Shinjurou did not physically abuse his boys. He. Did. Not. He is a passionate, enthusiastic, loving father who fell into a horrible depression and downward spiral. The only time he ever laid a hand on them was when Senjuro was trying to separate him from Tanjiro when he attacked him in anger. Senjuro and Kyojuro are not afraid of him, Senjuro gets nervous around him because he wants to make his father happy just like Kyojuro does, he wants to please him, and he wants to help but he doesn’t know how and so that makes him nervous. But he still tries to help and interact with him. If Shinjurou beat them Senjuro wouldn’t talk as openly with him as he does or go so out of his way to speak to him, being struck in the face by his father would have had a different reaction from Senjuro after he and Tanjiro sat down to talk. He probably would have been more downcast, upset, and normally animes and manga will give hints to physical abuse going on but that never happens here. When Senjuro and Tanjiro talk about Shinjurou, Senjuro is sweet and chipper and he immediately brushed it off because he knew Shinjurou didn’t mean it. And Shinjurou isn’t perfect, most people aren’t going to freeze in an attack if their kid grabs the arm they’re using to swing at someone. Kyojuro is also a extremely righteous and protective person guys, if Shinjurou laid a hand on his little brother Kyojuro would have addressed it. When you’re close to your siblings like Kyojuro and Senjuro are, you don’t let ANYBODY touch your younger sibling, parent or not and you will go to blows with anybody regardless of how kind and gentle you are—that’s not a cute story trope guys, I’ve seen it many many times, including in my own life. Kyojuro isn’t afraid of Shinjurou at all either, just like Senjuro he goes out of his way to interact with his father, he isn’t ever nervous around him. He doesn’t flinch when Shinjurou throws a sake jug at him because he knows Shinjurou would never hit him because he never has. He goes as far as to say he thinks the reason Shinjurou keeps telling them they’re bad swordsmen is because he believes his father doesn’t want to lose his boys too. They’re all he has left of his wife, and they’re his sons, of course he wouldn’t want them to do something as dangerous as the Demon Slayer Corp. Having his wife be taken from him by an illness he realized he can’t protect his family from everything, but he knew if he told the boys not to join the Demon Slayer Corp that would at least lessen the chances of them getting killed early. You have to also remember the first time he said this to Kyojuro he was still actively the Flame Pillar. They’re also his sons so just like Ruka he knew they wanted to be Flame Pillars so he couldn’t just ask them not to join, their family has been the Flame Pillar for generations. He tore up the records after he heard about Kyojuro’s death not only because he probably wanted to guarantee Senjuro couldn’t become the next Flame Pillar so he wouldn’t risk losing him too but also because he probably completely blamed Kyojuro’s death on the fact that he became the Flame Pillar. He thought if he told Kyojuro and Senjuro they weren’t good enough they’d eventually abandon it and it didn’t work, so that’s something to be upset about for him. When people are upset, it’s easier to blame someone else for the bad thing that happened, and Shinjurou (especially drunk) wasn’t going to admit to a stranger he felt it was his fault Kyojuro died, and that’s why I think he told Tanjiro that Kyojuro died because he was “weak”. Because blaming it on Kyojuro meant he didn’t have to reflect on the fact that he left Senjuro and Kyojuro alone. I don’t believe Shinjurou truly believed either of his sons to be weak, I think he told them they weren’t good enough because he hoped that if he said it enough they would eventually abandon it and then he wouldn’t have to risk losing them. In Rengoku Gaiden he was still grieving Ruka, and doing his Pillar duties and as we see it was taking its toll on his emotions, he wasn’t able to handle the grief and anger of losing her properly and at some point his depression just got so bad that he couldn’t function anymore and went to one of the darkest depths of depression where he just stayed in bed all day. Guys he never looks at Senjuro and Kyojuro when they’re talking to him, his back is always to them, because he can’t even handle the reminder of his wife in their features anymore. Especially considering Kyojuro is a exact replica of her but with his dad’s hair and eyes. That’s not even touching the traits in personality he shares with her. That is how hard her death hit him, instead of being glad that he could see her face every day it just hurt him to see her in his boys because it reminded him she was gone and not coming back and it was too much for him. Shinjurou was mad at himself, he felt like he was worthless, he probably felt like Senjuro and Kyojuro blamed him or resented him for letting their beloved mother die. He felt so badly about himself that he assumed Kyojuro had a complaint about him before Senjuro could even tell him what Kyojuro said. When he hears what Kyojuro actually said, and thinks back to the last time he saw Kyojuro he openly cries, and it’s not like a tear trickle it is grief-stricken crying just like what Senjuro was doing. Once Shinjurou stops drinking we see what I believe is the real him. The letter he sends to Tanjiro in the Entertainment District arc is a great indicator of the real Shinjurou. He has nothing but praise and affectionate words for Tanjiro and for his sons, he thanks Tanjiro for grieving Kyojuro, apologizes for his actions, explains how he got to that point in his life, praises Senjuro’s growth and his and Tanjiro’s friendship, praises Kyojuro’s accomplishments and affectionately tells Tanjiro about how they are so much like their mother. He didn’t have to send all this. He could have just sent the info, but he doesn’t, because he does love his family and he loves his sons and he knows them and he appreciates how much Tanjiro cares about his sons and so feels comfortable enough to share these thoughts with him. If he was abusive to the boys he would not say all those things, he wouldn’t care about their emotions or their accomplishments but he does care, Shinjurou loved and adored his family, he made some mistakes in his grief, and went about dealing with it wrong, but he loved his boys, he definitely loved them too much to harm them.
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