
if i look back, i am lost

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@coyotesakurai-archived
2, 3, 11, 15, 18, 22, 31, 45.
2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?
Atsushi adored his mother. She was the reason he found the courage to leave Gunma in favor of moving to Tokyo, and they remained close until the day she died.
3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?
He hated his father, to put it bluntly. The man was abusive and controlling, and Atsushi was relieved once he was gone.
In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?
In recent memory, there was a moment during which he had to watch through the window of a hospital room door as someone he loved struggled to remain alive.
Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?
No, not at all. He lives in a nice home, and he owns nice things, but he could walk away from them tomorrow if he had to. Ultimately, material things mean very little to him unless they are gifts from very specific people; it is only in this case that he could never let go of these things.
Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?
Wisdom. He is at an age where he appreciates a person with a sound head on their shoulders, rather than someone blind with ambition for things that are seemingly not meant to be. This is mostly due to recent personal experiences, and not necessarily a commentary on the people he encounters now.
What does your character like in other people?
Honesty, courage, respectability, intuition, etc. He is more likely to be drawn to someone he feels he can trust, than to someone who may end up manipulating him into serving their own personal purposes later on down the road.
Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.
This is something he never thought he would ever have the opportunity to experience, but as of late he has been most at peace when at home with his adopted son, watching television with him or talking about school/friends/shared interests/etc. He always has, of course, felt most at home in a live house, performing the music he loves with the people he considers his family, but at the end of the day he feels most at peace being the father that he never had.
What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?
Atsushi likes to believe that after death, there is peace and nothingness. When a person dies, they’re just gone. He takes comfort in this belief, honestly. He would rather have it that way than believe that a person can be stuck between one plane of existing or the other.
It’s a lesson in life—don’t look back, you’ll trip over.
Michael Caine, The Elephant to Hollywood
To Paris it is, then. After that, I don’t know.
“It’s okay, I’ve found you,” I say. I hold him with both of my arms. He’s shaking like he’s been wounded. “What if you don’t find me next time?” he asks, when the hiccups stop. “What if I’m lost forever?” “I’ll always find you,” I reply.“Even if I have to trek through the Sahara desert, or climb a mountain. If you want to be found, I’ll never stop looking, and if I never stop looking, you’ll always be found.”
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #265 // “He has depression, and it hurts to see him shut himself away from the world. I wish he could see how much I love him, even when he’s lost.” (via blossomfully)
Nonetheless we understood each other on other levels of madness.
Jack Kerouac, On the Road (via akauzukun)
I do not want to be human. I want to be myself. They think I am a lion, that I will chase them. I will not deny I have lions in me. I am the monster in the wood. I have wonders in my house of sugar. I have parts of myself I do not yet understand.
Catherynne M. Valente
I do not want to add you to my collection. I want you to be my entire collection. A collection of everything that you are. The words you speak, the color of your eyes, the softness of your brown hair, and your warm smile. I want to spend a lifetime collecting all of the pieces that are you and place them together neatly on a shelf somewhere safe. I want to show you off to the world like a trophy with your hand held in mine. I want to learn all of your fears and help keep your demons at bay. I want learn everything that makes you smile and give you my entire universe. I want to be able to call you mine until the end of time.
Lynette Simeone
Sassy Sakurai
ああ こんなに麗しい 跪き祈りの歌を ああ いつしか腐りゆく 跡形も無く消えてゆく Romance.
The Mortal: Spirit (Bauhaus Cover)
“Bran-New Lover” on Rocket Punch 1999 (Atsushi)