Create To Release

Writing about whatever strikes my fancy. Author of "The Guardian's Mark" on Wattpad.

[createtorelease-blog]

Boys. Why are we so obsessed with them?

Ladies. Why is it that every time we begin dating a man he begins consuming our thoughts and day-to-day life? Why is it that every time we begin dating a man we become irrationally obsessed with everything he says and does? And why is it that every time we begin dating a man we drop all of our rules or requirements and focus on analyzing the last thing he said that offended us?

I was at the gym just now, finished with my workout and preparing to leave (after a good shower of course. How do some of you people manage to wait until you get home? ) and the only conversation going on between multiple duos of women was about....yes, you guessed it. Men. The first conversation began with "How are you doing?" "Not so well. Miserable actually." "Oh, I'm sorry. Why is that?" "My boyfriend still has my charger."

Wait, what?

She continued with "Yeah I went to get it from him the other night when we were supposed to go on a date and we got into a fight and he wouldn't let me go to his place to get it. I really need to break it off with him." Of course the reason why she wants to break it off with him has nothing to do with the charger, however I did wonder for a moment. She continued with the explanation that he knew she wanted to break up and was therefore delaying the break up by holding onto her charger. I wanted to tell her "Know how to break up with him? Buy a new charger. Problem solved!" Yet, I was frustrated by the fact that this issue with her boyfriend consumed her life so much that the best way to describe her entire day was "miserable". Girl. It was only miserable because you spent all day thinking about breaking up with your boyfriend rather than focusing on work, your goals, literally anything else. I'm not saying that when we're having romantic problems it's easy to move on from but misery is self inflicted. It is not the result of outside influence.

The second conversation I overheard in the restroom. A girl was complaining about the guy she's dating and how he never asks her for more details when something is bothering her. He'll ask if she's feeling better and if the answer is yes he'll say " I'm glad. I don't like when it looks like something is dragging you down." Other than that, not a word and she couldn't understand why. There was of course the possibility that he was afraid to be vulnerable and ask. The thing I wanted to tell her was "because he doesn't truly care about what affects you". A man who cares about what brings you down and wants to make you happy will ask for details and then offer possible solutions. So why was it so hard for her to see the truth? Perhaps because that's what people do. They choose denial over reality because it hurts less. We cannot, as women, do that anymore.

In an age where feminism is spreading like wildfire and women are finding strength they've never had before, men still influence our lives in ways they shouldn't. Now this is not a man-hating post and I'm just as much of a hopeless romantic as the next girl, but at some point we have to realize that our obsession with the opposite sex can get unhealthy and borderline psychotic. Finding your other half is a difficult journey but it doesn't have to be as traumatizing as we make it. It's time women started taking control of their emotions and stopping bad behavior in it's tracks. The next time your boyfriend/bae/ImnotsurewhatthisisbutIwanttogettoknowyou pisses you off, don't allow thoughts of him to consume your day. Remember who you are. You are resilient and worthy and your life does not revolve around one man. Your heart will thank you and you'll be a stronger person for it, able to deal with disappointment or hurt in a way you never thought you could. You also will find that answers to difficult questions will come easier and you'll be able to look at situations more rationally. The last thing you should ever do is make a decision or confront someone in an emotional state. This usually leads to overreacting or regret. And the last thing you want is to think days later "Damnitt, I really wish I had said XYZ" or "Why did I allow him to have such control over my emotions? I didn't even recognize myself".

To get back to my point: Obsession is unhealthy no matter the object. Rather than reacting and obsessing over how someone has made you feel, get in touch with what makes you happy and gives your life meaning. Read, volunteer, take a dance class, paint, go to a museum, hang out with friends who make you laugh. Just do SOMETHING. Anything to remind you of who you are. And if this guy doesn't appreciate you, he's not the right one and the right one will come along and blow all of your exes out of the water. I truly believe this can happen for anyone. Or maybe that's just the hopeless romantic in me. You choose....

[createtorelease-blog]

An Excerpt from Chapter 7:

“I have to be honest. It’s selfish with all that’s happened but all I’ve been able to think about since we got here is what was interrupted before Carter showed up at my door.” He reached up to cup my face with his hand, his palm warm to the touch.

I felt a shiver run through my body and down to my toes, giddy by what he’d just told me. “That’s all I’ve been thinking about too.” I reached up to take hold of his arm, praying he wouldn’t let go.

“I don’t know what it is about you…You’re different. I know I shouldn’t but I almost don’t even care.”

