To The Victor Go the Spoils

Richard Palance. I'm an Artist, an Alchemist, but your definition of beauty is much different from mine. From the sounds of screams to the red blood that splatters my canvas. There's plenty to know about me, just make sure your prepared to hear it all.

[dr-alchemy]

tired of sliding downhill{ richard and tom}

Tom raised his hand to knock on Richard’s door but he found himself backing away for the fifth time. He had been outside the man’s place for close to thirty minutes, trying to decide what he was going to say or do. He felt awkward with the way they ha been together recently. And now that his emotions were fixed, things kept bubbling up.It was like everything he had been feeling and had been unable to express was clawing it’s way to the surface.

His hand went to the door and again he pulled it back. What if Richard saw how much of a jittery wreck he was and just wanted him gone? that thought scared him. He needed Richard, needed to touch him and be with him but Tom was never sure that Richard needed him. The door opened right as Tom began backing up again, causing his heart to jump up into his throat. “H-hi babe.”

[crimsonpandemic]

After his odd yet swift leave from their last conversation Richard wasn't sure when or if Tom would ever arrive back at his door. A few unspoken events in his studies had left him rather tired and with an overly irritating headache. For once he had taken his boyfriends advice and stayed home from work. Much harder said than done. With his office phone redirected to his cell it wasn't really staying home, more like working from home. The only upside being that he didn't have to dress for the occasion. Neglecting his appetite Richard gave in to his old shrimp fried rice craving. It had quickly turn into a nostalgic meal that brought a smile to his face. That was a time when he and Tom were rather happier, before all the outside distractions tried to keep them from one and other. There were fewer but still there none the less. 

Turning the knob of his from door he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the back pocket of his jeans. Turning around at the last minute he was caught off guard by Tom standing on his porch, "Jesus," he muttered slightly startled, his awareness a bit blurred by his poor condition.  Pushing his cigarettes back into his pocket he leaned back against the door frame, "I have the slightest feeling that you didn't just get here," he said not being able to look past Tom's rather shaky composure. "I didn't think you'd come back around so soon with everything so uneasy..."

Even with their slight distance these past few weeks he couldn't help but notice that he looked different, there was something about him that seemed refreshed despite his jitteriness.  

[crimsonpandemic]

Note to self: Come up with a concoction that obliterates headaches. This thing is killing me.

[thechainsawdemon]

My friend said Tea is a good way to help relax ones mind…that and a hot shower to release the tension

[crimsonpandemic]

I believe you are gravely underestimating the amount of pain. Though your friend sounds...resourceful, i don't think it will help. 

.....

Not to sound rude but is there a reason your in my office..And an explanation as to how you got into my building at that.

[rocketandsweetpea-blog]

[crimsonpandemic]

[nevermindbluesky]

[jamesfrancobs-blog]

[crimsonpandemic]

Note to self: Come up with a concoction that obliterates headaches. This thing is killing me.

[tikooq]

[grlhooddiary-deactivated2019021]

[sacrlettjohansson]

[crimsonpandemic]

What? A guy can't have some fun?

[crimsonpandemic]

I just...

I feel like everything in my office has either been touched or moved....

I don't like it...

[nevermindbluesky]

[dr-alchemy]

Love hurts {Tom and Richard}

[dr-alchemy]

tom was completely floored by Richard apologizing. His boyfriend did not ever do that.Richard was always in the right even when he wasn’t. that was just who he was and tom had accepted it long ago. the fact that he cared enough to admit any wrong doing made tom bite his lip.though he hadn’t been able to tell Richard what was going on with him, he wasn’t surprised that he knew. Richard had eyes and ears everywhere.

"Richard…" tom moved closer to his lover, his hand snaking out to take the other man’s." How the hell were you even supposed to know? I got myself in a fucked situation."  he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling awkward. tom wanted to ask a really hard question but he wouldn’t be able to answer it himself and tom felt that wasn’t fair…but he needed the answer. the last few weeks had really taken a toll on him in more ways than one.. tom took a deep breath, then tugged gently on his boyfriend, making the guy look at him. “I need to ask you something…I know we don’t really talk about it but…Richie? Do you…Do you c-c-care about me? No not care..do you..f-f-fuck me…” He looked down at his shoes, frustrated that the stutter got away from him.His mind was still having a tough time believing Richard wasn’t leaving him and tom needed the reassurance. he couldn’t help it

[crimsonpandemic]

A small smile came to his face.

"Look at who you're talking to Thomas. If anyone can find out anything it's me."

Anyone that knew Richard knew for a fact that he had eyes and ears everywhere. How? Well that was his own little secret. He didn't fight Tom's small grasp on him, if anything he relaxed into it. A firm but caring squeeze was returned, hoping to ease his boyfriends nervousness. His head unconsciously tilting to the side just a bit as he listened to Tom's need for reassurance. Did he care about him. For a moment he didn't say anything, quickly realizing that in a normal relationship silence like that after a question so important would only raise his nervousness. 

