Daily randomness

Lame joke that I find hilarious 

[crackingmelon]

some of my most iconic childhood drawings probably ended up somebody’s banh mi wrapper.

[crackingmelon]

I constantly asked my ex to gift me a pocket knife for my birthday and he never did. My current boyfriend got me a baseball bat just because I mentioned I want one. He even threw in an axe!

[stormyskies-and-darklies]

Me: *tries to put effort into a social situation instead of continuing to mope about it* Me: *gets rejected* Me: i’m never doing that again. at least i tried.

[crackingmelon]

ah shit

[crackingmelon]

honestly boys who are funny and chill and sociable and don't seem clingy are either fuccboi or taken :/ wtf i know this is old but can you not

[crackingmelon]

You're cute, and nice, and ignoring me. Definitely my type.

[crackingmelon]

tfw they're funny and attractive but then they hits you with the "I've never dated an asian before" or "All my exes are white" 🙄🙄🙄👏🏼

[crackingmelon]

Tips to avoid the Poseidon's kiss

Place one or two piece of toilet paper onto the surface before each poop. (FYI: Poseidon's kiss is when you shit in the toilet and the water splashes up and touches your butthole.)

[crackingmelon]

great, maybe he'll fall for me since he wont be able to hear my horrible accent.

[crackingmelon]

Important note

If your last name is Tam and you don't name your kid Tim then i dont know whats your purpose in life

[that-awkward-fangurl]

[crackingmelon]

me tbh 

[crackingmelon]

what the fuck do you wear during winter?? it's too cold to not look like a walking potato

[crackingmelon]

Thoughts that go through my mind on a particular day

- What’s the different between asian bread and western bread? - How come asian bread is sweeter? - Is it cause we eat them for snacks rather than meals? - Which one would birds prefer? - Which one would I prefer as a bird? - How many bread can I eat at once? - Would coconut one be better? - Coconut bread is good. - Would I prefer coconut bread as a bird?

[crackingmelon]

All you need is faith, trust and pixie dust. And by pixie dust I mean a few shots of vodka.

[crackingmelon]

So turned out high school was not like High School Musical at all.... Pitch Perfect don't you disappoint me!!

[crackingmelon]

Aw you got a bug bite during camp? Very cute, I got 15. While sleeping in my own house.

[crackingmelon]

My 21 years old cousin talks about love like a lil twelvie girl saying he's gonna marry his yet-to-come first girlfriend. And when I told him it's really not that simple, he told me I don't understand just because I'm younger. Wtf...

[crackingmelon]

My room is literaly a common room for my entire family to come and go whenever they want. Just sitting there, chillin on their phone. Wtf.