I knew exactly what he meant because I felt it too. I hadn’t had feelings this strong about someone in a while and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to. This kind of infatuation was borderline unhealthy, not to mention ridiculous since any day now he would be nothing but a memory.

I held his gaze, gripping his arm as if a slight shift would send him recoiling from me. “It’s okay to go for what you want if it feels right. This feels right to me…” I trailed off, waiting for his reaction.

His green eyes were a pool of emotions. It was almost hard to look directly at them. And yet they pulled me in, unwavering in their hold and control over me. “If you knew more about me, you wouldn’t feel as you do now.”

“If anyone doesn’t have the right to judge, it’s me. I like you. That’s all you need to know right now and all I need to know is that you like me back.”

“Like is putting it lightly…”

My cheeks fired up at those words, giving away the effect they had on me. Like was definitely putting it lightly but I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable yet.

Gavin pulled me closer, my waist settling between his spread legs. He paused just centimeters away, sliding his hand back into my hair, his grip much more aggressive than the gentle romantic touch I’d come to expect. He paused only a moment longer before pressing his lips to mine, the spark instantaneous.

I couldn’t tell if the connection was just as good or better than the first time. Kissing him came with a sensation I’d never experienced before. It was terrifying and amazing all at once. It made me want to run away yet tear his clothes off. Aggressive and timid at the same time? Was that possible?

His other hand pulled me close, his arm wrapping around my waist in a way that would make it next to impossible to escape. He slowly turned us until I was the one backed up against the desk and lifted me up, hands under my thighs as he gently sat me down atop it.

I opened my legs, allowing him to move his waist in to fill the void. I then wrapped both arms around his neck as our lips danced passionately, tongues dipping in and out.

Gavin wasn’t holding back this time, perhaps because of the exclusivity of our make-out spot or perhaps because his comfort with me was growing. His hands danced across every inch of my body, sliding up under my shirt to roughly caress my bare lower back before maneuvering their way to the front.

I clenched my abs when his fingers grazed a little closer to my waistband than expected and accidentally let out a giggle.

He smiled against my lips, moving to kiss my cheek and then my neck. “What’s so funny?”

I bit my lip, his kisses distracting and sending waves of pleasure throughout my body. “This. It’s also just laugher at how much-” I inhaled deeply, his tongue igniting every nerve in my neck. “Why are you so good at that…” My eyes would have rolled into the back of my head if they hadn’t already been closed.

Gavin moved back to my lips and delivered a deep kiss, his hands resting on my thighs. “Maybe you just bring it out of me.”

[createtorelease-blog]

My Curly Hair Journey

I grew up in San Diego, one of the most beautiful places in the world, but also one of the most oppressive when it comes to natural hair. The accepted and most praised hairstyle in San Diego? Straight or beach waves. The color? Blond. Brunette is second best. I moved to San Diego the summer before ninth grade, a move I didn’t realize at the time would change how I felt and viewed my hair.

My grandmother owned a beauty salon in Ohio and during her yearly visits to San Diego she would take me to get my hair done. The most popular method for maintaining curly headed girls around the nation: relaxers. A chemical treatment that is left in the hair for a certain amount of time to relax the curl pattern. This was what I would have done at the salon followed by a flat iron to seal in the treatment. I always left that salon feeling so excited and beautiful. I finally had the wonderful straight tresses I so desired. I could finally fit in.

I don’t blame my grandmother for the damage this was doing to my hair. If anything, I attribute part of my love for my hair to her. She taught me the importance of caring for your hair, something that can really affect your self esteem as a woman. She also taught me the importance of expirementing and trying new hairstyles. Every visit her hair was different whether it be braids, twists, or flatironed. If you can name it, she did it. I was always fascinated by the ability of hair to change its look and wanted to know more.

It wasn’t until years later that my curiosity about natural hair was peaked. I recall seeing more and more pictures online of girls going natural. Their hair was gorgeous and voluminous, their curls practically glowing. I kept asking myself, how do I get my hair to look like that? What are they doing that I’m not and how do I get there?

That was when I discovered curly hair products. My entire life I’d used products such as suave or herbal essence, products not designed for my hair. I was so happy to discover products like Mixed Chicks, Shea Moisture, and Devacurl. However my hair was so damaged it resembled nothing of the curl it was capable of. Soon after that I began research on curly hair salons and found one in L.A., owned by celebrity hairstylist Shai Amiel. I immediately booked my appointment and made my way to LA. Shai was kind but told me something I’ll never forget. “I’ve never seen hair this damaged.” This was coming from a man who’d seen hundreds if not thousands of curly haired women and he was telling me that mine was the worst case of damage out of them all. I knew then that I needed to make a lifestyle change. It was then that I vowed to myself: no more relaxers and a year of no heat.

