Crazy Diaries

Im Fatimah AlZahra, i write about what i love and what makes me happy or maybe sad or excited :) My Dream World · http://crazydiaries.net/

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(via 8 ways faith can help us heal)

Life is a journey over a hard and rocky road. We all experience pain along the way. Sometimes it is self-inflicted through our own choices. Sometimes it is at the hands of others, and sometimes it is simply the nature of life. Faith can help heal all wounds.

1. Have faith in prayer. Prayer can bring you comfort and strength to change. When you pray, you can feel God’s love for you. He can send thoughts to your mind that will guide and help you get through each day. Have faith that when you ask for help, God will send it.

2. Have faith in God’s word. Reading the scriptures and holy writings of your faith, as well as words of inspiration, can be a great source of strength during trials. It can give us direction and provide examples of other great men and women who suffered and healed.

3. Have faith in your divine nature. God is our creator and the Father of us all. Too often, we see ourselves as failures; too weak to overcome the challenges and difficulties that come our way. God sees us differently. As children of God, we have been given talents and abilities to help us grow and triumph over all things. Yet, it is a process. I believe that God is patient when we falter, and proud when we conquer.

4. Have faith in God’s wisdom. Pain has a purpose. It always brings about change. You may feel remorse for past mistakes, which leads you to make different choices. You certainly feel greater compassion for others who are going through difficult times. You grow in patience, humility and empathy. You become a better person; the person God wants you to be. Honor the growth you have made.

5. Have faith in God’s plan. Our unfulfilled expectations can be a source of pain. Perhaps a relationship that you hoped would last a lifetime falls apart. Maybe you are unable to follow the career of your choice. You can heal from disappointments when you accept that God has a plan for you. It includes the greatest potential for happiness.

When I became ill with a chronic illness, many things in my life changed. I had to abandon many of the activities that I enjoyed, and I could no longer work in the field that I had chosen. I went through a grieving process as I let go of my old life. However, I had faith that God would help me build a meaningful, satisfying life within my new limitations. I pursued my life-long dream of becoming a writer, and I have had unexpected opportunities become available to me.

6. Have faith in God’s blessings. When we are in pain, it is often difficult to see the blessings in our life. They are always there. Look for and recognize your blessings. Cultivate gratitude. Appreciate the people in your life and the love and support they give you. Enjoy the beauties of nature. Change your perspective and recognize that even trials and challenges are blessings because they give you an opportunity to grow.

My children have been a great source of blessings for me in my life. They give me hugs, say funny things and amaze me as I watch them grow. One of my favorite sounds is listening to my children laugh. Hearing their laughter is a sure way to bring to my mind the abundant blessings that God has given me.

7. Have faith in God’s commandments. Following God’s commandments is the pathway back to joy. One of the things he has asked of us is that we forgive others. When we forgive someone who has hurt us, we are not saying that his behavior is OK. Rather, we voluntarily exchange our hurt and anger for peace of mind. Forgiveness hastens the healing process.

It is also important that we learn to forgive ourselves. Too often, we beat ourselves up for our mistakes over and over again. For some reason, it is easier to imagine that God will forgive others, but we believe that we are somehow beyond his grace. Let go of your past, learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on.

8. Have faith in God’s perspective. Remembering that there is life beyond death can help you keep things in perspective. Instead of railing against the unfairness of life, you can be more accepting of your circumstances. Understand that God will reward you for your faithfulness in all things, and that he will right all wrongs that have happened to you. Believing that you will be reunited with your parted loved ones someday can bring you comfort.

I know that it is possible that I will never heal from my chronic illness. If I thought that this life was the end of existence, I would surely feel cheated out of many wonderful experiences. Because I believe in a life after death, I feel that there will always be much to look forward to.

We cannot avoid the bumps and bruises of life, but faith can help us heal from our wounds.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/8-ways-faith-can-help-us-heal/#sthash.l8N4G0ch.dpuf

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(via Smart, Strong, Successful, Independent Women Struggle with Love)

Learn why smart, strong, successful and independent women have trouble with their love lives.

There’s no denying that today, in this modern and somewhat feminist era, there is an abundance of smart, successful and independent women. These women have taken control over their lives and have the power to do whatever they want in our society, something that wasn’t possible, not so many years ago.

However, as successful and independent as they are, many of these women have a very hard time succeeding in their love lives. This article will try to explain why this happens and offer possible solutions to these problems.

In one of her articles, Amber Hensley describes the 10 big differences between the male and female brain. The article does a very good job at showing the biological differences between men and women and for this particular piece I would like to focus on point 2, Left brain vs. both hemispheres.

“Left brain vs. both hemispheres. Men tend to process better in the left hemisphere of the brain while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. This difference explains why men are generally stronger with left-brain activities and approach problems-solving from a task-oriented perspective while women typically solve problems more creatively and are more aware of feelings while communicating.”

First, let’s look at what this means in terms of day-to-day activities. Having a task oriented approach means that men think in the following manner when trying to solve a problem: “I need to get this done first, then I can focus on this, then this other thing, then this and then they all fit into place and help me get this very last thing done”. If you’re familiar with math’s, it’s basically how you were trained to sort out any problem, break it down into smaller pieces and take it one by one.

This proves why men are better in some jobs (business, programming) and women in others (teaching, caretaking).

It’s A Man’s World

The term independent woman is fairly recent which I think became more popular with TV shows such as Sex and the City and women’s magazines such as Cosmopolitan. The whole idea behind the successful independent woman is that she can do anything she wants (have any high-power job) and have no need for a man to take care of her.

This is a fascinating subject because we live in a society created by men. We still live in the so called “Man’s world” which creates fantastic difficulties for the “aspiring to be successful and independent” woman. Let’s take a closer look:

Thousands of years ago when man was killing animals with his bare hands, a difference started to occur between the sexes. Men were able to do more physically intensive jobs simply because they had bigger and stronger muscles. This meant that men were able to hunt for animals whilst women had a very hard time doing it. Because of this, men became the providers (hunters) and the women were left behind to take care of the children.

In time, purely based on human biology women were excluded from most if not all major decisions. Men felt that because women aren’t able to prove themselves (by killing large animals) they don’t deserve to partake in major “tribe” decisions.

