hadiya

[createdbyhadiya]

separate

if you and I are the samethen maybe I should be different.if you and I are to blamethen it’s time to be separate.every way I tell the story of usit doesn’t make sense.yet I still like the comfort so muchI pretend that we’ll never end.but you like your cage even moreso it never mattered what I said.but I was always determined to leaveso it never mattered what you did.

[createdbyhadiya]

I don’t want to love people
who don’t love me like 
I need them to,
but I do.
my heart won’t listen to me
and I can’t be angry
while understanding the value of 
being willing to be a fool.

[createdbyhadiya]

it was never enough
to survive just on love.
life takes much more work
than the fairytales speak of
because a dream isn’t utopian,
just a reality outside 
of what’s familiar.
you can follow what nourishes
your soul,
but you can’t neglect the ego
as auxiliar.

[createdbyhadiya]

returning to the source to remember who I am and every flickering moment in which i was damned to be who i wasn't then criticized for such. once frozen in confusion of the enviroment i painstakingly grew in now conjuring illusions of the me i think i love.

[createdbyhadiya]

for weeks
I’m convinced 
that we’re meant to be;
it only takes time to see.
then
the pendulum swings 
and it seems to me
we’re just two beings 
feeding
off our darkest energies.

[createdbyhadiya]

attachment to 
a single perception
lessens the ability 
for deeper connection,
but it’s easier to be right
than to be vulnerable.

[createdbyhadiya]

acceptance

curiosity killed meunfortunatelysatisfaction brought me back.understanding helped me realize there’s nothing that I lackbesides self acceptance.

[createdbyhadiya]

finding creativity in darkness and wondering if i have to keep visiting to birth more. is peace a destination or is it simply a pause between neverending wars?

[createdbyhadiya]

the woman in the mirror wants to be recognized yet i jump through hoops to assure her that what matters most is on the inside and though the statement is true maybe it's just an excuse to keep being a recluse.

[createdbyhadiya]

thought i needed to dig deeper, but i actually needed to hunt for beasts that only come around when i'm not looking for one.

[createdbyhadiya]

maybe i'm a leaf floating down a river with no idea how it ends. the wind that lifted me knows what i don't, yet silently is the only way it offers its hand.

[createdbyhadiya]

giving up on loyalty and freeing myself from the chains i fashioned into jewelry to feign control.

[createdbyhadiya]

i could search for every silver lining but i still expected the worst. positivity isn't enough to keep a sitting duck from it's curse.

[createdbyhadiya]

i know i chose to separate us, but every day i'm reminded that I didn't want to. i never imagined choosing my own growth would be the hardest thing i had to do. a lifelong obsession in danger of being replaced by you. so there must be a world where we get to start anew. and i trust you made the decision to work on making those visions of who we were meant to be come true.

[createdbyhadiya]

fell through all those holes just for a chance to grow old with a smile on my face. and i was never certain that it was worth it though i tried to hide it on the surface, but lately it seems it was worth the wait.

[createdbyhadiya]

Love Letters (7)

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[createdbyhadiya]

fell in love in four days and cried for hours on the fifth. unlike the girl who left her shoe my heart dreamed a wish that couldn't exist. but i held on to the pieces in a prison of my own yearning. never wanting to be free of seeking solace in mourning.