God I just want you back. I miss the way you’d smile at me when I smiled at you. I miss the way you’d look at me like I was the greatest thing in the world. I miss the way you’d always hug me, even if I was mad at you because you knew I couldn’t resist your hugs. I miss the way we’d make eye contact. I miss the way I used to look into your ocean-colored eyes. Goddamn, do I miss the way you looked into mine. You always said you never liked brown eyes until you seen mine, I wonder if you still like them. I miss the way you’d always touch me, not sexually, but always having your hand on my thigh or in my hand or anywhere on my body so you knew I was close. Oh how I miss being close to you. I miss how perfect my head seemed to fit into your chest. I miss when you’d always curl up next to me when you were having a bad day, you told me I made you feel so much better by just being there. I miss the drives home. I miss you blaring the radio and us obnoxiously singing to Taylor Swift. I miss being wrapped in your arms. I miss stopping at red lights. I remember you told me you looked forward to red lights because you got to kiss me. I miss your kisses, so fucking much. You kissed me like it was always going to be our last, and now I know why because sure enough it eventually was. I miss the way you’d always call me yours. I miss the way you used to say my name…I don’t think I’ve heard you say it in 2 months. I wonder if my name tastes bitter to you and that’s why you don’t say anything about me to anyone, let alone say my name. I miss the way you would talk about me to people. I miss the way you always used to say you were in love with me. I miss that I could always be myself around you and you could be yourself around me. I miss how perfect we were even though we weren’t. Hell, I even miss the fights. I miss how stubborn you were. I miss how, whenever you were mad, your jaw would clench. It was a bad habit for you, maybe I was another one. I miss the way you’d kiss my cheek and my forehead before finally kissing my lips. I miss the random water fights in the kitchen, and always having an ongoing war of shoving cake in each other’s face. I miss spending my weekends with you. I miss riding the bus home with you after school. I miss just watching movies with you on your couch and simply being in your presence. I miss you always checking up on me and asking if I was okay. I miss the fact that you were the first guy to love me for me and not judge me. I miss planning our summer. I miss you not letting me be afraid and always helping me face my fears. I miss your voice the most, I think. I miss the voice you’d mock me in and your “babe, I’m tired” voice. I miss your drunk calls, even at 2 am when you were with your friends because you’d tell me how much you loved me. I miss being loved by you. I miss the sweet texts throughout the day and the night. I miss the random visits to my house when you’d bring me a slushy and some candy because you could tell that the day wasn’t a good day. I miss the way you’d kiss my neck because you knew it was my weakness. I miss the fact that you’d never push me to do things I wouldn’t want to do. I miss you calling me beautiful. I miss being able to call you mine. I miss running my fingers through your hair. I miss the way my hand fit so perfectly into yours. I miss the long walks and talks about everything. I miss how you’d never give up on me. I miss how determined you were to make me so happy. I miss being happy. I miss you. I’m so fucking sorry I messed up. I didn’t know I loved you this much. I didn’t want to believe that I had fallen for you, but I have. I feel so fucking empty without you, words can’t even explain. I feel lost. So much of me was lost in you and I don’t know who the fuck I am. I find you everywhere, everyday and it kills me. There’s a memory of you everywhere I go. I just want to be able to hug you again, to kiss you again. When I’d fuck something up and then fuck up again and not want to try anymore, you’d say “three times the charm” and what if we tried being us one last time and it turns into being the “charm?” I need you. I can’t believe I’m saying I need you because I really don’t need anyone but Jesus Christ, I need you. I know we fought and had our ups and downs but we always made it through. I loved you and you loved me and that was all that mattered. Please come back. Please come home. I miss you too much…
it’s 5:36 am, I can’t sleep, and like always, you’re on my mind. (via anobodybutsomebody)
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