As a result, men were the ones setting meetings, discussing the next hunt, the next move, the next village to build, the next town, the next war, how to run the tribe, how to run the empire, how to run the country, how to run trading routes etc.

Because women were, most of the time, left out on all these major decisions, the actual mechanics and inner workings of today’s modern society and many of its parts (business/politics) have been built on the male mind (that task oriented approach).

This makes our current society, very much a man’s world. Sure, it can be argued that women always had a major influence amongst powerful men but that only argues DECISIONS, not the actual undertaking of these decisions, which again have most of the time been orchestrated by men.

How Does This Affect The Independent Woman?

Today, everyone is equal. Women have the same rights as men and are able to do what they please. It’s understandable that women have a hard time working on a construction site but why is it so hard for them to succeed in fields like business/politics? This happens because these “systems” have been built on the male mind.

In order for women to become successful and independent and to have high power jobs in business and politics they need to become, at least in the way they think, men. As hard as this may seem, many women manage to achieve this goal.

The Downside

Because these women have tried so hard to fit into these male dominated fields, they have essentially lost their feminine side. This is fantastic for their careers but devastating for theirlove lives. No man will ever want to marry another man; he wants to marry a woman that has the qualities of a woman. Even if these qualities didn’t mean much to the average guy, he could still not handle the fact that his girlfriend/wife is more successful than him or makes more money.

Unfortunately, this is the major love-life struggle that smart, successful and independent women face today.

Possible Solutions

As we speak, the feminist culture is having a profound impact on the male mind and we start to see men that “think” they want a strong, successful independent woman as their partners. However, these men are far from many and it’s going to take a few decades (if ever) until these qualities become the norm for selecting a female partner.

What can these women do in the meantime? I currently see only 3 possible solutions which I’m going to illustrate below:

1.       Find a manlier man.

Like all women, strong, successful independent women (should) also aspire towards a strong, successful, intelligent man that can sweep them of their feet and “dominate” them in a relationship. However, because these women are already “strong and successful” the total number of these men decreases dramatically since such women no longer aspire at the guy that works in the office or the manager; they aspire much higher, towards the only men that can have more power over them.

However, this whole thing creates an incredibly difficult scenario as most of these men would rather date a feminine woman themselves plus, their high status makes them some of the most desirable guys out there. Sure, these women might think: “Well, wouldn’t he rather have a smart girl that can take care of herself?” Sometimes, that may be the case but remember, men are genetically designed to “take care of their women”, this is in their genes so they are more prone into going for women that they can take care of.

As difficult as the above solution may seem, if a woman succeeds in “landing” such a man, she will probably have a very fulfilling relationship.

2.       Switch roles.

Another solution for succeeding in a potential relationship would imply that they should find a “partner” that would be willing to switch relationship roles. This means the woman becomes the provider and the man stays at home with the kids (Sex and the city – Miranda and Steve, Desperate Housewives – Lynnette and Tom). The problem with this model is that automatically, these women will have to settle for somewhat untypical men but, their ability to do so is what may bring them happiness.

3.       Don’t care and Act feminine.

Here’s where real successful and independent women succeed in their love lives. It is here that, instead of seeing their “manly” mind as a drawback they use it to succeed.

With a task oriented approach also comes the fantastic ability to “not care”. Men have the power to not care about many things in life because they simply can’t handle thinking about 2 different things at the same time. Thus, if you’re a woman and have learned to think in this manner, you can stop caring about the type of guy you’re dating, you can stop caring that he isn’t really up to your potential and just act as a feminine woman around him.

You may have forgotten how to think like a woman but you’ve surely not forgotten how to act like one. The strong, successful and independent women that realize this point on their own are the ones that have fantastic and fulfilling relationships which turn into great family lives.

Bottom Line:

Although many of the difficulties independent women face today can be blamed on biology, only they themselves can work towards improving the quality of their lives.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/smart-strong-successful-independent-women-struggle-with-love/#sthash.Ps94KXRy.dpuf

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(via The “Perfect Woman” Doesn’t Smoke, Drink, Gossip Or Curse, According To Vanity Fair Poll)

A new Vanity Fair/”60 Minutes” poll surveyed American adults about the qualities they look for in an ideal woman. And, by George, we’ve got one: she’s a “bold and experienced” “good mother” who hates the movie “Fatal Attraction,” doesn’t smoke, and is a doctor. But don’t feel bad if that doesn’t describe you … because it doesn’t describe most of us.

Here’s a closer look at the stats so you know exactly what you should be like, if you want to make a bunch of random people who read Vanity Fair and/or watch “60 Minutes” like you:

Being a “good mom” topped the list for the most important quality in a woman with 39 percent of the vote; “brains” weren’t far behind with a third of the vote. “Beauty” scored the lowest with only one percent of the vote. Suh-weet.

Over half say a “bold and experienced” woman is most desirable, with a third checking off “sweet and innocent.”

Things she would absolutely not do, besides smoke? Get plastic surgery, overeat (oops), gossip (oops, again), own cats (fair), drink (triple oops), or curse (I can’t win).

Generally, she should be more like Penny from “The Big Bang Theory,” because 23 percent think she is the most marriageable TV character.

But not too many men are optimistic that they’ll be able to find their quirky Kaley Cuoco lookalike: almost two-thirds think a good woman is hard to find, meaning they’ve met a ton of females who love the “Twilight” movies. Yup, that’s a deal breaker for 21 percent of them.

But if they find her, they’re willing to give up A LOT: over half of men would give up religion, friends or 10 years from their life for that special lady friend.

And whatever you do, don’t be a mechanic or contractor — the least amount of people feel comfortable with women in those jobs, while most are happy to go to a female doctor for a check-up. What a strange, sexist finding.

So there you have it, I’ve officially brought you one step closer to being the ideal woman of 1,1017 strangers across the country. You can thank me later.

Credits to thefrisky

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/the-perfect-woman-doesnt-smoke-drink-gossip-or-curse-according-to-vanity-fair-poll/#sthash.M7bhnrOd.dpuf

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(via 15 Most Unattractive Things Women Do In Relationships)

We ladies like to do a lot to turn our guys on (and our guys should, frankly, be doing the same). We wax. We shape. We work out. We dress nicely. All great, sexy turn-ons for a guy.