The next year was hard and uncomfortable. My natural hair began to grow in and contrasted so drastically from my damaged hair. It was awful and I really had to get creative then with protective hairstyles. I felt hideous at times but I knew the wait would be worth it. I was determined to save my hair and start anew. Two and a half years later my hair resembles nothing of the destroyed straw like strands it came from and I owe it all to my dedication toward hair acceptance.

Hair is such a taboo topic for black and biracial women. It’s a struggle in the workplace and a frustration in our daily lives. I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times someone has told me, “You should straighten your hair. I want to know what it would look like.” An innocent but ignorant comment that I often translate to “Straight hair is more acceptable in society and your curls stand out too much. Better to conform.”

I’m proud of my hair and while I may experiment with colors or straightening, my curls are me and I will always choose them over everything. The Curly movement is growing and it’s so beautiful to see so many curly haired women shamelesslly showcasing their natural hair. I’m proud to be one of them and will continue to spread this knowledge and hopefully inspire others to go on a curly journey of their own. I’m curly and I’m proud. You should be too.

[createtorelease-blog]

Check out my book on Wattpad! See link 😊

Http://www.wattpad.com/user/createtorelease

Angels and demons are a myth…or so Ava thinks until she meets the mysterious Gavin. She has no idea the purpose her life holds until a near death experience triggers a course of dramatic supernatural events. One moment is all it takes to change everything a person has ever known. Meeting Gavin proves that life isn’t always what you see on the surface. It’s sometimes the unseen that is the most important…

[createtorelease-blog]

Why I #SupportDACA And Why You Should Too

Recently I’ve become interested in politics and younger me would have given me a blank stare if I tried to explain to her why. I’ve always been a writer but I enjoy writing fiction where I’m allowed to let my mind run wild and create whatever I want. Up until the last few years I had no interest in anything political. I saw politics as pointless and stressful and didn’t want anything to do with it. And then I realized the importance of getting involved in situations like the recent decision by the president to end the program DACA. 

I am a firm believer in treating others how we would want to be treated and relating anything I can back to basic human decency. Above all else, we are to care for our fellow man and try to make the world better in all that we do. Trump’s election, first months of presidency, and recent decision go against everything I believe in. I am an American Citizen. I am of Mixed Descent (Irish, German, West African). I am a Woman. Each of these things that make me who I am have been attacked as of late. From the beginning of Trump’s campaign I have been strongly against the deportation of immigrants. I cannot fathom how people can hold so much hate against those who only seek a better life. I cannot fathom how someone can be a white supremacist or want to “build the wall”. It blows my mind that our country has gotten to this point.

DACA Dreamers are now terrified and emotionally distressed and they do not deserve this. They do not deserve to feel attacked. They do not deserve to feel as if they are not wanted in this country. They certainly do not deserve to be punished for merely living and contributing to society. Roughly 800,000 young people’s lives have been thrown into chaos and why? Because their parents loved them and wanted a better life for them? I’m tired of hearing the argument “they should have done it legally”. It’s easy to make a statement like that when you’re so blinded by your privilege you cannot understand that those in other countries are suffering. The process of becoming a legal citizen is lengthy and expensive and chances are that if you’re running from another country, you do not have the time or finances to become a citizen legally. 

There is also the fact that there are still millions of undocumented illegal immigrants who could have applied for DACA and have not. I’m sure now they’re thanking the Heavens for making that decision. DACA Dreamers put the fate of their lives in the government’s hands and chose to be honest and register with this program, trusting that the system would protect them. They were deceived and the country should be ashamed. Donald Trump should be ashamed. Trump supporters who continue to defend his every move should be ashamed. If you are a living breathing human being and you support this horrid act, you should be ashamed. 

On a more positive note, I am so proud of my state, the wonderful New York. Governor Andrew Cuomo made a statement that filled my heart with pride. He let the Dreamers of New York know that we will support them and fight for them and will not allow them to be singled out or made to feel less than. I pray that other states follow such notions and that these young people are protected. And I pray for the direction our country is headed in. It is certainly a battle of good and evil right now and I am rooting for the good.

