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www.Fort Birthday.com is a mom blog that features editorials about parenting, raising preemies, twins, toddlers, and the adventures of being an older mom. Fort Birthday also has weekly How-To posts that focus on parenting hacks, survival hints, product reviews, toddler-centric activities, and general DIY. The focus of Fort Birthday is to get things done efficiently with love and lots of Joy. Associated Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter accounts feature unique content and promote the blog. 

[mysteryteacup]

Humans are persistance predators.

Beyond the obvious alarming consequences of this, it also causes them to be prone to holding "grudges" against those they feel have slighted them.

A most unexpected consequence of this, in turn, is their habit of becoming competative against inanimate objects.

In the event you find your human fighting with or declaring war against an object (can opener, computer programme, keys, jar, so on) or referring to a struggle with it as "personal now" do not be alarmed. The human has not lost what little sanity their species posess.

[shillelaghofjustice-deactivated]

Things Humans Have Definitely Said to Aliens #2:

"Great Yawning Abyss! Crewmate John! You have sustained intense radiation damage to most of your body!"

"For the last time, I know! Now grab the fUCKING ALOE VERA!!!"

[not-an-alien-scientist]

Human: Dude I'm not so sure about this whole pack bonding thing you've been talking about humans don't even like each other

Alien: Well is it not true that your species collectively grieved over a non-sentient robot on the planet I believe you designate as "'Mars"?

Human: Okay look, that's different, Opportunity's last words just broke our hearts okay

Alien: But... it did not send a last message of words. It was merely the last data recorded by the non-sentient robot. The data showed scientists low power and also indicated the skies on the planet were dark to the point where no sunlight was visible at the time of the last data transfer, nothing more. x

Human: Exactly

Alien: So why does your species grieve over basic data?

Human: Well you just said it "My battery is low and its getting dark"

Alien: That is a poetic translation of basic data

Human: Are you trying to dishonor Opportunity's work?

Alien: N-no I jus- - -

Human: Opportunity was a good boy who did his best. End of story *huffs out and goes to grab some soda*

Alien: *watches human walk away without any farewell words* ?!?!? *jots down in notes* [ Humans can be very protective of their own even when challenged with basic facts, proceed with caution when discussing pack mates of any type, including all non-sentient pack mates. ]

[crackiehatesfeet]

Kid friendly meteor shower tonight. The Geminids are rising now and peak btw 8-10pm est. (at East Coast) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmIFAr9r2Qy/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

This hits close to home. The white tails that roam our neighborhood are eating anything that isn’t dead/dormant down to the ground right now. (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmH2G7gA9LM/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Some hints: check your refill dates (my insurance used to fill up to 5 days early - I had to wait an extra day this month bc nov only had 30 days!), get a paper RX if possible, have your doc’s office call pharmacies to check stock (no one would tell me, the humble patient, if it was in stock until I submitted the RX). . People have been talking about amoxicillin shortages. Just ask my 6 year old who is going to have to try a new antibiotic for his ear infection. . But let’s recognize all the people and families that are trying desperately to function without adderall. . Whether for your self or your kiddo. The struggle is real. Trying to figure out if rationing down to a lower dose to stretch what you can get or playing roulette with pharmacies that “maybe” will get it in stock. . I SEE YOU. . It sucks. I’m sorry. . I chose for the last month to half my dose of a medication I cannot function as an adult without - rather than - face Christmas and new years and god-knows-how-long without it. . It’s been exhausting and it’s hard to not resent folks who use it recreationally or off label, or people who think it’s a crutch or an easy way out. . It’s pretty well impossible to explain to a neurotypical person what living without a stimulant is like. But anyone should understand that having to scramble for medication for yourself or your fam is miserable. . Check on your ADHD peeps. We are NOT okay. . . . . #adhdMom #momofTwins #adhdwomen #medicationShortages #outOfStock #twinMom #adhdparenting #firstGraders #oldMom #marylandMom #neurodivergent #weAreNotOkay https://www.instagram.com/p/CmFVaXVACDz/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