If we know what turns guys on, what about what’s turning them off? Here’s a little insight.

1) You’re desperate to be in a relationship — so desperate that you’ll settle for less than you deserve.

2) Even the trash guy knows you want to get married and have babies — doesn’t matter with whom.

3) You make it clear to everyone you meet that you need to be cared for.

4) You’ve proposed to every guy you’ve ever dated — because he could be The One!

5) You can’t stop talking trash about other people — friends, coworkers, family members, the mailman. All you ever do is complain.

6) You have a chip on your shoulder a mile wide; you’ve made it known to everyone that the world owes you something.

7) You’re so overbearing that you don’t allow your guy to hang with his friends, family, or crew.

8) You can’t stop nagging the guy — can he EVER do anything right?

9) You complain about your weight every. single. day.

10) You’re jealous of everyone in your guy’s life who isn’t you, and you’re not afraid to say so.

11) Being too “easy.” Guys shouldn’t have to play detective to figure you out, but knowing that a chick is way easy? Not hot.

12) Playing dumb. No great guy is going to dig on a girl who acts like a moron. Have some self-respect, ladies!

13) You won’t stop blabbing about your ex. No guy needs the endless tales of why your ex was a douche — you’re not with him anymore and if you’re still talking on him? You’re probably not over him.

14) Being rude to other people — there’s a fine line between being assertive and being mean.

15) Smothering the guy. No guy wants to feel like he’s dating his mother. Give him some space, take some space for yourself, that’s healthy in a relationship!

What are some other things that turn dudes off?

Credits to thestir

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/15-most-unattractive-things-women-do-in-relationships/#sthash.3sF2R2bF.dpuf

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(via 3 Steps To Get The Commitment You Want)

This isn’t an ultimatum — it’s just a way to tell your partner what you want in your relationship.

We all want to feel like our partners are committed to us. In fact, a recent study commissioned by Benenden Health, one-third of the study participants said that they would feel more optimistic about their relationships if their partners showed them more commitment. On top of that, most married participants were significantly happier than their single fellow participants.

So now that science has proven an obvious truth about couples in relationships, what do you do when you aren’t getting the level of commitment you want from the guy you’re dating? Here are three simple steps you can take to move towards the kind of committed relationship that you really want:

Step One: know what level of commitment you want. Like most things in life, if you’re unclear about what you really want out of a relationship then you’re going to have a tough time getting it. Life tends to deliver to us exactly what we focus on, so if you’re not focused on what you truly want, then it’s time to define for yourself exactly what commitment looks like to you. Does it mean dating exclusively? Do you want an engagement ring on your finger or is a verbal profession of love good enough for you? Are you the type of person who feels that it’s not a true commitment until you drive off in the limo with the “just married” sign taped on the trunk? These are all questions that you need to answer honestly with yourself. (And to get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane’s complimentary guide “Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want … and Deserve.”)

Step Two: know your timeline. Relationships take time to develop, but you don’t want to wait forever for things to move along. Typically, this time restriction is felt more by women who want children and are approaching the latter part of their prime child-bearing years, but this is not always the case. Why waste time with the wrong person when it’s clear that you aren’t heading towards the kind of committed relationship you really want? Even in your early years with your whole life ahead of you, if you’re staying in a stagnant relationship, then all you’re doing is blocking the way for the right guy who really does want the same kind of commitment that you want. So make sure that you are clear in your own mind about just how long you are willing to wait for things to progress to where you want them to be.

Step Three: figure out whether you both want the same commitment. Your partner cannot read your mind. If you feel that your relationship is not progressing the way you’d like, then it’s important to bring it up to your partner. Don’t look at this as an ultimatum — which has such a negative connotation — but more as properly communicating with your partner about what you want in life.

If you can’t communicate your needs and desires, then you’re going to have more problems in your relationship than this one. And if talking about commitment with your partner scares him off and you find yourself single again, think positively. Now you’re open to meeting a guy who shares the same need for commitment as you and you’re on the path to finding a healthier, happier relationship.

Just know that it really is all about you. You are in control of your own destiny where a committed relationship is concerned. If you and your partner are in different places regarding the level of commitment you want in your relationship, then you need to be honest with yourself and decide for yourself the actions you’re going to take. It’s your love life; you might as well make it what you really want.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/3-steps-to-get-the-commitment-you-want/#sthash.0LLKPIZu.dpuf

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(via 4 Types Of Infidelity & How Affairs Help Marriage)

Infidelity can actually help a marriage. Find out how.

Unless you’re inclined towards polyamory, extramarital relations are generally frowned upon.Monogamy is accepted and expected; infidelity is harmful. Right? Not so fast, says Michael J. Formica, a Psychology Today blogger. In a post on the “Enlightened Living” blog, Formica makes the case that thinking about cheating—and even stepping out on your sweetie—can potentially help your relationship.

First Formica identifies four basic types of affairs: object affairs, sexual affairs, emotional affairs and full-blown secondary relationships. In object affairs the cheating partner neglects the relationship to focus on something else—work, a video game, an intense involvement in floral arrangement—to the detriment of his or her love life.

A sexual affair is exactly what it sounds like: the adulterer rents cheap hotel rooms for sex—but not emotional intimacy. A sexual affair is strictly about nookie, nothing more.

An emotional affair is when there’s no smooching, but lots of sentiment. You’re spending hours on IM with someone who’s not your boyfriend, spilling your secrets to a woman who’s not your wife, turning to someone else instead of your partner in times of need. Clearly not good for your primary relationship.

The last type of affair is the traditional kind of cheating, where you have two parallel partnerships that are both sexual and emotional, and it’s this kind of liaison that Formica says can actually help a marriage.

First, he says, an affair can add fizz to a flat partnership—what was once stale gets refreshed by a new energy.

Second if you’re having an affair you’re probably doing it because you’re missing something in your first relationship. If you analyze the affair you might be able to see what it is that you lack, and address that problem.

Finally, people tend to get into the same kind of relationship over and over again, but affairs are different—according to Formica they can be “a more authentic barometer for what we actually need in our relationships.”