[createtorelease-blog]

A quick and easy twist hairstyle if you feel like spicing up those curls 😉

[createtorelease-blog]

My Curly Hair Journey

I grew up in San Diego, one of the most beautiful places in the world, but also one of the most oppressive when it comes to natural hair. The accepted and most praised hairstyle in San Diego? Straight or beach waves. The color? Blond. Brunette is second best. I moved to San Diego the summer before ninth grade, a move I didn’t realize at the time would change how I felt and viewed my hair.

My grandmother owned a beauty salon in Ohio and during her yearly visits to San Diego she would take me to get my hair done. The most popular method for maintaining curly headed girls around the nation: relaxers. A chemical treatment that is left in the hair for a certain amount of time to relax the curl pattern. This was what I would have done at the salon followed by a flat iron to seal in the treatment. I always left that salon feeling so excited and beautiful. I finally had the wonderful straight tresses I so desired. I could finally fit in.

I don’t blame my grandmother for the damage this was doing to my hair. If anything, I attribute part of my love for my hair to her. She taught me the importance of caring for your hair, something that can really affect your self esteem as a woman. She also taught me the importance of expirementing and trying new hairstyles. Every visit her hair was different whether it be braids, twists, or flatironed. If you can name it, she did it. I was always fascinated by the ability of hair to change its look and wanted to know more.

It wasn’t until years later that my curiosity about natural hair was peaked. I recall seeing more and more pictures online of girls going natural. Their hair was gorgeous and voluminous, their curls practically glowing. I kept asking myself, how do I get my hair to look like that? What are they doing that I’m not and how do I get there?

That was when I discovered curly hair products. My entire life I’d used products such as suave or herbal essence, products not designed for my hair. I was so happy to discover products like Mixed Chicks, Shea Moisture, and Devacurl. However my hair was so damaged it resembled nothing of the curl it was capable of. Soon after that I began research on curly hair salons and found one in L.A., owned by celebrity hairstylist Shai Amiel. I immediately booked my appointment and made my way to LA. Shai was kind but told me something I’ll never forget. “I’ve never seen hair this damaged.” This was coming from a man who’d seen hundreds if not thousands of curly haired women and he was telling me that mine was the worst case of damage out of them all. I knew then that I needed to make a lifestyle change. It was then that I vowed to myself: no more relaxers and a year of no heat.

The next year was hard and uncomfortable. My natural hair began to grow in and contrasted so drastically from my damaged hair. It was awful and I really had to get creative then with protective hairstyles. I felt hideous at times but I knew the wait would be worth it. I was determined to save my hair and start anew. Two and a half years later my hair resembles nothing of the destroyed straw like strands it came from and I owe it all to my dedication toward hair acceptance.

Hair is such a taboo topic for black and biracial women. It’s a struggle in the workplace and a frustration in our daily lives. I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times someone has told me, “You should straighten your hair. I want to know what it would look like.” An innocent but ignorant comment that I often translate to “Straight hair is more acceptable in society and your curls stand out too much. Better to conform.”

I’m proud of my hair and while I may experiment with colors or straightening, my curls are me and I will always choose them over everything. The Curly movement is growing and it’s so beautiful to see so many curly haired women shamelesslly showcasing their natural hair. I’m proud to be one of them and will continue to spread this knowledge and hopefully inspire others to go on a curly journey of their own. I’m curly and I’m proud. You should be too.

[createtorelease-blog]

A quick and easy twist hairstyle if you feel like spicing up those curls 😉

[createtorelease-blog]

Why I #SupportDACA And Why You Should Too

Recently I’ve become interested in politics and younger me would have given me a blank stare if I tried to explain to her why. I’ve always been a writer but I enjoy writing fiction where I’m allowed to let my mind run wild and create whatever I want. Up until the last few years I had no interest in anything political. I saw politics as pointless and stressful and didn’t want anything to do with it. And then I realized the importance of getting involved in situations like the recent decision by the president to end the program DACA. 

I am a firm believer in treating others how we would want to be treated and relating anything I can back to basic human decency. Above all else, we are to care for our fellow man and try to make the world better in all that we do. Trump’s election, first months of presidency, and recent decision go against everything I believe in. I am an American Citizen. I am of Mixed Descent (Irish, German, West African). I am a Woman. Each of these things that make me who I am have been attacked as of late. From the beginning of Trump’s campaign I have been strongly against the deportation of immigrants. I cannot fathom how people can hold so much hate against those who only seek a better life. I cannot fathom how someone can be a white supremacist or want to “build the wall”. It blows my mind that our country has gotten to this point.

