How running away to another continent can heal your broken heart.
Two years ago 'The Blacklist' broke my heart. Being involved in that fandom for 10 years, the finale left me with something I never recovered from and somehow changed me. I quit writing and tried to move on, and promised myself this would never ever happen to me again. I would never let a stupid TV show do this to me again.
Then a year ago I started watching Hacks. It took me while to ship Avorah but I think it was inevitable, which is basically Jean's and Hannah's fault. In these 4 seasons we got everything Lizzington could ever have wished for.
When Deborah had her earth shattering speech in 4x9 about how her dream has changed, that deeply stirred something in me.
I took my entire savings and flew to New York to see Jean's play at studio 54. I spent two lovely days there all alone, in this big city that I still love so much.
I went to the Central Park, stalked Spader's house and kinda closed the Blacklist chapter for good and let go.
I got to see Jean twice at the stage door. The play is intense and tough. The issue of abuse is hard and difficult to take. Yet Jean is funny, heartbreaking and simply amazing. I sat very much in front of the stage and I swear she looked at me several times. When she signed my playbill after the show, I told her I had traveled from Germany just to see her. She looked at me, touched my arms and said: Are you serious? I said: yes, I'm here only for two days. She then said: well, welcome to New York then. Told her thank you and how intense the play I thought was. Got a thank you back and then she moved on to the next person in line.
Absolutely star-strucked, dazed and deliriously happy my trip had this outcome, I'm returning home as I write this.
Just having met her heals so much that has gone wrong in my life for quite some time now.
And once I'm home, I hope I can continue writing fanfics.
Thanks Jean, I love you ❤️