Right about now you’re probably thinking this is one messed up dude who’s just making excuses for cheating. But Formica qualifies his analysis:

The “good” that might come out of an affair is clearly not the affair or its potential consequences. But, as I often say, everything is material for change. If we look at our choices and examine ourselves in an honest and forthright way, we just might find one of the keys to prompt our own evolution. That evolution might lead us back to a more authentic relationship with our primary relationship, or it might lead us to a more authentic understanding of ourselves that leads us away from that primary relationship. Either way, there is positive growth.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/4-types-of-infidelity-how-affairs-help-marriage/#sthash.ERT96sF5.dpuf

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(via What Lies Beneath Emotional Infidelity?)

The only way to solve the problem is to understand what’s underneath.

Emotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside of your relationship, either in person or on the internet. How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity? One way of looking at this issue is that it is very dangerous because it not only takes away time and energy from the marriage, but it can lead to sexual infidelity and possibly to the end of a marriage.

Another way of looking at emotional infidelity is that betrayal is a symptom of the problems that already exist within a marriage. When the primary relationship is not emotionally and physically intimate, each person may be vulnerable to a form of adultery — either emotional or physical. Rather than blaming the affair for the problems in a marriage, why not address the real problem? Why So Much Infidelity?

Emotional affairs are compelling because it is easy to be close with someone with whom you have no shared responsibility — no money issues, no children, no chores. It is easy to share your deepest feelings with someone with whom you have no conflict. It is easy to get positive feelings when someone who does not live with you and does not see all of your flaws, thinks you are wonderful.

This is a cop out, or an easy way out of dealing with the real issues at hand. If this affair does lead to the break up of your marriage and into a new permanent relationship, chances are you will end up with the same problems. Why waste your time? Why not deal with the problems now?

The primary problem that leads to emotional infidelity is emotional distance between partners. While emotional infidelity is a symptom of emotional distance within the primary relationship, the emotional distance is also a symptom of the deeper issues within the relationship. These deeper issues might be:

One or both partners trying to have control through anger, blame, and criticism.

One or both partners trying to have control through caretaking, such as giving themselves up and taking responsibility for the other person’s feelings.

One of both partners withdrawing and resisting being controlled by the other partner.

Neither partner taking emotional responsibility for his or her own feelings. Each partner abandoning themselves and ignoring their feelings through addictions and making the other responsible for their feelings.

Power struggles that result from a control and resistance dynamic and an inability to resolve conflict.

The relationship pattern that develops when neither partner takes responsibility for his or her own feelings, and when each partner tries to have control in overt or covert ways, grinds down the love until each person feels disconnected from their partner and lonely in the relationship. This is when they are susceptible to emotional infidelity.

However, these patterns do not disappear just because you move into another relationship. You take your overt and covert forms of control with you into any relationship, as well as your underlying fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie these forms of control. These patterns do not generally show up early in a relationship or in an emotional or physical affair, but that does not mean they are gone. If your new relationship were to become your committed primary relationship, these patterns would resurface.

Why waste what might turn out to be a wonderful relationship by not dealing with your fears, controlling patterns and self-abandonment now? Instead of addictively looking to someone else to fill up your emptiness and take away your loneliness, why not learn to do this for yourself so that you can break your dysfunctional patterns and become the loving person that you are capable of being? Imagine the wonderful relationship you and your partner might have if both of you were to learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and your own ability to love.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/what-lies-beneath-emotional-infidelity/#sthash.j8qp7Yg8.dpuf

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(via 4 Ways To Build Trust After Infidelity)

How do you learn to trust someone again after they’ve committed emotional infidelity?

If your partner has committed an act of physical or emotional infidelity, you essentially have two options: stand by your man or kick him to the curb. You’re here, reading this blog, because you’ve chosen or are considering choosing the former. You want to work it out with your partner, and you’re determined to put your all into making the relationship work. The first step is going to be rebuilding the core foundation of any healthy relationship: trust. To get started, check out my top four steps to ensuring your relationship survives and thrives after infidelity:

1. Ask for transparency.

In my experience, one of the best ways to bounce back after infidelity is to have permission to look at his phone or emails if you suspect something else. If that isn’t something that would work for you or your partner, consider other options, like daily updates about who you’re both communicating with. Explain to your man that you need him to be transparent for a certain period of time so you can start to trust him again. Try saying something like:

“I think we both want the same thing, which is to work through this together. It’ll be really important in helping ease my fears and building trust if I’m able to check up on you from time to time. What do you think about that?”

If he says yes, full speed ahead! If he resists, tell him that’s concerning to you. Ask him what his reasoning is. If he refuses to agree to full transparency, you have to ask yourself why he’s still hiding things from you, and refusing to do everything in his power to make you feel comfortable after his transgression.

2. Express your hurt feelings.

It’s super important to able to express your hurt feelings and be heard over and over again by your guy. Let him know that in order to process your feelings, you need him to acknowledge the infidelity if you want to bring it up. Set the expectation that if you need to talk about his betrayal and express your emotions, he’ll be there to listen, apologize and validate your feelings. Now, I want to be clear here: I know that you probably want to tell him he is the scum of the earth and should rot for what he did to you.

But I’m guessing you already let him know as much, and he probably feels pretty terrible. So use gentler language, but know that the two of you will keep going around in circles until you shift the focus back to you. Try to speak only about your feelings and at some point he will get the courage to respond and console you. Try phrases like:

“Every time I think about you with another woman, I get a pit in my stomach. I’m so sad. I feel betrayed and outraged that you could do this to me.”

3. Fill your life with friends and family.

Build up a strong support network of loving people so your man isn’t the only thing you have going on. By maintaining a full and vibrant life outside of your relationship, you’ll be happier, more fulfilled and better adjusted to life after infidelity. Schedule time each week to spend with friends, family or do something just for you. (This is a great tip for everyone in relationships, too, not just ones affected by infidelity)!

4. Evaluate your bond with your man.

When you’re in a good place emotionally, evaluate your overall bond with your man. Check in mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to make sure you two truly are a match. Your values don’t have to line up perfectly, but make sure you can still find common ground about the bigger picture. Ask yourself questions like:

Are we on the same page regarding family, finances and the future? Does he make me happy? Do I still want to make this relationship work? Am I still attracted to him? Do we see a future together? Do we share the same spiritual values? Do we set and accomplish goals together?

