increasingly apparent that they can't (or won't) be available when I need help. I miss my independence and my alone time. I miss working out and couch rotting and taking a shower whenever I want and mid-day naps and going to the grocery store at 8PM. I know I'll get all this back once she's older, but we're a ways out from that.
I know parenting is supposed to be challenging and it's supposed to be hard, but holy hell, it's not what I was expecting at all.
I just hope this kid grows up and understands how hard I'm working to show up for her. It's just a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, and I hope it's enough. And I hope she can be patient with me, because I definitely need it.
titsay
pixelskylines
gracieabrams
jimmyeatworldofficial
stormborns
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gummygunk
