Role playing games are such amazing tools for experimenting with different aspects of yourself. And larp gets to do that in a supercharged way. You’re not just sitting around a table or in front of a screen with a controller in hand but physically embodying the character. You’re dressed like the character. If the character is running through snow or rain you’re cold or wet. If the character is hungry so are you and if the character is eating stew around a fire you can smell the smoke and taste the food. It really adds to the visceral nature that other rpgs can’t quite achieve.
When I created Cade Tanwyn in 2014 I was still in the closet and desperate to figure out my feelings around gender/sexuality. I had just graduated from Liberty University and was getting ready to go into Seminary. At larp I started toying around with wearing makeup. The main shirt I wore as my character was a peasant blouse I found in the women’s section of a thrift store. Cade was a way to slowly start expressing parts of myself in public but in a way that was just a little bit distanced from myself. I was wearing nail polish and makeup but it was because my *character* was. It felt like a safer way to slowly approach things that scared the shit out of me.
Here we are 10 years later. I brought Cade back right before the end of 2022 after having not played them for years. I larped a bunch in 2023 and have had a blast trying to rediscover who the character was after the time gap and what playing them would mean to me now. I’m a very different person then who I was in 2014 when I made them and from who I was in 2018 when I had last larped as them.
I’m more at peace with myself now then I’ve ever been. And it’s funny how that reflection has effected my silly little fantasy me. They’ve risen to heights I never would have thought possible back in the day.
As I approach the 10 year anniversary of playing them I’m really excited about what this year will bring. They might be an evil piece of shit but they’re my evil piece of shit (tm). Cades been with me a long time and I’m happy that there’s still room in my 30s for an old OC.