Remember that recovering from an affair takes time in addition to good communication, transparency, evaluation and a healthy sense of self. Be patient and look forward to a healthier life together.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/4-ways-to-build-trust-after-infidelity/#sthash.HWQY5dyj.dpuf

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(via Are Long Distance Relationships Better?)

Are long distance partners actually more intimate than their geographically close counterparts?

It’s hard to imagine there are many perks to being in a long distance relationship if you’re not in one —going months without seeing each other, being absent for your partner’s special events and day-to-day life, the high costs of traveling to see each other, and possible jealousy issues don’t exactly make a great case for it. But one study recently found that long distance relationships may actually be better than a traditional one in a major way … and no, it’s not that there’s no one around who’ll hog the covers at night.

Published in the Journal of Communication, the study asked dating couples in geographically close or long distance relationships to keep a log of their daily interactions for a week — face-to-face, phone calls, texts, video chat, instant message, and email. They also reported how much they shared about themselves during those interactions, and how much intimacy they

The researchers found out great news for the three million Americans who live far apart from their spouses — the long distance couples shared more personal thoughts and feelings than the geographically close couples, helping them feel more intimacy.

But I wonder if the findings would be different if the study looked at the relationship interactions for longer than a week — after all, many long distance couples often have more of a communication schedule in place than the average couple that lives close to or with each other — phone calls every night before bed, a video chat every Sunday, and so on. Whereas the average no-distance couple (my own live-in relationship included) may rely on short catchups throughout the week and weekends spent connecting in a bigger way — lazy mornings curled up in bed together, running errands, date nights, short road trips.

Long-distance couples also tended to idealize their partners when they were apart — they perceived them to be more likely to share personal thoughts and feelings than the average no-distance couple, and more responsive to their own thoughts. “They adapt their messages, for example, by focusing on relationally intense topics, such as love, caring and intimacy,” explained Dr. Jiang, one of the study’s researchers. This was great when they were apart, enhancing their warm and fuzzy feelings about the relationship (and likely helping to make the distance more bearable) — but it caused more problems once they reunited face-to-face. As Jiang put it, “the positive illusion goes away when they spend more time together.” No kidding, says anyone and everyone currently living with their significant other.

That said, there are some lessons geographically close couples can take away from what long distance couples are getting right, like expressing affection to your partner in the midst of the mundane day-to-day stuff, and taking some time for longer, more meaningful interactions, like a phone call at the end of the day instead of a quick text.

Credits to yourtango

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/are-long-distance-relationships-better/#sthash.048hVsF1.dpuf

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(via Suicide: It’s not only about you)

Suicide is a tragedy that has likely touched your family. My dad was a toddler when his father died. It was not until I was doing family history that I discovered his cause of death, “self-inflicted gunshot wound.” Everyone has trials and difficult times, but nothing is so difficult that it should compel someone to take his or her own life. Whatever leads our loved ones to take their own life is never worth it. They often leave behind a spouse, children, siblings, a mother and father and a myriad of others who love and care about them. There are three things that I have learned about suicide that may just help you rescue one of your loved ones.

Emotional injuries can be treated and healed

When you step on a rusty nail it not only hurts, but it could make you ill. Most of us will go to the doctor, get a shot or two and carefully treat the wound. Our loved ones rally round us in support and take care of us while we are suffering. What do you do when a rusty nail strikes your emotions? That rusty nail of emotional pain can come from of a divorce, loss of income or employment, death of a loved one or some other traumatic experience.

When we feel emotional pain, we need to treat it like we would physical pain. If you leave pain untreated, it will likely get worse. Be open and honest about your feelings. Talk to a trusted family member that will support you. You wouldn’t ignore a rusty nail sticking out of your foot so why would you ignore an emotional rusty nail? If you are struggling with emotional pain, visit with a family member and talk about solutions to your challenges together.

All problems are temporary

Suicide is a permanent “solution” to a temporary problem. Problems in life come and go. Our life should not end when we have a setback. Several years ago, I broke my clavicle. The accident occurred during an extremely busy time of my life and I did not have time to deal with a broken bone. After the initial shock, I realized that I could still function. Every step I took was agonizing, but I was able get my work done. I was slow, but functional, and as each day went by the pain became less severe and soon I was able to function normally again.

When you find yourself with an intense emotional setback, give yourself time to heal. The pain will go away. A few broken, but mended bones do not necessitate the destruction of your entire body. There is no need to cut off your leg when you stub your toe. Similarly, there is no need to end your life when things are not going as planned. Similarly, you have family and friends who want and need you in their lives. Therefore, you must not deprive them of that association with you.

Your pain does not end, it’s transferred

Suicide does not take away the pain — it transfers it. All the pain that a person feels does not go away when that last breath is drawn. The pain simply transfers to the friends and family left behind. If you are having a difficult time in your life, don’t shut people out — especially family. You are not alone in your circumstances. Let family members help and support you as they would with any other illness.

Remember, suicide is like amputating your leg because of an ingrown toenail. The pains that you feel and the current problems you face in your life are temporary. Be patient and continue to take each day a step at a time, you will eventually look back and feel grateful for deciding to move forward in life.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/suicide-its-not-only-about-you/#sthash.GFgJ1omc.dpuf

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(via 8 Signs You’re Married to a Narcissist)

Narcissists are all over the news lately. There’s Anthony Weiner, who seems to think it’s no one’s business but his own (and maybe his wife’s — at least when she finds out about it) that he chronically sexts random young women. Never mind that he wants to, you know, run the biggest city in the country. There’s Ariel Castro. Who seems to believe that he had every right to nab three women off the street and hold them captive for 10 years because he had sexual needs to fulfill. The narcissist is all about himself. Not all of them bring it to the extreme that Weiner and Castro do — many classic narcissists are upstanding, successful members of society. Experts say that most people on Wall Street are narcissists. No surprise there. But could you be married to one? And what could this mean for you? Here are 8 clues that you’re married to a narcissist.

1. Narcissists put themselves above everything else. Can’t afford a new sports car? Doesn’t matter if the narcissist wants it — even if that means not letting your kid go to summer camp or get a tutor. What the narcissist wants reigns supreme. Does the narcissist want to meet an old girlfriend for dinner? Then he has every right to. You don’t control him! If you’re with a narcissist, you will continually find that your time, money, schedule, and energy revolve around his wants and needs.