"Ignore the dramatic pause," he stated waving his other hand in a discarding motion," I do, and I know that you know I do. You just want to hear me say it. I love you. And I do care about you. More than anything. I may not make it obvious but I do. If I didn't this conversation would have never come about and you probably would have been fired by now." His last phrase spoken somewhat jokingly. He didn't really know what it would be like if he really didn't care about Tom, would the man have given up and left already? Or just stuck around still trying to get Richards attention. It was hard to tell with him sometimes.

His grasp became slightly tighter, Trying to get Tom out of his own head.

"You shouldn't think so much, which is an odd thing to say to a doctor. I'm not going anywhere. If you're trying to get rid of me you'll have to try a lot harder than getting yourself into some deep shit."

[nevermindbluesky]

[dr-alchemy]

Love hurts {Tom and Richard}

[crimsonpandemic]

dr-alchemy:

Tom looked down and away from his boyfriend, biting his bottom lip gently. He didn’t really understand. ” If….If you don’t want that then why does it feel like you do?” He words were small and a little lost but Tom couldn’t really help it. He’d been miserable with the distance between the two of them. He was stuck in his head with his emotions lately and he was all alone without Richard or anyone to help him through it. He ran a hand over his face then looked at Richard.” I don’t know why I asked Richie, I just …I dont…” his throat got tight, the curse fucking him over again and tom looked away with a frustrated sound. How was he even supposed to do this?Tom took a few deep breath and forced his emotions down roughly, knowing that if he didn’t, talking was going to  be impossible. ” I do not want us to continue with this distance but it seems as if you want the distance so I am unsure as to what to do.” His voice was a bit dean pan but he was able to talk and that was all that mattered. Richard made him emotional so it was hard to even do this much.

Distance didn’t even sum up their problem in his mind. Clearing his throat slightly he looked down for a moment.

"I realize that we’ve been…perhaps irrational,  or I have at least, during your…" he paused and looked up at Tom, "ordeal as I choose to call it."

Richard wasn’t looking to get to far into how he knew or bother Thomas with digging into his and Elizabeth’s business. He was a grown man that could make his own decisions….sometimes. Doubt, however, became far from him, Tom was fateful,  damaged yes but truly fateful. What was Richard suppose to do, chain the man to a pole and keep him away from everyone. He had to hold back a small smile at the thought, knowing Tom he probably wouldn’t object to the idea for very long.

"Im not trying to sweep this under the rug or act like nothing happened, if anything thats part of the problem. Admittedly, " he said with a small chuckle, "i’m not all that sure of how to settle all this."

Less stress was the key and thats all he really wanted at this point. A stressed Tom was an unhappy Tom and seeing his boyfriend upset was the most discouraging thing in the world to him. As much as he was willing to put up with Richards work schedule making the man happy was the least he could.

"I hate seeing you this way, I really do. I just…" he sighed lightly,  "I didn't bother to take the time to think there was something wrong," he said softly, the words lingering to a point were he was simply scolding himself.

Out of pure guilt his eyes drifted down once more, ” i’m sorry…” he spoke softly in the most sincere he had been in years. Never would he see him own faults but for once he could in this. For once something was in fact his doing in the most negative way and while most would say he was incapable of doing so he had proved so many of them wrong at that very moment.

[dr-alchemy]

Love hurts {Tom and Richard}

Tom could feel the muscle in his jaw ticking. he and Richard had not spoken since their fall out really and it was getting to him. HE watched as richard disappeared into his office. tom’s hands were gripping the counter land his power had actually flared enough he had to pull back or risk ruining the counter top.richard had came into the lab, looked over his work, told him that he needed the report by the end of the day and just fucking walked away.

It wasn’t that bad really, it shouldn’t have gotten under his skin as badly as it had but tom was hurt and that caused him to pull on the small amount of anger that the interaction had fueled. He was sick of avoiding Richard and having Richard avoid him. He was tired of sleeping alone and he was fucking sick of not being able to see or touch his boyfriend. they hadn’t broken up but at this point,it felt like they had and Richard was just avoiding it because Tom wasn’t important enough to him to even end it properly. He was striding towards the man’s office before he really even realized it. tom flung the door open a bit harder than he meant, the knob bouncing off the wall. Once he was face to face with the man he froze thoguh, unable to speak because he was too upset. He just stood there, looking at the guy that meant the world to him, glaring.When he had calmed down enough to speak he stepped close, his voice oddly quiet. 

" Why don’t you just say it. Break up with me."

 After the words came out of his mouth, all of the anger he’d used to give himself the courage to come in the office just evaporated.he’d just given Richard the opening to  destroy him and his was making his chest hurt

[crimsonpandemic]

There were an uncanny amount of side remarks that Richard could have retorted with but he decided to take the high road on this one. His frustrated never led well when he vocalized it and the conversations turned downward rather quickly, not that his was a large up turn. So far everything between them as either been an argument or a misunderstanding. Its not like he was cornered, being forced to talk. He could simply say nothing and Tom would either leave in a huff or start yelling at him in his office. Richard was slowly starting to discover that silence was not always the answer, nor was ignoring the situation. He was just so use to everything...going away after a while. He underestimated his boyfriends persistence far to many times. 