@travisgjohnson dropped this poem on me like a bomb, and I can’t stop thinking about it. . Tell me what you think. I’ll post my reactions in my stories this afternoon. WHAT YOU MISSED THAT DAY YOU WERE ABSENT FROM FOURTH GRADE BY BRAD AARON MODLIN Mrs. Nelson explained how to stand still and listen to the wind, how to find meaning in pumping gas, how peeling potatoes can be a form of prayer. She took questions on how not to feel lost in the dark After lunch she distributed worksheets that covered ways to remember your grandfather’s voice. Then the class discussed falling asleep without feeling you had forgotten to do something else— something important—and how to believe the house you wake in is your home. This prompted Mrs. Nelson to draw a chalkboard diagram detailing how to chant the Psalms during cigarette breaks, and how not to squirm for sound when your own thoughts are all you hear; also, that you have enough. The English lesson was that I am is a complete sentence. And just before the afternoon bell, she made the math equation look easy. The one that proves that hundreds of questions, and feeling cold, and all those nights spent looking for whatever it was you lost, and one person add up to something. From: Everyone at This Party Has Two Names (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/Clvx1osA1Gc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Blurry photo? What in the world is this garbage, You may ask. . . And I will excitedly squeal that the Hooded Mergansers are back in the cove! . Well at least the first of them, a distinctive male ready to secure fishing rights. . I love these silly little diving ducks that winter here. Two years ago they raised ducklings here. . More merganser love to come. . . . #backyardbirds #marylandBlogger #marylandBirds #ducksofinstagram #gosky #marylandMom #mrcheeky #birdwatching #marylandblogger #boyMom https://www.instagram.com/p/CloIhsugRzQ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Doggo?? . These two brothers from another mothers are just like my guys. . Biting and wrastling one second. . Cuddled up the next. . Brady has the black nose and Benji the pink one. And they are part of our family for just over 6 months, and I can hardly imagine what life would be without their shenanigans. . Dog relationships entrance me. Pairs and packs have marvelous interactions that I never get tired of. I need to have some faith that my two legged boys have the same kind of love and resilience. . . . #dogMom #dogMomFirst #brothers #brothersfromanothermother #twinMom #MomofTwins #NotQuiteFluffy #OodlesOfDoodles #adoptDontShop #whorescuedWho . . (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/Clh87eYsP7I/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Parents of brothers, I need help. . One minute they are inseparable; the next minute they are screaming how much they hate each other. . One second they are cuddling; the next one of them is singing a song about how stupid their brother is. . So, tell me, #brothers and #momsOfBrothers, I know I can’t stop this (I have 2 sisters, I get it). . But how can I keep it healthy or keep it from becoming toxic for them? . Any brilliant advice? . Tried and true brother hacks? . . . #rivals #brotherhood #MomOfTwins #twinMom #oldMom #siblingRivalry #siblings (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClewuY-grtl/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Black Friday - no shopping here. But we did take advantage of grandma and grandpa to abandon the children to find happy hour @innatperrycabin on their adorable courtyard at #pursersclub bar. (The bar is full with #worldCup fans. . Pie was for breakfast. . Gingerbread house decorating before lunch. . To everyone braving/enjoying the shopping have fun and stay safe. . : , #blackFriday #prettyDrinks #weddingcrashers (at Inn at Perry Cabin) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClZX9ozJJv6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Twinning with the holiday table courtesy of @happyhannas .. . We are grateful for cozy PJs. . #pajamaThanksgiving #PJSEveryday #twinMom #happyholidays (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClXorn6gX_T/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Got a call from my cell phone provider today, my account had been suspended. Someone had accessed my account, changed my address and password; bought 3 cell phones and took over my phone numbers. . Some lessons here: - @verizon proactively caught this fraud. They reached out to me when they detected the potential fraud. - Be wary of unsolicited text messages, emails, or phone calls. In this case, it was valid. But just earlier today, my sister got a text purporting to be her cc company and asking her to click a link. - with holiday spending, a little fraud here or there might be easy to miss. Keep an eye on accounts and transactions that seem hinkey. - changing your password, using a program to manage your passwords, and not using the same password everywhere are some basic precautions. . I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Eve. . I’m grateful for my phone company keeping an eye out for me. And for David who spent nearly 2 hours on the phone with me getting things resolved. . Be safe. Be vigilant. And Enjoy some stuffing tomorrow (face it. It’s the primary reason we are showing up). . . . #identitytheft #scammer #constantVigilance #momOfTwins #cyberSecurity #holidaySafety #marylandMom #twinMom #oldmom (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClVK9uugtbq/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Shoutout to all the parents who’s kids are amped up on school’s out cray-cray already. . Get your bird thawing now. Mine, for the first time ever leaked as it thawed 😮 so glad I remembered to put it on a cookie sheet. . Oh wait, I didn’t. BUT that let me DO my other goal of cleaning out my fridge to prepare for the onslaught of food. . So, what are your holiday week hacks? Must do activities? What’s up on Thanksgiving Eve Eve? . . . #thanksgiving #oldMom #momOfTwins #pajamathanksgiving #thawYourBird #marylandMom #holidayHints (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClSLGHoLOs9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Hi! I’m Leah. I’ve been taking a big break since brain surgery last year. I’ve been spending time making art and settling into my unexpectedly fashionable asymmetrical undercut. . My fraternal twin boys are 6 years old (in the first grade) and constantly running this #oldMom in circles. But that surprises no one. . When I’m not otherwise occupied, I’m building and making things that I love to share. . And tonight, like most nights of the week, we try and be outside as much as possible. My heat-loving-self always resists being outside in the winter, but a roaring fire and the kids playing in the yard make my heart happy. . We are a multigenerational/multi-family home and I’m very appreciative of my bff and my folks being such a integral part of my kiddo’s childhood. . Fort Birthday started out as a simple project that has grown, but we stick to our basic principles that everyone is welcome in Fort Birthday and it is a safe space for all. . I hold dearly to the idea that Hate has No Home Here, Black Lives Matter, Love is Love, Water is Life, science is Real, ALL bodies are Beautiful, and being your authentic self is critical. . Oh, and I was a #dogMom first. We’ve been sharing our lives since April with a wonderful pair of Poodle Mixes, Benji and Brady. They are wonderful fluffy knuckleheads who we are honored to be their second home. . Tag me in your Nerd things. I love seeing people’s enthusiasm and creativity around their various fandoms. (I’m Stars, both Wars and Trek. 😂) . I love any kind of well made scripted TV or movies. But I’m fairly sci-fi partial. I always love to hear what other people are enjoying. . Happy Friday from the beautiful Eastern Shore of Maryland. I hope as we ramp up to the holiday season I find you all happy and healthy. . Sincerely, Leah #momOfTwins #marylandMom #NicuGrads #DIYMom #makersgonnamake #intro #RIPTwitter (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClIDbdirltv/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