2. Putting you down. As paradoxical as it seems, narcissists are obsessed with themselves but actually very insecure. So in order to puff themselves up, they have to put you down. It can be anything from telling you flat-out how stupid and incompetent you are to subtle put-downs that you may hardly even notice at first, something like, “That color only looks good on thin people.”

3. Dysfunctional family. Almost all narcissists come from broken or dysfunctional homes. Their narcissism was a needed survival mechanism at the time. Now he can’t get out of it — and probably doesn’t see any reason to.

4. Scared of feelings. Narcissists don’t like talking or even thinking about feelings. They often won’t admit that they’re angry, even if they are throwing things against the walls. If something traumatic happens, they’ll deny they are sad about it.

5. Idol worship. Narcissists often have people they worship, who can do no wrong. Usually it’s a boss or mentor or someone else they see as successful. Narcissists are often obsessed with professional success. If the narcissist’s idol ever shows a flaw, the narcissist is outraged.

6. Self-aggrandizing. Narcissists can do it all — put together a PowerPoint presentation whilst skiing down a snowy mountain and whipping up a five-course meal all while closing a massive real estate deal. At least according to them.

7. Gifted liar. Narcissists frequently lie — about both big and small things. You may not catch them for years because they are good at justifying themselves and coming up with excuses. After you’ve caught a narcissist in a lie, even a huge one, it’s not unusual for YOU to somehow end up being the one who apologizes.

8. You feel like utter crap. If you generally feel duped, put upon, tricked, manipulated, lied to, criticized, belittled, worthless, and humiliated in your relationship — then chances are you are with a narcissist.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist?

Credits to thestir

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/8-signs-youre-married-to-a-narcissist/#sthash.oW7dbHNB.dpuf

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(via How to deal with rejection)

Best-Selling Author, Entrepreneur, Wealth Creator, and TV Commentator Robert Pagliarini said, “Instead of trying to bob and weave what life throws at us, I’d rather have the comfort of knowing that I can take life’s best shot and be able to get back up and move forward. To me, that’s empowerment.”

In an episode of Cartoon Network’s “The Grim Adventures of Bill and Mandy,” a grownup spider struggles with feelings of rejections by the father who “hatched” him — Billy. Fed up with trying to win his affection he finally snaps, corners him and yells, “Love me Dad! Looooove meeeee!”

While this is a comedic reaction to rejection it is also an accurate assessment of what many people experience emotionally. Although a normal part of a person’s life, rejection can cause many people to feel stuck, confused, or feel the hurt deeper than normal. Some people do not feel empowered.

Think of it as being deferred

“No” usually just means “not now.” It’s all about the timing. Dream job rejection? Just not at that firm. Lost the love of your life? Not at this moment and not with that person. You are only being turned away by a person or entity, not by the ability to achieve something. Intimate love, family cohesiveness, and artistic acceptance can be found at another time and with another venue, which leads to:

It’s not you, it’s them — find your own people

Sometimes we will have problems with not fitting into certain groups. We won’t fit in everywhere. We don’t have to fit in everywhere. Maria Brophy, an art licensing and marketing consultant at MariaBrophy.com, wrote the following:

“ . . . our persona is not going to be a match with everyone. We have our people, and they love us. And the other people, well, they have their own thing that we just don’t fit with. And that’s OK. We all have to find the people that get us, that understand what we are doing, and that appreciate it.”

After you find that you don’t fit in somewhere, take some time to grieve if it is needed, then view it as an opportunity and go and find people that get you.

Be careful of how much power you are handing over

Do you let too much ride on a relationship or project that is getting rejected? Exactly who is rejecting you? It is probably one person, one individual, or one group. It’s not the entire universe (as much as your emotions are screaming that it is). Thoughts are real but it doesn’t mean they are true. Take a deep breath and do your best to separate thought, emotion, and logic. The quicker you allow facts and logical thinking to take control the less chance there is of spiraling into a depression and slipping into old patterns of not feeling “good enough.”

Do I need help?

Rejection begins at a very young age so most people recognize the feelings immediately. Feeling low, gloomy, and despondent for a few days is normal. Depending on the nature of the rejection these sad feelings may last for a few weeks. Although there is no set time frame for when a person should be “bouncing back” C. Brendan Hallett of Salt Lake City’s Center For Human Potential suggests answering some questions to determine if a person may need to seek professional help:

Do I feel badly or worse about myself after rejection for an extended period?

Do I feel less capable?

Do I like myself less?

Do I feel like I can’t bounce back and try again?

Does the rejection get turned into lower self-esteem?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes it is a good idea to find a mental health care provider that you feel comfortable with to help you understand why you are feeling stuck.

It is important to be aware of your own programming

“It begins with self-efficacy — a belief in what you can or can’t do,” Hallett says. It begins in childhood when a person may not have had a supportive environment when he or she was experiencing the normal experiences of rejection.

“So as an adult when rejection comes they feel, ‘Oh, here we go again’ and the person feels powerless, it sets them back,” Hallett continues. “For a person who was raised to feel supported, when life gives rejection — which happens all the time — they know how to better overcome it and approaches [rejection] as an opportunity.”

Hallett stresses that somehow a person needs to internalize the idea that he or she matters, to somehow separate what happened — the rejection — from his or her capabilities.

“Try to avoid letting the rejection make you feel bad about yourself or that you can’t do it,” he advises. “It comes down to that internalization, whether you can deal with setbacks or whether you need a different approach.”

Rejection is a normal — and necessary — part of a human being’s life. It is normal to want to feel secure and rejection can leave a person feeling abandoned, frightened and insecure. But these feelings don’t have to linger. Try to change the way you view rejection (seeking help if you need it) and recognize that it’s only temporary. Avoid letting the rejection make you feel bad about yourself or that you can’t do something. We can get back up and move forward. We can become empowered.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/how-to-deal-with-rejection/#sthash.VH1elGsr.dpuf

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(via What’s the Biggest Issue in Your Marriage? Real Women Tell Us Theirs)

There is one thing every married person will tell you: marriage is hard. Anyone in the midst of that proverbial honeymoon period may have a hard time believing that, though. Those first few months after you tie the knot, you truly understand the notion of wedded bliss. But once life starts to settle in, some inevitable problems crop up for most couples. We asked married women about the biggest issues in their marriages and here’s what they had to say:

Money, money, money. We can barely even talk about it in an objective, budget-discussing sense without getting all testy and defensive. So much emotional murk tied to money.

