Today's Document
Xuebing Du
oozey mess
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Love Begins
KIROKAZE
dirt enthusiast
RMH
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Product Placement
Not today Justin
titsay
⁂
Kaledo Art
Game of Thrones Daily
d e v o n
No title available
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Misplaced Lens Cap
if i look back, i am lost
seen from Australia
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
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@croaker-explained
It takes real pleasure to introduce you to:
The Kermiad: a comprehensive guide to The Muppet Joker
Thank you to @themuppetarchives and @croakerobserver for their amazingly helpful archives. This couldn't have been done without your work.
(Note: this guide only covers up until July. A second one will be made in due time)
At night I hear the ants in my house whispering to me and telling me to go full on bug mode. I can't listen to them yet. But I tell them, soon
My ex wife and I are devastated. Every day we wake up at 5am and search for him in the streets. Our son. We search all day, looking for him in bushes, under cars, in the neighbors' garages. I always feel like he's right around the corner. I keep thinking he will come back home. We set humane traps for him all around my apartment complex, using a giant lollipop as bait, as that is the snack children like the most. I feel fucking hollow. Come home, my son. Come home.
So my ex wife dropped off my kids (22 month old son and 1 month old daughter) yesterday and of course we got into it, she was yelling at me that I've really changed recently and that she thinks I'm "spiraling again," and I basically told her to shut up and that I'm basically listening to a lot of podcasts and becoming a fucking alpha and eating so much protein that basically I'm ripped and don't need to listen to her. Sure, as of right now, she is way more ripped than me because she fights crime for a living (she does vigilante justice she is not a cop), but in just a few short months Im probably going to have crazy gains and basically start mogging her at the gym probably. Anyway she started copping a real attitude with me but before she could really respond we heard the door slam. And we saw thst my 22 month old son was gone, and that he had left a note saying that he was running away because he can't stand to listen to us argue. My son is missing he has run away and I don't know what to do but I know its totally her fault I don't know what to do im in ruin
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
ARE YOU A REAL MAN? ARE YOU EATING YOUR FUCKING SARDINES?
ARE YOU GONNA LET THOSE LITTLE SOYBOYS SARDINEMOG YOU? ARE YOU SARDINEMAXXING YOU LITTLE CUCK? EAT YOUR SLOP. EAT YOUR SLOP.
Good Boy.
Time to start MAXMAXXING. I will DO EVERYTHING. BE EVERYTHING. FEEL NOTHING. HOLLOW MYSELF OUT AND BECOME THE PERFECT VESSEL. FROM NOW ON, I AM ONLY EATING CANNED SARDINES AND DRINKINKING MY OWN BATH WATER!!! I WILL BE MEWING AND MOGGING 25 MISERABLE HOURS A DAY!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!
My absolute BITCH of an ex wife keeps nagging me to spend more time with our children. I'm busy, God Damn It! Doesn't she know how HARD I work at the Dangerous Chemicals Factory?? How much fucking effort it took to get into the Bug Leagues??? Doesn't she know that seeing my kids gives me the sinking feeling that I am completely incapable of taking care of myself, let alone two beautiful children, without ruining them the way I have ruined the lives of everyone I have ever cared about???Jesus Christ it's like pulling teeth getting respect as a man nowadays.
The Bug Leagues are very time consuming. Blood tests. Background check. Strange medications. Mandated bug therapy. Its a fucking pain in the ass is what it is!
Heh. I'm in the Bug Leagues, Kid. No, not the Big Leagues. The Bug Leagues. I'm kind of a Bug Deal, you could say. I'm covered in bugs. I'm covered in bugs
I've been accepted into the Bug and Slime Leagues. I don't know how. I failed my classes terribly. But they told me I had the highest score they'd ever seen. They gave me my uniform. Hidden in the pocket, there was a slip of paper that said "Courtesy of HQ." What does it mean?
Nevermind I am back to normal actually. Feeling like the king of the world. Going to do something fucked up and bold. Going to Howl like a Wolf and run around on my Knuckles like some kind of Ape
Failed my exam because I was staring at the back of my classmate's head (the one I am parasocially obsessed with despite knowing them in real life). My hands were shaking the whole time and I drew a sock puppet version of them and me smiling at each other and.being friends., if I make a sock puppet of them would thst be weird? Does anybody like me anymore
The Muppet Show (1976-1981)
Oh my god its my final exam for my bugs and slime class today and I forgot to study. Fuuuuck I don't know anything. If you fail the exam, they nickelodeon slime you to death and then your body is eaten by the Big Bug Professor. Fuckk shittt im toassttt
You all may think i'm kidding but I would fuck Kermit.
THE FROG!?!!???
Yes, the frog.
Would you? Would you really? Is this a challenge? Would you slowly take apart is soft, plush body? Mm, watch him shake, flail his muppet arms, stammering out half protesting, half begging for more? Do you even KNOW what makes Kermit the Frog so appealing to Some Of Us? Are you a real puppet fucker, or just another goddamn fraud? Seeing Kermit perform, at the control of another's Hand. The performer moves his finges, and Kermit's mouth opens, and he cannot even stop it. He speaks. Good boy. Have you even considered what that must feel like? Have you ever even agonized over whether you want to be the one controlling him, feeling the thrill of his trust as he lets you take over, or be the one he controls, as all of his pent up need for domination is unleashed on your own hole, as he makes it hi,s mmuppet hol.e. Fuckk. Have you written pages and pages of muppet porn and realized that, yeah, there are real and compelling reasons to be aroused by Kermit the Frog? Or are you just trying to be shocking. Because, I really am warning you. That's a dangerous road to travel, cowboy. Some don't come back... Heh.
Some Don't Even Really Want To.
MAYBE I SHOULD START MAKING SOCK PUPPETS AGAIN! I DON'T NEED ANTI DEPRESSANTS! I WILL MAKE THE SOCK PUPPETS MAKE OUT, AND SAY THINGS LIKE, "YOU MATTER TO ME!" They will have hOT PUPPET SEX!!! 🔥 🥵
I have lost everyone around me because I cannot commit myself to a life of normalcy. Why can't I stop acting like a fucking freak all the time? I cannot even commit to a life of freakery, because I cannot rid myself of the shame. My heart is a caged animal, pacing and snarling and wounded. It would never survive outside of captivity. It will never know the sky, except in the taunting glimpses it sees between iron bars.