If you aren’t declaring yourself the king of Smoketopia are you even on vacation? . My favorite thing about age 6 is letting them explore their world, play in the fire, express themselves in movement and imagination without constantly worrying and hey might hurt themselves. . And these are my kids we are talking about. The balls of ridiculous risk taking maniacs. But age 6 seems to have brought out some sense and awareness of personal safety that I can see evolving. . Back to school will be soon enough. But for now, some more summer nights of dirt and fire and water. . . . #stlawrenceriver #campfire #riskyplay #1000hoursoutside #goPlayOutside #goOutsideAndPlay #imaginationPlay #twinBrothers #momOfTwins #thisIsSixYearsOld (at Lancaster, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChTLfqxAVlH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[crackiehatesfeet]

Kiddo, striking his best saluting while aiming his homemade bow at the ceiling: mom! Does this look realistic? . Me: SURE DOES! (I mean what else do you say?) Kiddo: Great! Take a picture. , . . I never feel more wholesome than when my kids spend the afternoon playing with sticks and string. I questioned my husband’s choice to allow/encourage supervised pocket knife use this year. But, they sure put it to good use today. . I have no idea where/why the salute got thrown in there. And, of course, the whole exercise led to tears today when he cut his brother’s bow string “I thought it would be a funny prank.” . Anyone else have impulsive kids? In the moment, he can’t seem to stop himself. And he is sorry, and faces repercussions for his actions. But I don’t always think they are choices. Does that make sense? . Happy Wednesday everyone, especially the folks who are gearing up for back to school. . We have another month and some travel before then. . . . #oldMom #pocketKnife #outdoorPlay #1000hrsOutside #momOfTwins #tinyArcher #freerangeKid (at Talbot County, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/CghBy3Lgou-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=