It’s kind of cliche, but he leaves his sh*t everywhere!

He never goes to our kids’ school activities or plays.

Our marriage has three people — me, my husband, and his mother.

Tempering our expectations of one another. Often we will “expect” the other person to do things in the way that we would have done it, be it showering the kids or acknowledging a birthday, or having dinner on the table after a particularly hard day. And when that doesn’t happen, coming back from that disappointment is hard. But we set ourselves up for it a lot of the time because maybe the other person didn’t realize you wanted things done in a certain way or maybe our expectations are unfair and unrealistic.

He doesn’t want any more kids, but I want just one more.

I figured this out a little too late, but I don’t think we are actually sexually compatible.

We don’t spend enough alone time with each other. Between work, kids, and house stuff, I feel like I never see him.

He doesn’t help enough around the house. It’s like he thinks the dishes miraculously wash themselves. When I ask him to help out, he says that he’s too tired. Like I’m not!

Too much time together. I have NO breathing room.

He never tells me what he is thinking. It’s like talking to a stone wall sometimes.

He snores as loud as a freight train and won’t do anything about it.

He is obsessed with sports. He even tried to miss our child’s birthday party because of some playoff game. I’m like, what’s more important here?

He doesn’t respect my career goals as much as his own.

He spends way too much time at strip clubs.

He is Facebook friends with his ex-girlfriend. Sorry, but that’s not okay.

We never go on dates anymore. It’s just work, home, work, home. Where’s the excitement in that?

He’s never around. Sometimes I feel like a single mom.

We never have sex. Like ever. It’s like we are roommates.

This may sound small, but it drives me nuts. He NEVER replaces the toilet paper roll. He will even open a package and use a new roll and just place it on the counter instead of in the holder. WHY???!!!

What’s the biggest issue in your marriage?

Credits to thestir

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/whats-the-biggest-issue-in-your-marriage-real-women-tell-us-theirs/#sthash.EgJk9b3h.dpuf

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(via Making your marriage last)

A marriage is made up of three parts: a husband, a wife, and the relationship. While the couple may be married and have agreed to pledge their lives to one another, they are still two separate people who are continuing to grow and develop as individuals. It’s okay for me to have different interests, like reading different books or watching different TV shows.

She likes to read medical journals while I can’t understand a single word found within the pages. I like to watch shows where myths are busted or that take place in an office. She doesn’t like to watch TV.

Continuing to develop as an individual throughout your life is healthy but when you marry, you’ve now committed yourself to a relationship that links you to another individual. Too often the people involved in a marriage will grow apart and find themselves on different levels or with different ideas and values than when they first married. How can I make sure that everything in my marriage is going in the right direction?

I’ve learned that growing as an individual involves more than just sticking to the subjects in which I’m interested. Since I’ve been married, I’ve tried new foods, listened to new music, attended various events that I wouldn’t have before and traveled to places that I never thought I’d visit. I’ve totally left my comfort zone in an effort to show interest in the things my wife enjoys. I haven’t always enjoyed my new experiences, but I’ve grown as a person because of them and we have grown closer as a couple which has strengthened our relationship. The simple act of taking an interest in the things my wife finds enjoyable and doing it with a positive attitude has helped unify and strengthen our marriage. I’ve discovered that I actually like some things that I never thought I would enjoy.

While experiencing my wife’s pleasures can help bring us closer together, appreciating our differences can maintain and preserve our marriage. Understanding that she is her own person, and she won’t always do things the way I would has prevented many arguments. She comes from a different culture and a family who has different traditions than my own. While I may not always understand them, out of appreciation for her, I have a responsibility to respect them. Her unique qualities are what make her who she is and if I were to ignore them or try to change them, I would be changing the person with whom I fell in love.

Effective communication with one another will ensure that we are on the same page and that we can continue to grow together rather than apart. Following a bad experience, I’ve asked my wife if she is alright and we share our thoughts about what happened. We address each other’s concerns and talk about how we can handle the problems we’re facing. Misunderstandings, arguments, and hardships can all be resolved with communication and can provide you and your spouse the opportunity to take a moment to pause and evaluate the direction you’re headed.

At a time, when it seems people go through spouses as often as they change their underwear, doesn’t mean your marriage is destined to become a negative statistic. Hard work, determination and understanding the basic components of a marriage make a solid foundation on which to build a relationship and will give your marriage a better chance to succeed.

Here’s to many more years of happiness.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/making-your-marriage-last/#sthash.tPHhKnnt.dpuf

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(via How to make your marriage better than happily ever after)

Everyone has seen the movie where the couple rides off into the sunset and the words appear on the screen that say, “And They Lived Happily Ever After.” Of course, everyone knows that life isn’t like the fairy tales where a man falls for a lady he’s never even met and then wakes her out of a coma with true love’s kiss. But, it is actually possible to live happily ever after with your spouse. In fact, it’s possible to live better than happily ever after with your spouse. Here’s how.

1. Get rid of fairy tale dreams. In the fairy tales, there’s always magic, good fortune and a lot of destiny that intervenes to help the prince and princess. But to have a truly happily ever after, both partners need to forget about magic and fairy dust and realize that they are the ones who are going to make the relationship great. They, themselves, are the ones who the couple truly needs to rely on, not magic, good fortune or destiny.

2. Let go of expectations. Everyone has expectations of who they’re going to marry. You may have wanted a spouse who is tall, athletic or funny. To have a truly happily ever after marriage, you need to let go of these expectations so you can begin to see your spouse for who he or she really is. Our expectations often blind us from the person who our spouse is by covering her with the person we want her to be. Our expectations can make us angry when our spouse doesn’t meet them.