Without looking up from his paper work he calmly responded to Tom's....suggestion.

"So hasty are we? Why would I say something like that if I-" he stopped, correcting his body language. Some people were worth disrespecting but Tom was not one of them. Picking his head up and making eyes contact with Tom he stood up, showing that the other man had his full attention. 

"Why would I say something like that if I didn't mean it? Thomas, i'm not going to break up with you. Unless you really expected me to say 'fine, sounds good, you can go now'. I know you don't want that....so honestly...why are you asking?"

While he spoke he make his way around the side of his desk, leaning his lower back against the front of it, patiently waiting for his response.

[crimsonpandemic]

Home @ Tom

[dr-alchemy]

Tom paused at the doorway of his bedroom, one hand on the frame. He didn’t turn around immediately, his heart starting to hurt at the words Richard was saying. he was supposed to trust him.Even if they hadn’t been going out for a terribly long time, they had already had an intense relationship and the guy had done enough to prove he was worthy of trust. He rolled the thought around in his mind, realizing that he did trust Richard in a lot of ways but he did not trust the man to stay. No one ever wanted Tom. He was an after thought, a thing to be pushed away and forgotten. His tone was soft as he spoke, turning and catching his boyfriend’s eyes. ” Everyone leaves Richard. It’s ok. I get that part.I just…” emotions threatened and he felt the familiar closing off that the curse did to him start to happen so he stopped, and took a breath to calm down.

"If you are tired of this, ok. Just don’t drag it out. Break up with me and go on. That’s all I ask Richard. I think that is a fair request. this waiting for the other shoe to drop is not…pleasant." He stopped again, words become difficult as he fought the curse to even express that tiny amount of emotion.for a moment he just looked at Richard,weariness over everything just settling into his bones. He should have told Richard how much he loved him when he had been able to. Now the guy would never know and he was going to leave without ever knowing, Tom could feel it. It hurt. His throat made it hard to swallow as the thoughts swirled in his mind. He had never loved another person the way he loved Richard.

"I meant it. you can always stay here.I can..I can always sleep on the couch." He did go into his bedroom then, needed a second to himself to process, his chest burning from the effort of holding back tears. Losing Richard was going to kill him.

[crimsonpandemic]

Richard close his eyes and sighed. His boyfriends back still to him. Without a word he walked over and slipped through the space of the door frame, that he had not occupied, and stood firmly in front of him. Richard's chest pressed against Tom's. before the other had a chance to speak he caught the mans lips in passionate kiss. His strongest guest of reassurance. His hands slipped down his lovers hips and gripped the waist of his pants, pulling him roughly into the bedroom. A light lust filled sigh leaving him, their lips leaving one and other. A forceful hand gripping Tom's wrists, keeping them at bay behind his back. He other hand pushing his pants down just enough to grasp his cock. A demanding stroke forcing a whimper that was only a delightful sound to his ears. A small grin spread across his lips. Being able to show such dominance over someone that had never given in to the dictation that Richard had given time and time again. Pulling away only slightly he released his grip on Tom's cock. His other hand never leaving Tom's wrists. Kissing him deeply once more he chuckled lightly, placing a hard hand on his lovers shoulder and turning him towards the wall, thrusting him against it. Richard rested his chin on Tom's shoulder, his lips lightly tracing he over mans neck and up to his ear, his pelvis against Tom's ass, knowing he could feel Richards hard cock through he material of his pants. pressing his lips to his boyfriends ear he smirked and lightly whispered to him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Reality set in at that moment.

Tom still standing in the door way unable to look at him, Richard lower back still lightly pressing into the table. In the perfect world anything could be fixed by the scenario that had creeped through his mind.

Richard closed his eyes. And sighed.

Tiredness and borderline annoyance starting to surge through him. A thin sheet of discouragement seemed to linger over him. The sudden outbursts, the pauses in his words, the constant rising and falling in his emotions. What he wasn't saying Richard could feel and yet he could only go off of what he knew. This sort of behavior was someone who didn't know what they wanted, in his mind. In his logic this was pandering to broken emotions, thin to heal and injured animal. The only problem was that he was always the cause of the injury, healing them was never this objective, he didn't care enough about people to do that or even try. Through his perspective it was only getting worse. A small flicker of someone that could help him make the annoyance increase ten fold. Everyone left him he said. The ones he cared about only did because Richard was in the picture to begin with.

"I don't have time for this," he muttered to himself, his words directed at his scattered thoughts and never meant to be steered towards Tom. His clouded judgment lead him out of Tom's home, leaving his things behind completely. Wether or not he was walking in the direction of his home was far from his mind as a headache started to form. Bringing g his hand up, Richard rubbed his forehead, his hand sliding down to pinch the bridge of his nose. Disarray and dispirit practically burning his steps into the pavement of the sidewalk.