DACA Dreamers are now terrified and emotionally distressed and they do not deserve this. They do not deserve to feel attacked. They do not deserve to feel as if they are not wanted in this country. They certainly do not deserve to be punished for merely living and contributing to society. Roughly 800,000 young people’s lives have been thrown into chaos and why? Because their parents loved them and wanted a better life for them? I’m tired of hearing the argument “they should have done it legally”. It’s easy to make a statement like that when you’re so blinded by your privilege you cannot understand that those in other countries are suffering. The process of becoming a legal citizen is lengthy and expensive and chances are that if you’re running from another country, you do not have the time or finances to become a citizen legally. 

There is also the fact that there are still millions of undocumented illegal immigrants who could have applied for DACA and have not. I’m sure now they’re thanking the Heavens for making that decision. DACA Dreamers put the fate of their lives in the government’s hands and chose to be honest and register with this program, trusting that the system would protect them. They were deceived and the country should be ashamed. Donald Trump should be ashamed. Trump supporters who continue to defend his every move should be ashamed. If you are a living breathing human being and you support this horrid act, you should be ashamed. 

On a more positive note, I am so proud of my state, the wonderful New York. Governor Andrew Cuomo made a statement that filled my heart with pride. He let the Dreamers of New York know that we will support them and fight for them and will not allow them to be singled out or made to feel less than. I pray that other states follow such notions and that these young people are protected. And I pray for the direction our country is headed in. It is certainly a battle of good and evil right now and I am rooting for the good.

[createtorelease-blog]

Check out my book on Wattpad! See link 😊

Http://www.wattpad.com/user/createtorelease

Angels and demons are a myth...or so Ava thinks until she meets the mysterious Gavin. She has no idea the purpose her life holds until a near death experience triggers a course of dramatic supernatural events. One moment is all it takes to change everything a person has ever known. Meeting Gavin proves that life isn't always what you see on the surface. It's sometimes the unseen that is the most important...

[createtorelease-blog]

God created all things didn't he? It's only man to go and decide which ones are mistakes.

Beautiful Creatures

[createtorelease-blog]

Why I #SupportDACA And Why You Should Too

Recently I’ve become interested in politics and younger me would have given me a blank stare if I tried to explain to her why. I’ve always been a writer but I enjoy writing fiction where I’m allowed to let my mind run wild and create whatever I want. Up until the last few years I had no interest in anything political. I saw politics as pointless and stressful and didn’t want anything to do with it. And then I realized the importance of getting involved in situations like the recent decision by the president to end the program DACA. 

I am a firm believer in treating others how we would want to be treated and relating anything I can back to basic human decency. Above all else, we are to care for our fellow man and try to make the world better in all that we do. Trump’s election, first months of presidency, and recent decision go against everything I believe in. I am an American Citizen. I am of Mixed Descent (Irish, German, West African). I am a Woman. Each of these things that make me who I am have been attacked as of late. From the beginning of Trump’s campaign I have been strongly against the deportation of immigrants. I cannot fathom how people can hold so much hate against those who only seek a better life. I cannot fathom how someone can be a white supremacist or want to “build the wall”. It blows my mind that our country has gotten to this point.

DACA Dreamers are now terrified and emotionally distressed and they do not deserve this. They do not deserve to feel attacked. They do not deserve to feel as if they are not wanted in this country. They certainly do not deserve to be punished for merely living and contributing to society. Roughly 800,000 young people’s lives have been thrown into chaos and why? Because their parents loved them and wanted a better life for them? I’m tired of hearing the argument “they should have done it legally”. It’s easy to make a statement like that when you’re so blinded by your privilege you cannot understand that those in other countries are suffering. The process of becoming a legal citizen is lengthy and expensive and chances are that if you’re running from another country, you do not have the time or finances to become a citizen legally. 

There is also the fact that there are still millions of undocumented illegal immigrants who could have applied for DACA and have not. I’m sure now they’re thanking the Heavens for making that decision. DACA Dreamers put the fate of their lives in the government’s hands and chose to be honest and register with this program, trusting that the system would protect them. They were deceived and the country should be ashamed. Donald Trump should be ashamed. Trump supporters who continue to defend his every move should be ashamed. If you are a living breathing human being and you support this horrid act, you should be ashamed. 

On a more positive note, I am so proud of my state, the wonderful New York. Governor Andrew Cuomo made a statement that filled my heart with pride. He let the Dreamers of New York know that we will support them and fight for them and will not allow them to be singled out or made to feel less than. I pray that other states follow such notions and that these young people are protected. And I pray for the direction our country is headed in. It is certainly a battle of good and evil right now and I am rooting for the good.