3. Begin to see who your spouse really is — warts and all. You know that not everyone is perfect, but for some reason, you still expect your spouse to be. (Or, at least you expect him to be working on it.) Once you’ve let go of your perfect expectations of your spouse, you can begin to see who he really is — warts and all — without being offended by it. Once we see that our spouse isn’t the tall, athletic, perfect person that we want, we begin to see him for who he genuinely is.

4. Get to Know Your New Spouse. Once you begin seeing your spouse for who she really is (and are no longer blinded by your expectations), you’ll find out things that you never knew about her. This also leads the way to let you get to know so many more good things about her. You’ll find out things you never knew about your spouse that you didn’t know because your expectations were blinding you from seeing them.

This kind of relationship where a couple lets down their expectations of each other and sees each other for who they are is a powerful, electrifying relationship. It’s also very vulnerable. Not only are you trying to see your spouse for who he really is deep inside, but you’re allowing your spouse to see you for who you are — warts and all. This puts you in a very vulnerable place. But when your spouse shows you that he loves you anyway, you’ll find a new love and appreciation for him that you never knew possible. You’ll have a relationship that’s better than happily ever after.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/how-to-make-your-marriage-better-than-happily-ever-after/#sthash.Q6wIBOO3.dpuf

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(via 10 things you should never say to your wife)

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably learned that there are certain things that a husband should never say to his wife. It was funny to hear about marital strife when you were single, but now you know firsthand how uncomfortable a night alone on the couch can be. Here are ten things you should definitely avoid saying to your wife if you value your mortal existence.

“You’re not that old.” A woman is never old – not a lot, not a little. Even if she openly admits to being ancient, and her skin hangs in drapes from her sagging bones, to you she is always young and beautiful, and you’d better tell her so.

“Woman, make me a sandwich!” Even when used in jest, this is a phrase that is much more likely to get a sandwich smashed into your face than presented nicely on a plate with a pickle and a side of chips.

“Can you come over here and help me find the tip of my finger?” Body parts should stay attached to your body. And despite your intense pain, expect to do some serious explaining of your bone-headed actions that led to your loss.

“Let me tell you how my mom used to do that.” As much as you love your mother, she is your wife’s mother-in-law, and therefore perpetually wrong.

“Do you want to join a gym with me?” You might as well say, “Wow, you’re getting fat lately. Let’s go work off some of that ice cream you ate last night!” Also, you should probably start running immediately, because you will be surprised at how fast an angry slightly-out-of-shape wife can chase you down.

“Hey, honey – watch this!” This expression is followed by you doing something that is likely to cause you severe bodily harm. No matter how good your health and life insurance are, your dear bride is not likely to be amused.

“[Attractive female’s name] is attractive.” Of course she is. So is George Clooney, but pointing out either fact to your wife is just going to raise a bunch of questions.

“Stop being so sensitive.” Perhaps surprisingly, this phrase will have the opposite effect. Other similar retorts you might try are, “Calm down,” “You’re really emotional right now,” and, “Are you starting your period soon?” Saying any of these is a good way to get a new understanding of the meaning of the word “hysterical.”

“No.” Wives can say no. Husbands say, “Right away, darling dearest.”

“So I invested our life savings with this mining prospector and we don’t need to worry about retirement anymore.” Your wife will still need to worry about retirement, but you won’t. Because you are about to die.

Credits to familyshare

- See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/10-things-you-should-never-say-to-your-wife/#sthash.1MSnQd8z.dpuf

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(via How to appreciate your wife)

now is the time that we, as women, list the things that we would like our husbands to say or do so that we can feel appreciated. After talking with some of my friends, yes they were the wives of my husband’s friends, we made the following list of small and big things, things that men should and can do for their wives if they want them to do the things from the other list. It is always good to remember more than some sort of reward that if you treat your wife well, she will be an angel and a great companion, and you will have an even bigger reward. Here we goÇ

1. Leave work at work and pay attention to your wife and family when you get home.

2. Give her flowers for no reason except to say, “I love you!”

3. Try and help to keep the house clean, especially the kitchen and the places that you use.

4. Do your best to keep the toilet seat lid down and clean.

5. Respect her opinions and come to an agreement together.

6. Plan dates with little surprises.

7. Leave little love notes before you go to work.

8. Check the doors and windows before you go to bed.

9. Cover the bed on cold nights and keep her covered if you are out of bed.

10. Be the Man in situations that show courage and honesty.

11. When you are ready to make-out make sure that you smell good and brush your teeth.

12. Use to your advantage the power of touch. Touching produces oxytocin, a hormone that diminishes stress and increases confidence, either through hands, hugs or kisses.

13. Be interested in what she has to say and pay attention to her ideas.

14. Never put her down, especially in front of other people.

15. Plan times that you can spend together and do your very best to make it happen, to show that you love her and want to spend your time with her.

16. Ask for forgiveness when you do something wrong and forgive her when she does something wrong.

17. Be grateful for the dedication that she has for the family and everything she does, like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, dishes, cooking and everything else, every day.

18. Demonstrate that you appreciate her more with actions than words.

19. Always remember important dates like your anniversary and her birthday.

20. Be a reliable father and spend quality time with the kids.

21. Agree with your wife when it comes to the kids.

22. Compliment her on her appearance, especially in the morning when she just woke up, has no make-up and has messy hair.

23. Stay a little longer in bed with her in the morning.

24. Don’t rush her.

25. Send her IM and text messages for no reason, always say good things.

26. Be affectionate, hug her and kiss her even if you aren’t in the mood for sex.

27. Include her when you make plans.

28. Come home from work quickly because you miss your wife.

29. Worry about her health and always try to take care of her.

30. Make her smile with a joke, or with a mischievous smile.

I confess that it was much easier to compile a list of things that a man can do for his wife to make her feel appreciated than to make one for the women. The women took forever to come up with these. This can be explained in one of two ways:

1. Men are very underappreciated and we, as women, need to show our appreciation to them more often.

or

2. Women are easier to please than men.

Either way, if both of you love each other and are willing to do these things or be better in doing some of these things, you can be sure that the flame will remain lit. And your life will progress and, more than ever, your marriage will be a huge success because communication will flow like it should. And, consequently, you will have everything you need. Start to appreciate your wife today.

Credits to familyshare

 - See more at: http://crazydiaries.net/how-to-appreciate-your-wife/#sthash.ZxgafXAN.dpuf